peter rietbergen
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Everything posted by peter rietbergen
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It is a powerful (non-)ending. But to be honest: it lasted too long, became repetitive, lost some of the force it had in it.
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THE END... ? !
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impressively moving.
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Great dialogue!
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Matthew likes the guy, just not in that way
peter rietbergen commented on Robert Hugill's story chapter in Matthew likes the guy, just not in that way
By the way: "a burly Czech builder" - as in: "a fascinating Rumanian farm-hand" - as in "God"s Own Country"? Why not. But I do trust the author to flesh out that (pre-post Brexit?) continental a bit more convincingly than the man in the movie - who turned out to be simply a handsome prop... -
By the way: "a burly Czech builder" - as in: "a fascinating Rumanian farm-hand" - as in "God"s Own Country"? Why not. But I do trust the author to flesh out that (pre-post Brexit?) continental a bit more convincingly than the man in the movie - who turned out to be simply a handsome prop...
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Again: a good chapter. But why is one of the tags "asexual" - the story isn't - and is it characterized as "mature", which l is a term I fail to understand anyway? Both prevent a number of potential readers to enjoy it.
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Both moving and convincing.
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Matthew likes the guy, just not in that way
peter rietbergen commented on Robert Hugill's story chapter in Matthew likes the guy, just not in that way
as I wrote - it seems the system got things mixed-up: "Hurray, another Hugill". It seems many agree... -
Hurray, another Hugill.
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A perfect chapter. Moving and convincing. Bravo
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Impressively moving!
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A perfect chapter. Moving and convincing. Bravo.
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Idyllic. But: how old was "David"? And; something is wrong in the paragraph(s) after "When they finished....
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This is very good indeed. The mixed emotions, needs, expectations. The story keeps us wondering - as it should. Thanks.
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Chapter 5: At the Wolf's Table
peter rietbergen commented on BrokenBoundariesGayErotica's story chapter in Chapter 5: At the Wolf's Table
Psychologicaloly interesting - the more so since that kind of submission is totally alien to me. But: too many repetitions in this chapter - emotions and actions. And some contradictory moments, too. -
Chapter 2 A Clanging Cymbal
peter rietbergen commented on Tomkin Watts's story chapter in Chapter 2 A Clanging Cymbal
A painful process. -
I think this is a beautiful story. I also think it could do with some editing. Not (only) the typos. More importantly: the repetitions, of emotions, of feelings. And of descriptions. If it is made more compact, it'll be far more compelling, still..
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Chapter 1: The Old Oak Tree
peter rietbergen commented on Tomkin Watts's story chapter in Chapter 1: The Old Oak Tree
Another evocative chapter. However, I must assume that the apisode in which the hero overhears his parents occurred before his mother turned 'really' religious. For once having given herself to Jesus, she hardly would have given herself to her husband anymore: no sex without the intention to procreate, not even in the marriage.... -
Prologue: That Smile She Gave Us
peter rietbergen commented on Tomkin Watts's story chapter in Prologue: That Smile She Gave Us
In a few lines an entire world of the 'power' of religion - and the ways it (also) can destroy human happiness. Well-done. -
well done, if only because it doesn't rush to whatever it intends to tell us.
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Undoubtedly a promising start.
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There are some repetitions in the text, e.g. about the hall where the wake is held. And why is John surprised about Linda's presence at the funeral? She was at the wake, too!
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The Man in the Mirror
peter rietbergen commented on Tomkin Watts's story chapter in The Man in the Mirror
a fascinating 'essay' in convoluted narcissism. But why rate it "mature"? It deprives casual readers of the pleasure to enjoy it. -
I just hope that, albeit across the water, you yet can hear my very satisfied sigh... Thanks..
