peter rietbergen

A last, and in many ways powerful chapter. With a "happy end", after all. Do I believe it ...? But who am I to deny the author - and his creations - this finale....

Obviously, a "happy ending", especially for/between Nicholas and Dawson, would be a betrayal to the strength of this story. Whatever happens, Nicholas - and poor Beth - will be miserable, whether Br lives or dies. And one canot but feel for poor Jett. So often, even the innocent suffer, both in the short and in the long run.

This is, indeed, a complex story. I have remarked on a few stylistic choices that, for me, bring the quality of the narrative down a bit - as do, I feel , the over-long graphic sex scenes that, in my view, impinge on what is a tragedy of grand proportions. Tragic because - again: my POV - to start with I do not understand Nicholas's feeling that he "loves" Marcus - how can he love a man young enough to be his son but, far more important, a person of whom he knows next to nothing... It is, cerainly intitially, sex, desire - and that wells from deep layers in Nicholas and in Marcus that, towards the end, the story does explain a bit. Obviously - if that sounds pedantic: I apologize - Nicholas feels he has lost his son and that mingles with other needs not/no longer fulfilled. Marcus needs a father, and the sexual relationship with Nicholas that develops is in a way a semi-incestuous one. As is, I feel, the one that Brandon engages in with Tom. Both young mn feel they have no father - anymore. In Brandon's case, since we do not know what Nicholas saw on his PC, there may be more than just the feeling of being abandoned - for a younger sibling, and for a young man of his own age: hence Tom. If Tom did not, after all, kill Marcus, I feel the author has something more to say about his almost defiant willingness to be killed for a crime he did not commit. As to Marcus - we will read what "explains" him...

Slowly, the scene almost is (back to) a Barchester novel - delightfully so. But story-telling being what is is, this modern urban idyll probably will prove a bit of a bubble. But it all serves to keep us wanting more... So: thanks.

The story really is powerful. But I must confess: I truly dislike the references to the two protagonists as: the hunk, the stud, the dark-haired hunk, the tall hunk, et cetera. It smacks of cheap porn, unworthy of a narrative that, on all other levels, is so very good.

Fascinating. But... "The dorm room door had only just closed behind him when Mickey yanked his phone from his pocket and dialed his Mom. But almost immediately he pulled the phone off his ear. “Damn, it’s busy!” he said. It seems this sentence got in the wrong place...since they're still in the car? Also, when M tells the friends assembled in A's apartment what häppened, he talks as if Drew isn't sitting right beside him...

Continues to fascinate. But: really, are Americans such prudes? An adult young man, living with an equally adult, obviously feisty and free girl, sees her enter his bedroom and then, though wearing boxers (also: really ?), is scared she sees a bit of his naked chest and hitches up his blanket till his chin?

Emotionally moving, in the best way.

I agree with the above comments. And yet... Is (not) "being gay" such an absolute category...?

Not only very cleverly constructed, but, also, very emotionally empathic. Bravo.

As you know, I felt the initial chapters of this tale to be a bit plodding, ponderous, but it is has been getting beter and better - not (only) because th pace of the narrative picked up, but also because the writing seems more fluent and, hence, convincing. Anyroads - yes: I picked it up from American friends, who I pedantly corrected - "you mean anyway... ' - till they told me to shut up, rightly caiming that their English is as good as any variant. Anyroads: please continue with the evergrowing corpus of Hugill-stories: I'm always looking forward to next instalments.

This is, again, a very good chapter, with a definitely convincing dialogue between Jill and Andrew. But, by the way: it needs to be re-read by the author, for the confusion between Drew and Andrew happens too often. Maybe the choice of Andrew for Drew's friend's name wasn't a felicitous one...

This gets better and better - because it does address all kinds of issues: homophobia, meritocracy, class-consciousness, inequality. Well done.

we know where this is leading, but the road towards it is exciting - and, equally important: "well written" !

It was - yes: it really was an emotional experience I'll cherish. Thank you so much !

This is very well done indeed. Moving, because the emotions are not theatrical, but real. Thank you for it.

This really is compelling reading - because you really make us see, though in an extreme way, what havoc can be wrought by the compulsion/addiction that social media often bring about. A cautionary tale - well-written and, therefore, the more convincing.

as you let your story develop, it becomes stronger, emotionally/psychologically deeper, and, inevitably, more convincing. Thank you.

sweet, cute, adorable - but also: articulate, well-observed, written with lots of humour - and, actually, insight, too. In short: Bravo - or, rather: brava...

dear author, Perhaps I'm not reading your otherwise fine story correctly, but I think soemtimes you're mixing up Rob and Zach. In the first paragraphs, you tell us - Rob's thoughts: "Vancouver is a great city. It’s where I grew up, where I came out, and where I was accepted without question." But then, near the end, Robert confesses to Zach he's never told anyone he's gay... Moreover, in this sentence - "As Rob spoke, my mind started to race. I’d been thinking about this moment all night. I wanted to tell Zach the truth" - I think Rob should read Zach, and Zach should read "him".... But maybe I'm mistaken... Best, Nick/Peter

this is definitely showing promise!

Haven't decided yet whether or not I "accept" the psychology of the Tom-person - in accepting the challenge or not being able to simply leave it. But once that barrier taken, I followed your "plot" willingly, and think it is very well-constructed. The experiment in style - first person with almost un-/impersonal descriptions of actions - is, indeed, (just) that: an experiment. As such, it works.

First, I noted the clever construction. Then the emotional depth. The fact that I cannot even begin to understand the need for polyamory is irrelevant. Bravo.

of course. It has to be Todd, the elder brother of Jake and Gilly - it explains why you have introduced him and his strange behavior. And the entire Sheridan household ticks the boxes, too.

Dear Josiah, if I may... Thanks, you fully fulfiled your promise.... regards Peter