peter rietbergen
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Everything posted by peter rietbergen
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It was - yes: it really was an emotional experience I'll cherish. Thank you so much !
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Chapter 2 - Moving Forward
peter rietbergen commented on ChromedOutCortex's story chapter in Chapter 2 - Moving Forward
This is very well done indeed. Moving, because the emotions are not theatrical, but real. Thank you for it.- 8 comments
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This really is compelling reading - because you really make us see, though in an extreme way, what havoc can be wrought by the compulsion/addiction that social media often bring about. A cautionary tale - well-written and, therefore, the more convincing.
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as you let your story develop, it becomes stronger, emotionally/psychologically deeper, and, inevitably, more convincing. Thank you.
- 19 comments
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If a Tree Falls in the Forest
peter rietbergen commented on Sara Alva's story chapter in If a Tree Falls in the Forest
sweet, cute, adorable - but also: articulate, well-observed, written with lots of humour - and, actually, insight, too. In short: Bravo - or, rather: brava... -
dear author, Perhaps I'm not reading your otherwise fine story correctly, but I think soemtimes you're mixing up Rob and Zach. In the first paragraphs, you tell us - Rob's thoughts: "Vancouver is a great city. It’s where I grew up, where I came out, and where I was accepted without question." But then, near the end, Robert confesses to Zach he's never told anyone he's gay... Moreover, in this sentence - "As Rob spoke, my mind started to race. I’d been thinking about this moment all night. I wanted to tell Zach the truth" - I think Rob should read Zach, and Zach should read "him".... But maybe I'm mistaken... Best, Nick/Peter
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this is definitely showing promise!
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Haven't decided yet whether or not I "accept" the psychology of the Tom-person - in accepting the challenge or not being able to simply leave it. But once that barrier taken, I followed your "plot" willingly, and think it is very well-constructed. The experiment in style - first person with almost un-/impersonal descriptions of actions - is, indeed, (just) that: an experiment. As such, it works.
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First, I noted the clever construction. Then the emotional depth. The fact that I cannot even begin to understand the need for polyamory is irrelevant. Bravo.
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of course. It has to be Todd, the elder brother of Jake and Gilly - it explains why you have introduced him and his strange behavior. And the entire Sheridan household ticks the boxes, too.
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Absence Doth Sharpen Love
peter rietbergen commented on empath's story chapter in Absence Doth Sharpen Love
Dear Josiah, if I may... Thanks, you fully fulfiled your promise.... regards Peter -
dear Author: for what it's worth: you have far exceeded my expectations: a few lines, so compact, and yet so compelling, convincing. Bravo.
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beautifully crafted. I'm not sure I really believe in the continuity of flash falling-in-love situations like this, but I do believe in the revelation they can give a person. which is saying that I'm quite willing to see if you can - in an emotionally convincing way - develop this story into something longer.
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a cliffhanger if ever there was one. But, as such, well-timed - in a story that has emotional plot-turns galore; believable ones, too, even with K not looking for the dream-book immediately. The tale is, indeed, addictive. I can only hope that you will not, as so many other auhors on this site do, decide to put the story on "indefinite hold" at some time. That would be unforgivable, given that you've now got this crowd of fervid followers...
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the entire story makes sense - emotional sense - but for this line of Rob's: “Love is blind, Sam,” he said with broad grin, pulling me closer to him and wrapping me in a tight embrace. for it seems to contradict his final decision - unless the recognition of the "premiere fois" came later...
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Forcing me to look at myself, my life. Revealing. Painful.
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An Accidental Clarity
peter rietbergen commented on Menzoberranzen's story chapter in An Accidental Clarity
a "coming together again"? Much as I yearn for happy ends, I think not. A glimpse of understanding, though - that just might help them seperate for real. -
This is an unexpected but, I even now know - or, rather, fear...? - momentous plot-turn...
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But Still It Lingers
peter rietbergen commented on Menzoberranzen's story chapter in But Still It Lingers
heart-rendingly true - and, therefore: a tiny work of literary art. Thanks.- 13 comments
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This is well done indeed. The lust, the longing, the uncertainty - and the atmosphere of Berlin on the eve of Christmas. Thanks.
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This was very well done indeed. Realistic. Moving. Thought-provoking. Thank you very much.
