rich_e

That is really scary.

It was so easy that night. Should have been strong, yeah, I lied Nobody gets me like you Couldn't keep hold of you then. How could I know what you meant? There was nothing to compare to I know everything changes, all the cities and faces But i know how I feel about you There's a mountain between us, but there's one thing I'm sure of That I know how I feel about you Can we bring yesterday back around? Cause I know how I feel about you now I was dumb, I was wrong, I let you down But I know how i feel about you now All that it takes, one more chance Don't let our last kiss be our last Give me tonight and I'll show you Not a day passed me by, not a day passed me by When I don't think about you And there's no moving on, cause I know you're the one And I can't be without you About You Now - Sugababes

It was dead on for me. Kinda creepy. lol

Exactly. Even if you are seeing someone exclusively and you're both clean, you should still use a condom. There's ALWAYS the chance that they may cheat and contract the disease. It's not a nice thing to think about, but it's a possibility.

Apparently that's the vibe I was giving off last night. I went to Club tigerheat for the first time yesterday with two of my girlfriends. We got there around 11, and had to wait in line for an hour to get in, but it was actually a lot of fun! It's only the second club I've ever been to (Rage being the first), and I have to say I really liked it. The go-go boys were really cute, and the music was fun to dance to, give or take a couple of songs. It was fun, that is, minus the groping. I mean, seriously, does dancing provocatively with two FEmales say I want gay males to touch me inappropriately? At one point, I actually had to remove one guy's hand from my ass and clearly say "NO." I thought it was amusing that my friends said they loved gay clubs because people are just there to dance and no creepy guys try and do stuff like that. On the bright side, there were a couple of hotties that I got to dance with. Work is taking a toll on me. I found out that they're trying to postpone my management training until FEBRUARY. I've been told I would start training since October. On top of that, another person in the same position that I would be in (who's not very good at her job at all) is getting paid double what I'm getting paid right now, and the store manager told me the highest she would be able to pay me in that position is 2 dollars more. And since I'm not getting paid two dollars an hour, that doesn't really scream fair to me. One of the other co-managers had a talk with me the day after when I was obviously upset with the management team, and she told me that she would do her best to straighten things out since she doesn't want to lose me over something so trivial. I appreciate her effort, but I think I'm going to put in my two weeks in soon. They're ridiculously understaffed, and I'm doing a lot of the same work as the managers are doing, so they obviously need me a lot more than I need them. I'm gone one day and they drop in credit by 9% (not too good when you're supposed to be at 4.5 and I have them at 10) It's been a while since my last post. The last two boys? Yeah, I'm done with them. lol. Apparently the most I can do is two dates. After the second date, I tend to call it off. Then, the guys I went on the two dates with end up finding someone and being in a long-term, healthy relationship with them. Cut to a scene of me, nearly two decades old, with not a single relationship under my belt. fantastic. I think that I do want a relationship right now, but a big part of me tells me I just want it because I've never had one. It feels like I have this pressure to do all of the things you're supposed to do in a relationship at least once, lest I miss my chance. Once I do have one though, I highly doubt I would have this feeling. I think I would really have to like the guy to be that committed. I mean, my friends are fantastic; they set pretty high standards. I bought Grey's Anatomy Season Three and finally watched it in marathon form. I LOVE Grey's Anatomy. I'm a little sad that I finished it already, since Season Four is still a ways away from being out in DVD form. I can't take the suspense, so I can't just watch it on TV. I have to be able to watch quite a few episodes at once. This show sparks me to be a surgeon, which I realize how dumb that sounds. Still, it's a possibility.

Well other than the presents I've already opened, I really want The Nightmare Before Christmas on DVD... I can't find it anywhere! argh. a car would be nice, too.

I just don't think it's my cup of tea.

I wouldn't date someone in the closet. To date someone, I would have to know that the person I'm seeing is comfortable enough with themselves. I know that when I was in the closet, I was no where near ready for a serious relationship with anybody.

Have a great one!

The most recent movies I've seen that I'd recommend are: 1) Dan In Real Life - Steve Carell is amazing here. It's hilarious and interesting, and has a similar feel to "Little Miss Sunshine." Way up there for me. 2) Enchanted - I was a little worried about this movie. I was skeptical of the whole Disney-movie-turned-reality-movie thing, but it turned out to be amazingly cute. If you're into the whole sweet-cutesy-disney thing, this will not disappoint. 3) Imagine Me & You - This came out years ago, but I just recently bought it and watched it. I was not disappointed. It was a cute movie. On one hand, I wanted the two girls to get together, but on the other hand... the guy is just so adorable! haha

You're awesome. The end.

You know, I actually went through this same thing, only from his end. I actually brought it up, and we both agreed to just be friends. I'm really glad that this happened because it's only been a couple of months and my feelings are no longer even closely romantic. He's a great guy, and we're incredibly close now, but I just don't see him in that way anymore and I feel like a relationship between us wouldn't have lasted all that long anyway. I'm glad that nothing ever happened between us because we managed to sidestep the whole awkward issue. I think that's definitely an issue though, since I've had that talk with almost every single gay friend that I've had, and of the ones that I ended up dating for a while, I don't talk to any of them anymore.

Well as the question is worded, I would really only consider two, and that's wealth and wisdom. If I was to meet a fairy right now, I already have the amount of freedom I enjoy. I don't like the idea of never aging, I would just like to age gracefully, and I'm still in my youthful stage anyway. Power means nothing to me if it's not for a good reason. I don't just want to be able to control people... bleh. Love would have been something I would have considered, but the option is for a moment, and I think that's going to happen anyway. I went with wealth. I would be so bored if I just knew everything, I like the process of learning. With wealth, I could afford to do a lot with my life that would go into the other areas. Take wisdom, for instance. Unlimited wealth means no college loans, no restriction to what I may want to study. I could also get a personal trainer and preserve my body the natural way, with health care that is unparalleled. I just think it's the most convenient of the ones listed. Everything else is something that I feel I have to obtain through experience.

I have a very girly brain. lol. But you're right about it being right for most people. All of the gay guys I've met have had guy brians, except for maybe one or two.

That's awesome! Congrats! It's funny that you always expect it to be a bigger deal than it is. Eh. I really don't think my life has changed all that much after identifying with being gay. Except I'm a lot more confident. heh, go figure.

love it.

It's funny how these things like to pile up together. You're a great guy, so I have no doubt you'll bounce back. If you ever need an ear, though,

So one of my friends from work asked me if I knew this guy, and I told her I had. She thought that we would make the cutest couple. I told her I actually had a huge crush on him last year. What did she do? She went to him and told him that someone thought he was cute. He asked who, and when she told him, she said that he flipped out. He had no idea, but he thought I was cute and didn't think anything was ever going to happen there. So she told me today that this happened, and told me that she talked to him a couple of days ago and because they have class together everyday, he was asking her if she had talked to me yet. He's interested, and he's the one pushing it! ARGH! I thought it was funny that Billy posted "Where are all these gay guys" because I totally would have found myself asking this same question even a few weeks ago. Now, it's like they're everywhere. Not only are they plentiful, but they're actually interested in me. Is this some kind of cruel joke? :wacko: My friends told me that I should go for it, nothing is serious at the moment. I'm only dating the other guy, and it's not like I can't go out on a date with this guy, right? Well i told her to give him my number. I've never been so active dating wise. It's kind of fun. I realllly hope something happens with this guy, but I kind of want something with the other guy too. I wish the timing was a little better, since I know I can't have a relationship with both of them at the same time. I'll just have to choose. Heh. The word 'resilient' comes to mind.

It has nothing to do with you not being good looking enough, or being an asshole or stupid or any of that other nonsense. From what I can tell, it has everything to do with you being a nice guy and the guys you've met being mediocre. Boys are MORONS. If they know you're interested and available, they purposely keep you in the "maybe" category, a backup, always a last resort. Why? I have no f**king clue. Mind games? Everyone is after the asshole who doesn't like anyone but them. You've heard it a million times before, but what you have to do is start putting yourself up on that same goddamn pedastal that these boys put themselves up on. You have to know that you're good enough, and that others have to prove that they're good enough FOR YOU. If you don't like yourself, how are other people going to like you? You need to project that mentality that you know you're good enough. You're a decent guy, you're obviously intelligent and attractive. Don't let others make you feel otherwise. And don't look for a decent guy. If you do, you'll "find" him in worst of guys. It'll happen. It may take awhile, but it'll happen.

We talked it out, and basically it was decided that we should just be friends--at least for now. Yeah there are complications, but still, it kinda stung. The fact that we both have feelings for each other apparently means nothing. It's okay though, I can deal with it. On brighter news, I got hit on at work a couple of weeks ago. The guy gave me a note that read "cute smile. call me." And I finally did. We went on our first date today... funny thing is he's not the guy I thought I was going out with... he's cuter! I had a really great time and we got along really well. I didn't kiss on the first date but I wanted to. He asked me out on another date this sunday, and I told him I would check my schedule. The only thing is he's a little bit older than me. cougheightyearsoldercough. i think this could lead to something though. i can't stop thinking about him right now, which is funny because of my feelings for josh. i'm taking it slow, because i don't want to lead this guy on. he seems like a great guy. is it wrong for me to go out on dates with him even though i have feelings for josh? the last thing i want is to make him my rebound. when i was with him though, it felt good. i wanted to be there, i wasn't thinking about josh. i don't know. i'll take it one step at a time. i ahve to wake up early tomorrow, so i have to cut this short. hope everyone is well!

THAT'S AMAZING! I'm so happy for you! You really deserve it.

So a lot has happened between me and the guy that I've developed feelings for in the past couple of months. Let's keep it short and say that I've slept at his place quite a few times, and we've cuddled and held each other and all that jazz. Nothing more, though. No kissing, and nothing beyond that. I found out through a friend that he likes me and kind of has a feeling that I like him. I should be ecstatic right? I'm not. Apparently he's worried because I don't know how to drive. I understand that that's an inconvenience because he works a lot and he would always have to be the one dropping me off and picking me up and what not. Still, it kind of stung to hear that. I just want to be with him. Of course, it wasn't just that--as my friend puts it, he's afraid of ruining a really good friendship. I was fine with that though. I mean sure, I like him a lot, but I can respect his feelings. So we were at disneyland yesterday hanging out and what not. I was trying to just be normal and friendly, but he was being really flirty and romantic and sweet and stuff. I was looking out into that lake by the raft or whatever, and he surprised me from behind with a hug. I LOVE that. If you want to make me a puddle, that's what you do. I think it even says that on my myspace. sigh.. I ended up staying over at this place last night, and we were watching a scary movie (he put it on). He came over at one point and said "this part's really scary" and he put is arms around me and we were just lying there cuddling. I've never felt so comfortable with anyone before. He just makes me feel safe. When I'm with him, it feels right. I'm confused, though, because I'm not sure what's happening. I'm going to sit down with him and have a talk hopefully really soon. I just need to tell him how I feel, because it's eating away at me. I need to let him know that I've developed stronger feelings for him, and that as much as I want to be his friend and don't want to risk damaging that, I can't help but wish there was something more. I don't know when I'll get the chance, though. The next blog will be interesting though, since it'll either be incredibly depressing or incredibly joyful. I really, really hope it's the latter.

I want to raise a gay child. Personally, I don't like the excuse "I wouldn't want them to go through what I went through." Having to overcome such an obstacle has had a huge impact on who I am as a person. It really opened up my eyes to the complexities and challenges of the world, and I think it made me into a more empathetic and kind person. Plus, it can't get easier unless it's made easier. As a parent, I think that I could provide a lot of much needed support to a gay child and make them comfortable in being who they are. I know what's it's like, so I know how it can be made easier. Yes, they might face discrimination, but regardless, they're going to come across hardships in their lives that I won't be able to shield them from. It's just a part of growing up.

Okay it's sent.. but I'm not sure if it went through since it's not in my sent items.