Will Hawkins

like she always had things that weren't packed when she did it but he didn’t nudge opened the door letting Brett and me enter to say with those two pulled the strings to keep us there. Bret is fond of using 'ain't', I just assume that is his habitual way of speaking and have not corrected it anyplace.

American Airlines would have answered their telephone: "This is Wendy, how may we help you." at least if she were trained in telephone procedure.

I am not going to comment on every chapter of this story as I see it was first published in 2010 and not updated since then. By the time a story with many chapters gets to the publishing stage, the author is so sick of it he never wants to hear anything about it ever, ever, ever again. So, unless you want the old troll to nip at your toes, I will just sit back and enjoy the reading. I note that comments have been made about "serious continuity issues" with this story. That is another reason for me to just sit back and enjoy, not making any comments about 'continuity issues'. If they still exist, you have decided not to change, upgrade or rewrite chapters, so no comments will be made on those!!!!! Hugs, Mister will

It was rumored the castle was haunted “An ally - a friend. attacked my friends and me To be able to raise the dead -- a bold step and a dangerous one. Does the ability to raise the dead include the ability to restore to them the peace of death as well?

staring at the wall behind her. King Yaldon and bear witness I wish there were time I couldn’t eat anything - this may not be an error if it represents the speech pattern of an uneducated person. I will as a rule not be making suggestions like this but there were several in this chapter that cried out for change.

A beautiful start for a storyline. Expresses the literal interpretation that a child makes of instructions or information so well. It seems you are able to get into the head of a child, Cia, an ability that is a great asset to an author, and the grumpy older brother is handled so well also. It looks like this is going to be a charming story!

The most frequent errors I see are two-fold. First on the list is homophones, that is two words in English that sound alike when they are spoken, for example, 'there' and 'their' or 'boy' and 'buoy'. Grammarly, while it is an excellent program in detecting spelling errors, will not question homophones as the word used, while it is the wrong meaning, is a good English word. The other class of frequent error in English is using the wrong case of a pronoun -- substituting the objective case for the nominative case when the verb does not take an object. As an example: 'It was John and me who were knocking at the door." This is not so severe a fault in writing as a homophone might be as people, especially young people make that error frequently in conversation -- to the point that it becomes usual and is acceptable for an author to use when he is quoting a young person's speech patterns.

The average length of a 'life sentence' for pedophilia in an American penitentiary is less than five years with the most frequent cause of death being murder by another inmate. Pedophiles are well at the bottom of the love scale in jail. Even priests end up with a shiv in the gut and it seems that perhaps because of overcrowding, prison authorities cannot -- or will not -- do anything effective about it!

Australian Gays are blessed by NOT having a strong history of Evangelism, perhaps because many of the original settlers were transportees. The Religious Right has done more to mess up sexual relations and (recently) government in America than any other group that I can name with the possible exception of oh, oh... I cannot name that group as I would be chastised.

As I understand it the Australian system for advanced education is quite different from the American. It is divided into two parts equivalent to American Freshman-Sophomore for one and Junior - Senior for the other. So a four-year degree requires two comprehensive exams to qualify.

Mason, as an American in Oz and looking for housing, is in a position where he needs a friend and a cute bartender is a good choice as they usually know everybody. It might be a good idea for him to be honest with Dexter for bartenders are known as well for their ability to keep their mouths shut if they know there is a reason and someone threatening to kill your fuck-buddy would seem to be a good enough reason!

Aussie dictionary II - catfish - To lure into unwanted position by false actions. In this case, a nude picture of a straight young man published on a gay site. Quidditch is indeed played by teams from several US and Oz Colleges. It is a unisex running game similar to soccer (football) with a ball similar to a soccer ball and sticks held in the crotch area like the broomsticks in the movie version.

Okay, here's where I slip into my tour guide role for USA readers translating some -- please not all -- the Australianisms into American. Australian Rules Football, "footy"- a game that is sort of a combination of Rugby and Soccer (by the way, Aussies - SOCCER is a perfectly reasonable abbreviation for football as the official name of that game is Association Rules Football, but that is strictly an aside as Australian Rules Football is not soccer.), to continue: in 'footy' -- in that game, played on a field larger than soccer, there are 18 players on a team and a player can run, pass or kick the ball (an oblate spheroid not a sphere) toward the middle of four goalposts, or failing that toward the spaces between the outer pairs. A player may tackle the ball carrier or even jump on his back to catch a ball passed to him! No special protective gear is worn except, ahem, a cup and collision injuries are frequent, though a player who has been injured may return to play if given an OK by the team doctor! Man, those Aussies are TOUGH! It is the most popular team sport in Oz and draws huge crowds to the stadia especially in the finals Echuca, Riverport/rail town serving Melbourne. Located 116 miles inland to SE of the port of [e-SHOO-kah] The town has an Australian rules football club competing in the Goulburn Valley Football League and a team Echuca United competing in the Murray Football League.

Of course, each author must consult with his own muse -- must write the story as he writes, but having an ensemble cast seems to me to be a superior way of 'fleshing out' the psychology of the principals. They can jump in at a point where they are needed, then fade into the mists when their work has been accomplished, or even jump back in at a later spot if needed. Excellent advice Comicality, your thinking shows why I enjoy reading your work so much.

So, Aria is a cross-dresser, eh. Well, that puts the cream in the coffee, doesn't it? Putting on a show for Drew is a bit of time wasted, no? Good pace, good characterizations, just enough information to keep the reader interested, Keep up the good work. I will be an avid reader!

Yes, cuteness overload, but that raises warning flags -- remember the wild wolf - and his supporter who are still out there and that authors live on suspense and plot twists!

This chapter was truly a leap ahead. I realize that not every chapter can be sweetness and light like this one was, well except for the gunshot, but one like this every once in a while is a great reward for reading the dark ones. It gives Rory an excuse to 'mark' Milan, which I believe will start his cure.

Wow, this to me is the only comment that is appropriate, Rory. Beware the lone wolf. Something like that skulking around your Milan bodes no good. so far you have reacted, Rory isn't it time you acted. Patience is indeed a virtue, but faint heart ne'er won true maiden.

Whoops -- it just dawned on me that I did not give you any means of contacting me if you wanted me to lay off being a troll. I have used the email account: misterwill2@live.com for years with no problems (except for my stupidity about computers), but I suddenly received a message that someone was trying to use that account illegally. Said message supposedly coming from Microsoft, and to use the account I was to transmit my full name and a local telephone number. Red flags, red flags, that was just too much information to put out there in public. Fortunately, the pattern of digits for a Brazilian telephone number is different from that used in the US so when I tried to comply with the request I received a message back that the telephone number I had sent was wrong, and I just quit trying. Living as I do in the outback of Bahia in Brazil, there are some computer things I just cannot do. After some thought, I decided that it was a bad idea to send all that info anyway, so I just didn't reply. Go ahead and try the email address listed above and if it doesn't work I will just stop being a troll anyway.

I am temporarily putting my troll personality on the back burner, there are several small grammatical errors in this chapter, but nothing big enough to make reading it confusing or unpleasant. For example one sentence: "If you can’t see he has a thing for you, you’re kind of damn.” That should probably be: "If you can’t see he has a thing for you, you’re kind of dumb.” If you want the troll in me to pick out your grammatical errors or poor word choices, I will do so, but I dislike doing that as it makes reading a chapter a task rather than a joy. Really that is the job you select an editor to do, and it sometimes embarrasses the author. I do not like being 'snarky' to anyone, especially a creative writer such as you.

I have nothing but good to say about this series so far. The unusual relationship between a boy with mixed ancestry and an Alpha werewolf makes for fascinating reading. Somehow Alpha werewolf, Japanese and Italian is a mixture that would never dawn on me, but you are handling it well. I would love to go to dinner at the Takeda house!

I have developed the reputation on GA of being the troll that lives under the bridge that all authors must walk across barefoot on the way from inspiration to publication. This bad-guy fame is probable well-earned as I was trained in writing by composing engineering reports which demand more grammar-sense than does fiction. As I have read more and more stories on GA I have become slightly less pissy in my comments, electing to sit back and enjoy the tale rather than jumping on every little slip I detect in an author's work. Over the years I have come to depend more and more on Grammarly to detect errors in my own writing, however, Grammarly is not perfect either. It does not detect the error I feel is most common in authorship -- the 'homophone'. That is not a special pink telephone that is used by gay men to call a boyfriend, it is a word in English that is spelled perfectly correctly, but is the English word that sounds like the correct word to use, but is the wrong word for the meaning the author intends. For example: for -- four, they're -- there, to -- too and many others. I have seen a list of over 400 homophones in one website on the net! And from the paragraphs just above: coma and comma (though this is not a good example as, if the two words are pronounced correctly there is a difference in their sound). A homophone cannot be detected and marked by a grammar checker like Grammarly because it is a correctly spelled word, it is just not the word that the author intends. Another type of error which is not easy to detect is 'subject-verb' agreement in pronouns. When you answer the knock, do you say 'It is me', or do you say 'it is I'? We often forget 'is' is a 'to be' verb and requires a predicate nominative, not an object. Therefore 'I' is correct. I am not even discussing grammatical errors that are carry-overs from the speech patterns of the previous generations such as avoiding ending a sentence with a preposition which was a no-no in Latin or beginning a sentence with 'and' or 'but' which used to be considered an error but has become more acceptable with contemporary editors. All this discussion brings me to the thrust of my discussion -- the author's job is to be creative and a good story-teller...it is the job of an editor to find and correct errors in spelling and grammar, and I am not even going to enter into the quagmire of English punctuation. That is an area where even the finest grammarian bogs down! So, authors, continue with your creative writing and use an editor to clean out the grammatical and spelling errors because frequent errors in a piece of creative writing do interrupt the flow of a reader's appreciation and enjoyment of your story. END OF RANT!!!!

Bathers - swimsuit (every once in a while I will throw in a translation of the Australian just to make my dumb fellow Americans aware of a meaning. These words may be slang or might be just Austrlianisms. Nothing wrong with Australianisms, they are just somewhat of a foreign language to Americans. Herb tea and toast, ok, but no Vegemite? Are you sure of your Aussie heritage?

The symbolism of the ending portends great things for the kingdom. Keep up the good work TB. You have a writing style that is excellent, especially for magic. I look forward to reading others of your tales.

Somehow I think there is something more to our boy than is apparent at first glance. He is being saved/protected for some mysterious purpose. His dreams tell us he will be a ruler (if his enemies are thwarted first). As an innocent reader(!!) all I can do is read the next chapter to determine what the author has in his devious mind.