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Dear Little Sister Viv (but Huge and Big of Heart, Spirit, Soul, LOVE and WISDOM AND ONE VERY SUPER WOMAN:) HUGS AND ALL THE HAPPINESS YOU, RICH, YOUR FAMILY and friends. Not to mention Good Health...very important for that one!!! You have been a blessing to all of us who know and love you and all you do for us!!! You really are one amazing wonderful extraordinary Woman of Substance!! Not to mention amazing author, big sister and little sister to all of us..and well, you really have the most amazing energy of anyone I can think of....and you do it all with wit and humor and kindness.... Prayers said and GREAT KARMA sent so that all your dreams and then some come true in 2006 and in the years of ahead!! Love ya tons and then some!!! Michael

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Hi, Take your time, find your comfort level and do what you know will keep you safe. If you can trust Mrs. G (like she isn't some evangelical type that believes we Gays are going to hell, etc.) and maybe in general conversation she throws you some hints like she knows her nephew or friend's son is Gay and isn't it wonderful that in this day and age he can be free to be himself and there is nothing wrong with being Gay, etc...) and she smiles toward you. then maybe then and only then (hey you can just smile back) do what keeps you safe and doing ok day to day.... I was reading one of the blogs here and I got upset by a comment (and I read the person's screen name you know to see if they are Gay or str8 or bi) and the person made a mocking comment about Gays and I got so upset....I replied in the blog but wanted to scream that such self loathing and mocking is horrible...so even in our community there can be insensitive people...) Just be careful....we care about you and don't want harm to come to you. I have to agree with Kevin and Lib, it is easier when you are financially independent and on your own and when no one can do you harm, hurt you physically or throw you out of your home (I had 2 sisters thrown out and they weren't even Gay...in my household being Gay wasn't acceptable....geez, my family still has issues with me being Gay..it took my BFF, and she knows my family well, to tell me I could have brought home a wife and they would still find fault so go live your life and be happy..but I was well into adulthood when she told me:) I remember when I told my Dad he said he always knew, he loved me and just be happy....not so much acceptance from the rest of the family. BTW, I was well into my 30s...so not as if I was a teen but I grew up in different times and those of us who were at the start of the Gay Revolution faced different issues but Coming Out should be on your terms and when you are ready:) Funny thing is a teenager, and as a boy I always knew I was Gay and was mocked for it in my small town and called the "F" and "Q" word more then I care to remember...I remember years later learning the Jocks who turned out to be Gay and a mutual friend and I talked about how we were both teased, gotten our share of mocking, punches etc (he is Gay too) in the locker room and outside of it from the Jocks (the very ones who ended up being Gay..one was our Class President, he was well known and he would taunt/beat up on us and secretly try to hit on Guys then threaten them after he had sex with them, taunting them in front of others and/or beating on them...I lived a few minutes from NYC in NJ but it was a zillion light years away..small town America can be cruel....those are memories that still haunt me..don't judge life today from those Dark Ages but in many parts of the world it still is the Dark Ages (now, New Jersey has come a long long way with many progressive laws..even laws to protect Gay high school students but it still happens...indeed "In the Life" on PBS ran a story about such a teen and the hell he went through in his local high school here..from teachers and students.....) I have learned family still always seems the last to know..go figure! So, don't go by our experiences...Kevin had a recently good one with his Mom (read his blog) but as he said he is on his own.... Just be careful...yeah, I know Mother Michael worries too much and I do....we all need our zone of safety... so take your time and Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!! Just remember Xander you are an amazing Gu and you do what you feel best doing....life will happen for you..you already mentioned you have cool Gay guys in the neighborhood. I am so hoping you reach out to them...Having a network to call upon of Gay friends that you can trust really helps.... Good Luck and we are always here for you:) Michael

And the moral of that story is? Don't go shopping on the Day after Christmas, it is hazardous to your health! Beyond all that, I do hope you all had a very Merry Merry:) and everything was bright and nice:) You do tell the funniest stories...you forgot to add how tall the lady was? I bet like barely 5 ft and the 6ft guy picking on some little old lady (was she a little old lady?) You could have written the police blotter...Six Foot Man kicks Little Old Lady over dispute on return of Lid to a pot...news at 11!! now back to our Anchor, Ms. Vivian:) Michael

Kevin..I agree...no way you could make a little girl cry..she was shy, she doesn't know you and Dad was MAKING her do something she didn't want to.....since she doesn't know you and that has nothing to do with you. Be happy you have lots of hair that you can cut and grow back (as opposed to some of us who are happy to have any hair left) I do getcha on the flirting thing..its like how much is too much and what is innocent from one person may be deemed as being serious by the other person..etc....and how does one say "I am flattered you are interested..but I am not feeling the vibe" It gets awkard and grrr... but cool you found a new Gay friend....I wonder if he is maybe more bisexual or he is emotionally and/or physically attracted to women...well, as his other friend said, relax, just be free to love whom he wishes.. On the Kinsey Gay scale..I am all Gay....even growing up...geez, girls could have paraded naked in front of me and or in their underwear (I was always the "Will" to the "Graces") and it had no effect on me..as I would chat away....and help them figure out life, boys, etc....Still am the same way....Now, put me in the boys locker room back then and well, that's another story....(no less the men's locker room now...all that eye candy and well, with those metrosexuals< I can't tell if they are Gay or not..so....well at least I can smile and hopefully not get beat up...most times I just smile inside...and try to figure out...are they or aren't they....) I know way off topic..sorry. As to your life, Viv is right..you are 22 and an adult..you have a plan....its a good one...just make sure you do apply to grad school....go and do it....you can always apply early...and keep writing..see I can be a pain and a Nag...Mother Michael reminding you to keep writing:) BTW..the party and the coffee shop scenario sounds like a great story..hint hint..write about it:) ok, that's all..since I have gone way off topic and I don't want you telling me enough already....sorry...besides you are the coolest....and I am jealous, I wish I had all that hair:) Michael

I am told I qualify as round mouth and been told I have one more times the I care to remember..the funny part is the description under it..well that's me....I love to caress....be romantic and everything in that profile of round mouth is me..who knew? go figure....live and learn Little Sista Viv..you always find the most interesting "educational" blog entries. BTW Kevin..I mixed you up with Eric's name..ooops in his blog...probably because to me you remind me of each other..... and I think its cute you kept checking in the mirror to figure out which category you fit in....its just so you...If Eric didn't have his Killer, I would say you too make a great match (yeah the Italian Romantic in me is always playing matchmaker....) I am way off topic..in any event....the blog topic is a hoot and I think its fairly accurate.... thanks Sister Viv:) Michael

Ouch...get yourself some Alka Seltzer...and I can hear you say "I can't believe I ate the whole thing" and burp and then plop plop fizz fizz oh what a relief it is and it really does work.. feel better and is Jesse Hotty your hotty? hmmm..he calls you babe..can't wrong with that! winks:) Michael

Crazy, no...Beautiful, raw, powerful, honest, painful, sad, truth written and loving and did I say beautiful? sighs and tears too:) Thank you Jonathan and thank you Green for sharing Jonathan's poem with us:) Michael

James, as an addition to what Sharon said (when I did therapy it was with a Gay therapist..and he specialized in codependency which helped me tremendously..in case you haven't guessed Yes, hi, my name is Michael and I am a co dependent) So, maybe you can find a good Gay therapist (no offense to the str8 very Gay friendly allies we have here like Sharon, well Sharon is not only Gay friendly but very very wise) In any event, I found, for me, that a Gay therapist gave me instant comfort level to discuss my issues. It is ok to be scared and the fact that you expressed it is very huge and big and identifies the pink elephant in the room.....I am proud of you for that:) Ok, big hugs too (lots of those) and tissues..it is ok to cry (hey this Italian cries at lots of stuff but I find tears, writing and talking about it just the way you are helps a lot:) Also, I learned to create a support group to reach out to and telephone and meet with and help each other....in many ways this Group is a great support group.... Thank you for being Brave and expressing your pain James....Hugs always sent your way...I wish I could do and say more to make you feel better..but I am totally in agreement with Sharon...a good therapist, a good support group and keep on posting to say it out loud.... Rainbow Hugs always sent your way:) Michael

Geez Dom, I love it when you end your posts and emails with "Smiles" Now, what about me who ends them with everything from "Hugs and Kisses", "Rainbow Hugs and Kisses" "Rainbow Hugs and Hershey Kisses", "Love and Hugs" "Smooches and Hugs" and every other "Gay" (as opposed to Breeder/Str8 sayings?) ending there is. what is up with that "sounds so Gay" what in the heck does that mean? You mean we Gays have a "Sound" is that how we recognize each other...geez..how come no one told me...always the last to know.. must be the Gaydar on the fritz again...probably mucked up by those damn Metrosexuals!! In any event, Rainbow Hugs and Kisses, always sent your way for the amazing chapters and stories you write... BTW.....speaking of Smooches and Hugs...I Just LOVE your Christmas story this year.....that is just so romantic and amazing and wonderful!! Rainbow Hugs and Extra Kisses for writing it:) Italian Gay Michael here saying "Thank you Gay Gods for giving us Dom and his Kisses:)" Gay Rainbow Kisses and Gay Hugs Sent to all and to all a Good Gay Night(as opposed to the Str8 breeder pat on the back...eww not too much contact or else..they may think I am Gay..those poor Str8s and their hangups...lol) Michael

Kevin, Congratulations on all you have accomplished!! BTW, it seems that as you began your journey in self acceptance, the OCD calmed down and now that you begin your Journey in being OUT, you seem even happier and doing quite well and have found a good balance in life. And who likes going to the dentist....no one that I know! Beyond all that I bet, from what I read writers take their own life experiences and build from there in creating characters...hmmm..hint hint..(I bet you could take yours and some of those life experiences in a character could be therapeautic and create a great story/novel/mystery/humor/screen play and add in a few other characters (like the volcano of Grandma and the serenity of Grandpa and Mom who seethes inside at Grandma's rages) I tend to be like in that I am the "peace maker" in the family and always have been....and any one upset or angry makes me very nervous and volatile outbursts scare me....comes from a not so happy upbringing in a house of hell (the abusive step mommy dearest ala Joan Crawford and the illusive distant Dad and my biological Mom having died when I was a small boy with her family leaving us for dead since stepmonster hated them and they hated my Dad...all too complicated and messy...I was the Gay child with the secret of being Gay and in my own little world in my head where it was safe (and in books where I found Joy) I feel reading your blogs in the last few months so much growth and relief in you as you have come Out and found your way:) Merry Christmas, safe travels and good luck in the apartment search in Houston:) Happy New Year too:) Michael

Merry Christmas Green to you, Chaz, Selene and Rob and Happy Hannukah to David and to all of our family of friends for whom life becomes living with the people we choose to love with all our hearts and who don't judge us for whom we are:) Peace, Joy, Love and Hugs sent your way:) Michael

Kevin..sounds like an awesome party and hmmm..sounds like you have a date coming up too...all in all so cool..and yep, I have discovered that women and far better at picking up on which of us are or aren't Gay...Liz seems very cool and is Gay friendly....so way cool:) Sounds like some new friendships formed...good for you. You are spiritual and together....so nothing wrong with not being part of any one crowd..you fit in well with many types of people. I try to do the same and not be judgmental and accept people for whom they are....and even try to dialogue with those Christian evangelicals. I feel its important that they see we Gay people don't have six evil heads and love and breath and hurt and live lives like everyone else...The more we are every where, the more I feel acceptance will be grow and flourish. I even had a conversation a few months back with an evangelical client who condemned Gays (we were at a closing and they started in on how Gays are disgusting, immoral and subhuman..not sure if they knew I was Gay.....I just smiled and looked at them and said "the last time I checked God loves all Her Children " The response to me was "well yeah, that's true"...then they complained about books in which two princes loved each other and how as a fairy tale that was being told to children in Canada..I just smiled and said, well you know to the children it is a fairy tale and that is how they see it and they see it as love..what's so horrible about 2 people loving each other...again silence....so little by little it does help...to speak from Love.. You do every day and you are easy going...keep being you...the rest will follow...not to mention I am betting there is a date in your near future.....way to go Kevin:) I am betting you have a dazzling smile....and what is know as "bedroom eyes" (you know the type that you described....so keep smiling and twinkling your eyes and you will be with lots of dates. BTW good for you on the I won't date someone if they are in a relationship....its a rule I stick to no matter what....I find it to be bad karma not to and if someone is cheating on their BF who is not to say that when they are with me they won't do that to me...... You have great values..go forth and spread that sunshine with the your killer smile and killer eyes:) Happy Holidays, Mr. Kevin! Michael

Green....as James said living in the closet it hell, especially with family members being homophobic and unaccepting. The boy does need help and a life line. As James suggested, speak to your therapist and if you decide to help him, get the proper tools so you can assist him. As to Chaz, give him lots of loving...and first ask questions then listen...I have learned in life that listening is an art form. I listen all day long to clients...patience is a virtue and we all have stories to tell. It seems that Chaz is very geniune and honest...both rare virtues to embrace and hold onto for dear life. In the meantime, slow down...take deep breaths.....and a while back James suggested (one I concur with) that perhaps less parties may help. It seems alcohol does ugly things to those that over drink and then the drama starts...seems as if you and Chaz could use a lot of quiet bonding months so your relationship gets the love and attention it and both of you deserve:) All the best always, Green!! Hugs too...give some to Chaz too! Michael

Green....Um, I concur with Sharon..and um, why didn't Chaz say he dated the boy? hmmm...as Jules would say. My head is spinning and its not from drinking....my oh my your life is more then interesting these days... You even have cliff hangers in your blogs and so now what? What did Chaz say.....and why didn't he tell you about him dating the boy? Life sure has its strange twists....and all I can say is hugs....and how come Chaz showed up when he wasn't supposed to be there. (ok the attorney in me asks too many questions..sorry about that but geez Louise..what next?!!) I say that boy is major trouble...my instincts to neuter him were correct.....I don't like this one bit.... ok, not that my opinion counts....sorry about that..its just that for once you and Chaz are super happy and enter stage left...another cliff hanger DRAMA central.....grrrr... keep us informed..pretty please:) Fingers crossed, prayers said, hugs sent and I hope you are ok:) Michael

Viv..I second what Kitty said...You really are Wonder Woman!!!! and touches of Superman...Just an all around Super Hero! I hope your daughter is ok...and all is well with your super bunch of family and friends...and tell Joe he has to be ok....geez....don't get me started on that war....and the dufus that runs it... in any event, Happy Holidays Super Wonder Woman!! Michael

Kevin, I am excited for you for your trip to Houston...and hey why not see if you can visit the University too? Its funny that your co worker wants to fix you up with a girl...well, now here is your Out (no pun intended) You may wish to say with your busy schedule, and plans to move away, dating is not on your agenda....(ok, so dating girls isn't on your agenda..but hey, trust your instincts if he is the type to "Out" you and you aren't ready for that, then don't go there.) Or you can just pretend you didn't hear him and then it never happened.... Beyond all that, you are doing just fine, IMO, in your coming out process....going at your own pace and when you get to a city like Houston with a pretty decent Gay population, you can make your own way on your own terms at your own comfort level...a win win win all the way around:) Good luck and safe travels and enoy the Holidays with your family...BTW you really do have an AWESOME MOM:) send her our hugs:) and of course Holiday Hugs to you and your family.. Also, it sounds like your cousin is a Lesbian..so hey, you may have a cool Gay friend in the process to vibe with:) Michael

I agree with Jules and ever since you started telling us about the Team Captain/Leader and his interaction with you..I thought hmmmmm (sorry Jules, it fits here) that Guy is into Slaveboy big time and is masking it with the old "punch the boy in the arm" 6th grade version of "I like you" except he is doing it with the intellectual stuff.. And he is turned on by your mind and by your smile (or your sexy scowl as you grimace at him and in general he is turned on by you:) Beyond all that as Friendly Face said, at least you now understand him...why not make the effort to get to know him socially (allay his fears that even though you are just as smart or smarter then him you still like him and want to get to know him...try some of that Slaveboy Charm and Magic..I bet it works:) Michael

Green, I am not sure what to say on this one...Hmmm..per Jules, sees to say a lot in that I am stumped. Good news is Chaz won't be at the party so you can talk to the new guy and of course gush endlessly about your Boyfriend Chaz and you love each other dearly and are in a commited relationship....if the Guy doesn't get the hint then to back off...then who says you have to hang out with him at all? You did the nice thing, invited him over...why can't that be enough? And you should clearly explain you don't play Cupid and fix your friends up and nor do you play Cruise Director on the Gay Love Boat and arrange his social life..I mean you can say it nicely but that he gets the point that once he starts classes he will find a wide variety of friends etc..and you and Chaz's lives are busy so if you run into each other cool..but beyond that you can tell him I am sure he will find many friends ON HIS OWN...hint hint...come within 1000 feet of your Man and you will neuter him... that's all folks. Michael

Val....give it some time..get re aquainted with the BF (get in some mistletoe time..wink wink:) and relax....your BF seems to be the type that has a brain, smart and would detest a bubble head of any kind.... I dare say he is living with you and made the commitment even after the 2 month break..so, actions speak louder then words...give it time..I bet it will be ok (and hey its ok to get your radar in gear too...just in case...empty headedness in anyone has to be annoying and so boring after a 5 minute conversation.if that long) You have a lot going for you....your BF chose to be with you a long time...there is a reason for it..in sum, he is with you and wants to be with you because you are YOU:) now, if he some how got a lobotomy in the last 2 months and somehow wants to be with annoying fluff then well, what can one say....but I doubt that happened..and I am sure he loves you to pieces....and I bet he misses his blue haired beautiful wonder (that's you) so smooch and relax and blow in his ear, if there isn't air between that and his other ear..I bet he is a keeper:) Michael

So are you going to Spain and what big day does Davey have coming up? sooo confused....details.. BTW....great story so far.....I left a comment in Matt's blog....how do you know so much about baseball..and just so I don't sound stereotypical..I do know about sports.....trust me I do...but I am impressed..you know a lot about baseball and pitchers and work outs and stuff.... very impressive..besides its a great love story and yeah, I know its off topic.....sorry:( Michael

Welcome back Val...the prodigal blue haired daughter returns......well, I guess it has to wait until after the holidays since you going back to WV for the holidays...glad you got a new place and will have it furnished:) way cool:) but welcome back....missed you tons:) Enjoy the Holidays:) and very cool present you got for your big bro..very sweet of you..... I hear you on the nieces and nephews..i still remember them as tykes..now one is pre teen and two are teenages..one will be 21 and yikes..it just seems like yesterday she was born! oh the inhumanities of getting older...grrrr...LOL Michael

Xander:) Your puppy is sooo adorable...send him hugs and kisses from all of us and I hope he has a speedy recovery... Let us know how he is:) Good Luck!! Michael

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KITTY!!! HERE IS TO THE BEST YEAR TO BE AND THE BEGINNING OF A WONDERFUL LIFE IN OREGON FOR YOU AND THE KITTY KATS!! I wish you happiness, good health, peace and quiet and a wonderful new home to call your own and lots of great adventures in the years to come!!! All the best to you, now and always!! Michael