Talo Segura

You got me interested. Looking up the book and author I was struck by the prejudice with this suggestion from Hinton's publisher: Hinton's publisher suggested she use her initials instead of her feminine given names so that the first male book reviewers would not dismiss the novel because its author was female.

It appears to me there are two types of stories on this site. There are the stories interlaced with sexual encounters and there are the others. The stories interlaced with sexual encounters usually depict graphic couplings, to a lesser or greater degree. The categorisation if you like, is that these stories include sexual encounters which perhaps have no relevance to the story in the same way that the characters waking up, getting dressed and having breakfast has little revelance. In this category of stories the protagonist will invariably wake up with an erection and may or may not have sex. It's as if the label gay means stories include these often mundane scenes. That is not to say anything about including sexual encounters or not, graphic or not. Simply a significant number of stories are in the category salted crisps and some others crisps without salt! How many would be authors write in the category salted crisps. Nice stories sprinkled with gay sex, and how many authors write stories which are basically unsalted even if they include a sex scene it's there as an essential part rather than to improve the taste or somehow fit the gay story mode?

"Carlos Sanchez, a pawn in a power struggle, had become a victim of its ruthless machinations." I'm not sure I would consider Carlos Sanchez a victim?

I find the beta reader concept difficult to comprehend here. I looked it up in Wiki: Typically, a beta reader reviews a draft that has gone through at least one revision. An alpha reader reviews a draft that is still without an ending or is completely unrevised. A proofreader usually only looks at grammar and spelling and is a paid professional, while a beta reader is more holistic in their scope. A critique partner is a trained writer who test reads from the perspective of an author, while a beta reader is a trained reader, test reading from the perspective of a typical reader. A sensitivity reader is a specific type of beta reader who is from a culture that the author is not familiar with. If this is about accurate definition of roles, then where are the alpha readers? It would be that role which inputs to the ending and storyline, plot, in general, reading a first rough draft. The proof reader would be the editor role here. The order would obviously be alpha reader, beta reader, proof reader/ editor. It seems to me the primary role is alpha reader, the beta reader is not going to have too much influence, a tweak here and there to the story. The alpha reader could change a lot. The proof reader/editor is the valuable final step before publication. I recently helped a friend and new writer taking on the role of alpha reader. As there's no such creditation on the site he credited me with co-author status. I'm not entirely happy with that, but I suppose it fits, because beta reader doesn't.

The original point was about the use of the word like. It was like I was drowning, rather than - I was underwater, drowning, a blackness enveloped me. Falling into descriptions which are modes of speech lose the punch. Another example: it was like he was killing me, murdering my very existence. It isn't like he was killing me, he either was or wasn't. The protagonist has the deep emotional feeling of being murdered, wiped out, erased from existence, that has punch. The word like has no place in the description, not it you want punch in the narrative!

...time emerges through quantum entanglement between one object and another acting as a clock. In an unentangled system, time does not exist, and the universe appears frozen and unchanging. Time may be an illusion, new study finds https://www.thebrighterside.news/discoveries/time-may-be-an-illusion-new-study-finds/ Scientists discover why time appears to move faster as we age Psychologists and neuroscientists have studied for years how our perception of time changes and evolves throughout our lives... For many, the last year might have felt like it flashed by in an instant. It’s as if January was just here. However, for children, last year’s holiday season can seem like a distant memory from ages ago. This difference in perception isn't just anecdotal; there's a scientific basis for why time seems to speed up as we get older. https://www.thebrighterside.news/health/scientists-discover-why-time-appears-to-move-faster-as-we-age/

OTT. If you put too much description in the narrative it turns into purple prose.

To reach any conclusion about time travel you would first need to understand time. It is easy to say that time is constant, the minutes, hours, days, years, tick away, at a regular pace. But that is not true. You know yourself how much longer a year was when you were young and how much quicker it passes when you are older. Your younger years were possibly marked on the wall as you grew taller, but it took forever for time to pass. Time is perhaps a necessary concept for order, however it doesn't necessarily exist. And if it doesn't exist, or it doesn't neatly mark out our passage through life in an ordered, measurable way, then what would be time travel. You would go back to somewhere before, when there is no before, except in your memories which are like dreams, hard to make solid, distorted, and not real. How about an ever changing now? No past, no future, it only seems like there is when actually there is only a huge now! Time makes sense because we physically grow old, if we didn't age it would make no sense at all to have time. You can't travel to a place that doesn't exist, so you cannot travel back to a past that never was. It is perhaps possible to cut through the now, but cutting through now is simply making connections and there are a huge number of those and they might influence the future, but not if they were there all along. Not if there is no future only a changing now, which seems like a future, but isn't. Time travel does not exist because time does not exist, you can't travel on a concept! And yes, to a certain extent destiny and fate are real enough, but you don't properly know your destiny, you might recognise it when it arrives, let's hope so!

It is all too easy to write a description which reads similar to this: I was underwater, it was like I was drowning, a blackness enveloped me. Like, there's no punch in the narrative if you use like. I was drowning, or not. That has punch. Using words without reflection loses force in a story and it's a strong narrative that grips. If not, well it's just like reading a story, de dum, de dum, no punch! Of course, like is used in the sense that the person in question was not actually drowning, they were experiencing the sensation, but don't you think the reader is intelligent enough to draw that conclusion for themself? A read through and eliminating these words, like, there are others, could dramatically improve a narrative, and drama is what we want, isn't it?

I don't write the story genre you are talking about, but I did publish on RoyalRoad even if it's totally (almost) fantasy... The reaction I got was, I thought, not bad, even pretty good: This story is very much not the typical story for this site... or, a typical story anywhere. (3.5 stars), The first thing to note about this fiction is that it really does not fit the mould for this website. Personally, I'm pleased to see some variation, and hope that Royal Road does expand to become a forum for fictions of all types and genres, but we're not there yet (3.5 stars). It's good to expand people's horizons. I don't know the number of views and this was four years ago, but I do like the cross-platform idea and that goes for gay authors publishing on non-gay sites. RoyalRoad is only one such site, I've used others and with equal success. It depends on your story having a gay theme but at the same time a broad appeal. After all, readers do need to be able to relate, like Romeo and Juillet can be Romeo and Romeo, if you want!

Concerning translation, it's difficult to know how right it gets it unless you are fluent in both languages, in which case you hardly need an auto translate. The big issue is slang, coloquialisms, and that also changes with generations, today's kids don't use the words of their parents! But still we can't expect the world for free...

Well, I guess being a sex club it's what you might expect! 🤣

This seems like a puzzle, little cameos of story from maybe before and then the present, kind of reflects Joel's memory and recollection, I'm waiting to see what happens and like @drsawzall how it all comes together?

All the best guys lived in Muswell Hill, including me of course 🤣

What was the worst climate disaster you or your family lived through? Britain froze solid in the winter of 1962 - 63 and sixty years on, it's still the worst winter ever...

Legal age in France for beer and wine is 16,(18 for spirits) but if you're with your parents, it's up to their discretion. Pretty liberal 🍷🍻

You maybe onto something there?

Maybe they (the border control) are not so competent or not too interested?

Good point, I'll let EKS answer that one...

When I was a teenager (sixteen) in the UK I used to regularly drink on Saturday nights in various pubs (bars). Never asked for ID and never a problem so long as we were not rowdy or causing trouble.

Nice start, loved the atmosphere, and wondering what happens next.

Unpredictable or not @CLJobe needs to edit chapter 1 to replace it with the intended chapter, at the same time get rid of centred text please, the unnecessary line breaks, just tidy it up, thank you.

It was definitely a very emotional journey, right up to the end when Jake and Danny ride off into the sunset! How things work out or worked out at that point in time probably depends on circumstances and destiny. You don't really, at seventeen find out anything about yourself you hadn't known for a few years, you just start to deal with it. Family and friends, you can only hope, like Danny, who was met with a great reaction from his best mate Nate and his mum. As @Al Norris says, the story confronts lots of questions and more... @Mark Ponyboy Peters your choice to add an epilogue, I don't think you have to, or that it's needed. I can well imagine the future for Jake and Danny. A sequel, that's something else and if there is another story to tell it's welcome, but this tale was one moment in time, now forever framed in my memory by your fabulous writing. Thank you for a wonderful, enlightening, story that will live forever!

Next stop Nimbin? The place has some history... Nimbin and surrounding areas are part of what was known as the "Rainbow Region", which was of cultural importance to the Indigenous Bundjalung people. The name Nimbin comes from the local Whiyabul (Widgibal) clan whose Dreamtime speaks of the Nimbinjee spirit people protecting the area. Since 1973, the area has been a haven for Australia's counterculture. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nimbin,_New_South_Wales#:~:text=History,-Nimbin Village%2C 2008&text=Nimbin and surrounding areas are,spirit people protecting the area.

You don't need to defend anything, you wrote a trilogy as you wanted it, that's it. For my part, as a reader, I came in at the third book and I simply couldn't bridge the difference between the prologue which I found exceptional and the run of the mill first chapter. That is not to say the rest of the story was not good, I don't know, I never crossed the bridge into the rest of the story. The prologue opened with a fantastic line: When I was growing up, Chisaw County only had one whore, and it continued in the same vein. By contrast, chapter one opened with: In the summer of 1992 my parents packed me off to stay with relatives so they themselves could spend the season touring continental Europe. It's not so bad, simply an ordinary opening like a diary style. My expectations were probably too high after being so impressed with the prologue. I'm sorry you've been sitting on this for the last 18 months, my comments were just what I felt at the time, perhaps I should have said nothing? Perhaps I will read the rest of the story now, why not, it seems promising and you grabbed me at the start. You have to keep in mind comments are only thoughts at the time and don't only reflect the story and writing, but the mood of the commentator, the circumstances at the time. A great artist, author, might not necessarily be recognised as such immediately.