Shadow of my Father - 13. Chapter 13

(JOSH’S POINT OF VIEW)

Soon after we finished dinner, my dad called me into the study to talk. He saw there were things bothering me. I told him all about what Elizabeth did in the morning. As well as what Chris told me about his father.

My dad actually gave me sound advice on what to do in order to get through each issue. I really do plan to take his advice on Elizabeth. Leopards don’t change their spots so Elizabeth has a motive behind what she is doing. I will be vigilant and protect myself and my friends as best I can.

Now with Chris, well let’s say I have two angles I am working from. Two is better than one. I am not saying I believe that Joey can’t deliver; I just want a back up just in case. I also know my dad may not be able to do anything himself. He is a military man, he has no say in the local laws and how they are administered.

It seems whenever I’m seeing light at the end of a tunnel, another road block gets thrown in for the fun of it. My dad started talking about how dirty it can get running for political office. He doesn’t intend to get into the mud with the rest, but he knows they are going to. He fears for me and he doesn’t want to see me get hurt.

I have never seen this side of my father. In the last couple of months I have been seeing another side of my father I never realized is there. He really does care for his family. He wants to be there for us and what we are going through. Just his words started making me cry.

I then saw a look in his face that scared me to death. He is about to ask me THE question I am not ready to answer yet. I am not really ready to talk about this with anyone, more specifically, my father. Still he looks like a man with a mission.

As he talked, I started to shake really bad. The tears started rolling down my face at a steady stream. I figure the hurt I must be showing and caught my father’s attention. He actually started tearing up as well.

“Josh no matter what you tell me here, you need to understand this one thing. Nothing, I mean NOTHING will ever change with us. I will love you not matter how you answer this question. I love you so much Josh, I just want to protect you from all the hurt and anger out there in this world.”

I mustered enough strength to look in my father’s eyes. Somehow I got control of the tears and the shaking. I am waiting for the entire world to fall on me. The dreaded question I have known one day would be asked and I would have to answer!

“Josh I don’t want to push you in anyway. I am told it isn’t good to do that, but I am about to enter into an arena where others won’t care about the hurt they will cause. I need to be prepared to protect you. Forget me. I can take anything they throw at me. I just want to protect you, Josh.

Please Josh answer me this question: Are you gay?”

There it was. There was no hiding. In dead silence I just looked straight at my father. He looked back with loving and caring eyes; not eyes of anger or disgust, just pure love. Somehow in this very moment, I know he isn’t one I need to hide from. I need to have him in my corner if I am to ever get through this immediate time and life overall.

I cleared my throat as I looked down at my lap. I mumbled the answer to my dad. He didn’t hear me and asked me to face him and answer the question once again.

“I am sorry dad for being such disappoint to you and mom. I know I am going to hurt you as you run for the Governorship of Texas. I really have tried to fight it; I tried so hard not be this way dad. I am losing the fight so badly. Yes, dad, I am gay!”

“Josh it isn’t a fight you will ever win. You are not a big disappoint to me or your mother. Trust me when I say this Josh, just let go of this misplaced shame you feel. You need to understand you didn’t choose to be gay, it just happens. I will support you as you get through this.”

Just then my dad leaned in and hugged me. With the hug made me feel as if all the worries of the world are melting away. I love my dad now more than ever. He is going to be my back bone as I make my way through this.

“Josh you will never lose me anything I choose to do in life. Either the people like me or they don’t. If they judge me to be a lesser person because I have a great son like you, well, just fuck them then. They will lose out on a good governor for this State. I know I am not perfect nor is anyone else on this earth.”

I looked back into my dad’s face as he spoke. The same care and love I saw in his eyes moments ago, before my revelation, I still see in his eyes. I don’t disgust him in anyway. It is like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders after this talk.

“Josh, leave it to me to tell your mother. I know how to handle her when it comes to this kind of news. One day you are going to need to tell me what this thing you have with Bernice is. I know it isn’t a boyfriend, girlfriend relationship. But we will save that for another day. Right now I need to talk with your mother,” my dad said in conclusion.

“Dad, she isn’t going to take this well at all. I know she is going to be mad and disgusted with me. When you leave, she is going to take her disgust out on me.”

“I will make it clear if I ever find out that she mistreats you in anyway whenever I am not around, damn the political career; I will leave her so fast, it will make her head spin. And don’t worry; I will take you kids with me. I won’t put up with unfair treatment of any of you kids.

Don’t worry about anything. I will take care of everything. I won’t tell your brothers. That is up to you to tell them when you feel ready. Now stay in here and collect yourself before you leave the study. I love you very much Josh!”

With that my dad got up and walked out of the study. I couldn’t believe how well my father took the news. I really thought he, of all people, would be the one treating me lower then scum. But I know now it isn’t going to be my father, it will be my mom.

(DANIEL SR’s POINT OF VIEW)

As I walked out of the study I looked back at my son. I now know I am going to have to keep an extra eye out for him. His life is going to rough to say the least. He isn’t making it any easier since he blames himself for what has he is that he has no control over. He needs to learn it isn’t his fault and there are people here to support him.

Now with the knowledge I have I need to meet this young man Chris. I know they are going out. I need them to know they don’t need to hide their relationship from me. I also need to set some time aside to talk with Bernice. She is a wonderful girl, but she no longer needs to cover for my boy.

As I walked into the room I found Martha just standing there. I know this isn’t going to be a very good talk we are about to have. I still don’t know how I am going to tell her without her getting all up in arms about it. Before I could even finish shutting the door, she started in.

“So what was the reason you needed to speak with Josh alone about? You have told me to treat the boys equal, but here you are talking privately with Josh.”

“First Martha you don’t question my motives when it comes to dealing with any of our sons. For the last several months you have been running around treating the kids differently from each other. I told you that will end. For some reason I feel you haven’t gotten the point by that by the comment you just made.”

Martha just looked at me, not saying a word. I knew I touched a nerve. Still she isn’t going to speak out that I did hit a nerve.

“Whenever I see something bothering any of our kids, I will take them aside and speak with them one on one. That is the only way I can ensure they will open up. If we try to talk with them in front of the others, they will clam up. That goes for any of our boys.

Now take a seat on the bed and we need to talk about something. I don’t want you saying a word until I am done. Even then when you speak you will keep your voice down where the boys don’t hear you.”

Martha walked to the bed nodding her head up and down. She still doesn’t like the way I am talking with right now. I really don’t mean to be acting like an ass. If I don’t act like an ass, she will take control of this issue. When that happens, I will never get it back under control.

“Now Martha I saw there was something bothering our son. I was right there was. He told me that Elizabeth……”

I told her everything that Josh told me about what Elizabeth is doing. Martha gave me her thoughts on the issue. She believed that Josh should give Elizabeth another chance at least to be friends. I told Martha the same thing I told Josh. She didn’t seem too happy about it, but let it go.

Then I told her about Chris and his father. Once again she stopped me and told me her feelings about that as well. No surprise to me she believes that Chris should go back with his father and they should move away from here. And once again I told her what I told Josh and the promise I gave him. Martha wasn’t happy with that at all.

“Whatever clout you may have, you shouldn’t waste it on that kid. He is a sin being on this earth. He doesn’t deserve any help from anyone, more less you and this family.”

“You listen to me Martha I won’t have that talk in this house. We are not raising our boys to hate the world. They will know everything, but they have the freedom to make their own decisions. They won’t be filled with any kinds of hate that our parents filled us with. That is one of the reasons I am not so into the church scene.”

Martha just looked at me as if I just killed someone. Josh is right about one thing. She is going to give him hell about being who he is. I still believe she needs to know about Josh. With me telling her I can have more of a chance controlling the issue.

“Now I am going to talk with you about the main topic of Josh’s and my discussion. You will keep an open mind to it. You will not to speak a word until I am done telling you about this.”

Once again she just nodded her head. I need to speak without any breaks as I tell her or she will put her two cents into it before I finish.

“I knew there was something Josh wasn’t telling us. I have known now for over a year. I just wanted to give him a chance to tell us but you and I weren’t making it easy for him. We share the guilt for this with me being so gung ho about the military and you being so unreachable through your hate at anything that doesn’t meet your standards.

Well I got Josh to open up and tell me what he is hiding. I promised him that he isn’t going to be treated any differently than any of the other boys. We are going to love him the same no matter what. You will follow that and put your hatred aside.

We do have a gay son……”

“No we don’t have a gay son Daniel! I won’t hear those words being spoken in my house. Either that kid is going to change and realize he is wrong or he will leave this house with just the clothes on his back. I won’t have a gay son!”

“Martha you listen to me and listen good. If you ever talk to our son that way I will take them from you and divorce so fast you won’t even know what has happened. You will never again talk this way in front or behind our son’s back. DO I MAKE MY SELF CLEAR ON THE SUBJECT?”

Martha just looked at me with fire in her eyes. She thinks she can will our son from being gay just thinking and wanting it. I can see she is going to be a problem for him in the near future. With me gone, she can do whatever she wants.

“Martha you will answer me or we can call this marriage over now.”

“Daniel I can’t have a gay…..”

“That isn’t the answer I am looking for Martha. You can and you do have a gay son, like it or not, that is the fact of life. He can’t choose being who he is. It just happens and I won’t allow you to mistreat our son for something he can’t help. Now are you clear about what I am saying Martha?”

“Yes Daniel there isn’t any need to threaten divorce over this. Just give me time and I will get used to it. I promise Daniel I will go by whatever you want.”

“In the mean time you won’t change towards Josh. You will treat him as you do Daniel, Carlos and Brandon. No different in anyway. Is that understood?”

“I said I understand what you want from me. I will follow through your request of being the same to all of our kids.”

“Good now I need to leave for a day. I will be back Wednesday morning….”

I explained to her what got decided in today’s meeting. I already got permission to make my announcement at the kid’s high school. It is the right place because I believe that we need to fix the problems for our kids’ futures.

I need to head to Austin to file some paperwork with the Republican Party and the State Elections Commission. I wasn’t happy I had to leave in order to do that. I should be able to it all from here. Wednesday morning I will file my paperwork to run here from my district office.

As I got ready for bed I couldn’t help but think I might have made the wrong decision telling Martha about Josh. I should have waited until I got back. That way I can make sure things settle before I head out again. I really hope everything is going to be ok.

(JOSHUA’S POINT OF VIEW)

The next morning I ran out of the house faster than the speed of sound. I know my dad told my mom about me last night. I heard her yelling through the walls. I hope Daniel and Carlos didn’t hear downstairs as she yelled. If they did, I won’t have one peaceful moment in the house when my dad is gone!

When I got to school I went straight to the cafeteria to join Bernice and the guys. I wasn’t really paying any attention to what they are talking about. I went into my little world wondering if I made the right choice telling my dad what I told him last night.

I could have kept playing it off even with my dad going into politics. I still have not gotten really that serious with Chris. I could have broken things off with him and tried to make it work once again with Elizabeth! I know I might have lost some friends in the short run, but they would have come back after awhile.

I need to stop thinking ‘what if this’ or ‘what if that’. It is over! I already told my dad. He has already told my mother. Eventually I am going to have to tell my brothers before it slips out. The only good thing that will come from this is I don’t have to hide myself anymore. Chris can now come over whenever we want to hang.

I got brought out of thought when Eric hit me with his elbow. I looked over at him with a pissed off look on my face.

“What the hell is that for Eric?”

“You are not paying attention to anything we are saying. I asked you a question you look like you are on another planet. I thought you had fallen asleep or something.”

“Well I have not fallen to sleep. I am just thinking that is all. You didn’t have to hit me with your elbow like that.”

I got up and walked off. What a fucking asshole for doing that. All he needed to do is tap me on my shoulder or something like that. Not hit me with his elbow. I walked out into the hallway heading towards the locker area when Bernice caught up with me.

“What is going on with you Josh?”

I couldn’t look at her if my life depended on it. I didn’t want Bernice to see me the way I am. I am, falling apart with worries about what my mom is going to do once I see her for the first time of her knowing about me.

“Josh look at me please; come on look at me!”

I looked at Bernice with tears rolling down my face. She grabbed hold of me and started hugging me. I wrapped my arms around her not wanting to let go. I didn’t want this moment to end at all. A few minute past and Bernice broke the silence.

“Now tell me what in the world got you all up tight and worried. I know it can’t be what Eric did at the table. He just got the dirty end of a stick that he didn’t deserve.”

“No he didn’t deserve what I did to him in front of the others. I just couldn’t think straight when he hit me. I know he didn’t do it on purpose. I just took my anger out on him when he didn’t deserve it.”

Bernice and I walked outside to talk. Once we felt comfortable that no one can hear what we are talking about, I started telling her everything on what happened the night before not leaving out the most miniscule detail.

I started with the talk about Elizabeth and the advice my father gave me. Then I told her what my dad promised to do to help out Chris. Then I gave her the part that is bothering me the most. I kept that to the very end.

“Well Josh, I don’t know where to start. Your father is right on one thing and is when he runs they will pull everything out and use it. It is dirty, but that is the only way politicians know how to run for office when they can’t win on the issues.

I think it is good that you told your father everything. That way you have one less burden to worry about. If your mother treats you wrong, just come over to my house. My dad won’t ask questions. In fact he keeps asking me to bring you around a lot more then I have. He feels I have been spending too much time at your house.”

“That sounds good to me. But for now I need to see how she is going to be. Right now my dad is here and I feel protected with him here. When he’s gone could be the problem. Hopefully by then she will get whatever dislike out of her system.”

Both of us laughed when I finished the sentence. We know my mom will never get over that hate. Somehow Bernice, like always, found a way to get me in a good mood. We joined the group in our normal spot.

Eric just looked at me and started talking as if nothing had happened. I will need to take some time out today and explain to him what is going on. For now I am going to enjoy being with my friends.

The day flew by pretty quickly. Even swim practice seemed to be easier today than normal. It seems whenever I want the day to drag on, it doesn’t. And when I want the day to go faster, it drags on. I figure that is life.

Every so often Bernice has to go home right after school. Today is one of those days that she had to go straight home, so I walked home alone with my thoughts. As I walked up to the house and saw my dad’s truck not here, I got worried. That means I am going to have to spend some time alone with my mom.

I walked in really quickly and ran upstairs. I hope I can spend all the time that my dad isn’t here in my room. When dinner is called, my dad will be home. I did all my homework in no time at all. That’s when I decided to get ahead in my reading for English. We have to read Romeo and Juliet. I really hate the wording in this book.

I kept looking at my alarm clock. Dinner must be late because my dad is running late from school. When I looked at the clock again, I couldn’t believe the time. It is already after seven and my mom hasn’t called for dinner yet.

I waited till seven thirty when I decided to see what is going on. I laid down my book and headed down to the kitchen. I saw Daniel and Carlos watching television. There was no sign of Brandon anywhere. When I walked in the kitchen, my mom is already putting away the dishes. I looked at her and spoke first, “Mom isn’t there going to be any dinner?”

My mom didn’t even flinch a muscle when I spoke. She wouldn’t even look at me as she finished up in the kitchen. I asked again to see why there isn’t any dinner. That is when she looked at me with disgust and anger in her eyes.

“We already had dinner, Josh.”

“Why didn’t you call for me to eat, mom?”

“You don’t deserve to eat with us. You don’t deserve to be in this house with us. I won’t have you at the same table with your brothers. You are no longer my son. You are no longer part of this family.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My fears have come true with the way my mother is reacting. Where in the world is my dad? I thought he would be here by now.

“If you want to eat, you will eat off the floor like the dogs do. You are lower then a dog. You shouldn’t even get the right to eat off the floor.”

I decided to walk back to my room. There is no way I am going to eat off the floor like a dog. I won’t win an argument with her right now.

“Don’t you walk away from me when I am talking to you! You are asking to eat then eat.”

I heard plated being slammed on the counter as I turned back around to face her. She is actually throwing the food off the plates onto the corner of the floor. I couldn’t believe she actually thinks I am going to eat off the floor of the kitchen. I tried again to walk away, but my mom yelled at me.

“I want you to come over here and eat your dinner. You will eat on the floor with the rest of the trash. That is where you belong.”

“But mom please I don’t want……”

“You don’t talk back to me ever. Whenever you talk to me you will just nod your head. I don’t want to hear a word come out of that mouth of sin. No man should be with another man. I thought I brought you up knowing that. Until you learn and change your ways, you will be treated lesser then a dog. Now get down on your knees and eat every bit of that food I threw down there. When you are done, I want to see a clean floor.”

I walked over to the corner where she threw the food on the ground. I kneeled down until I got completely on all fours. My mom didn’t move an inch. I took some of the food on top and put in my mouth. I hoped maybe if I eat some of it, she will let me leave.

“You will eat everything I have served you. I don’t want to see nothing left over.”

I kept eating the food with tears rolling down my face. I actually started gagging on some of it. But I knew if I actually threw up any of it, my mom would make me eat up my throw up as well.

Somehow I actually got all the food down that was on the floor! While I ate, Daniel and Carlos walked in several times. They didn’t say a word, they just laughed at me. Still I haven’t seen Brandon anywhere.

I got back up after I finished wiping off my jeans. Still with tears rolling down my face I walked past my mom. She spoke up for the first time since I started eating.

“From now on you won’t be called down for dinner with the family. You will come down here after I finish cleaning up and gone from the kitchen. I will have your food in the same spot. I better not catch you throwing any of it away. You will eat it and then go back to your room.

Your dinner time for now on will be at nine. That way you won’t infect your brothers. You will not take showers in this house. I don’t care where you take a shower, but not here. You will also wash you own clothes, but not here. I again don’t want you infecting your brothers.

You will stay away from Brandon at all times. I already told Daniel and Carlos the rules and why I have placed them. They don’t want any dealings with you either. Until you see the wrong you are doing and change. You won’t be part of this family.”

I started to walk out of the kitchen after she stopped speaking. I heard her say one more thing before I made it around the corner into the hall.

“If you breathe a word of this to your father, it will get worse. Trust me I can make it a lot worse on you. Your father is going to be gone more then he is going to be here. That means I will be running this house, not him!”

I just nodded my head up and down and walked away. I ran upstairs as fast as I could. I wanted to get to my room so fast I didn’t care about anything else. As soon as I walked in I closed my door.

Somehow I made it to my bed without breaking completely down! I sat down and just started crying. I knew I started to get loud, so I covered my face with my pillow. I got myself so upset, I actually started throwing up. I made it to my trash can emptying out my stomach.

Once there wasn’t anything left to throw up. I went back to my bed and lay down. Sobbing as I looked into the air asking the same question over and over again. Why am I like this, what did I do so wrong to be like this?

(BRANDON’S POINT OF VIEW)

As soon as I got home from school, my mom called me into the living room. When I walked in, I found Daniel and Carlos seated on the couch. I walked over to the chair and sat down. It didn’t take long for my mom to get to the point of this meeting. I figured out why she is having this meeting without Josh here. It is about Josh.

She explained to us what our father told her last night. I looked over to Daniel and Carlos to see what they reaction is. They looked disgusted with what my mother is saying. It is as if Josh and I are from another family. How in the world can two siblings be so different from the other two?

She laid down some new rules that we have to follow whenever my father isn’t here. When my dad is here, we are to go back and follow the same rules that are in affect right now. I started to wonder how my mom thinks she is going to get away with this.

She excused us and I headed upstairs to my room. I heard a knock on my door about six. It opened and Daniel popped his head in.

“Brandon, it is time for dinner. Come on down and don’t let Josh know.”

I followed Daniel to the kitchen. We all sat down and started eating. No one said a word during dinner. As soon as I finished I got up and placed my plate in the sink and headed back to my room.

Where in the world is Josh? Why didn’t he come down when dinner was ready? We all know dinner is at the same time every night. I was waiting for him to pop in and force my mom to let him eat with us.

I started to get worried about Josh. I got up and walked to his room. I found his door open, but he wasn’t in there. I walked downstairs to see if he is watching television or something. I didn’t find anyone in the den or living room. That is when I heard snickering coming from the door way of the kitchen.

I walked over and found Daniel and Carlos laughing at something. I squeezed between Daniel and Carlos to see what they are laughing at. What I saw then, I couldn’t believe me eyes. If someone would have told me this happened, I would call them a liar.

Josh is on his knees eating god knows what. It isn’t what we had for dinner. We had porch chops and the fixings to that meal. Whatever Josh is eating looks like a mixture of left over food. My mom just sitting there in a chair looking at Josh as he ate!

I got so mad as I walked away I punched Daniel and Carlos in the back. They looked at me with a dirty look. But at least I got them to stop laughing and walk away from watching Josh being treated like that.

Not soon after I got back in my room, I heard Josh’s door close. Then I heard him crying really loud. I couldn’t hold it in, I started to cry. On the other side of the wall is my bother crying and hurting. I can’t do anything about it.

Then it got quiet for a few seconds before I heard this loud sound. At first I couldn’t make out what is going on, and then I knew. Josh is actually throwing up. It took him a while to stop throwing up. When He did, I heard him crying again. He started asking something, I couldn’t make it out through the wall.

‘

I waited for my mom to check on me to make sure I am in my room asleep. When she did, I knew she wasn’t coming back again. I got up and put in several pillows in my bed to make anyone that might walk in think I am still in bed. I needed to see my brother and let him know I’m here for him.

I crawled out my window onto the window ledge. Between my room and my brothers is a roof big enough to walk from one window to the next. I walked over to Josh’s window. I found it unlocked and crawled in.

Once I was in I walked over to Josh’s bed. With the light shinning from the street I could see that Josh didn’t even change out of his clothes. He actually cried himself to sleep. I walked up to him and kneeled down.

I gently shook him until he turned over to face me. He still had tears rolling down his face. I crawled into bed with him and just hugged him. I wanted him to know there is still someone in this house that cares for him. I held onto him as tight as I could. He just kept crying into my chest as I held him.

“Josh I love you big brother. We will get through this I promise you that.”

I kept saying over and over again as I held my big brother. I have never seen anyone treated this way in my life. No one deserves to be treated like this. I held onto Josh until he stopped crying and I heard him snoring.

I gently crawled out of the bed and looked down at Josh. I started thinking that it has to be uncomfortable sleeping with clothes on. I took off his shoes and pulled the covers over him. Right there and then I promised Josh and myself in the dark of the room. I will do everything in my power to fix this. I will expose my mom for what she is doing.

(JOSHUA’S POINT OF VIEW)

The next morning I woke up earlier then normal in order to avoid Daniel, Carlos, and my mom. I didn’t want to see their faces or even talk with them. I know they won’t talk with me anyway, so the feeling is now mutual.

When I arrived at school I hid under a stair case on third floor at the end of the hall. No one ever comes up here until the bell rings. I couldn’t face my friends on what had happened to me last night. I know they don’t know, but leave it to Daniel and Carlos they will make it their mission in life to tell everyone before the first bell.

All I could is sit here thinking about what had happened last night. My dad is going to be gone for awhile. That means I have to put up with the way my mother plans to treat me. I just don’t know if I can handle it with weeks in and weeks out of her treating me less than a dog! Making me eat off the ground! I just don’t know if I can do this.

I can’t run away. That would be a perfect solution to this problem. My mom and older brothers don’t want me around. So with me gone that will make them happy. Just not my dad though. In fact it will hurt him as he runs for Governor. I can’t take that from my dad. He worked too hard to get where he is today.

For now, I will have to deal with my mother and older brothers. I will just stay away from the house more and more. Do things here at school that will take my evenings away including my homework and anything else I can do in order to stay away from the house.

The first bell rang alerting us to get to class. I ran into the bathroom to clean up my face before heading to first period. Just as I walked in the final bell rang. I tried to get to my desk as fast as I could.

It felt like everyone is looking at me. I know it is just in my mind, but it feels like that. As I took my seat Eric kept punching me in the arm. I couldn’t look at him, I just couldn’t. For the first time I was glad to hear the teacher start talking in homeroom. What he had to say explained why everyone is looking at me.

My father got permission to talk here at our school this evening. Anyone that shows up will get extra credit. It is being offered in all homeroom classes. Several of the students started asking the teacher what was the reason a general wanted to speak at the school. But Mr. Shredder wouldn’t give my classmates any kind of hint why my father wanted to speak here at the school this evening.

I tried for most of the day to ditch Eric and the others. At this point I am working on the basis that my brothers already told them about me. As of yesterday only Bernice and Eric knew about me. Today who knows with my brothers out there with the information?

The minute the bell rang excusing us for lunch. I ran out of science class as if the place is on fire. I didn’t even bother going to my locker. Instead I headed straight to the lunch room before the others could get there.

Because I went straight from class to the cafeteria I didn’t have to wait in line. As soon as I got my food I got out of the lunch room as quickly as possible. I went up the same spot I was at this morning. No one will find me here and that includes Bernice.

(ERIC’S POINT OF VIEW)

Just as the bell rang for lunch, Josh got out of his seat so fast I couldn’t catch him. I ran into everyone else trying to get out the door for lunch. I hoped to find Josh at the lockers, but I didn’t find him.

I knew since breakfast there is something really wrong with Josh. What it is I don’t know. Whatever it is he feels he needs to stay away from me and the rest of the group. I wish Josh wouldn’t close himself off like this. Just let us help him through whatever is going on. That is what friends are for.

Once again I hoped to find Josh at the table. But once again I got disappointed. As I walked up to the table everyone looked up at me. Bernice spoke up first.

“Eric where is Josh at?”

“I don’t know Bernice. I had hoped to find him here. He ran out of class so fast I couldn’t stay up with him.”

“Do you know what is going on with him today?”

Just when I was about to answer Bernice, Josh’s brother’s walked up to the table. They had big grins on their faces. That confirmed to me something for sure is going on in Josh’s house. His brothers never come around.

“Where is Joshie boy at right now?” Carlos asked with a snide tone to his voice.

We just looked at Carlos as he laughed with Daniel. I can’t stand them when they think they have something to hold over Josh. They hold onto it like a dog with a bone.

“None of us know where he is at. If you need to talk with him, why don’t you wait until he gets home?”

“You guys are telling us that you don’t know about Josh? You Eric, of all people, should know about Josh’s little secret!”

“Fucking Carlos whatever you think you have over Josh, just fuck the hell off. We don’t want to hear it from you. We won’t believe anything you have to say about Josh. So don’t waste your breath and leave.”

The whole time as they stood there, Daniel and Carlos just laughed. Their laugh is getting me angrier then whatever they have to say about Josh. Either they should just come out and say it or just leave, but whatever they do they better do it fast.

“Come on this has to be some kind of joke that you guys don’t know about Josh. You eat with him, talk with him, and share each others secrets. You guys should know what we just found out last night about Josh.”

Bernice jumped out of her seat and walked up to Josh’s brother’s. I think she figured out what they have over Josh right now. That means it could only be one thing, and that is him being gay.

I got up as well and joined Bernice in front of Daniel and Carlos. I looked into their eyes staring them down. All that did is reinforce their evil plot on telling everyone Josh’s secret. I know they are asses, but I never thought they would stoop this low.

“So you two for sure know about little Josh’s secret. What about your friends. Why don’t we just inform them about what you guys are hiding from them?”

“It isn’t your place to breathe a word about him to others! When Josh is ready to talk, he will do so. So just leave us alone.”

“The info we have is too good to just leave alone. Josh doesn’t deserve to have friends. So let me just say my peace and we will be going.”

Daniel and Carlos walked around me and sat down at the table. Everyone at the table just looked at them. It looks like they have as much dislike as I do when it comes to them. To top it off none of these guys know Josh’s brothers. That says a lot when people don’t know you, but they dislike you no matter what.

Benjamin looked over at Carlos and didn’t even allow him to speak.

“Trust me when I say this to you two. Whatever you have to say we already know. Josh may not have said it in words but we already know. No matter whom he loves or who he decides to hang with we will always be his friends. So whatever you have to say you better think twice about saying. It isn’t a surprise and we don’t care to hear.”

Carlos jaw just dropped to the table when Benjamin spoke. Even myself I had to pick up my jaw from the table. I didn’t know they even had any indication about Josh. He hides it very well. It just surprises me they know and didn’t say a word about it.

Carlos and Daniel got up and walked off. They knew they got beat at an evil game they wanted to play. The worst they can do is spread it around the school. I wouldn’t put it past them to do so. You could see their mom in them, with her evil.

“How long have you all known about Josh?”

“I have known almost as soon as I met him Bernice. I don’t care about it. I figured he would tell us when he is ready. Until then I am comfortable just sitting here being his friend. That will stay the same when he does open up.”

Benjamin surprised me once again. Everyone at the table just nodded their heads to what Benjamin said the feelings behind his statement. That means they pretty much know as well that Josh is gay and they don’t care.

“I laugh at Elizabeth every time she try’s to get Josh back and her not knowing the real reason why he dumped her in the first place. Besides being a flat out no good bitch, he isn’t interested in her that way. He found his true love already.”

Patrick looked over at Chris after saying that. Chris turned red in the face. The guys know about him and Chris and don’t care. At least they didn’t take the way I took when I found out. That would suck having the entire table walking around here refusing to talk with Josh and Chris.

“Look you guys we need to find out exactly what is going on here. If Josh’s brothers know, that means his mother knows. If she knows about Josh, he is living in a house of hell. She won’t allow Josh to be that way.”

“I agree with Eric here. Yesterday Josh told me he told his father that he is gay. His father needed to know in order to protect him.”

“Protect him from whom, Bernice?”

“He has been offered to run on the Republican ticket for the Governorship of Texas, Patrick.”

“No fucking way! That is why he wants to come down here tonight. He is going to announce his attention to run for the Governorship. That is way too cool to be friends with the son of the next Governor of Texas!”

“You are getting way to ahead of yourself Patrick. He still has to run and win it. Anyways, as I was saying, Josh’s dad wanted to know so he can protect him from those that want to hurt him. They will try to hurt him through his family. Josh said something about his dad going to meet with the now sitting governor and make a deal to leave families out of any debate.”

“That is funny because the sitting governor is well known for getting down and dirty in his elections. He won four years ago because of his ability to get down and dirty. I don’t think talking with him will get him to change his ways. He wants a second term.”

“Well Frank you may be right there, but I don’t care about that right now. What Bernice and I are saying is we need to find Josh and tell him that we are cool about everything. He has nothing to worry about.”

Everyone agreed with what I just said. We hurried up and ate where we could go out looking for Josh. I know him really good, and one thing I know really well about him is simple: When he doesn’t want to be found, we won’t find him.

(JOSHUA’S POINT OF VIEW)

I ate my lunch under the stairs not moving at all. I decided before the bell rang I needed to get my books from my locker. That way I won’t run into Eric, Bernice or the guys. I just can’t face them right now knowing they have to know by now.

Right when I walked into Fourth period Glee class, Mr. Edger stopped me at the door. It looks like the guy is going to have a heart attack.

“Josh it is good to see you. We have our work cut out for us here today. Your father has asked our Glee club to sing in front of the audience tonight. You may not know what this means for this club to be able to sing on this kind of stage. But it is big! No, HUGE!”

“Ok Mr. Edger, are we going to sing the same songs we have already learned in the last two performances?”

“Sit down I will explain it to the entire class all at once.”

Once the bell rang Mr. Edger took roll call fast. As soon as he finished with the paper work, he started explaining everything to the class. He started be telling us that we are going to miss the rest of our afternoon classes. The entire class cheered once he finished saying that.

“Don’t get all excited yet class! We have our work cut out for us here today. We are going to learn four new songs for tonight. I hope you are ready for a very long afternoon!”

Everyone looked each other. This is going to be hell on wheels. To learn one song in a day is hard, but four? What in the hell does Mr. Edger think we are, super Glee Club or what. This is a disaster in the making!”

“Ok this is how it is going to happen tonight. We are going to sing three songs before General Lopez is introduced and one song as he leaves the stage. Here are the songs and we are going to play them in this order.

The first song is going to be “Let It Be by the Beatles”. It is going to be a group song here. The second is another group song which is “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey. The third is going to be Josh’s individual song which is going to be “Imagine” by Jon Lennon. Then as General Lopez leaves the stage will be our final song, group of course. It is “Fame”, sang by so many different bands.

Now we have our work cut out for us. More so you, Josh because the group songs are group, but there are going to be parts that will need you to sing alone. Not much, but some. So get ready to rumble as they say!”

Mr. Edger handed out the sheet music and we started to work. By fifth period we actually had the first group song down. We were able to move on to the second group song. I don’t know how I am going to be able to keep all the lyrics in my head straight. It is going to be hard as hell!

By the end of sixth period, we actually had all the group songs down. Mr. Edger excused the class to go home and get ready and come back in a couple of hours. They needed to be back by five so we can rehearse on the field. We need to be ready by seven because that is when we are going on.

Mr. Edger got permission for me to stay until the performance. He worked with me on my individual performance. We actually worked all the way till five when the others showed up. The problem with this song is I have to learn the piano as well.

Mr. Edger let me out of rehearsal when Mrs. Nunez showed up with something for me to eat. I joined her in her classroom in order to eat. She actually bought me a meal from McDonald’s. I couldn’t believe she actually did that for me.

As I ate, Mrs. Nunez left to see how the rehearsal is going. I didn’t even hear my father walk in until he tapped me on my shoulder.

“Josh how are you doing son?”

I got up and wrapped my arms around him. I was so glad to see him. He wrapped his arms around me, returning the hug.

“I brought your clothes for tonight’s performance. I can’t tell you how proud and honored I am that you and the Glee Club are going to sing tonight. I want to ask you to do something for me Josh.”

I looked up at him with tears rolling down my cheeks.

“Will you introduce me tonight?”

I couldn’t believe he is actually asking me to introduce him. There has to be others better suited to do that for him. But I am not going to say ‘no’ to my dad.

“With all my heart I will introduce you tonight dad!”

“Thanks son!”

We hugged a few more moments before he got pulled away. I finished eating, changed and headed back to Mr. Edger’s class. I told Mr. Edger what my dad asked me to do for him.

“Josh you are the right person for the job. Who else could be better then his own son? You finish your solo and then introduce your father. Not even hearing him speak yet, he has my vote.”

I smiled at Mr. Edger as we made our way to the football field. While we were in class, our field got transformed. Right in the middle of the field is a stage; a pretty big stage for the Flee Club to perform on.

For the next hour we rehearsed the songs in order as we will sing them later on in the evening. As soon as we noticed the crowd coming in, we left the stage. Camera crews started setting up in front of the stage from all the channels. This is going to be some night to say the least.

After taking a break, we headed to our seats about fifteen minutes before seven. I didn’t sit with the Glee Club, because the family sat together. I got directed to sit with my family. As I took my seat between Brandon and Carlos, I got dirty looks form my older brothers and mom. I really don’t care right now. I am going to enjoy tonight with my father.

Several political speakers, local and state wide, spoke first. Then we got introduced. I left my seat and joined the Glee Club on Stage. The stadium lights dimmed down, and we started with “Let It Be”. By the middle of the song the entire audience started singing along.

A short break, maybe a minute or so, we went into our next song, “Don’t Stop Believing”. As with the song before, the audience started singing along with us. Then the lights went off as I made my way to the piano on the stage.

A single spot light got turned on, which is shinning on me. I started playing the piano and went right into my solo, “Imagine”. Through the entire song, the audiences just sat in their seats listening to me sing. It was just me and the piano alone on the stage. This is the first time I have done something like this. Normally I would have the band join in.

The minute I finished my solo, the audience started to stand up applauding my performance. I didn’t skip a beat or forget a lyric. I actually got through all the three songs without screwing up. I couldn’t be happier!

I got up from the piano and walked to the middle of the stage. Mr. Edger handed me a microphone as I made my way. My palms started to sweat as I cleared my throat.

“Hello my name is Joshua Lopez, the third oldest son of four of the man of the hour. I have been given the honor to stand before you and introduce my father. There is really no words that come to mind that adequately do justice to my dad. Not only is he a man that stands up for those who are wronged, but he is my father.

No matter what he is doing or where he is at, he has always put his family first. He could be across the ocean, but he knows everything that is going on back here at home. Nothing gets by him. He always does what is right for his family along with whatever task he is doing. It gives me the greatest honor to introduce to you all, my father, General Daniel Lopez.”

The audience started stood up once again applauding as my father makes his way on the stage. He met me in the middle of the stage. As I handed him the microphone, we hugged. He whispered in my ear thanks and that he loved me.

I walked over and took my seat once again between Brandon and Carlos. Brandon patted me on my shoulder as he leaned in and whispered.

“You were awesome out there Josh. I wish I could sing like that.”

I turned and smiled at my younger brother and then rubbed his head. My father started out thanking those that spoke before him and the Glee Club. He asked the audience to give us another round of applause once again. As soon as they finished applauding us they sat back down.

That is when my dad started talking about the condition of our State. How it has been ran under the current Governor, and he wants to have another four years in office. All through my father’s speech, the audience chanting: “Enough is Enough” and “No More Business As Usual”, over and over again.

“It is time for change in Austin and I don’t mean from one politician to another. I mean real change for the people of Texas, a change to a new governor, a governor of the people, from the people. Not one that has been given everything in life having never earned a thing on his own. One that has lived the life of regular Texans!

It is time to send one of us regular Joes to the State Capitol in Austin. That is the only way we can ensure the problems our State is facing, will be fixed. No more broken promises. No more lies! Just an honest person to be a true peoples’ representative in Austin!

I am coming before you here tonight to declare my intention to run on the Republican Party ticket for the Governorship of Texas!”

The crowd once again got up applauding my dad. All through his speech they interrupted over and over again with applause. Not one person in the audience booed my dad. And that is saying a lot since he decided to make his announcement in El Paso; a city that always votes for the other party, not Republican!

“I am asking for your vote, I need your vote come November. I promise you if you put me in the Governorship of Texas, I won’t forget where I came from. I am a middle class American, wanting my government to work for me, not the other way around.

Thank you for your time and I hope to see you at the polls in November!”

As we joined my father on the stage, the audience kept chanting his name over and over again. I can’t believe the response he is getting here. All that is telling me is the people want change and they see it in my father.

After taking several bows, my father turned and waved on the Glee Club, I walked back and joined them as the music started. Before we knew it, the stage got rushed. The audience didn’t get on the stage, but they started singing along to our last song, “Fame”. Just like the songs prior, they enjoyed themselves.

My father, along with my mother and brother’s made their way off the stage back into the school. As soon as we finished singing we made our way back into the school. My father was just finishing up his ‘q and a’ with the press when we walked in. My father walked over to us and smiled.

“I can’t say enough on how good you all sounded tonight. Thank you all for singing for us tonight. A job well done, you guys!”

He shook each of the Glee Clubs hands as he made his way to the door. I thanked everyone and followed my dad out. We actually got escorted to our vehicle and out of the area. The police cruisers didn’t leave until we got home. Even then I saw several officers posted.

None of us went to our separate rooms when we walked in. Instead we headed to the den. Once we are sat down my father thanked us for being there with him tonight. He explained how it is going to be while he is running for the office. He then opened the floor for any of us to say our peace.

At first no one spoke. Then Brandon broke the silence by speaking up.

“Dad I don’t want to spoil this evening, but I need to tell you something that happened here when you left. Something that mom did with Daniel and Carlos.”

“Brandon I warned you if you say anything about the lies you are about to spread, you will be in a lot of trouble!”

“Martha let Brandon speak. I want to hear what he has to say!”

“Daniel he is just going to lie to you. He misunderstood something I said, and now he is going to tell you nothing but lies!”

“Let me decide that Martha. I want to hear what Brandon has to say.”

“Well dad, after you left, mom pulled Daniel, Carlos and I…..”

Brandon actually sat there telling our dad everything that happened yesterday. As he spoke, I could see the anger boiling up in my father’s eyes. Even before Brandon could finish, he stopped him.

“Is this right Josh? I want to know the truth, did this happen to you last night?”

Tears started rolling down my dads face. I have never seen him this mad before. His anger is floating to the surface. My father isn’t trying to hide it either.

“Dad what Brandon said about last night…..”

TO BE CONTINUED……………

{Brandon was true to his word when he told Josh that he was going to expose their mom. How could any parent do what this parent did? I actually took this part out of my real life. It didn’t happen to me, but I knew a family that one of their son’s was actually treated like that. He was forced to eat off the floor, sleep in the same corner in which he ate, and use the restroom only outside and not even allowed to shower inside.

When I saw that, I couldn’t believe it. When the State finally stepped in and took this poor boy away, I couldn’t be happier. I didn’t know what to do when I saw that. I was sixteen at the time. I knew it was wrong, but didn’t do a thing about it. To this day I wish I was the one that made that call!

So do you think that Josh is going to back his brother Brandon, or lie? Daniel Sr. isn’t happy at all with what he just heard. He warned his wife not to do anything different with Josh. Not even a day after she was told, she did what she did.

What about Josh’s older brothers? What dicks they are! I really hope something happens to teach then the meaning of love. No matter what a person does in their life, they don’t deserve to be stabbed in the back by anyone, let alone someone in their own family.

Eric and Bernice once again stood up for Josh. We got another surprise in this chapter. It seems that everyone at the table knows about Josh and Chris. They really didn’t hide it well. It seems the only one that doesn’t know is Elizabeth and she is looking for it. Will Patrick and Frank open up since Josh and Chris is now in the open?

From Elizabeth playing her dirty games, we wonder if she is going to be caught. To Chris’s dad lingering in shadows. When will he make his move? And when he does, will Chris be safe? All the way to Daniel Sr.’s run for state office. There is so much going on in this story, you will wonder if the story will ever end.

So I could stay here all day long, with all the open plots already in this story, but I won’t. I warn you though! Don’t skip a chapter, or you will be lost. There is a so much to answer in the chapters to come. Keep reading the future chapters, and enjoy! Please email me and let me know how I am doing at Joshmillertex@aol.com, Thanks!}
EDITOR’S CORNER:

 

Well, he’s done it again….left us hanging out there wondering what’s next.

Josh’s mom’s abuse is, sadly, not just fiction. As Jacob said, he was witness to it in his own life. I cannot wrap my mind around how anyone, let alone a PARENT, can do such things, but these things can and DO happen. Even in our greatly enlightened age, there is still hatred and bigotry running rampant through every vein of our society.
Keep your eyes open. Watch for the signs. If you see someone being inflicted with hatred and abuse, ACT on it. You won’t ever regret stepping in to aid another.

Until next time,
“Daddy” Rick