MichaelS36

Well I'm going to say something. Your anger is righteous. You have been treated unfairly once again. So I understand the reason you wrote this. So yes, I will say something. M

Things can happen to cause set-backs to subs. This occurred last night. I understand tim's anger to an e-mail he read, in my opinion it was a reasonable response. However, it's what followed in the aftermath that I had to address. I've asked tim to write out what has occurred. We are discussing life within BDSM in this blog. This is part of it. My decisions, and my discipline may seem harsh but these choices are carefully considered and not made in anger. I am posting this for tim: i messed up everything last night. Here i was saying things were going so well, and let my anger last night get the best of me. i ended up being disrespectful to two Sirs who are very important to me; my Husband Michael Sir, and @MacGreg Sir. It wasn’t the anger i felt, it was my lack of self-control, and how i dealt with it. i have apologized to both of Them, but I do so again here. i apologize, Michael Sir and Mac Sir for my poor self-control, and my lack of respect. I will do better, Sirs. Because of this i lost privileges, i’d earned. i am not welcome to call Michael Sir by His name, for now i must call Him, Sir. In addition He has taken my Collar, until He feels i deserve it back. It's a consequence of my behavior. The Collar not given to a sub lightly. It is a symbol of commitment. Sir does not mean that this boy is no long His, He means this as a reminder; i have an emotional attachment to mine. It is part of who i am. It is a reminder that Sir deemed me ready and worthy to wear His. While it feels awful not to be wearing it, i understand why. i will do what Sir says to earn His trust and belief in me. i also have a tightening of the rules at home, which is deserved. i trust in Sir’s judgement and decisions and will work hard to prove that i am the sub, He deserves to have. i am a reactive person, last night reading something that angered me; i saw red and nothing else. i don’t know how to stop being this way, but I will try.

A charming tale. There is friendship and love and the contents of a Christmas Cracker! You won't be sorry reading this lovely story.

Both of these are lovely boy. The second, well you should know by now I am aware of your moods, your mind set and worry. Never be afraid to come to me. My job is to help you and protect you, never be afraid to let me know if you need me. xo

The recent changes have been good, boy. you know this as we have talked about it. The fact you come to me to talk is a big change for you. Our dynamic feels different. With respect to the collar, you earned it and you fight to keep it, there is a difference in that we are married. But expectations are that you remain focused, obedient and subservient. I am pleased with the changes tim. you are aware of the goals I've set for us. They will challenge you, boy. But I have faith in you.

Thank you dughlas for being open to reading about it. I am always happy to answer questions, so is MacGreg, as long as they are serious ones.

Exactly. People think it's all about sex, whips and chains. They watch too much porn labeled as BDSM. Like any relationship D/s is something you must work on. I am quite sure while tim is focused, obedient and subservient to me, there are days where he'd like to tell me to bugger off. He's human. But he'll tell me, come to me and we'll talk about it. We'll talk about why he feels this way, because it's not in his nature to. tim and I have been together since 2008. he wears my collar. he didn't come to me as an experienced sub and I wasn't a terribly experienced Dom. it's not been a perfect journey, but he is a joy, he loves who and what he is. We have learned and grown together. I wouldn't change a thing.

Much appreciated. Thank you for reading and leaving your comments.

No, it's not a choice. I didn't wake up one day thinking, I think I'll be a dominant top and find a sub. Nor did I think that about being a sadist. I am not violent, but I do need to hurt. You discover these things as you go through life, as I'm sure you have discovered things about yourself. Thanks, Kitt.

Thank you, Reader.

It comes from a well respected medical magazine. I'll be happy to share the link with you. My first question after reading it was: "Did this person even talk to someone in the Life? At all?" I would happily discuss this with you until the cow come home. Thanks, Mac.

I hope it does. BDSM is either viewed as a perversion or through cheesecloth, with subs in flowing silks. Neither of them are close to the truth.

I hope so Parker. I appreciate your open mind.

You know boy. I was rather riled up when I read that. I had to say something.

First of all this is no attack on how you or anyone else chooses to live, that is up to each of us to decide. This blog is simply an answer to a few things I read in an article the other day. It called itself an introduction to the BDSM lifestyle. I found much of it offensive, rather like most looks at our lifestyle are. What did I read? · That submissives feign their subservience. · That Dominant tops only act dominant, because we need to be nurturing and loving. · That subs are in charge. · That Doms never take their subs farther than their spoken limits. What do I think of those four statements? I’ll use a polite term to answer; ridiculous. BDSM is not a game, nor is it about sex, for many there is zero sex involved. It is not something we who live and love this life would pretend! Those four statements angered and frustrated me. I live the BDSM lifestyle 24/7. My sub does also. He is my boy; he is subservient to me in all things. His focus is me; he is obedient to me and the other Doms in his life. He trusts me with his mind, and his body. He doesn’t pretend this. Why would he? My boy is subservient because it is natural for him to be, if I had an inkling of pretense, we would not be together. He needs what a Dominant offers; love, protection, and security and fulfillment of his needs. That is not to say, he offers nothing. He does. I need to be dominant, to control, and in my case, I am also a sadist, so I have a need to hurt, but not abuse. But, and this is a huge thing, I am also loving and nurturing. Our subs are human with needs and desires, they need their Doms to look after them. We are all complex and I can be all things to my boy. I can tell you now, I am in charge. Perhaps at the very start when you first meet, you are careful not to push too hard. Like any relationship you spend time together, learn about each other’s true natures. The submissive needs to learn about the Dom, just as we need to learn about them. However, my boy is also my husband, and decisions are still mine; about our life, about our car, or the budget, when we eat, his piercings, what he wears, etc. I do ask for his thoughts on things and we talk, and laugh a lot. He is happy. I make sure of it. But final decisions rest with me. This myth that subs are in charge is laughable, because true submissives do not want to be in control, they want to give it up. They want someone else to take it away. And if I hear again that my boy’s submission is a gift, I’ll break something. His submission may not be a gift, however he is, all of him. His submission, his obedience, and his belief and trust in me are precious to me. He essentially trusts me with his life, his happiness to some extent, his fulfillment also. He needs the safety I offer and the love. He wants for little. When it comes to our BDSM play or scenes, I do listen to my boy, but usually I know before he can speak where his head is, whether the planned scene is the right thing. And they will often want to please you, so will try and hide the truth and their true feelings. You must watch for this and if you have even the smallest doubt things are not as they should be, you must not go on. This is a time for discovery, for discussion, your own needs and desires must be put to one side. And about limits. People have them. Submissives have them. Doms may also have them. There are things I do not do, will not do; those are limits. My boy has them, and I do respect them, but some of them I want to change, because I want it to. He knows this. And yes, I am playing on his need to please me. So I push. I ask him to give me what I want. I ask him to take more pain, or wait longer, to hold that position. I ask him to trust me. And I am careful because I know, I know, he will not refuse me. I am also careful because there are things he wants, that are not good for him. That could hurt him badly. He likes to be challenged. However he is fragile as well and I must be so careful with his state of mind. Again, these are times for discussion, frank and honest talk, to discover and learn. Trust, obedience and focus are the big three, with trust being the most important, in my opinion. If there is trust, obedience and focus come more easily. That said, trust can also be the hardest to achieve. How quickly it comes depends on much. What the sub brings in way of baggage, their background, past relationships, physical and mental health, all affect how quickly they will come to trust you. As the Dom, I have to be consistent, I have to be available, in other words, I have to be trustworthy. My sub needs to know he can count on me. But we are human, prone to errors, and I have made them, though I aim not to. And my boy, showed his strengths then, when I needed him to. And so did our small community on GA, when they gathered around him to hold him up, when I could not. In closing, the article that prompted this blog, frustrated me. I love our lifestyle. It is based on trust and honest communication. I do not fake who I am or what I am and neither does my sub. Nor do the other Doms and subs I know. We all offer something; fulfill each other, and the majority of us in long term real BDSM relationships stay that way. To stay safe, happy and fulfilled in our lifestyle, you need to communicate and you need to be honest. We feign nothing. **************

Mac, this is wonderful. Very well written. A powerful and moving Christmas story.

tim this is a great story .. perfect for this time of year and for the city in which we live. We are accepted here, I can take you out, holding your hand without it being a spectator sport or anyone else's business. Would it was the same for all of us.

I liked this one, AC!

Lovely tim. We'll get it done!

tim and I listened. Glorious. I'd love to see him play this piece. Thank you AC, for this musical advent calendar. ..I look forward to more.

Sometimes looking inward is good. But not for too long ... welcome back from me, also.

tim, a charming, funny story and something you let me read beforehand as is my Husbandly right I believe! LOL Seriously, I did enjoy reading this, nicely done. Your imagination is a wonderful place. I'm sure you mentioned unicorns and rainbows.. is that next, boy?

you are well loved, boy. And too young to be thinking such things.

An interesting story, with a moral. The Main Character is warned about what his choices could mean. He has a choice to make and in the end he chooses correctly in my opinion. A great little short story, in itself hard to write well.

@MacGreg thank you for this excellent comment.