Poor Man's Son - 45. Chapter 44

September 13, 2000

Holmby Hills, CA

Will

“So no trip to K38?” Jason asked me as we walked out of the AD building.

“No. It fucking sucks,” I said, even though I wasn’t as upset about it as I made it sound. “My mom is home, confined to her bed pretty much, so until this baby comes along, there isn’t shit happening.”

“Sucks for you,” he said.

“Yep.” Tomorrow was my birthday, and with all the excitement over the upcoming births, I wondered if anyone would even notice. He left to go catch his own ride home, while I wandered over to find Pat waiting for me. I hopped into the SUV and looked at him. “Let’s go.”

“We have to wait for JJ,” he said nervously. He was getting good at reading my moods, and he figured I was grumpy and that having to ride home with JJ would bother me. He was right.

“Where the fuck is Michael?”

“His mother is really sick, so he stayed home to take care of her today.” He let me digest that fact, and the knowledge that I couldn’t bitch about it without coming off as a total dick. “Sucks that it’s a good excuse, doesn’t it?”

That made me smile, and I was nice enough to let it show so he could see that I appreciated his efforts to work me out of my bitchy mood. He spotted JJ and motioned him over. JJ hopped into the SUV and sat in the back. His latest big thing was riding in front. For some reason, that had become important to him. It was awesome that I was sitting up front already, and even more awesome to see how pissed off that made him. Pat explained what had happened to Michael, and then drove away from school.

“I need to go home,” JJ insisted, as soon as he noticed that we weren’t heading back to Malibu.

“You can go home as soon as you drop me off,” I said with my smarmiest tone. “I’m working at the Mission today.”

“You can drop me off at home, and then go to the Mission,” he snapped.

“Nope. Not how it works.”

“This is bullshit...” he began to argue.

“You don’t like it, get Michael to pick you up,” I said, shutting him down. He just folded his arms and pouted, like he did.

We got to the Mission and just to humor JJ and make Pat’s life a little easier, I let them drop me off and head out instead of forcing them to come in and watch out for me. I strolled through the familiar buildings and didn’t see Max or Father Tim, but that didn’t matter. I knew exactly where I was going. I walked into the library and saw Chris sitting off in a corner by himself. He was reading a book, and looked really stressed doing it.

“Hey,” I said as I took a seat next to him.

“Hey,” he said, just as cheerfully.

“You look like you can use some help,” I said with a grin.

“A little. You know anything about biology?”

I avoided making any flirtatious remarks about that. This guy was nice and friendly, but he hadn’t given off any signs that he was interested in me, at least not in that way. “It’s my best subject. Better than math.”

“My lucky day,” he said, the grin getting better. I absorbed myself in his work, so much that I didn’t even notice that Pat had returned.

“We have to go,” he said officiously.

“We’re almost done,” I said. I was about to turn and help Chris with the final aspect of his homework, when Pat stopped me.

“We have to go. Your mom is back in the hospital.”

“She’s going to have this baby, finally?”

“Let’s hope,” he said.

“Let’s hope?” I asked him. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Let’s just go,” Pat said. He knew more than he was letting on, and that pissed me off.

I stopped and glared at him. “Don’t pull that bullshit on me. I want to know what’s going on. It’s not your job to keep shit from me.” I could see him not telling me everything if it was personal. I mean, there had been times in the past when I’d probably overstepped my bounds and pried a little too much into his business. But this was about my family. No way was I going to let him treat me like a little kid.

“Alright,” he said as he put the SUV in gear and headed to the hospital. “They took your mom in for an emergency C-section. They think she’s got some toxic thing going on.”

“Some toxic thing?” I asked. He looked at me blankly. “You mean toxemia?”

“Yeah, that’s it,” he said, like we were playing twenty questions. It’s a good thing he was cute; he sure wasn’t the brightest guy on the planet.

“So they’re going to deliver the baby right now,” I interpreted.

“Yeah.”

I tried to call my dad to get more details, but he didn’t answer. Robbie didn’t answer either. I caught myself starting to panic a bit, and forced myself to calm down. I felt like I was channeling Wade or Grand, and that made me almost smile.

It was 6:00, so getting to the hospital not only seemed to take forever, it actually did take forever. Traffic this time of day totally sucked. It was one of those days where the lane we were driving in seemed like the slowest lane, until we shifted to the other lane, then it turned into the slowest lane and the lane we’d just been in started moving faster. It was maddening, and we were both totally stressed out by the time we finally got to the hospital.

If the traffic didn’t already delay us enough, it seemed to take us eight hours to finally get to the emergency delivery room waiting area. OK, not that long, but a long time. “You parked on the wrong side of the hospital,” I bitched at Pat.

“We’re here,” he snapped, being just as bitchy as I was.

“Where is everyone?” I asked of no one in particular. I talked to the desk and found out that Robbie and Tiffany were in with Mom. My dad was in Palo Alto, and would presumably be on his way back. There was nothing to do but wait, so I took that opportunity to pull out my homework and get a head start on it. I was just finishing up my last assignment for English when JJ finally showed up. I hated English, so I usually put it off until the end.

“Fucking traffic,” he bitched. “How’s Mom?”

“She’s in surgery. I don’t know.”

“You didn’t ask?”

I glared at him. He was so on my shit list already, for being such a whiney little bitch. “I asked. They didn’t tell me shit. They told me to wait, so I’m waiting. You want to go talk to them, go ahead.” He glared at me and stormed off, while I got my last short answer questions knocked out for my English assignment.

“They don’t have an update yet,” he said, interrupting me.

“They’ll come tell us when they know something. Robbie and Tiffany will make sure of that.” He was totally antsy, getting up and walking around, then sitting down, then repeating the process. He was annoying the shit out of me. Just before I lost it and laid into him for that, I saw some commotion at the doorway. The doors opened up and Tiffany came out in a wheelchair, being pushed by an orderly.

JJ and I jumped up and rushed over to her. “How’s Mom?” JJ asked, totally freaked out.

“She’s doing alright,” Tiffany said, and then smiled. “You have a healthy baby sister. Madison is doing just fine.” They’d decided to name her Madison a while back. Presumably we’d end up calling her Maddy.

“Cool,” I said, and couldn’t stop grinning. I’m not sure how cool a sister would end up being, but right now, she seemed pretty great, at least at the conceptual level. JJ and I smiled at each other, enjoying a brief respite from our bitchy feud of the last week.

“I’m sure your mom will want to see you when she recovers. She was pretty sick before she went in.”

“Ma’am, we have to go,” the orderly said insistently.

“Where are you going?”

“My water broke. Looks like your mother and I are doing this together, completely.”

“You’re going to have your baby too?” Wow. A busy baby day for our family.

“Looks that way,” she said.

“Who’s going to coach you?” I asked. I knew that she and Mom had gone to all of those classes and shit.

“I can do this all by myself,” she said defiantly.

“I know you can, but if you want, I’ll help out. I’ll be there with you.” I said it so earnestly; she had to get my sincerity.

“That would be nice,” she said and held out her hand. I took it and walked briskly with the wheelchair, leaving JJ in the waiting room, looking disoriented and lost.

“Get my back pack for me,” I remembered to say to him before we walked out of range, then I turned my attention to Tiffany. “You’ll have to tell me what to do.”

“I’ll probably turn into a total bitch from hell. Your job is to put up with me,” she joked.

“Oh, so pretty much like usual,” I quipped. We walked and rolled up to the delivery room, laughing pretty loudly. While I was slipping on those sterile gowns they make you wear, they rigged her up in this weird bed that spread her legs apart. I sat next to her, with my back to all the activity. “Dude, that must be completely weird, having all these people focused on your vagina.”

She tried not to laugh, but couldn’t. “No, I’m used to it.” This was Tiffany at her best, with her playful, teasing banter. She cracked me up.

“Is that exciting, having that guy probe around down there?”

“It’s probably about the same as when you get a prostate exam.”

“I like those,” I said, winking at her, and making her laugh some more. That laugh was cut short by an expression of pain. I felt my phone vibrate, and that reminded me that I hadn’t told anyone about Tiffany. JJ was probably too focused on Mom to do it. I pulled out my phone and looked at the caller-ID. It was my dad. “That was Dad. Mind if I call him back and tell him you’re in labor?”

“Whatever,” she said as she focused on her contraction. I dialed his number.

“You can’t use that phone in here,” the nurse informed me.

I opted for the polite approach. “I need to just make this one phone call to my father so he doesn’t worry.”

She looked frustrated, but relented. “Just make it fast.”

Dad answered and didn’t say hello, he just dove right into the topic at hand. “I just talked to Robbie. Your mother is recovering, but Tiffany went into labor too.”

“Will Mom be alright?” I asked, worried.

“Yes,” he said with such certainty it made all my worries about her evaporate. “We’re trying to get out of here, but we have a mechanical problem. Of all the fucking times for this to happen...” he sounded really pissed off about that.

“Should have bought a Falcon,” I teased.

“That’s what we’ll probably end up on. Stef is on his way back, so when he gets here, we’ll turn around and head straight home.”

“We’ll keep an eye on Mom,” I promised, knowing JJ had that covered.

“I hope Tiffany is alright. I hate for her to have to go through this alone.”

“He says he feels sorry for you, having to go through this alone,” I told Tiffany.

She cringed as another contraction hit. “I’m remembering now why I’m a lesbian.”

“You’re with her?” Dad asked, surprised.

“Dad’s surprised you didn’t pick an orderly to be in here with you instead of me,” I told her, getting a smile from her.

“I think she’s in good hands,” he told me, and that just blew me away. I figured he’d decide I wasn’t capable and move heaven and earth to get someone in here who was.

“Thanks,” I said meekly.

“It’s already eight o’clock. We won’t be there until later.”

“I don’t think we’re going anywhere.” I hung up the phone and turned my attention back to Tiffany.

“You two get pissed off at each other over the stupidest shit,” she told me. I couldn’t tell which one of the many people I was repeatedly pissed off at she was referring to. Probably my dad.

“That’s what happens when you love someone. Kind of like you and Mom.”

“Not all of it is stupid shit.” Her guard was down, and it was easy to read how scarred her feelings were.

“What’s going to happen to the two of you?”

“I don’t know,” she lied.

“You can’t forgive her, can you?” She cringed again, from a contraction or from the question, I wasn’t sure.

“It’s hard. It’s really hard.” She looked so sad and vulnerable when she said that. I held her hand tightly.

“I get it. I understand. Just promise me that you won’t bail out on all of us, on our lives.”

“You still want me around?”

“Absolutely. You’re the only one who gives me the straight scoop without trying to sterilize it for me like I’m seven years old.”

“You think you’re so much older than you are, and everyone else thinks you’re younger. I think they’re right. You’re an immature brat.”

“Yeah, but I’m still young enough to get away with it. What’s your excuse?” That made her chuckle again.

She labored on, and I sat with her, doing my best to help her through it. I’d heard these stories about how terrible it was, and I have to say that it seemed like she was in a lot of pain, but it was intermittent. She’d go through periods where she’d be a crazed bitch, and then follow it up with a period where she’d be joking and smiling. It wasn’t until the end when she was in the final stages that she really came unglued.

Her attention was focused on the mirror aimed right at her crotch. I’d avoided looking at that, since it seemed kind of rude, but as she got closer, I turned around and watched with her. We could see this thing start bulging out, this thing with dark hair. I was focused on that, and so was she, while the doctor was giving her instructions on when to push and when to not push.

Maybe it was because it had taken so long up until this point, but it seemed as if once his head was through, he just rocketed out of her. And then he was there, Tiffany’s baby, crying and squawking in the doctor’s hands. The doctor grabbed some surgical type of scissors and held them toward her. “Would you like to cut the cord?”

She went to grab for the instrument, then stopped. “Will you do it for me?” she asked me.

I took the scissors and cut where he showed me to, and then the baby was finally born, free from his home of the last nine months. It was so cool to be able to do that, to be a part of this. I felt this intense bond with him. The doctor put the baby in her arms and she held him, smiling while tears ran out of her eyes, tears of joy.

“He’s perfect,” she said.

“He is,” I said, smiling at her. “Guess he’s not Matt’s kid.” That made her chuckle.

“Record the time of birth at 12:13am, on September 14, 2000,” the doctor said to the nurse. That made my smile even bigger. He and I shared the same birthday. How cool was that?

“Happy birthday, Will,” Tiffany said.

“What an awesome present!” I was so euphoric. It was almost as if I were the father. “What are you going to name him?”

“That depends on who the father turns out to be.” That kind of surprised me, since she was pretty adamant that this was her baby.

“I thought he was just the sperm donor?”

She rolled her eyes. “They’ve been a big part of this, and they’ve been there for me.” When Mom hadn’t, she didn’t say. “I think a boy needs a father.”

“So you’ve decided you want them in his life. That mean you’re moving to Palo Alto to live with them?”

“I don’t know, yet,” she said, another lie. I felt my emotions churn; I was so conflicted. I knew that it would crush my mother, and it would suck that they wouldn’t be around, but I understood why she was doing this. It was my Mom’s fault for fucking around on her in the first place.

“So what will you name him if Matt’s the father?”

“Probably Joshua. I like that, and so does Matt.”

“What if Wade’s the father?”

“Wade wants to name him after his grandfather. I think his name’s Raleigh. God, that’s hideous.” I could almost see how her mind was whirring, and the compromises she was trying to make to avoid being alone. She wanted to keep Matt and/or Wade in her life and in the baby’s life, so she was going to do her best to give them something to bond them to the baby.

“That’s pretty raw,” I agreed. “Kid will get his ass kicked in school.”

“Raleigh’s not happening,” she asserted.

I saw her gazing at the baby intently. “You know which one of them is the father, don’t you?” I had a pretty big intuition about it myself.

“I don’t know for sure, but I have an idea.”

“Matt, right,” I joked.

She looked at the baby and smiled, then shook her head. “He’s not the father. Wade’s the father. I can just tell.”

“I think so too,” I said, as if my opinion mattered.

The doctor interrupted our conversation. “You did a fine job, young man,” he said to me. I was in such a good mood; his patronizing tone didn’t bother me at all. “But we need to get the mother and the baby cleaned up. Why don’t you go out in the lobby and tell everyone that mother and son are both just fine.” If he pats me on the head, I’m going to jack him in the stomach, I decided.

I nodded. “I’ll check up on you as soon as they put you back together again,” I told Tiffany as I leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek.

As I made to pull away, she stopped me by grabbing my hand tightly. “Thank you, Will. You were amazing. I couldn’t have had a better coach.”

I knew I was blushing three shades of red. “Thanks,” I mumbled, as I headed out of the room.

They directed me down a small hallway and through some doors into the waiting area. I didn’t really expect anyone to be there. I guess I’d figured that if anyone else had shown up, they’d have kicked me out and taken my place. That’s why it was so shocking when I walked out and into quite a crowd. My dad and Robbie were there, as were Stef and Grand, along with Matt and Wade. And standing back in the corner, looking nervous as hell, was Tony. He caught my eye and looked away, then looked back. He was so freaked out he could barely stand to make eye contact with me. I was in too good of a mood to let his issues cloud it. I was in too good of a mood to hold a grudge. I gave him a smile and winked at him to try and ease his nerves. It worked; he looked so relieved, and seemed much calmer after that.

“Is she alright?” Wade asked nervously, so out of character for him.

“She’s doing great, and so is the baby,” I told them, grinning. Then my expression got serious. “How are Mom and Maddy?”

“They’re both fine,” Robbie told me reassuringly.

“The baby is healthy?” Matt asked, referring back to the boy I’d just help deliver.

“Yep,” I said. “He’s perfect.”

“Told you he was my son,” Wade joked. Matt gave him a playful punch. They made me describe the whole thing as we walked down to the room where we could look through the glass and see the newborn babies in their cribs. There, right in front, was Tiffany’s baby.

I felt an arm around me. “Happy Birthday,” Dad said. “Looks like you’ll have to share it from now on.”

“That’s just fine with me,” I told him as I looked at this new baby that had already captured such a big piece of my heart.

“You know, I think one of the biggest lessons you learn when you’re growing up is to focus on other people, and not just yourself.” We stood there staring at the baby, our arms around each other, while I digested those words. Was he saying that I hadn’t done that before? Was he telling me I’d been self-absorbed, and that my attitude toward this baby was the chink in my bratty armor? Was he right? I filed that away to think about later. Right now, I just enjoyed our moment together. Wade was standing on the other side of me, so I turned to talk to him. “Tiffany let me cut the cord.”

“That’s pretty cool,” Wade said. “I’m glad it was you.” I looked at him and Matt, and watched their expressions. It was funny how we all just seemed to know that the baby was Wade’s son. I turned my attention to the other baby there that would be a significant part of my life. Maddy was sleeping away, looking just as perfect as Tiffany’s son. I tried to get a feel for who her father was, but I wasn’t getting the same vibe I got from the boy.

Even though it was the middle of the night, we all stood around for the longest time, just watching the babies. “I hope you do not mind that we all came down here,” Stef said as he cornered me. “I thought we would bring Tony down as a nice surprise.”

Tony looked at me nervously. God, he was handsome. “That is a nice surprise,” I said. It took a lot of guts for him to come down here and face me like this. The only real reason for it was to make sure that no one thought we weren’t getting along, and that certainly earned him some brownie points in my book. I shifted my eyes to Stef and saw him studying us carefully, drawing his own conclusions. Shit. He must have picked up on Tony’s nervousness. To cover up, I leaned in to kiss Tony, expecting a quick peck.

Only that’s not what I got. What I got was that same magical kiss I’d gotten in San Francisco; the same one I’d gotten the night we’d fucked. I felt myself falling into him as I had before, I felt my arms wrap around his shoulders as his lodged around my lower back. I wasn’t ready for this kind of intimacy with him. I was still pissed off at him, and I was pretty sure that hooking up with him wasn’t going to be good for either one of us, but all those concerns vanished as we stood there kissing. The connection between us was just surreal. We finally ended our kiss, and pulled apart. “It’s good to see you,” he said.

“It’s good to see you too,” I replied. Stef smiled, at us and wandered off, leaving us alone.

“I wasn’t sure you’d want me here, but I knew you didn’t want any drama, so I figured that would be more important.”

“Did it seem like I didn’t want you here?” I flirted, making him blush. I got serious after that. “Thanks for doing that. I need to go see my mom, and then I want to get out of here.” He nodded, confused. “Come with me.”

“You got it.” He followed me down the hallway to my mom’s room. She was sitting there with JJ, looking pretty disoriented.

“How is Tiffany?” she asked me before I could say anything.

“She’s doing great, and so is her son,” I said with a smile.

“Our son,” she corrected severely. I swallowed hard. She was really going to have it tough when Tiffany dumped her.

“Mom, this is Tony,” I said. She was pleasant enough to him. I introduced him to JJ as well, and JJ had the good sense to be civil. “Maddy is so cute.”

“She is,” Mom agreed. JJ looked nervous. He was probably grappling with the same issues that I had been. He was worried that Maddy would occupy his place in Mom’s heart, while I had been worried that she’d do the same thing with my dad. The funny thing was, though, that now that she was here, I didn’t feel that way at all. This whole thing, these feelings babies sparked in me, was pretty intense. They were crafty little things, the fuckers, I thought with a smile.

“I’m pretty tired. I’m heading home,” I told her.

“I’ve told JJ he can stay home from school tomorrow. The same is true for you,” she told me, as if that was some big deal. It was almost three in the morning; there was no way I was going to school.

“Thanks,” I said anyway, then led Tony out of there. Pat was waiting, of course, to take me home. “No school for me tomorrow,” I told him.

“We sleeping in?” he asked hopefully.

“Damn right.” We chatted away as we drove home, or I should say I chatted away, pointing stuff out to Tony. I think that we both knew that the reason for that was to just fill the space with noise. There was a big conversation to have, and I sure as fuck didn’t want to have it in front of everyone.

Pat dropped us off in front of the house, and I led Tony inside. Our house wasn’t all that impressive from the street, but once you walked in, it opened up to the beach with huge windows, as though the coast was our living room. “Wow,” he said with a gasp.

“See, I told you the ocean was a big part of me.”

“I can see why. You can just walk down to the beach.”

“I can. We can,” I said. “Come on, I’ll show you.” I led him out to the deck, and then down the stairs to the beach. We strolled together out toward the surf, neither one of us saying anything. I pulled my shoes and socks off, and he followed suit, then we rolled our pants up and walked along that part of the beach where the surf comes in and leaves the sand wet and flat.

“I’m surprised you’re even talking to me,” he said.

“Your timing is good. I’m in a really great mood because of these babies,” I joked, smiling at him, and then I got serious. “I really don’t want to hate you.”

“I don’t want you to hate me either. I can see why you would though.”

“So what happened? Dude, I had the most amazing time with you. I mean, the fucking earth moved. I’ve never felt anything like that, never done that before. Then you just freaked out on me.”

“I never did that before.”

“You never fucked another guy before?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head sadly. I looked at his expression, at his face, and his normal reserve was gone. His whole self was out and visible, in all its twisted form. He was in agony, as much agony as I’d been in.

“You sure knew what you were doing,” I said, teasing him to try and keep him from being too sad. “You were a pro.”

“Must be genetic,” he said, exposing one of the biggest issues that were plaguing him. I just walked on with him, letting him work through his thoughts. “I’m not supposed to want you. I’m not supposed to feel this way about you.”

“Feel what way?” I asked, forcing myself to sound patient.

“Dude, I think about you all the time. All the fucking time. It’s like you cast a spell on me or something.” I smiled, I couldn’t help it. “Probably something in that weed we smoked,” he added

“That’s probably it. It’s either that, or I’m amazingly hot and charming,” I said, and shoulder bumped him. “So why?”

“I’m not gay. I never wanted to do that with another guy. I mean, I’ve messed around, blown a guy, gotten blown by a guy, but that was it. But there’s something about you that just fires me up.”

“So why is that a problem? Why do I have to be lumped in with all the other guys?”

“Don’t you get it?” He was frustrated. “I must be at least a little gay if I like fucking you. Fuck. I don’t want to be gay. I don’t want that.” He was almost sobbing when he said that, he was so worked up. “I’m not reliable now. I’m like my father, the fucker. He gave me this. He gave me this thing.” He’d gone from upset to pissed off pretty fast.

“There are worse things than being gay,” I reminded him. He didn’t even hear me. “Tony,” I said, making him look at me. We stopped walking and he turned to give me his full attention. “Maybe you’re like Gathan. Maybe you just like the person.”

“What?”

“Darius has friends like that too. Guys who aren’t hung up on what the other person has between their legs. They like the person, not the body parts. Maybe you’re like that?” I watched him digest the rationale I’d given him, watched him use that to try and recapture his sanity.

“Maybe you’re right,” he said, smiling at me. He leaned in and kissed me, another one of those magical kisses, and that was our signal to turn back toward the house. We walked back, holding hands, and the change in his demeanor was noticeable. I wondered if I’d done him a favor by throwing that at him, that concept. I was a rookie when it came to this stuff; shit, I didn’t even have decent gaydar. But I was pretty sure that Tony wasn’t like Gathan, and pretty sure that he had a tough road ahead of him figuring it out.