xander

Happy Birthday Will!!! xan

Happy Birthday Topher!! xan

Hey Nick...getting at this a few days late, but I just wanted to give my condolences on losing your great grandfather...it's always tough losing family. It's kinda weird because about a half an hour before I got on to the computer, I started thinkin about my aunt who died in October... I had found one of her funeral program things and read the poem on the back, and the poem made me start crying. Part of what made me cry is that I never really knew her too well and when we had the scripture service, everyone told happy stories and she was such a wonderful person and I wish I had gotten to know her better now. Okay, my eyes are watering now, time to go, lol. Good luck Nick and you're in my prayers .

Kevin... That's exactly what happened with Justin and me, cept for us, of course, was because Lorena has to have the whole floor. I've said before and I still believe it strongly, what was said by Adam and Jimmy...."that when you're best friends with a person so long, you get to feel like you will never find anyone more compatible". And when he said that I'm like YES! I know what you mean!! So I guess I would like a relationship but since that's probably never going to happen, I would at least like the friendship that I used to have with him. And yes, believe it or not, I could be happy for him in a relationship with an understanding girlfriend...I would LOVE it if it was another girl he was going out with...under one circumstance....that she's like Topanga (from Boy Meets World) who understands that guys need guy time and need to spend time with each other once in a while. But Lorena couldnt be any more opposite. Thanks Kevin , take care.

Michael... I think one of the reasons I have such a hard time just telling him to f**k off, I deserve better, is the fact that I'm afraid of losing my 'once' best friend. I never had any real friends in grade school....sure I had some friends but they were school friends and never invited me anywhere outside of school, but could go do things without me. But in 6th grade, Justin came up to me outside at recess and asked me if I wanted to play with him and a couple other guys. He wanted to be my friend...it seemed like he was the first person (other than my friend when I was little that died) who WANTED to be my friend. I just have that emotional attachment knowing that there's still a piece of that sweet little kid who was my friend, trapped inside this current asshole of a friend. I know I need to make some more friends so I can avoid getting hurt later by avoiding him and her. That's another thing...I HATE lorena. I said from the beginning that I would NOT let her win, to take over my best friend. She's done a pretty hell of a nice job so far but I just keep wanting to say "It's not over until it's over". As for those gay guys....there's only two that I know of. RJ, the one I used to work with, I havent seen down the street lately, I'm wondering if he still lives there. The other one is the only openly gay guy at school. I've never even talked to him because I don't know what to say, lol. But I did try out for the play and I know he did so if we both get a part, I can get to know him that way. There's also that cute! guy in my chorus class who makes the gay comments all the time, but I'm still convinced he's straight because a bunch of "hot" chicks hang out with him all the time. I've kinda became friends with him since that Christmas thing....he's nice to talk to during class. I've also tried gaining other friends besides that...this girl I've known since like 4th grade Meghan, and I have kinda became closer again and she's the one who convinced me (along with me being pissed at Justin) to try out for the play and I did so with her. I also have already made a few drama friends, one of which thinks Lorena is nice...I'll have to inform him of her doings...lol Thanks Michael ....I'm gonna take some of your advice. I'm definately gonna try to make more friends and that kind of thing, but I'm not going to completely get rid of Justin as a friend. I'm just going to do what (I forget who) told me a while ago, quit setting myself up to get hurt like I have been, stay a friend to Justin (being the better person) and just hang in there and maybe someday the whore will drop dead and I can have my friend back and maybe get rewarded by God for going through so much .

First of all, a little update on the play...Annie is back on.....Moulton (drama teacher) worked her magic so we get to do it now . When I found out it was back on, I decided to email Justin...I knew he wouldnt, but just for the hell of it, I asked him if he had changed his mind and if he was gonna try out with me. "nope." I think he's just being an asshole when he says it like that. Would it kill him to say something like, "I know you really would like me to try out with you Ron, but I just don't want to." Anyway, the "curious" thing is that after he said "nope.", I didnt reply to him and so he must have assumed I was mad at him again because after chorus each day, I get up and go over to him and we talk on the way out of the huge classroom....when he know's I'm mad at him, he just gets up right away and goes out pretty fast and he did that today but was somewhat "stunned" to see that I was coming towards him. I wonder if he's getting where it's not bothering him when he hurts other people (aka, ME) ....well I guess I shouldn't say "getting where"....I think he's already there, where he dont care if he hurts anyone else, just to make Lorena happy. Like around homecoming (not sure if I told this story cept to a few of you), me and him have a tradition that we go to the stadium on the night of Burning of the W and we steal the stick they light it with...we've done this for like 4 years. This year I go over to his house cuz he said he would drive...right as we're walking out the door (adding to my belief that she has cameras outside his house to know when I'm there), she calls and says "shes not feeling good"...aww, poor baby ....so we have to stop at her house on the way there so he can give her a hug ...he tells me to wait in the car, he'll be right back. I sit in that freakin car for more than 15 minutes and finally go to the door. Here, Lorena suddenly felt better and I found out that she was coming with . I decided to just deal with her, that we could still let our tradition work out. We get to the stadium and sit down for a while and it gets dark enough, and they start to light the W. I let it burn for a few minutes and let the senors do their thing and told him, "come on, let's go get it". He tells her that he'll be right back and she puts a pouty look on and tells him that she doesnt feel good and wants him to stay there with her . I literally BEGGED him for like 5-10 minutes to come down there and get it with me and he said "I cant"...when he said that, I saw a satisfied smile on the f**king whore's face....I finally said "f**K ya" and went and got it myself. Then after all that, he expected everything to be okay and for me to get in his car with him. I was hoping my dad was still there cuz he brought my brother there, but he wasnt. Justin saw me across the street from them walking as they walked to his car...he motioned for me to come over with them. Then Lorena told him to just come on so he did. He got his car and drove slowly by me for a couple minutes and then just drove off. Do you think he could get out of the car, away from Lorena and come talk to me? No. So I walked 19 blocks home that night. We didnt speak for about 4-5 days and probably would have longer had I not stepped forward and sent a gut-spilling email to him and told him what I thought about Lorena. He replied vaguely but things like that just continue to happen because "he doesnt care if he hurts other people, as long as Lorena's happy". End of story. Kinda got off topic there...sorry for the 'language' but I just get so ticked off when I remember and think of what she's done between us....

Whoops...Happy be-lated Birthday Nick!

1st video: lol, I shoulda known...but *sigh* i fell for it too 2nd video: ... while that WAS mean to do to that kid, it was pretty damn funny, lol....that kid I think over reacted just a bit...lol

Ooo, ur name is like mine....lol... K, back to the topic I agree with Kevin...I also quite like my last name and wouldnt just want to give it up. When my mom got remarried, my real dad made sure to remind me that "I was born a 'last-name', and I'll die a 'last-name'", and that seemed to instill some pride in me to have that name. So I also like the idea of hyphenation between couples. Xan

Hey all you Comicality fans... This is the week that we should be wearing it it...I did it today and no one asked me what it meant as of yet, but I bet someone will if I wear it continuously for a week, lol. But remember, no telling what it does mean . If you don't know the story behind the "C" symbol, read about it here. Xan

You all know and are probably in love with my dog Xander. Well every so often, Jayne (my brother's dog and Xander's mommy) gets loose and runs off. Xander never having to toughen up from being taken from his mom like the rest of his siblings, has always been a mommy's boy. In being so, whenever Jayne runs off, so does he, but only running for his life to keep up with her, and usually crying as he runs . Otherwise, if he's not on a leash, he just stays in the yard like the good boy he is. Well sometimes when they get out, we're not home, finding them to not be there hours after it happened. Then we have to go out in the car searching the neighborhood up and down for them. Half the time we can't find them, then we call the police or the humane society to tell them to look for us. Well three out of four times they get loose, we get dog at large fines and other bullshit like that. This isn't the only part I'm fed up with. Every time Jayne pulls this bullshit, she's putting my dog's life in danger. I should not have to be worried sick when she does this, that my dog could possibly get hit by a car or something. We live in between two somewhat busy highways so I'm always really nervous. I want Xander to be a house dog now. I'm sick of this bullshit. If Jayne wants to run off, fine, but don't put my dog's life in danger. But....the landlord barely wanted to let us keep Xander outside so I don't think he's going to be able to be inside. He would be a good boy, I just know it. It would just take teaching him to go to the door when he had to go to the bathroom and to not drink out of the toilet. Simple tasks. He never chews on anything outside except for sticks. I don't think that would be a problem. And most of the time he could be in my room, so I don't see what the harm would be. I already plan on doing this when I go to college anyway. He's gonna be a dorm-doggy . But for now the only things that are stopping me is my mom, Oreo and the landlord. Jayne is going to get a remote shock collar or something, mean as it may be, because I'm just flat out sick of this.

Thanks Kaiten and Kevin, but I guess me willing to confront my stage fright will have to come another day. I just have to say that I'm pissed, lol. Today after school, a few other guys and I practiced the try-out song with one of the chorus teachers before the try-outs started. Well it was about 4:15 and the drama teacher hadnt started auditions yet which were supposed to start at 4:00. Then about 5-10 minutes later, the chorus teacher comes up to a few of us standing around and tells us to gather around, that he had something to tell us. He kinda acted like we had done something, or that something was wrong. He tells us that we can't do Annie now. That there is a tour group in Minneapolis going to be doing Annie as well. Well evidently when a school does a play, they have to get permission to present it from this one drama organization or something and that they more than likely will be turning down our request, because we would more or less be competition to them. Yes, a small little South Dakota high school will be competition to a professional tour group. Geez...I was really looking forward to us doing Annie and now we wont be... So, theyre going to be picking a new musical within a week or so and I guess I'll be trying out then .

Well, I don't know if she's behind it this time or not but I'm mad at Justin right now.... Our school is having the Annie musical and auditions are after school yesterday, today and tomorrow. Since I saw the last one and saw how cool it is to perform, I wanted to be in one, but one little dilema...I have stage fright . Well yesterday after school I had to make up a test and take care of a yearbook page and I got done around 4:30. I was kinda mad cuz my mom needed the car yesterday morning and I had that stuff to do so she expected me to walk home because it was pretty cold out. I walk out the front of the school and Justin and Lorena are standing there. Evidently they had watched yesterday's auditions. Well he was waiting with her for her mom to come. Her mom eventually comes and then I ask him if he could give me a ride home. He said he was already planning on it. On the way to his car I told him that I was probably going to try out for the play but they do auditions in groups of three and that I didnt know anyone else who I could try out with. He says that he probably was gonna try out too so I expected him to. Today he started that bullshit again that 'he doesnt want to' in an assholey tone . I barely ever ask him to do anything and I tend to step aside for Lorena so when I do ask him to do something, I dont think it hurts him to do it for me. Especially when he's always asking me favors and to make him graphics for his site. So here's the little email convo of him being an ass: [Me] so are u gonna try out wit me?...if so ill sign us up where theres that open spot... [Justin] i dunno [Me] pweeeease? [Justin] lol, not again...... [Me] like i ask u for so much... [Justin] lol [Me] no, seriously [Justin] nope, but when you do....... [Me] you say no. [Justin] yeeees [ ] [Me] why? [Justin] only to things i don't wanna do [Me] of course, the things im asking you to do [Justin] i just don't want to try out for a play [Me] then why did you tell me yesterday that u were probably gonna try out? [Justin] i have noooo idea. it's proble cause i have a low self esteem that can be brought up for maybe a couple minutes, but as soon as i realize it, it's back to where it was [Me] or doesnt lorena want you to? [Justin] no, actually she does, but i said no to her too [ YEA RIGHT!] [Me] watever... So I was gonna try out after school tonight without him anyway, but I'm tired and stressed out (depressed) so I'm going to ask my friend Megan (who wants me to try out) if I can do it with them tomorrow instead. Forget him. I don't need him.

ooo, I guess this one . lol

Uhh...saying you were at the beach, I'm going to assume that this alleged jelly fish was alive. Well I happen to watch my Animal Planet and know that jelly fish tenticles like burn through your skin leaving severe scars and it paralyzes the skin it touches or somethin like that. From this, I don't think you (or anyone) would have enough skill to pick one up without pissing it off, thus getting stung. Plus, the person would have had to do something pretty dang terrible for you to throw something that could scar them that bad...lol...k my point has been proven here .

DING DING DING!! Folks we have a winner!! I thought I would get people like that because the other two do seem really odd, but the truth is I LOVE stuffed crust pizza . When I was 7 me and my brother each got a kitten from my mom's friend. Well we had them for a couple months and my ex-stepdad's family are power freaks and threatened that they wouldnt come to our house anymore unless we got rid of them. So they volunteered their farm as a place for them. It was about a week after that 'Fluffy' got tired and laid down underneath a cow....well the cow got tired too and laid down and flattened her . Then last November-ish when I had my lil fender bender, when I was in the cop's car, he asked me (more less accusing me) if I knew anything about pumpkins being thrown through a church window because apparently there is a car that looks just ours and has the same first three digits of license plate. It took my mom to call the cop and tell him to call up my confirmation class teacher to prove that I was at CHURCH SCHOOL! See that really gets at me cuz I try to be a good kid and I get blamed for crap like that ....oh yea, he also wanted to check our car for a pellet gun, because apparently someone shot a few car windows up in the area where I live...

ooo...I'm kinda like that too. I cannot stand doing less than my best. I have not gotten a C since like 4th grade and I swear I'd like just lay down and die if I did, lol. I was about ready to kill my history teacher when I got a B+ first quarter. I think I was a measly 13 points away from that A-...and he wouldnt let me do any extra credit to get it up . Yea yea I know that it was my fault I got the B+ but yea..heh.

I've never liked scary movies and I especially hate it when people get eaten...ehh...just freaks me out. Completely random...the fear of being eaten I believe is called Phagophobia, lol. I also dont really like spiders but I'm not gonna spaz out if I see one in public or something. Uhh...I dont like needles either...lol Xan

Okay...we've played this in Confirmation class before..always fun, lol.. I think some of these posts are getting a tad long so I'm only gonna guess the last three, sorry, lol I guess... "Ever since I was a kid, I've loved balloons and frogs." "My favorite ice cream is half baked twisted Ben & Jerry's" "I'm afraid of butterflies" <-- Hoping this one is the lie Mine are... "I was accused by the police to had thrown pumpkins through a church window" "I HATE stuffed crust pizza" "I had a kitten when I was little that got killed by a cow" Ron

Hey Kevin I have to totally agree with you on your point that Febuary is depressing. I don't know what does it to me each year but it seems that ever since like 2nd grade February has been that way. I think some of it is the weather...I mean it's no longer winter with the gentle snowfall or what have you...instead it's a muddy melting mess all over with cold wind until the mess eventually gets evaporated and summer comes, at least in SD that is. I know that Spring is traditionally symbolic with rebirth as Winter is death but to me, winter isnt nearly as depressing as spring is. I guess all I can suggest is a line from Annie (we're singing that in chorus right now so don't think I'm too weird ) which would be, "Ya got to hang on till tomorrow, come what may." Hehe, anyway, I hope all turns out good and take care .

Okay, it occurred to me that some of you don't know the whole Justin and Lorena story. Here we go... *Vroosh!* Back to mid-eighth grade. I'm sitting in chorus class. A girl passes a note to another girl who passes it to me. I open it and read it: Will you ask your friend Justin if he'll go out with me? *Lorena* I immediatly start laughing my ass off. I couldnt help myself...in the entire time we knew each other we never really talked about girls and I didnt really see him going out with a girl. My laughter of course draws the attention of the entire men section of chorus. Justin sitting next to me asks me what's so funny. I show him the note, and he looks at the girl with a somewhat disappointed smirk. Back then, me and him called each other every night and talked for a couple hours at least. For like the next week after school and on the phone at night I would ask him what was going on with that girl. He just responded that he had it taken care of. I just shrugged it off. Then a week or so later, she adds me to her MSN list. Hmm...kind of a nice way to find out my best friend is going out with her, dontcha think? This was back when she was okay to me. She hadnt done anything wrong to me and I didnt yet realize my feelings for Justin. Well a few days pass and she changes her display name to 'i wuv Justin'. Obviously, this puts peer pressure on him and pretty soon his name changes from 'Justin' to "i wuv lorena'. This sorta pissed me off. They've known each other maybe two weeks and shes 'making' him say he 'wuvs' her. About another week passes and she changes her name to "i love justin'. I figure at this point that Justin no longer has a mind of his own, especially when he changes his name to "i love lorena". Then Lorena asks me in chat, "do you think Justin really loves me?" I just wanted to smack her!! They've known each other a little over two weeks and she expects him to love her! First of all, in most cases, when going out as teenagers, it's only puppy love. But shes expecting him to love her after two weeks... I for the most part stayed out of it because I didnt want to get him mad at me. Maybe I should have stepped in and maybe that would have saved me a lot of heart ache but it's a little late for that now. I noticed at this point that he stopped calling me as frequently as he used to, as it was him that most of the time beat me at calling him. I still called him but it seemed the time he talked diminished each time I talked to him. I know, I know, he's got a girlfriend now, less time for friends but I'm just saying. After a couple months of primarily talking to him on MSN with the disgusting display name "i love lorena', we were talkin late at night. It was maybe 2 in the morning and he starts telling me that he has something he needed to get out. Me being his best friend tried to comfort him and assured him that he could tell me. He tells me that a few days after going out with Lorena that she had told him that she was feeling suicidal and had been cutting her wrists with a razor or something . My reaction at first was of course shocked and I even sent a few emails to our school counselor to try and help her. It didnt take me much longer to figure out that she wasnt suicidal. That was simply all an act to get Justin trapped emotionally. For if he ever considered breaking up with her, his caring compassionate heart would be afraid of her doing something to herself, and of course it would be 'his fault'. I sooo bad wanted to suggest to him that if he wanted to break up with her to go ahead, that he had no obligation to stay with her had she been actually suicidal...that it wasnt right of her to immediately tell him that, that it was obviously a trap that he walked right into. This of course went right up into 9th grade where mid-December a girl asks me out. Great, right before this I had started to have feelings for Justin. I felt that I would never find anyone more compatible (which was later put into context perfectly by Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Corolla on the Adam Corolla Show) than the connection me and Justin had before Lorena came into the picture. But.....she was a friend of mine and I dint want to hurt her feelings by saying no, and plus, I wasn't for sure of my feelings, they were just there so I figured it didn't hurt accepting her proposal. Well we went out till a couple weeks after Valentines day, when it seems that I had started to somewhat ignore her a little. She emailed me and proposed that we break up which was a great relief to me because of my feelings for Justin. I now wish I had simply told her that I saw her more as a friend to begin with to prevent hurting her later on, and making her and me still be pretty good friends. At this point, I still didnt get to talk to my friend on the phone much anymore. I started noticing that Lorena tried excluding me or tried pushing me aside in every day school things. I wasnt about to let her, I mean he was my friend first and I wasnt just gonna give him up. Well apparently she has more amo than did I so he still spent almost all of his time with her and talk to me and the rest of his friends less. See thats another thing...its bad enough that she pushed me aside, but she also wanted to push aside ALL of his friends so she could have him all to herself. Our friend Lance saw it too once I laid it out for him. He didnt care as much as I did, most likely because he doesnt have 'feelings' for Justin. Summer comes and I did maybe 3 things with him the whole summer. We're not exactly rich so I couldnt invite him places like he used to me. Tenth grade (this year) comes along and her fighting strategy dramatically improved as proven in my past blog posts. I would also like to point out a few things in relation to them going out. 1) Justin ALWAYS used to be happy...he always had a smile on his face and thats what put a smile on my face...now he's every so often depressed . 2) Kinda related to number 1, he has started to listen to kinda gothic like music...he used to listen to punk rock which we both loved. 3) He every so often kinda talks to me like I did something wrong, until I try to get him to laugh. 4) Some of you may wonder where 'Whorena' comes from... well, this happens quite frequently, at least 10 times, I kid you not. We'll be talking at lunch and a random guy's name will come up...she says, "Oh, I went out with him, hehehe"....right in front of Justin!! But wait, that's a slut, not a whore...well guys, Slutena just dont fit...but Whorena... fits like Cinderela's glass slipper. 5) He has never previously gotten into trouble...every so often somebody disses Lorena about her being a bitch or what have you, and who can help it? She's a bitch to everyone except a few of her close girlfriends and Justin. I know a guy should stick up for his girlfriend when he's going out with her but I don't think its worth getting into serious trouble such as getting in trouble for punching someone. He hasnt gotten in trouble yet but he most likely will soon unless Lorena stops being a bitch to everyone and I dont think that will end anytime soon. So there ya go. That's pretty much the entire Justin and Lorena story. I just want my best friend back the way he used to be and Lorena-free. And trust me, even though I'm a little pussy when it comes to telling how I feel most of the time, if the opportunity ever came along that he broke up with her or vise versa, I would tell him that I was gay in a heartbeat to possibly have a chance with my best friend .

"An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind" Ghandi "I may not agree with a word you say but I defend to the death your right to say it" Voltaire "If a bandaid, Tylenol (even tho I'm against all drugs), or duct tape can't fix it, you've got a serious problem" Unknown "Profit is not a four letter word, but rape is against the law" Unknown Plus theres a bunch more that I have, but the good one's aren't coming to mind right now.

Quite a bit late, but hope you had a Happy Birthday!

As you may have noticed, my last blog entry was a long time ago....reason for being that my life turned boring and that I was really busy with finals, lol. Anyway, YES!!! I knew it was coming, but alas it's finally here....second semester and finally some school time with JUSTIN! Before now, the only time I saw him was in the morning for Chorus (which I didn't even get to sit by him in, and still don't ) and during 1st quarter lunch. Come 2nd quarter and I was reduced to Chorus and no lunch, occasionally seeing him in the hallway. Sure we talked in email but I like seeing him too, ya kno? But now...now he has the same lunch as me (and so does Lorena and a few other people that seem to try to push me away from him ) and for 3rd Block Computer Hardware (an hour and a half class) over at the Tech School across the street, so that's a bonus talk as we walk time ......Anyway, it'll be like this for the rest of the year! Also, for all you Xander fans....today is his (and mine ) half Birthday.....exactly 6 months till his 1st birthday. Soooo...I thought I'd post a little time line of him, hehe.. Xander at about 2 weeks old. Xander cutely covered up in my bed. Oh come on, you know I had to. Xander taking a few of his first steps. Xander having a "oh, turn that camera off...I don't have my face on yet" moment. Xander playing with Oreo's apple squeeky toy...no, he's not chewing on those wires, lol. Xander's ever-famous pose, at about 3 months. Xander's sleepy-head pose, about 4 and a half months. Xander, what it looks like, singing in the snow, lol. Xander about a week ago, with his big cute eyes. If some of the pictures don't show up, you can blame Geocities...just try back in like an hour because they have a KB/hour rule and if it exceeds it..yea.. Later guys