Second Shot - 49. Chapter 49: Moving On

Wrapping a towel around his waist, Jason was still edgy. The grueling run he and Darryl just finished helped, but it hadn't burned off his excess energy. Given how winded they both were, and the fact Darryl let him shower first without an argument, he knew they'd really pushed themselves. Otherwise the run was a blur.

Knowing Darryl was waiting, he didn't linger under the spray like he would have preferred. Just washed, rinsed and dried. Looking at his face, he noticed something he'd rarely seen the last year: stubble. Peter preferred him clean shaven. Another thing he changed for Peter.

"All yours, D."

"That was quick." Darryl appeared wearing nothing but a white towel. "Thought I'd have to wait a bit."

Rubbing his chin, he said, "Not having to shave cuts down my shower time."

He assumed Darryl caught the implied reason, because he gave Jason a barely audible grunt before disappearing behind the bathroom door.

Tossing the towel in his laundry basket, he opened his dresser drawer. His hand reached for the white CK trunks on top, but he stopped before grabbing them. Peter was the one who convinced him to wear those, said he looked hot in them. Ethan confirmed Peter's assessment during his stay.

Digging around, he pulled out a pair of light green boxers instead. Better to start breaking his 'Peter' habits now. Still flushed from the run and hot shower, he was looking for a tee shirt when he saw his 'box.' A black Adidas shoe box he stored all the cards, photos and other little things Peter had given him.

Forgetting about the shirt, he tossed the box on his bed. He collected various items from his desk, dresser and nightstand before he crawled onto the middle of the bed. Sitting cross legged, he pulled out a stack of cards and began to sort them into piles. Bitter sweet memories forced a smile on his face despite how his stomach churned.

"Why're you torturing yourself, Jase?"

He looked up to find Darryl wearing just a towel, watching from the doorway.

"I'm going through these things, so I can put them away."

"Why keep them at all?" His friend perched himself on the corner of the bed. "Maybe it'll be easier if you let me toss 'em."

Instinctively, he clutched what he held closer to his body. "They were, are special to me. I still love him, Darryl. Can't help it. He didn't do anything to hurt me, it just didn't work out."

Jason stared at the card he held. Peter gave it to him for his twentieth birthday. They laughed how it was his last birthday as 'jailbait'.

"I can't believe how well you're taking this." Darryl's voice made him look up. "I know how much you loved him."

"What good would it do to be mad at him? It's not like he decided to stop loving me."

He felt his throat constrict slightly talking about he and Peter in the past.

"Are you sure it's over?"

If only Darryl knew how much Jason wished he knew for sure. He shrugged. "It's been two weeks and he hasn't called. At some point I have to stop clinging to a false hope and move on. The thing that bothers me most is he didn't say goodbye in person."

He knew Pete didn't owe him anything, but he wanted to believe their time together meant enough to him that Peter would do the one thing Jason asked to help him move on. Then the seed of doubt that refused to let logic snuff it out pushed itself forward. What if Peter still wanted to stay together, but was still working things out? He shook his head before he remembered Darryl was sitting next to him. "Yeah, D, it's over, he just isn't going to say it."

"Maybe it's too hard for him," Darryl suggested.

Jason snorted. "It's been hard for me, too." Drawing a deep breath, he gave his friend a fake smile. "Anyway, I promised myself I wouldn't get mad if he did what he thought was right for him. Dragging it out only makes it hurt more."

"Wanna play Halo?" Darryl got up and nodded toward the living room. "Or were you planning to sit around in your boxers all day."

"Not right now, I want to begin to find some closure. It's going to be a while before it stops hurting, so I might as well start now."

Eventually it would get better, but right now he couldn't see that day.

"I'll leave you be." Darryl got up to leave. "Come get me if you change your mind."

"Thanks, D." Reaching over, he grabbed his iPhone and unwrapped the earphones. Sorting through for something loud and upbeat, he grabbed the stack of cards and began reading.

Each card he opened reminded him of a different day. Their first trip together, first Valentine's Day, just thinking of you cards, another birthday card-- Peter sent him three, all in the mail, and others. He stacked them neatly in the box before reaching for some pictures.

Smiling at a picture of the two of them on a hiking trail, he noticed Darryl walking toward his room. His eyes were drawn to the small green envelope in his friend's hand. His heart sputtered, it had that feel. This was it, the end he asked Peter to give him.

"What's … what's that?" His ears seemed to pulse in and out, as it they knew he didn't want to hear the answer.

Darryl's face answered the question before the words. "Peter dropped this off for you."

"Peter?" Why did he sound so surprised? He knew who sent it. "Is he still here?"

Darryl shook his head and this time Jason's heart stopped. Amidst the bile rising toward his mouth, his last erg of hope vanished. Of course he wasn't, it was over. He barely heard Darryl say, "No, he just asked me to give you this. When I asked him if he wanted to come in, he said no."

Reaching tentatively for the small green envelope, Jason half expected it to burn the skin from his fingers when he took it from Darryl. The two stared at each other for a moment and Jason felt himself begin to shake uncontrollably.

Unspoken, Darryl seemed to know Jason wanted, needed to open this alone. Nodding twice, he silently backed away until Jason sat by himself.

Still shivering, Jason found it hard to breathe. Why? This was what he was expecting for the last two weeks. It's what he wanted, or at least he thought he did.

Twice he started to rip open the envelope, but had to stop to steady his hands. Finally he pulled a simple green index card with writing on one side.

"If I said I was sorry, would you give me a second shot? Love, Peter."

He read the card over, staring at the words. When his chest started to hurt, he realized he was holding his breath. 'Love, Peter'? He flipped the card over, checking there was nothing else. Finding nothing, he let himself believe the words.

Jumping off the bed, he ran past Darryl. He vaguely heard Darryl say something about it being cold and going outside in his boxers, but ignored the comment. Maybe he could catch Peter before he drove off.

Jason opened the door, moving toward the stairs, then stopped. Peter sat against the wall at the far end just beyond the stair well. In his leather bomber jacket, jeans and boots, it reminded Jason of the day he first found the nerve to ask Peter to dinner. It even felt like that day. Peter's right hand was resting on his knee, holding a single red rose.

Peter smiled tentatively. "You really should put on more clothes when you come outside, Jase."

Jason waved the card at him. "No." Peter's smile faded as quickly as it appeared. "There's nothing to forgive. I never gave up on us."

He smiled, but then all the nervous energy welled up and he began to laugh. Peter stood up, holding the rose out. "I'm sooo sorry, Jason."

Jason took the flower in one hand, using the other to pull Peter closer. He opened his mouth to say something, but Peter kissed him before he could find any words.

"I missed you," Peter whispered. "I was so stupid to risk losing you."

Jason put his fingers on Peter's lips. "Shh, less talking, more kissing."

Between laughing and kissing, Peter pointed toward the open door to Jason's apartment. "Perhaps we could go inside, you're starting to show."

Peter put his hand on Jason's crotch. Realizing he was hard and tenting his boxers, Jason turned red. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Darryl was not in the living room and his door was closed. Peter shut the door when they were both inside. The giddy high of seeing, touching Peter again, made Jason's heart pound so hard he thought he could hear it beating.

Peter tossed his jacket on the floor and took his boots off before he sat next to Jason. Staring at a spot on the floor, he looked like he was going to speak then stopped. After he did this a second time, he turned to face Jason. "I know sorry doesn't cut it, but if you only knew how sorry I am."

"Don't be sorry, Peter." Jason wanted to hear more, but was afraid this was an illusion and talking about it would cause Peter to disappear. Right now, he just wanted to sit together. "You had issues to work out, just like I did. I knew that if you still loved me you'd come back."

"I never stopped." Peter picked up a card from the box. "What made you bring these out?"

"Trying to remember how happy we were." That was partly true, even if he left out that he was putting them away.

Carefully, Peter put the card back. He stared at the stack of cards in the shoe box. Still not looking at Jason, he said, "I guess I didn't give you much to be happy about lately."

Jason put two fingers on the side of Peter's chin, pulling his face around. "I never blamed you. You needed to take care of yourself."

"Jase, you're not to blame for any of this, you've been great." He finally smiled, small, hesitant, but still a smile. "More than I've shown you, I appreciate what you did for me. Giving me time alone to sort things out was probably the only way I could've realized how much I need you."

Watching Peter's face, Jason saw the same troubled look Peter wore the last time they spoke. Why was he hurting now? Last time he thought it was Peter trying to understand things, but now? He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer, but needed to ask or he couldn't continue.

"Can I ask something?"

"Jase." Peter took Jason's hand and began to rub it gently. "You can ask me whatever you need."

Sitting with his hand in Peter's, this was how he remembered them when they were good. It felt right, not an imitation of how it once was. Maybe he ought not to ask. No, I need to know.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Seeing a moment of surprise in Peter's expression, Jason quickly added, "I can't take the on again-off again pattern we went through the last month."

Peter didn't answer right away, making Jason's stomach bunch up. What if Peter wasn't certain? Could he really end it after two weeks of hoping for this day to happen?

"Yes, I'm sure,” Peter said. Jason didn't realize he was holding his breath until he exhaled loudly. "I'm having trouble explaining this, which is why I didn't answer right away. When you left my place, I almost came over that night so I could tell you I still loved you, but something you said, and the way you said it, told me I owed you better.

"You let me know you loved me so much you couldn't let me go, but then you didn't try to talk me into anything. At first I thought you were screwing with me. I mean who says they love someone, then turns around and says end it if you don't love me back. Why weren't you fighting for me?"

Jason started to answer, but the almost pleading look he got from Peter stopped him. "Hold on, Jase, please? Let me tell you what happened, so you know I'm sincere.

"I just kept thinking about how you said over and over that you didn't know if I loved you anymore and if that was true I should tell you. You were fighting for me, but you knew you couldn't force me to have the feelings you wanted me to have. I was kind of mad you left the decision to me, because I still remembered how happy we used to be, and I wanted that back. But I also recognized I'm the one who'd changed, not you.

"The reason I took so long is because I saw how hurt you were. I saw how much I was hurting you. Then I talked to my mom. She told me you came by and how sad you were. You know my mom, she tells it like it is. She said, 'Peter, that boy loves you so much he's willing to let you go quietly if that'll make you happy. You might think he's quitting, but he's not. He loves you so much he wants you to be happy, even if it makes him miserable. Right now he thinks he's making you unhappy and can't figure out how to fix it. Rather than keep making you unhappy, he's stepping away. If you still love him, you need to find out what's wrong between you and work together to fix it.'

"She gave me the finger shake and all."

Jason was so on edge listening to Peter, he laughed louder than he intended. Peter flashed him a real smile, the first one in a long time.

"Anyway, she and I talked for a long time. She did a good job of explaining what you were doing and why. Said you were one of the most selfless people she knows."

"No, I'm not." Jason shook his head. "Really. I did it because I love you, Pete. I'd do anything for you. Everyone else? Not so much."

When Peter laughed, his body seemed less rigid and there were fewer creases on his forehead. "You better not." Lifting his hands to the sides of Jason's face, Peter planted a soft kiss before dropping his arms into his lap.

"Like I said, she's good at focusing me on what was going on. It really was up to me, because we both agreed you weren't the problem. My mom gave me the name of a counselor, and I went to see her the next day."

"Really?" Jason couldn’t hide his surprise.

"Yeah." Peter turned away suddenly, his face slightly flushed. "Faced with losing you and knowing I didn't want that, I needed to do something to find out what was holding me back."

Yesterday he would have killed to hear this, but sitting next to Peter, Jason could see and feel how much he'd changed since they last were together. "You don't need to tell me what happened, Pete. I know that's private."

"Actually, I do need to tell you." Peter turned, pulling his legs onto the bed. "I owe you an explanation, need to explain myself, as best I can. You need to trust me again if we're going to be right, and I know that may not be easy."

Closing his eyes, Peter took a deep breath and held. When he opened his eyes, Jason saw the confident Peter he knew when things were good. "After the attack I was scared. That's not easy for me to admit. All my life, I've been in control. Suddenly, I wasn't any longer. I couldn't work, couldn't teach, wasn't able to train, and I needed you to help pay my rent and other expenses. The person who loved me the most, was the person who was the face of my weakness. Every time I saw you, I saw my inability to take care of myself. For a time I needed you more than you needed me.

"Believe me when I say, I didn't understand this at the time. Upon reflection it's clear, but at the time I had no idea why you annoyed me with anything you tried to do to help me.

"Subconsciously, I was trying to reassert control over you. Not that I ever controlled you before, but I was correcting what I saw as the problem: your control over me. For better or worse, our relationship had entered a new phase. Prior to the attack, we were both trying to figure each other out, spending time learning about the other, but even then I was subtly controlling things. I got you to change how you eat, you take martial arts classes when you can, you stood up to your parents, we did most stuff at my place. I am sure there were others, but those stick out most."

Without thinking, Jason rubbed his chin, earning an eye roll from Peter. "That too."

Instead of laughing, they both nodded. "After I left the hospital, you were in charge. I had to rely on you. Funny thing is, you never really tried to control anything, you were just taking care of me. But the result was you were in charge. Without you, I would've been lost."

This time Jason turned away. "I'm really sorry I did that. Believe me, I tried not to throw what I was doing in your face. Guess I didn't do so good, did I?"

Peter's hands immediately framed his face, forcing him to look back. Peter leaned in and quickly kissed Jason's cheek. "No, no, no. Never. You were great. I know how hard you worked to make everything seem normal. It's me who didn't do so good."

As his hand slid away, a playful grin broke across Peter's face. "I may have been wrong about the stubble. Looks good on you."

He rolled his eyes, but smiled back. The moment didn't last as Peter's lips quivered slightly. Meeting Jason's eyes for an instant, he shrugged then looked at the bedspread.

"One problem, Jase, was you let me be in control. Even though you tried not to baby me, you made allowances for my moodiness. You never really challenged me, so I kept taking more. But it never changed how I felt about myself. Every month that you covered my bills was an affirmation of my weakness. Like you said, the more you tried, the worse it got."

Jason shivered, but resisted the urge to put clothes on. He didn't want to break Peter's thoughts. Peter reached back, pulling the blanket from the bed. "You should put more clothes on you know." He said with a wink.

He wrinkled his nose and stuck his tongue out. "I was hoping you'd tell me to wear less."

Peter laughed and moved closer. "Hopefully soon, but let me finish first."

Wrapping the blanket around his shoulders, Jason nodded. "Thanks."

Peter helped wrap him so he was covered. "When I talked to my mom, she kept saying, 'if you don't want to be with him, tell him now. Don't hurt him worse by dragging this out.' All I kept thinking when she said that was, 'everyone thinks I don't want to be with Jason anymore.' I got mad, thinking you turned my mom against me, but she told me that wasn't the case. She said you never said a bad word about me, just that you didn't think I loved you anymore. That's when she asked me point blank, 'do you love him?' I didn't answer her right off, but finally I told her, yes, I still loved you. Then she asked what I'd done lately to let you know how I felt. I couldn't give her a single example.

"My mom has this way of bringing you to where you need to be without telling you to go there." Peter smiled. "She made me see that you were right to wonder if I still loved you. I knew I did, but I also knew I hadn't shown you that much lately."

Peter blinked several times before squeezing his eyes shut. When he opened them, Jason saw the tears forming around the edges.

"I started to cry, because I had no idea why I was doing these things to you. That was when Mom handed me the counselor's card. I know everyone tried to get me to speak to someone after the attack, but until that moment, I didn't think I needed to."

Jason wanted to reach out and hold Peter. He didn't know if that was more of the control issue Peter mentioned. Finally, he decided he couldn't worry about every action he took, so he followed his heart.

Opening his arms, he gently pulled Peter closer. There was no resistance, so Jason wrapped them both in the soft cotton blanket.

"Pete we don't need to do this now. It can wait."

Peter shook his head, but leaned further back. "Jase, please let finish. It's important to me. After how bad I treated you, I need to do this as much for me as for you. I don't know if that makes sense."

He kissed the back of Peter's head. "It does."

"The therapist asked a bunch of questions about us: how and when we met, what we did before the attack, who did what, how I felt with you, all kinds of stuff. Then she asked about the attack. Same questions about who did what, how we interacted. Finally, she asked about us since the attack. I was kind of mad at first, because all she did was have me recite what we did. She never let me tell her how I felt.

"Once she had all her information she started to go into my feelings. Slowly, she pushed me toward the idea of loss of control and what I told you earlier."

"She did all this in one meeting?" Jason regretted interrupting immediately.

Shaking his head, he pulled Jason's arm tighter. "I've met with her five times in two weeks. I wanted to come see you after the first session, but she suggested I wait until we got a little further. I was afraid you'd give up on me by then, but she said it wouldn't be good if I rushed back to you, hadn't changed and made things worse. She said, if we were meant to be, you'd wait."

"She was right." Jason smiled, even though Peter couldn't see it.

"Yeah, smart lady." Peter nodded. "We discussed my control issues, your refusal to challenge me right away, why my view I was weak for taking help was so destructive, not just to us, but to any relationship I might have. She pointed out that it was only when you challenged me by suggesting I didn't love you anymore that I finally stopped pushing you around."

"Maybe if I grew a backbone sooner things wouldn't have gotten so bad."

Peter shook his head, but didn't speak right away. Finally, he shrugged. "I really don't have an answer for that Jase, but let me say you aren't to blame for this. I am. Not that I meant to do what I did, but it was my issues that hurt us. I'm not sure if you had pushed back in a different way how I would've responded. You challenged me to say I still loved you and if not that I should let you go. You gave me all the control.

"I don't know if you knew what you were doing, but you broke the cycle for me. First you told me you still loved me, despite everything I'd done. So much so you couldn't leave me. Then you gave me the power to decide our future. I stopped feeling like the weaker half. I had total control. Only once I had it, I knew I didn't want it.

"Not sure if you knew what you were doing, but the therapist said what you did was probably the best way to get your point across and to reach me."

Jason thought back to that night. He had no idea what he was doing, or even that he was doing it. He just followed his heart and hoped Peter still loved him. "I didn't know what I was doing, Pete. All I knew was I loved you, but I was still losing you. I thought about breaking up, but I couldn't, because that wasn't what I wanted. I knew I had to do something, or else I'd lose you forever."

"You took a chance you'd lose me when you told me to break up with you if I didn't still love you."

Jason squeezed their bodies tighter for a moment, afraid Peter would leave again. "I know, but then I'd have known you didn't love me anymore. However, I was sure that if I broke up with you, you'd never come back to me."

"You were right, or at least I think you were. If you had tried to take control, I probably would have fought to get you back only to make you miserable again."

Neither spoke for several minutes. Peter knew Jason never gave up on them. What else could he say?

"Can we lie down, Jase?" Peter's voice was soft, but amidst their silence it startled Jason for an instance. "This isn't comfortable for my back."

Jason smiled. The old, considerate Peter was back. "Yeah sure, but we made a mess of the sheets already."

Moving back so they could get comfortable, Peter got behind Jason, wrapping his arms around him. Somehow they managed to cover themselves without getting up.

"I missed just holding you like this," Peter warm breath felt good against Jason ear. "We used to do it all the time before everything fell apart."

"Pete, I meant what I said about not giving up on you," Jason said softly. "I always hoped we would find our way back to where we were before. I think maybe we have."

"I think so, too." Peter started kissing the back of his neck.

After a few more kisses, Jason rolled over. Running his hand over Peter's face he leaned forward, bringing their lips together. Tentative at first, passion took over after the first couple kisses.

Unlike the last few times they had sex, this time they took their time. Jason slowly undressed Peter, never breaking their kiss. Pushing the shirt over Peter's head, Jason returned his lips to Peter's. Running his hand over the hairy chest he knew so well, he felt Peter's tongue run over his lips, asking to be let in. As his need increased, he reached down to unbutton Peter's pants.

When both had only their boxers left, Jason let his hand stray down to Peter's crotch. Together they slid the last piece of clothing off, wrapping themselves around the other's naked body.

Jason was in no hurry, enjoying a return of the passion he remembered the two sharing. Running his hands over Peter's entire body, he could tell Peter was content as well. He lay on top of Peter, kissing him for what seemed forever until they rolled over changing positions.

With Peter on top looking down at him, Jason smiled happily. "God, you're so beautiful. I'm not sure if you know how happy I am right now, lying here watching you stare at me like that."

"If you're as happy as I am, then I have an idea." Peter replied, running his hands over Jason's chest and stomach. Rubbing himself against his partner, Peter reached under Jason's shoulders, pulling their bodies together. After kissing up and down Jason's face and neck, Peter reached into the night stand next to the bed. Pulling out a condom and lube, he gave Jason a wicked smile.

"Glad to see you didn't move things." Laughing he handed the condom to Jason. "Here."

Shaking with excitement, Jason unwrapped the condom and moved to put it on his partner. Peter stopped him. "No, Jase, it's for you."

"What?" Was Peter offering because this is what he wanted or to make up for all the times he said 'no' the past few months? "Are you sure?"

"Fuck yeah."

The lust in Peter's voice excited Jason, but he still needed to be sure. He didn't want to talk him out of it, but he needed to be sure Peter was doing it for the right reasons.

"Pete, you don't need to do this to prove anything to me."

Directing the hand with the condom to Jason's groin, he kissed Jason again. With his lips by Jason's ear, Peter whispered, "Jase, please fuck me. I don't think I’ve ever wanted this more than I do right now. Let me feel you inside me again, it's been so long."

Satisfied Peter's desire was genuine and not an attempt to prove something, Jason didn't need to be asked a third time. He let Peter roll the condom on, while he put some lube on his fingers and slowly inserted them one at a time. Having been months since he last fucked Peter, he took his time preparing him.

When Peter's moans became small growls, Jason decided it was time. Pressing Peter's legs back, he maneuvered himself into position without using his hands. Slower than he ever remembered going, he eased himself forward until he was grinding against Peter's muscular butt.

"Oh my god, Jason." Peter whispered, stopping to nibble on Jason's ear. "You feel so fucking good."

Peter wiggled around, then clenched his muscles, squeezing a moan from Jason. Mashing their lips together, he pushed harder, keeping their bodies pressed tight. He stayed like that until Peter broke their kiss long enough to beg, "Fuck me."

Moving slowly until he was sure Peter was okay, Jason quickly got into a rhythm they both enjoyed. Peter moved between kissing deeply and nipping at Jason's ear lobe or lip. Despite his best effort to make it last, Jason knew he couldn't hold back for long. Thrusting forward he held steady. When Peter began to move underneath, Jason whispered, "Pete, I'm so close."

"Do it, Jase." Peter put his hands on Jason's face, pulling him back. When their tongues were darting back and forth, Jason resumed, still right at the edge of exploding.

Knowing Darryl was home, he tried to use their kiss to muffle as much of his moans as possible. Even then, he knew he was loud.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum." Jason slammed himself into Peter, holding there while Peter squeezed himself tight around Jason's throbbing cock. Several more strokes and Jason pressed his sweaty chest against Peter's equally damp body.

Lying on top of Peter, Jason laughed between kisses. "That was amazing." Without withdrawing, he moved up so he could stare down. Reflected back in the face beneath him was the same happiness he felt. He felt complete again.

"Yeah, it was. I can't tell you what it feels like to be with you like this again." Peter pushed up to steal another kiss.

Slowly Jason pulled out, removed the now full condom, then rolled to the side. Reaching into the drawer, he retrieved another foil packet. "Your turn, handsome."

Handing it to Peter, he kissed him several times before Peter could speak. "Are you sure? I'm fine if we don't do this."

"I won't be." Jason didn’t try to hide how much he wanted Peter to agree. “Please Pete?”

Peter quickly tore open the foil, quickly getting himself ready. "God I love you, Jason."

Mirroring what Jason did to prepare him, Peter waited until Jason pulled him up. "Pete, I want you inside me."

"Yeah?" Peter's breathy voice only fanned Jason's need.

"Please, put it in me."

Peter pushed Jason's legs back, before guiding himself into position. Once he began pushing forward, he locked eyes with Jason until he was in all the way. Slow, gentle strokes, interrupted occasionally by a kiss, quickly moved Peter closer to the brink. Their eyes never parted for more than a couple of seconds, allowing them to find a tempo that left both of them gasping. Peter leaned forward, quickly brushed his lips against Jason's, then moved to his right ear.

"Jase, I can't hold back anymore,” he whispered.

Jason pressed his fingers against Peter's back, squeezing tight to push Peter over the edge.

"Do it, Pete. Do it now."

Peter pushed in deep, eliciting a small gasp from Jason. He held still for a heartbeat then pumped vigorously for a few more. When he stopped, he looked down at Jason, smiling ear to ear.

"I love you, Jase,"

"I know, and I love you too." Jason pulled Peter down on top of his sweat slick body.

They lay together for quite a while before Peter picked his head up. "Hey, you."

Laughing, Jason reached up to touch his face. "Hey, back. You're still amazing, have I told you that?"

"Yeah, you just did." Peter slowly leaned back, freeing their bodies.

Lying side by side, Jason put his head on Peter's chest. "Thank you for coming back."

"Thank you for not giving up on me, Jase." Peter wrapped his arms around Jason, squeezing gently. "I certainly made it hard for you to stick around."

"No you didn't." Jason ran his fingers over damp chest hair. "The person I fell in love with was still there, he was just hurting. Saying, 'I love you' is more than just words to me. You're such a great person, I just needed to get you to see that again."

"Thank you,” he whispered, before kissing the top of Jason's head.

From the way Peter was breathing, Jason knew he was crying. Peter's free hand moved up to his face, followed by a sniff.

"Pete, when I was struggling with coming out, you were so patient with me, helping me find my way. Only when I refused to see the damage I was about to do to myself did you get mad at me. I knew you still loved me, even if I was too scared to accept it. Just as you couldn't force me to do what was best for me, I couldn't make you want to be with me. Only you could do that. I'm just glad you came back. As much as I said I was prepared to let you go, it would have hurt so much being without you."

All the emotions he didn't dare show when things weren't going well, rushed forward, refusing to stay suppressed. The deep sadness of watching Peter slip away, the helplessness of being unable to change things; it all came out in a flood of tears. Even with Peter here, feeling they were right again, his body still shook.

"Hey, Jase, it's okay, I'm not leaving." Peter alternated between stroking and kissing Jason's head. "I keep saying this, but I'm so incredibly sorry for what I did. I knew I was hurting you, saw how much pain you were in, but I couldn't stop myself. I wish I could go back and wipe away those days, but I can't. All I can do it try to make it up to you."

"No." Jason made a loud sniff as he tried to breath. "Don't try to do that. I don't want you to feel like you need to make it up to me. I want you to be yourself. What's past, is past. If you try to make up for things, all you'll do is over think them. Just promise me you'll be yourself, that's all I want."

Peter continued to run his hand through Jason's damp hair. "You make things so easy for me. I'm lucky to have you."

He clutched Peter tighter, feeling a wave of relief roll over him. "We're lucky to have each other. I can't imagine being any happier than I am when I'm with you."

Gently stroking Peter's chest, he sighed when Peter caressed his face. When his neck began to hurt, he sat up. According to the clock, they'd been here almost two hours.

"Did you want me to grab my stuff, so we can go back to your place?" He knew Peter preferred staying in his own bed, at his place. Right now, Jason didn't care where they slept, so long as it was together.

Peter chewed his bottom lip for an instant. "No, I'm good staying here. Unless you are worried Darryl will mind."

Jason snorted, suppressing the urge to kiss him again. "As many times as I've had to listen to him and his girlfriend go at it, I don't care if he does mind."

"Damn," Peter looked toward the wall that separated the two bedrooms. "I'd have been much louder if I knew that."

"There's still time." Jason rubbed the top of Peter's thighs, leering suggestively. "We can see if we can't keep him up into the wee hours of the night."

They both looked down at the effect Jason's hands were having on Peter's groin. When Peter turned back toward Darryl's room, Jason's eyes followed. Together they burst out laughing. "I don't know, Jase. Maybe we shouldn't go out of our way to torment him. Do we really want him to hear everything we do in here?"

"Good point." This time he gave in to his desire and kissed Peter's cheek. "Not to kill the moment, but are you hungry? I haven't eaten since lunch. Before you came over, we went running and then we … You get the picture, I'm starved."

Peter rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Yeah I am kinda hungry too."

They leaned forward for a long passionate kiss. Jason almost ditched the plan to eat, but decided there was time for more of this later. Hopping off the bed, he said, "Let me clean up a bit, then we can go get something to eat."

Catching his lip between his teeth again, Peter released it with a small slurp. "At the risk of sounding like I'm trying to control things, I have food at my place. We could go there and eat in private."

Standing by his closet, Jason tilted his head, squinting. "Is that what this is about? You only agreed to stay here, so I wouldn't think you were trying to control things?"

"Sort of." Peter shrugged before turning away. "A good part of it was for me to let go of my natural tendency to keep things on my terms. Staying here would be different for me, would help me work on not needing to be in control."

"What if I said I honestly and truly prefer staying at your place? Would that change things?" Jason moved closer to Peter.

Following a low snort, Peter darted closer, so he could pull Jason back onto the bed. "I'd think you were lying. My place is a crappy little apartment in a crappy neighborhood. Why would you prefer it to here?"

"First off, this place is no palace." A quick peck, and Jason moved back to his closet. He needed clothes for tomorrow now. "Honestly, your place has always sorta been our private place. I always loved being there with you because of that. It was our own personal retreat where no one bothered us, where we didn't worry about keeping it down, so Darryl didn't hear us, or wondering if he would come home with friends.

"The other reason I like it there is because it feels like a home. It is an extension of you. All the quirky things you collect remind me of you and how you always show me something different. This place is a scaled down frat house, complete with Xbox 360, bean bag chairs and crappy school issued furniture. It couldn't be less a home if it tried."

Peter collected his clothes while Jason spoke. "So if I suggest we stay there, that makes you happy?"

Jason flashed a big grin and nodded. "Very happy."

Grabbing Jason around the waist, he pulled them tight. "Get your stuff and let's go spend the night at our private place then."

"Shower first?" Jason asked tentatively. "I'm a bit sticky."

Peter laughed, nodding his head. "Me too."

Jason held up a hand, walked out of the room and knocked on Darryl's door. "Hey, D, if you don't mind, can you stay in there for another ten to fifteen minutes, Pete and I are going to use the shower."

Jason heard Darryl mutter something that sounded like, 'no problem,' so he waved for Peter to come with him.

Much as Jason wanted to continue their bedroom activities in the shower, and Peter gave every indication he did too, he was mindful that Darryl was being holed up in his room waiting for them to finish. They quickly took turns washing each other, leaving them both in a mood to do a lot more.

Washed, dressed, books and clothes packed for tomorrow, Jason sent Peter ahead so he could talk to Darryl.

"Hey, D, I'm leaving for the night," he called through the closed door. He heard Darryl moving, so he waited.

Darryl opened the door, a big smirk plastered on his face. "Things sound like they're better."

Grateful it was fairly dark, Jason felt his face get hot. "Heard us, did you?"

"Mmhmm. Hard not to. But it's all good. I'm happy for you. I know it's what you wanted."

Even his ears felt warm now. "Yeah."

"Good."

"Thanks, D." When Jason reached out to shake hands, Darryl surprised him with a hug.

"No problem, Jase. You look happy again, so I'm glad."

Jason started to leave, then turned back with a smirk on his face. "Feel free to call Tamara without worrying if I'll be back; I won't."

"Finally, man." Darryl looked up and tilted his head back. "'Bout time you gave me back my sex life."

"Just for that, I think we'll start spending the night here from now on, just to torture you more."

"No way, you two have a place to be alone." Darryl almost sounded serious, but Jason saw the wink at the end. "This dump is all Tamara and I have."

Rolling his eyes dramatically, he turned to leave. "Okay, fine, you can keep the dump."

"See you tomorrow, enjoy yourself." The last two words came as Darryl stepped inside his bedroom.

"I will," Jason called back, shutting the door behind him.

Taking the steps two at a time, he found Peter waiting for him just outside the vestibule. Grabbing Jason by the waist, Peter pulled him close for a long kiss.

"Damn you kiss well."

"You inspire me." Peter grabbed his hand, moving toward his bike.

His red and white Honda sat parked with two helmets on the back. Picking up the second helmet, he shrugged. "Guess I was hopeful things would go well.

Jason grinned, trying to raise his eyebrows seductively. "Never could resist a hot man on a motorcycle."

Peter tossed him a helmet. "Let's make it two hot men."

Securing his pack across his back, Jason put on the helmet and sat behind Peter. Holding him around the waist, Jason leaned forward as Peter started the bike. He rested his head on Peter's back for a moment, truly happy for the first time in weeks. Sitting back, he smiled the entire ride home.