Nephylim

WOW. That was twisty and turny. Nice plot nevelopment and super hot sex. And then ending with a chuckle and a desire for more. I'd say that was pretty well done mister.

I've been having quite a few problems with regard to doing the right thing lately and more often than not they have turned out to be the wrong thing. The thing I am concerned about today is my job Being a lawyer you would think i'd be cool headed and analytical... well I am when I'm behind the desk or in the courtroom. I am far better sorting out the lives of strangers then I am with my own and those close to me. I think it says a lot that I am the most disorganised person EVER and my home is cluttered every surface has SOMETHING on it and even the floor is usuall scattered with toys, cards (like Pokemon and Yugioh), stacks of boxes etc. Everything is very 'untogether' and there is 'stuff' everywhere... paintings, dolls, candles, art, supplies, crystals... yu get the ides. HOWEVER, in work my desk is totally neat and organised. I get antsy if there is a paperclip on the floor or in the wrong place in the drawer. All my files are neat and rigidly arranged and I HATE it when anyone puts the papers in out of order. They say that your space reflects your mind and i think that's true. I don't know which way round it works. Is my work desk neater because I am more focussed in work or am I more focussed in work becaue my workspace is neater. Hmm However, I digress. No matter how cool headed, calm and controlled in work the absolute opposite is true in my personal life and I get myself into all sorts of scrapes because I am hot headed, impulsive, passionate and tend to rush into things without thinking them through or looking at them clearly at all. Add to that the fact that I am always striving to do the right thing, usually what's right for someone else rather than me, and that I am far too ready, even eager to accept responsibility that really aren't mine to take and I'm a bloody mess. So I lost my job. What was the big issue? That I missed having a job... not really it's been great to be at home. That I had to go on state benefits... well that was a pain in the arse but I got there in the end and they've pretty much left me alone in the end. That i would lose my house... so what, I'm trying to sell it anyway and the only difference would be that we wouldn't get to Harry Potter World... also I know I won't starve or be out on the streets because I have too many friends... and have found ebay. So what was the real issue about not having a job? Reason One Efan. He doesn't really care that he can't have what he's used to having and Harry Potter World was never really anything more than a dream BUT.. I DO CARE. I don't want to see disappointment on the face of my son. I don't want him to put on more weight because I can't afford all the fruit. I don't want to send him to school in old or bad quality clothes. I don't want him to be worried or upset or deprived of anything. I don't want things to change for him Reason Two Lori Lori is having a hard time making ends meet. She has a new flat a new job and few relationship problem. i have been helping her out financially and the thought that I couldn't is unbearable. I need to be her safety net YES she's an adult and should be able to stand on her own feet but I didn't have a mother I could rely on for anything so I want to be that mother. Reason Three My friends. Most of my friends live a long way away, even my brother and I hate the thought of not being able to see them because I can't afford to travel. YES I know they could come and see me but why would they bother putting themselves out like that for me? They do but why the hell...? Reason Four I like to see Efan in nice clothes. Okay so my wardrobe is half a wardrobe and a chest of drawers while his is three chests of drawers, half a wardrobe and half the bed but he's a kid and he needs to look nice. Reason Five I am dependable. When I had a car all of my family depended on me utterly. i was always running around for one or the other. of course I can't do that now but I do other things. I have other kids here as often as I can... cousins, neices and nephews etc... because Efan is so alone all the time and I physically can't play with him and feel guilty as hell that I spend most of my time in front of a computer screen because it's the only thing that takes my mind off the pain. So i get other kids in whenever possible and I shower them with food... this is a Welsh thing I think... hospitality means that as soon as anyone steps over the threshold you have to stuff them full of food... my mother would have died of shame if anyone had come to her house and she didn't have cake or biscuits. Okay, so the thread, I think, is clear. None of the reasons is about what I want for myself, not really... they're all about other people. I have it programmed into me that other people and their needs are more important than mine. I have to take care of my family and friends, i have to make sure they're okay, they're taken care of, they're happy and secure...AND YES I KNOW... but if you're hardwired that way it's hard to break out of. So here I am. I have a new job and I am starting on Monday. It is 16 1/2 hours a week which is half hour more than I was working before. The office is 8 miles closer to home, a little over 6 miles away, and I wil be in charge of my own department. I guess I must be good at what i do because this is the third time in a row i have been called and asked did I want a job with no interview and basically on my terms. The issue is that I'm not really well enough to work at all. And I don't want to work because I like not being in pain so much and being able to put a hot water bottle on my back when it hurts. I like having time to do things because I need time to do things. My memory is not good and when I'm ill my coping skills are not good either. I get very emotional and every little thing becomes an insurmountable which I usually throw myself at with little thought trying to just make it go away. I'm between a rock and a hard place So... The Right Thing. Is it always best to do The Right Thing or is it sometimes better to do The Best Thing I can for me, even though it means other people get hurt or disappointed, Is doing the best I can, accepting the inevitable screw ups, and disappointment of others, enough; or should I work harder on not making the screw ups in the first place ( even when they're not my fault like the redundancy, which, ridiculously I do feel is somehow my fault), putting them right at all costs and thinking of others and their needs and feelings before my own. The problem is that I really can't help myself and it's the getting out of that conditioning that eludes me. Also, if I did break the conditioning and become more selfish and self centred (in the good not the bad sense of the words) would I still be me and if not would I still like myself. MEH

Sleep? What on earth do yu want to do that for? It gets in the way of living Thanks for the kind review and I'm glad that you think I have variety because I am always trying to find something a bit different.

I'm glad I'm keeping your attention. Maybe you should take a break in case you get bored I'm so glad you're enjoying my stories. This one was my first NaNoWiMo so I'm particularly fond of it

I'm glad you liked it. Ash hasn't 'gone' yet, trust me

Thats part of the mystery

That's compltely true. And who would think of that except someone sneaky like you Thanks for the review

Well, when I started reading it was on the basis that I felt obliged to as it was in the competition and not because I thought I would like it. But as soon as I had read half the first chapter I was completely sucked in and stayed sucked in until the end. A wonderful story

How interesting and complex. You had me guessing right to the end.

Haha. I've done that Thanks again for your kind comments

WOW, thanks. And for sure, call me Nephy, or that bitch, or you know - her I'm not precious. Thanks for the review. I'm really glad that you are loving the story because I fell in love with the characters myself

thanks hun. I'm glad i didn't disappoint.

I guess both. As long as a story is good quality i will enjoy it no matter how long it is. Sometimes I like to read things that are self contained and easy to read in one sitting, other times I like to get caught up in a chaptered story. I even like cliffhangers, they get the blood racing and the anticipation sharpened. I find it difficult to write short stories because the word limit is too confining and restricting. I have written short stories and enjoyed the experience but only when i have a self contained image of what I want the story to be and where i want it to go. I gues both to both then really

Physical Long hair Lovelly eyes Personality Gentle Sweet Kind Faithful Lifestyle Alternative My main MUST HAVE in a realtionship is that they accept me as I am, all my strange beliefs and behaviour and all.

You know how much I hate you for this chapter. Bitch

Yes, that was sexy alright

Well, I think that Silver is very confused and I think that the whole discussion about love just fried his brain. He's not really used to this kind of conversation. He's changed but not as much as either he or River think he has. Thanks for the review as always

He is silent all the way to the car and I don’t know what to say to him. It’s as if I have just met him for the first time today and I suppose, in a way, I have. I’m in awe of him. To tell the truth I’m slightly scared of him, of the confidence and self assurance, the edge... and frankly I am freaking out about where and how he got them. Where has he been and what has he been doing? That boy, Ariel, who probably wasn’t a boy at all, had been wearing... well he hadn’t really been wearing very muc

Yeah, okay. You won me over. Yeah, it;s right. It's the way it should have been. I guess that the way things went made it clear in the end that Coop and Kyle were never meant to be and Chase and Coop were...are. You are such a bitch. I'm so glad I left off in the middle and got to read the last half in one go. If not I might have had to kill you

Well, I have to admit that Coop is redeeming himself just a tiny bit. I also have to admit that Coop and Chase are good together. Coop is getting over the committment thing and i figure that things are as they should be even if it's not as we would have wanted them to be. I still want to slap Coop but i guess that i'll put the spade and castrating tool to one side for a while

A GIRL??? And Chase as a boyfriend??? Great... another broken heart in the trail left by the great Cooper Carpenter. Whatever he's got he deserves.

Okay. One Coop really should listen to Sebastian Two. Coop really should stop seeing Chase Three, Coop totally deserves Spencer sleeping with Kyle Four. Spencer should keep on sleeping with Kyle... hell he's been a better boyfriend to Kyle without being his boyfriend than Coop has Five... Coop should just get the clap for being such a slap

Sigh. SO he gets to scew up more guys. Well woopy doo for him. As far as the writing goes that was a fabulous chapter. To be honest I can't remember the last time I read a story with so much sex but also so much story. Nice one

If i thought that Kyle was really happy I would say Good for Him but I don;'t think he is. Something is going on and it worries me. I guess Coop is about to get hurt and I should be glad about that but Kyle is caught up in it so I don't. Goddamn man you know how to play the emotions don't you. And the sooner Spencer finds out about Chase the better.

Hmmm. WTF. I hope that this one falls on him from a very great height. Still not wanting to bury him but only because I want to give him a chance to do it himself. i appreciate teen angst and I apprecaite confusion and commitment phobia but I swear if he hurts Kyle one more time I am going to find a way of getting into this story and using that tool on him. Maybe I'll just go off and rewrite the ending from here.