MichaelS36

The other day, my husband tim told me about a little poetry challenge on GA, offered by @AC Benus He had decided to rewrite his Tanka Poetry prompt. I decided to 'support my local poet' and offer myself up as a guinea pig. But frankly, I had doubts even though I've written some okay poetry, following the instructions and writing something 'properly' rather worried me. But, I just had to try. So I read the prompt.. Tanka's should be personal, emotional, show how things affect you. Of course there's the syllable count 5-7-5-7-7 as well. AC had given lots of wonderful examples. Here is one I really enjoyed: The bursting cherries, Blooming with all their might, Bid me to please stop; To give them some attention, If not all of my power. You can feel the power in this little piece, the beauty of the blossoms, and you are in the moment with the poet, urging those blossoms to open. So with AC's excellent prompt read and sort of in my head and along with some history and examples, I wrote the first: Cool in his t-shirt No longer afraid to be The man that he is There is no shame in his scars They are badges of courage AC had included a checklist, so you could try and determine if you were close or not to writing one of these gems correctly. Well, to me, the 'personal' wasn't really in that poem. So I reread the prompt and tried again. I hoped this effort would be better. Cooling soft breezes Chase off remnants of the heat They chill my hot flesh And I stop to watch my skin Reply with welcome shivers I sent them off to AC, saying be honest, I will not collapse into a heap of ego if you say they aren't right. I hope AC doesn't mind me quoting him here: Well, it's true that you as the poet are missing from the first one, but perhaps me knowing it's Tim made up for that. I can see your point and I'm really glad it led you to try again. I thought perhaps you thought the first one was too like a series of complete lines. What you did by providing no punctuation is one to deal with that, but I think with some careful punctuation, you can make it flow. That being said, you did make the theme of the poem travel over the five lines (and create a stanza), so that is very good to see. As I think you already know, the second one you wrote is stronger as a Tanka. Your efforts give me hope the checklist self-quiz is going to be a good tool to help people improve That's a relief. For punctuation (if you want it), I might suggest the following: Cool in his t-shirt, No longer afraid to be The man that he is, There is no shame in his scars: They are badges of courage. Cooling soft breezes Chase off remnants of the heat; They chill my hot flesh, And I stop to watch my skin Reply with welcome shivers. I think anyone who truly wants to try and learn more about poetry will want to do this. I see what he is saying about the punctuation. But too, I see what he means about flow and single lines, rather than the whole stanza being a single flowing thought. I wish more people would consider poetry. Prose is wonderful, but poetry offers more for the soul I think. In any case thank you for reading, if you don't want to write, then please give reading some poetry a try. Poets have come a long way. Support Your Local Poet!! Only by trying will we do ... Thanks AC!

Lol, that works!

tim, my boy, you are so hard on yourself. you are no monster. Do stop and read the comments on your work. See what others say, be kinder to yourself. This is a wonderful poem I'm surprised to see it rhyming. ..but it works. xo

Angel? LOL !! Hardly!

Wonderful boy. I enjoyed it all. The end was perfect.

Wonderful Mac. These beautiful boys, our boys, who beg from us strength will slowly learn to trust that our words are true. tim hid in too big clothes until last year. I think he's been rather grateful for his shorts the past few days. he did not appreciate having to wear t-shirts that actually fit. This poem is full of love and hope.

Both of these break my heart. They make me ashamed to be human. And I am glad you know men so much better than those who used you.

Words of a child forced onto the street at 15. They are beautiful and horrible. They are honest. Read them and see our children, society's children as they should never have to be.

Tired of the same old zombie thing? Looking for different? Well drop in to visit with Stephen and family. Nice twist on this well-worn genre. Great job, tim!

Well this was different, and fun, and gruesome!

boy, I sigh when I read this, just as I did when you spoke to me earlier today. you are not bad, you have changed much in this last year, grown. I had hoped that our day yesterday would prove that to you. you are beloved, boy. Mistakes are simply to be learned from, do your best not to repeat them. No one is perfect, though we can strive to be. As to the therapy, it does seem to be working. you are seeing things as they happen, and reaching out to me, or John or others and that is a good thing. Be as understanding of your own failings, as you are of others. xo

a kiss is a wonderful reward boy, your reflection is beautiful. I know what you would do for me, just how far you would go, if I asked you to. you love of our Lifestyle, and I'm pleased you choose to share insights into it. M xo

A wonderful story! It took me from a dark and frightening beginning to a joyful and funny trip, and then finally home. But what a place, beautiful but what secrets does it hold? tim's characters live and breathe, even the ones who should not, tim easily lets you believe. A sweet and magical story, not to be missed.

That is very young, such a shame. Why is it, that so many of the most talented are so haunted, or suffer in some way? Thank you for sharing this AC.

Well done, my boy. As Parker says, they are wise words.

you know sean, I can only speak for myself, but I am fond of all subs to some extent. I understand who you are on a basic level. And any sub who needs support is welcome to contact me. you are lucky but so are We.

Interesting topic choice, tim. Well written, but I know your mind. Death dressed in pink tulle? Does his scythe have a bow? Seriously, I know this is on your mind a lot. You want to know what comes after...people hope and guess, but no one knows. Try to stop thinking about it boy. xo

These two, Travis and Ben are so interesting. I'm sure people hope they'll fall in love, move in together at the very least. I wonder though. I'm not sure either of them can give up enough for that to happen. Great chapter.

I come back to this because once upon a time, police officers, and the Feds, respected themselves and the people who they protected. This moron, and his behavior is all too common these days.

FBI ? I am beyond speechless.

I know this choice was easy and very difficult for you both. What will people think? Say? I got an e-mail today for a wonderful woman who is also in our Lifestyle. She read an article recently which said, based on the amount of communication, thought and love between a Dom and their sub, people who live the BDSM lifestyle are likely the last romantics. I don't know if that's true, but it's unlike any relationship I've had before. The feelings I have for tim, are nearly impossible to describe. I understand you and tim, Mac. It doesn't threaten me, my marriage or my relationship with tim, in fact I welcome other Doms in tim's world. tim has been honest with me the whole way, as have you. Maybe more honesty and understanding in this world would help. As I said when you asked me to read this piece, you have my blessing and full support. And sure I'll be happy to give him some well placed whacks for you! I find it sad that people who normally read and post on your works, haven't. To the few who have, I applaud your bravery.

I come back to this piece. I ask myself why? I think because beyond the obvious feelings here, it is brave. How many times do you get to tell people how you feel. Even if nothing more comes of it than words? What is wrong with that? The feelings here, are wrapped up in our Lifestyle, who we are in it. From the sub, the desire to serve, from the Dom a desire to guide, and teach. I have subs who come to me on a professional level, but as I come to know them, there is a bond. This poem shows that bond. It is a beautiful thing.

Girls jealous of gay brothers...the boys always have hotter boyfriends! Something tells this girl will be much more trouble than anyone expected.

You bring us rich complex human beings, opening their baggage ...Slowly showing us the contents,. Good and not so good.

You are seducing us also, Mac. Wonderful