Little Man - 8. Secrets

“Bigger. I must have you bigger. It will please me.” Steve was surreptitiously whispering into my ear with the tone of a cartoon mad scientist between sets at the gym. Eric was getting a drink of water out of the weight pit. As Ogre pulled away from me he casually brushed against me leaving trails of fire along my skin. God, I had it bad.

Within days of our mall adventure, Ogre had started taking a more active role in my workout schedule. He worked with Eric to step up my routines and put me into a new level of fitness. He spotted me more, and worked harder on my form, making me push myself farther than I had before. My body was sorer than it ever was before.

I soaked up any attention I could squeeze out of him.

On the nights Eric had his study group, Ogre and I would screw each other's brains out. Actually, we would take any opportunity we could get. Nighttime blowjobs behind the closed shopping center in his truck after the gym. A quick fuck in his apartment while his roommate went for beer. A stolen kiss when Eric was in the other room. The lack of predictability of our encounters maddened and excited us.

It was Friday night as my fingers strummed the controller of Ogre’s Xbox. Eric had a date which made it necessary to vacate the premises and give me an excuse to spend some time with Ogre. We sat on the floor in front of the TV as he trash talked and bumped my shoulder, trying to distract me. It wasn’t going to take much, I was already distracted.

“See you later, Ogre, Little Man.” Paul shouted back to us as he exited the apartment. Ogre waved back to his roommate casually over his head without turning around. The door latched soundly and Steve sighed and dropped his controller to the carpet.

“Thank God, I thought he’d never leave,” he sighed.

A growl rumbled from Steve's lips. “I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

He rolled over onto his hands and knees and crawled over me pinning me to the floor. Moist heat ran up my neck as his mouth tasted my skin and I stiffened.

He pulled back. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” I averted my eyes and looked away.

“No it’s not,” he turned my face back to his, “You don't flinch like that. What’s going on?” I really didn’t want to say anything. I felt so childish that I couldn’t control my reactions.

I shook my head. “It’s not important.”

Ogre pushed off on his hands and sat back on his heels over me. His face became very serious and almost sad.

“No. No secrets. Secrets always go bad, and we’re living with enough of them as it is. I don’t want any between us.”

Steve was right but my insecurities were running rampant over my sanity. I needed to talk, but I felt so stupid. I rubbed my face roughly before looking him square in the eye. I wanted to exude the confidence I wasn’t actually feeling.

“Do you miss sleeping with women?”

Steve looked suddenly confused. “What are you talking about?” I could feel the anxious heat creeping into my chest.

“I. . . I just want to be sure you don’t feel like you’re missing out on anything.”

His eyes narrowed. “Is this about last night?”

Eric, Ogre and I stopped into a local college bar for a drink before we went out for a movie. I never felt at ease in the local pubs and I wouldn’t have agreed to it, but we weren’t planning on staying. Being at the bar with either one of them was always an exercise in sidekick practice. Sure enough, as we walked in Eric caught the attention of a pretty red head. She was the lucky girl making my house a no fly zone right now.

We sat at a table as Ogre got us a round of beers. When he came back a pretty blond girl was following him back and chatting away. Apparently she was in one of his classes and I didn’t catch her name. I kept referring to her in my head as School Bitch.

Ogre didn’t do anything wrong. He was polite and didn’t encourage her, but I hated the way School Bitch kept trying to get his attention. School Bitch wouldn’t stop giggling and touching his arm when she got the chance. I don’t know how I kept my calm when I could hear myself screaming inside.

School Bitch even went so far as to ask him out and he politely declined, telling her he was seeing someone. It made me feel better when she apologized and walked away. We didn’t get to talk privately afterwards, so I let it go. I never saw myself as jealous or possessive, even though I had a right to be where Ogre was concerned. I still felt ashamed over my reaction. So ashamed I still wasn’t speaking as Ogre sat over me on the living room floor.

“I’m with you, because I want to be with you.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “But I bet she would’ve let you fuck her if you’d asked.”

Ogre grinned. “Do you think I’m going to run because you padlocked your ass?” I shot him a dirty look. That was not funny.

“Okay.” Ogre started rubbing soothing slow circles over my stomach. “Let me tell you something. The night I came back for you and offered up my ass I expected you to grudge fuck the hell out of me until I bled.”

I shrugged a shoulder. “I considered it.”

“I would've deserved it,” he breathed deeply, “and I wouldn't have blamed you. But you didn't.”

I sat back watching him intently. His smirk was gone, but he looked at me with this awestruck glow that I couldn't look away from.

“You took care of me and made it good.” Steve's cheeks began to flush. “For Christ sakes, I shot myself in the face I came so hard.”

I couldn't help but grin. That image often got me through the nights when Steve couldn't be with me. It served as my own private mental porn flick.

“I never thought in a million years it would be that good. You showed me I could trust you to take care of me.”

“And before you ask; yes, I love to fuck you. I loved the noises you made and how hot I got you. I can see how much trust it takes to let someone inside you and I'll wait for you to trust me enough to ask for it again. And when you do, I'll be happy to fuck you through the floor so hard you won't walk straight for a week.”

He paused for a moment. “But you don't trust me yet. I saw how you were looking at us at the bar last night and that's my fault. I fucked everything up and I'm still working to make it right and I will. No matter how long it takes.”

“I just couldn't stand watching School Bitch practically climb all over you,” I snarled.

His eyebrow raised. “School Bitch?”

“I never caught her name.” I shrugged and exhaled roughly. “I'm sorry. Sometimes I just get a little crazy about it all.”

Steve's heavy hand gently stroked my cheek. “I know. That's my fault too. If I hadn't been such a coward, we wouldn't be in this mess. I made it all a lot harder than it should have been.”

“Listen up, Little Man. I know that me being on bottom started out as a punishment, but we're kind of past that now. I love you.” His eyes grew very intense. “I don't care how I get to be with you as long as I get to be with you.”

It was exactly what I wanted to hear. I loved this man so much, but those little voices in my head kept my self-doubts alive. I could feel my brow creasing.

“I just don't want to feel like you're doing it because you have to.” I cringed inside as I feared I was pushing him away. I don't know why I just couldn't keep my mouth shut.

“Because I have to?” Ogre began to chuckle evilly. “Let me put an end to that thought.”

Steve rolled back over and covered me with his body. The heat was so strong that when he kissed me so deeply I thought I'd lose consciousness. Powerful fingers ran through my hair and I couldn't stop my hands from stroking the cut of his. His tongue caressed mine as he ground himself into me and I could feel every inch of him through the flimsy athletic shorts he was wearing. I gasped as he pulled away to find the crease of my neck with his mouth and bit down. I couldn't grip him firmly enough in response as my cock went spontaneously hard. I hated that he knew how to turn me on so easily but I certainly wasn't about to stop him.

I felt his strong hands at my belt line as he refused to release my neck. I held on tight as in a few frantic seconds he had me naked from the waist down.

“Now that's what I'm talking about.” Ogre leered at me as he stood. He stripped his shorts off so fast I almost didn't see it happen. Angry and swollen, his cock jutted out from between his massive thighs. It was so rigid it wouldn't even sway slightly as he moved. I felt hypnotized by it as he straddled my waist and gripped my own hard dick. The snake charmer was supposed to control the snake, not the other way around.

Steve shifted forward and aimed my organ. In one smooth move he sat back and slid the entire length inside him. He was pre-stretched and pre-lubed. I openly gasped at the wet friction and witnessed his cock swell impossibly and turn a deep crimson. A clear streak of fluid weeped from its open head and leaked down the shaft. The intense shudder that ran through his body nearly tripped me.

“I told you I was thinking about you all day. I didn't know how long I'd be able to wait so I got myself ready before you got here.” He growled with lust lidded eyes as he slid almost to the tip before slamming back down. “I can wait as long as you need to be ready. Trust me. This isn't punishment.”

* * *

An hour or so later I watched Steve sleep quietly. His bed was warm and comfortable and the near blackout shades over the window dropped the bedroom in a level of darkness that would be the envy of every college student. The only light came from the clock, but my eyes had adjusted and I could see the subtle giant's breathing. His large torso gently rose and fell and I could feel the heat that radiated form him making me feel at home in his arms.

I looked down at the large hand that rested on my waist and traced the muscled forearm with my fingertips and I smiled. Ogre seemed to never tire of finding a way to touch me when we were together as if he were proving I was actually here. I couldn't believe I was lying next to this magnificent man.

He had changed so much in so short of a time and he was breaking his back to win me over. He already had. I knew how much he loved me and how he would do anything I asked to erase my doubts.

I had always hated the girls that used sex as a weapon, who used it as an instrument to manipulate their partners. The girl that waited until the Super Bowl started to have “an important discussion” always made me cringe. Now here I was doing the same thing. I created a punishment to put a leash on my man and in some strange way it worked. Granted, it wasn't happening as I would have expected, but I was still doing it all the same. It didn't make me feel powerful right now.

“You know you can stay the night.” Steve's whisper surprised me in the quiet.

“You know I can't, Steve. I already told Eric when I'd be home so he could rid the evidence of used condoms and redheads.”

“Paul won't be coming back this weekend. You could stay the night with me.”

I shook my head in the dark. “Eric's expecting me back. You remember last year when he was banging on your door that one time when he didn't know what happened to me?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “he was ready to send out a search party.”

“That's what happened when I was two hours late out with my boyfriend. Well, he was my boyfriend until that night. Eric's a little overprotective.”

“Is that what that was all about?”

“Yep. And who's door do you think he'll be freaking out at to organize a search party these days?” I tapped Ogre in the center of his chest a few times. “So unless you're prepared to tell a crazed Eric all about us tonight. . .”

“Okay, okay. I got it.” Ogre started to rise.

“Where are you going?” I placed a hand on his chest. “I said I couldn't stay, I didn't say I had to go right now.” With a subtle pressure Ogre let me guide him back to the bed. I pulled closer into him and reveled the feel of our bare skin touching.

“How energetic are you feeling?” I asked. I knew the answer. We were still in a honeymoon phase in spite of it all. Two or three times in the nights when we had the time was not exaggerating. Even in the dark, I could see his brilliant smile. I pressed myself into his chest and tasted his skin still salty from earlier. Slowly I rose upwards, listening to the needy growls that rumbled out of him. I ran my tongue along his jaw and until I was at his ear.

“Steve. I need you inside me.”

He pulled back and cradled my head in his hands. I could feel the power in them as his glazed eyes found mine. His breaths were coming in short, deep pants.

“Are you sure?” he whispered. He searched my eyes, unflinching.

“It's not fair that I'm holding out to get what I want. You have to get there without coaching from me. You have to want it without me making some kind of bargain. The only way we're ever going to be good is if it's all equal.”

“You don't have to do this if you don't want to.”

“That's just it. I want it as badly as you do. It's not helping anyone if I'm not getting what I need out of this. All that does is make me feel like a sick control freak.” My hand wound around his neck and head as I pulled closer. “I can't make you into the man I need by molding you into that person. You already are the man I need.”

Steve took a needy breath. “I just want to make sure this is what you want.” I answered him by grinding my body into his.

“Please don't make me beg,” I panted. His arms pulled me in tighter as he tasted me even stronger than before. The weight of his body rolled over me and he gave me exactly what I needed.

* * *

After that night I stopped second guessing Steve's motives when it came to us and we started taking turns over the top role. My doubts were quickly becoming smaller each and every day. Ogre was still spending a lot of time with Eric too. I didn't want his friendship to falter over us. I felt it would be necessary once we finally confided in him. Ogre and I had learned to be less obvious when the three of us were together. We still couldn't bring up the courage to tell Eric. I was starting to think we were enjoying our private game a little too much.

It was a Saturday night and the three of us drank a lot of beer, ate Chinese food and played video games all night. Ogre had been letting me win. I knew he was better than this. We kept shouldering back and forth during each other's turn.

By one in the morning, we were all out of beer and a little sloppy. I was a lot sloppy. They could drink more than I could. Eric stood up, his gait wavering and unsteady.

“Ogre, you can crash on the couch. I'm needing to get some sleep.” Eric rubbed his face with his palm as he walked to his room pointing to me. “Throw him in bed if he looks like he'll pass out.” I laughed.

“Night, Eric.” I waved with a stupid grin to my retreating roomie.

Eric's door closed and minutes later I climbed up onto the couch and wrapped my arms into a big pile of Ogre. I had craved the heat of his body all night. I pressed my face into his chest and inhaled deeply. My whole body melted.

I woke up in my bed wearing just my underwear. I must have fallen asleep and Ogre followed Eric's instructions and undressed me. I had a vague recollection of a soft kiss as the comforter was pulled over me. My clock said it was after three in the morning. I rose from bed and followed the hallway into the living room squinting in the darkness. My steps fumbled a bit, alcohol was still active in my veins. Moonlight was forming a soft glow through the main section of the house.

Ogre's feet hung over the edge of the couch as he slept softly. The blanket he'd retrieved was bunched around his legs and he was only wearing a tee shirt and a pair of white briefs. His shirt had scrunched itself upwards just above his navel. I watched him sleep for a short time.

Even asleep, he was handsome. His mouth was open slightly and my eyes traced around his lips.

I knelt before my slumbering goliath - the rise and fall of his chest hypnotized me. A singular thought came over me to worship him. It was really more of a compulsion. I reached outward and touched him. I laid one hand on his breast and the other along his thigh. The heat of his flesh urged me on. I leaned forward and breathed his scent. My mind went hazy with need.

My tongue inched out as I gently kissed his exposed stomach. The taste of salt graced me as I drew wet lines around the individual muscles in his abdomen. When my tongue hit the waistband, my head rolled and focused on the resting mound inside his briefs. My hand rose up his leg and cupped the ample package. I caressed the orbs hidden beneath and pressed the thickening pillar along the ridge of my palm. Slowly snaking its way towards his hip in its confines, his cock grew to full arousal. I peeled back the cloth to expose my prize. It was thick and veined and saluted me like a welcome friend. I clutched his heavy sack and began slathering kisses upon its mushroom head.

Ogre's hand found mine upon his chest and held it still. I looked back to find his glassy eyed smile in my direction. I took his smile as permission and slid the majority of his length into my mouth. His handhold on mine strengthened. Even still drunk, I held his balls and worked his pole with gusto savoring the taste of my man. My spittle drooled down the shaft once his hips began pushing for deeper access.

I stopped for a moment when I thought I heard something. I looked around and everything was just the way it was when I woke up. I returned to my work.

His breathing sharpened and his free hand found my head moments before his cock swelled in my mouth and spilled its seed. I held him in my mouth until he softened wanting to extend the here and now until it slipped from my hold.

I looked back at my satisfied colossus and found a content glaze in his eyes. I climbed onto the couch next to him and pulled the blanket over us. I pressed my face into the crease of his neck.

“You know you can't stay here,” he whispered. Ogre hugged me closer and kissed the side of my head.

“I know. Just for a little while.” I sighed into his neck before I took a deep, slow inhale.

“Okay. Just for a little while. I'm not ready to let you go either.”

I must have fallen asleep. A few hours later I found myself alone in my own bed again. The sun had not come up yet.

* * *

Ogre's courage to come out to Eric had weakened over the next week or so. My anxiety has grown. I started to realize that I had withheld the truth to Eric to be sure Ogre wasn't going to turn tail and run. It was my safety net to salvage our friendships if he simply couldn't cope. Now, as I realized we would be fine, the reality that I'd waited so long was making the revelation a growing burden. I feared Eric would see a betrayal since I hadn't confided in the man that I turned to for everything.

Eric still didn't know who the mystery boyfriend was. I left the house often to see Ogre and I had even left once or twice while Ogre and Eric were together to maintain the illusion. I had never lied like this to Eric. The guilt was beginning to wear on me.

Sometimes I felt that we were taking chances for the possibility of getting caught. Throwing everything out in the open would make the disclosure easier but I believed it would be incredibly damning. Eric would never condone a relationship that required this kind of secrecy. His comments so far had proved he wasn't happy over the mystery boyfriend I had on the side. He couldn't believe I would date someone so far in the closet that he couldn't even be brought to the house. If only he knew.

No, we would have to admit our commitment face to face. Eric deserved no less than that respect, even if I'd shown him so little up to now.

No matter what I did, he probably wouldn't be happy. He'd never approved of my choices in the past. Eric found every man I dated a target for contempt. None of them were ever good enough. I would have to pray that someone like Ogre, someone just like him, would meet his scrutiny.

God, I hoped so.

I was climbing out of the shower Monday morning as Eric was getting ready for class. It was relatively early, but we'd gone for a jog right after waking up. I was drying myself as the bathroom door burst open and Eric's naked body pressed past me for the shower.

“I'm running out of time. Move over,” he commanded. “I only have 20 minutes to get to class. Next time I'm showering with you.” I laughed at him.

“You wouldn't have the balls,” I shot back. The fact was, he probably would make due on his threat if he felt he needed to. If there was one thing about Eric, he wasn't shy.

I had barely dried myself in front of the sink when the water shut off and Eric bounded out, grabbing a towel. He rushed to his room leaving a trail of water in his wake. The house was a flurry of movement. I watched from the open bathroom door as Eric frantically dressed and grabbed his books and backpack. A quick run of his hands through his hair and he looked great as usual. The sound of the front door slamming shut brought an end to the activity.

As quickly as it began, it was suddenly quiet in the house. It was a little eerie.

I continued to casually dry myself even though I didn't need to. It gave me an excuse to find no hurry to be clothed. The house was mine for a short while and I was relishing the solitude. I walked naked into the kitchen and ate a power bar and drank a glass of milk before heading back to the living room, dragging my towel with me.

Abruptly, the front door opened and I spun the towel around me to cover my nudity.

“Hey Little Man, Eric gone to class?” Ogre had a wide grin on his face after catching me au naturel.

“Jesus, Ogre! You scared the living shit out of me! Don't you ever knock?”

“If it lets me catch you like this, I think it's worth it.” He moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

“What are you doing here? Don't you have class?”

“Skipped it. Had a better idea.” I felt his hand slide to my hip as he pulled my towel apart and let it fall to the floor. His hungry look had not been lost on me. A firm kiss opened my mouth and his tongue found my own. My arms automatically found their place around his neck and head and he began lifting me from the floor. It took everything I had to pull my head back.

“Not wanting to spoil the moment,” I gasped. “I need to tell Eric about us. I don't want to wait anymore. It's gone on too long as it is.” His face grew serious.

“Okay. When?”

“I was thinking tonight.” I searched his eyes for his approval. He nodded.

“Should I be here?”

I shook my head. “No. I want to tell him myself. This needs to be a one on one kind of thing. I can call you and have you come over later once I fill him in.”

“You're sure about this?” Ogre's words were calm, but I could feel the tension in his shoulders. He was worried.

“Yes. You know how important Eric is to me. I should have told him from the beginning. He needs to know how much I love you.”

“I love you too.” He leaned forward and claimed my lips. I pressed my body against him and could feel the hard column in his jeans. The rush of heat that came forward made me weak.

Ogre's kiss calmed my own fears and made me melt. He picked me off the ground and held me in a magnificent bear hug. Setting me back down, he led me to my bedroom hand in hand. In seconds, he removed his shirt and jeans revealing a lack of underwear. He had his agenda for coming over and I applauded his foresight.

Once naked, he mauled me like an animal. His hands were everywhere pawing my flesh. My body was tighter under his workout influence and he was loving the improvement. I completely submitted to his needs.

“Your hair is still wet from the shower, my little muscle stud,” he growled, “All fresh and clean.” He spun me around chewing my neck and shoulder, the insistence of his phallus between my buttocks. I was helpless as he manhandled my chest and stomach. His fingers dug into the space where my back muscle met the side of my torso.

Ogre shoved me forward leaving me bent over the side of my bed, my backside presented. He dove in face first. My legs spread themselves as I tore the sheets from the mattress. His tongue and face struggled to dig deeper. My garbled grunts and moans came in surges to match the pattern of his consumption.

He disconnected suddenly and I heard the nightstand drawer pull open harshly. I heard the top of the lube bottle open and in no time his slippery, hardened shaft was beating its way inside me. I wanted it so bad it was nearly effortless.

He grunted as his pelvis stopped against my crushed haunches. Ogre leaned over, his entire torso laid across my back and his arms surrounded my chest in dominance. I shuddered at the flesh that heated me from inside and out.

“You don't have to be gentle,” I husked. The growl that came across my ear made my cock drool.

His hips slammed back and forward as he began to hump me as hard and fast as he could manage. I urged him on as best I could as he held me in place with his superior size.

“Oh, God. Yes. Steve. Oh, God.” The words spilled out of me unfettered. Ogre was thrusting himself even harder into me. My world existed only of the man who was crawling his way inside me. At that second I would allow any vice or indignity to keep him. His cock was generating a level of bliss that flooded my brain and body. I was a vehicle for pleasure and he was driving me into the wall. One of his paws reached for my dripping organ.

“I want you to come on my dick,” he hissed in my ear. The combination of his fisting and his pummeling cock brought me to a quick conclusion. Staccato cries came from my throat as he stroked my load down the side of my bed. The pulsing constriction of my rectum finished him off.

“OH FUCK!!!” He howled as he forced his essence into the depth of my bowels. His grip immobilized me as my titan shook through the uncontrolled spasms of his orgasm.

I was finally aware of the sweat between us as his hold relaxed and he started to laugh through his labored gasps. He kissed the side of my head as he began to release me.

“Son of a bitch. . .”

That voice wasn't mine or Steve's. Eric stood in my open doorway, eyes wide, a pained, hurt look across his face.

“Eric. . .” My voice trailed off as he turned his head and walked away, closing his eyes. The anxious heat rushed up through my face. I wanted to tell Eric, but not like this. Ogre and I scrambled to get dressed and followed him to the living room where he paced in a circle like some caged animal.

Ogre reached out to him first, placing a hand on Eric's shoulder. Eric spun, slapping the hand away, his murderous stare made Steve step back. I watched Steve's shoulders begin to shake and melt, as my worst fear played itself out in front of me. Eric's expression was filled with rage and confusion as his eyes flicked between us. A dark stare poured into Ogre.

“Get the fuck out.” The hostility was quiet and searing, it frightened me so much I would have preferred Eric to be screaming. Ogre looked back at me terrified before he hurried out the door.

I stood there watching him not knowing what to do. I planned on telling him tonight. I wanted to rehearse it. I wanted to be prepared for his questions and I wanted to know how to answer them. I didn't want him to walk in and find me bent over with Ogre's cock up my ass. Now everything was wrong.

“I fucking knew it. I didn't want to see it. But I knew it.” He turned away and spoke to the wall shaking his head. He couldn't stand still.

“I saw you blow him the other night,” he continued. “I closed the door. I couldn't watch. I told myself it was just a stupid, drunk move and didn't mean anything. You were dating someone. It couldn't be him.” The vehemence was mighty on his words.

An iciness crept along my spine removing the warmth I'd felt earlier with Steve. Eric wouldn't stop shaking his head as he pieced the events of the last few weeks together. He quickly cut his eyes to me.

“He's been the one all along, hasn't he?” Eric's question was filled with bile.

I cringed. “Yes.”

“That must have been quite a laugh you've been having behind my back.” He laughed sadly as he ran his hand roughly through his short blond locks. Eric looked so hurt. The longer we stood there the more crazed and manic he became. This powder keg was lit and ready to explode. I wondered if this was how I looked to Ogre when I caught him with Heidi? Was Eric feeling the same way?

“It wasn't like that.” I tried to speak calmly in spite of the terror that was drowning me. “Let me explain.”

“NO!” His shout startled me. “I don't want to hear it!” He put up a hand and faced his shuddering back to me. “I can't even look at you right now.” Eric gasped involuntarily as he stormed outside.

“Eric, wait!” I ran to the door after him. He ignored me and got in his car, tires squealing as he drove off.

I stood in shock as I stared at the empty space his car was in. Unfocused, I wandered back into the living room. I settled slowly onto the couch and buried my guilty face in my hands. This was a disaster. Eric looked as if he had been cheated on and I was responsible. I was heartbroken. I never should have agreed to keep a secret like this. I started to cry ashamedly into the cushions.

* * *

I never went to class. I sat on the couch for nearly the entire day.

It was many hours past dark before Eric set foot in the house again. He was calm but still seethed. Wordlessly, he walked past me and went to the kitchen refusing to even acknowledge me. After I heard him in the refrigerator, he went back to his bedroom with a drink in hand and closed the door.

Ogre hadn't called me either. I should have called him, but I needed him to reach out to me. Eric wouldn't speak to me. I needed someone who would. My heart sunk further. I curled into a ball under a blanket and laid my face against the fabric of the chair I was now seated in. I had never felt so low. How could I have let this happen?

Would our friendships survive? Would Eric ever forgive me? Would he ever understand? I had nothing but questions, answers were being denied me.

An hour of cable infomercials went by and I hadn't moved from the chair. I stopped crying a while ago. I simply didn't have it in me anymore. My eyes itched and I couldn't see clearly. I couldn't find the importance to simply rise and find my empty bed.

“He was the one from the party?” Eric asked. I hadn't heard him come into the room. “The one Ogre 'caught you kissing'?” His question was controlled but I could still hear the sarcasm.

I nodded against the chair's fabric. “Yes. It just sort of happened.”

“That weirdness between you two afterwards. That was him freaking out, right?”

“Yeah.” I had yet to raise my head and look at him. I couldn't bear to see the disapproval in his eyes. Eric drew a deep breath as he walked around in front of me.

“And that morning you broke down. That was because of him too, wasn't it?”

“Yeah.”

“I should have known.” Eric shook his head in frustration at himself. “There's no way you'd fall for someone so hard, so soon that you didn't know first.”

“You're probably right.”

“And you couldn't tell me because why?” I slowly sat upright. I knew it was time to be upfront with him, even though I knew this tone of voice. He wouldn't be satisfied with any answer. I was sure he wanted to punish me for my betrayal and I was going to let him.

“Ogre was scared. He wasn't ready to be out. That's how it was at first. Then I didn't want to say anything until I was sure he wouldn't run. This has been very hard for him.” Eric listened quietly with a stern look and angry frown. “Then it was a little fun to keep the secret. The lengths we had to go to just for a few minutes together. . .” My head rolled back as I sighed. “It went too long. It became harder and harder to find the opening to tell you.”

Eric was silent but not accepting. I could feel the fury beneath his visage. What a mess this had become. Unconsciously, I released a deep breath before I continued.

“I planned on telling you tonight. What brought you home early?”

“My class was cancelled.”

I rubbed my forehead. “I didn't want you to find out like this.”

“You mean with my best friend's cock up your ass?” I winced. The remark was harsh and painful. I had always thought of myself as Eric's best friend, but in reality our relationship was something else entirely. To have it said out loud didn't make the fact any easier.

“Did it have to be him?” Eric asked. “Has it really been so hard to find a date?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, it has been!” I raised my head with narrow eyes because I couldn't believe what I was hearing. “Do you know what it's like to be surrounded by the type of guys you're attracted to and never be able to act on it? Do you know what it's like to go for almost a year without a date? Especially when you have an oversexed jock for a roommate.” My shame was quickly flipping over into annoyance.

“That's not true.”

“Nobody ever comes to me first, Eric. Once they meet you, I don't get the time of day.” My voice was rising.

He pointed an angry finger at me. “Don't try to blame this on me.”

“I wrote off our whole group of friends a long time ago even though that's exactly what I'm attracted to.”

“You apparently got over it.” Eric's response was making me see red.

“Fuck you,” I spat. “I didn't plan this, Eric. Ogre came to me that night. He wanted me first. Once it started, I realized how much I wanted him too. Maybe even more.” I closed my eyes and sighed. “I was willing to walk away afterwards, but he came back for me.”

The pause that followed made me uneasy. Of all the reactions I pictured when outing us to Eric, this was not it. I had held on to the hope that ultimately he would happy for me, not raging like a jealous girlfriend. I was sure I'd offended him more by simply not being honest with him.

“He's what I want. I was hoping you might actually be happy for me. I should have known better.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Eric asked. I stared at him dumbfounded.

“When the fuck have you ever approved of someone I dated?” It took everything I had not to scream.

The last boyfriend I had was Ethan. He was the first guy in a long time to approach me. Ethan wasn't my usual type, but I was so lonely I thought I'd give him a chance. Eric hated him from the start. Ethan was slender, pretty and hugely artistic with the ego to match. He wasn't butch enough for Eric and he couldn't hold back his lack of interest. Ethan hated being ignored.

Ethan also had difficulty with the close nature of my relationship with Eric. As he became more and more uncomfortable around Eric, his insecurities came to a head. He began accusing our friendship of being something it never was and our breakup was incredibly messy. Ethan was nothing if not dramatic.

After all the melodrama that surrounded my poor choice of Ethan, I thought for sure that Eric would be supportive. It was true that we handled the whole thing in a completely sloppy fashion, but I held onto the slim hope that Eric might understand. Ogre had become far too important to me to just give in to Eric's ranting.

“He's straight, Clay.” Eric's words came out with a snarl.

I challenged him with my pissed off stare. “No. Not anymore.”

“Don't fool yourself. As soon as this gets out, and it will, he'll be running to the first sorority whore to prove his manhood. His whole college career has centered around his chance to go pro. He's got nothing else lined up. He's not going to let this have any chance of ruining his football career.”

“I'm willing to risk it.”

Eric was finally looking into my eyes. He knew I wasn't lying. His face lost its rage as his features sagged and he gently shook his head in disbelief.

“You need someone who can love and protect you, not someone who bails on you the second the secret's out. Ogre is not that man.”

With those last words he broke away from me and stalked back to his room. The sound of the closing door jolted my spine. His statement cut me. There was truth there, but not complete truth, I was sure. Steve would prove Eric wrong. He had to.

I watched the hallway patiently until I saw the light went off in Eric's bedroom. I never left the chair that night.