Not A Kiss - 5. Chapter 5

Chaos.

I just stood there and let this spectacle happen before me. I wanted to float away, to escape, but I could not move.

“Dan, please, listen to me.”

“Who’s this guy?”

“Hey, let go of me!”

“Back off, man, he obviously doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“I need to explain.”

“Get away from him.”

“Please, I don’t mean him any harm.”

“I think you’ve done enough harm already.”

“I want to make up for what I did.”

“Get him out of here, I’ll take care of this guy.”

In the background, someone was sobbing.

I didn’t know how long I stood there but the next thing that I remember was that I was being supported by someone and we were moving. I turned to look at the person.

“Ced?” I asked in a weak voice.

“Thank God. You gave me quite a scare back there.” The relief was very apparent in his voice.

“What happened?”

“I think you went into shock. We’ll talk about it later, if you want. At least wait until we’re back in our room.” Cedric said softly.

“Ok.”

Though I am back in my senses, I felt weak somehow as if all my energy were drained. I was glad Cedric was here because I didn’t think I was strong enough to get back on my own.

“We’re here. You just lie there. I’ll get you a glass of water.”

I did as I was told. I didn’t think I was capable of doing anything else to be honest. In no time at all, Cedric was back with a glass of water. He supported my head while I drank a few gulps.

“Thanks.” I said.

Cedric watched me as if I would have a fit at any moment. I did not mind. I was thankful that though he obviously had many questions in his mind, he chose not to ask them.

My phone rang. I didn’t want to see who it was so I looked at Cedric pleadingly. The phone was in my study table, I didn’t even know how that got there.

“It’s Sam.” He said.

I didn’t say anything.

“Do you want me to answer it?”

“No, please. Just make it stop.” I just want to be left alone.

Cedric took out the battery of my phone.

I just laid there. I still felt Cedric watching me but I didn’t mind at all. Having him there made me feel safe. Time seemed to move fast or maybe I was still not totally out of it because it just suddenly became dark.

“Should I turn on the light?” Cedric asked.

“No.” I whispered.

“Ok.”

Then there was a knock on the door. I could see Cedric’s face as it was faintly illuminated by the light coming from outside which filtered through the windows. He didn’t say anything but I knew that he was asking my permission to answer the door. I didn’t know whether he could see me but I nodded my head. He went and answered the door.

“Where is he? Is he ok?” I heard Lee’s voice ask.

“He’s here. I think he wants to be left alone.”

“I’m his brother.”

Lee sat on my bed. He didn’t say anything. Somehow his presence made me feel better but I still felt so weak. I wanted to rest.

“How are you feeling Danny?” Lee finally said.

“I’ll be fine. I think I just need some rest. Thanks for coming, Lee, but I think I want to get some rest. I hope you understand.”

“Of course, Danny. I just wanted to make sure that you’re fine.”

“Don’t worry about me. Ced’s here to take care of me.” I looked at Cedric and he nodded.

“Please take care of him.” I heard Lee said before he go.

“You don’t need to worry. Your brother is safe with me.”

When the door closed, we were engulfed in darkness.

“Ced?” I said after a while.

“I’m here.”

“Can you... Would you mind staying with me tonight?” I asked.

He didn’t say anything. I didn’t even know whether he understood what I was trying to say. I felt him lie beside me though. I stayed a few inches away from him. It was enough for me knowing that he was there close by. However, he reached for me while he moved his body closer. He had his arm around me and he laid my head on his chest. With his free hand, he took my arm and held it. Then we just laid there quietly. I found his slow breathing calming me, it was almost hypnotic, making me feel sleepy. Before I finally closed my eyes though, I felt tears ran down my eyes.

********************

When I awoke, Cedric was still beside me sound asleep. He looked so tired. He probably didn’t get much sleep last night because he was worried about me. My head was still on Cedric’s chest, the part where his arm was connected. He had both arms around me now as if he didn’t want to let go of me and our legs were somehow intertwined.

His shirt felt a little damp. It was not that hot and he didn’t smell of sweat so they were probably my tears. It seems that my tears just flowed while I was sleeping and well into the night.

I just realized something and was glad for it. Cedric was beside me but he was fully clothed this time.

I stirred a bit and was surprised that that smallest of action woke up Cedric suddenly.

“Sorry.” I said.

“Are you ok?” He asked.

“Why do you keep asking me that?”

He smiled.

“What happened?” Repeating my question of yesterday.

“I should ask you the same thing.”

“You answer me first then I’ll try to explain what happened.” I promised.

“Well this guy was trying to talk to you. I think you know him. You didn’t say anything though. Then I realized that you just stood there so I held the guy away from you. He didn’t like that. I think he was starting to get mad at me. Then Lee and I think his friend came. Lee was absolutely furious. Lee was the one who told me to get you away from there. And then I think you know the rest.”

I sighed. I felt Cedric’s hug tightened.

“That was Joey. He used to be my friend.” I said.

Silence. I can feel that Cedric was still confused but he kept silent.

“Maybe we’re more than friends but then he and his Mom had to move to a far away place when we were 14. We... didn’t part on good terms. I haven’t heard from him since then. Yesterday was the first time I’ve seen him after five years.”

Unexpectedly, Cedric kissed my forehead. I felt my cheeks go warm.

“Thanks. For being here.” I said.

He squeezed my arm in reply. We laid there still. My head still in his chest, his arms around me. After a while though, he moved to check the time.

“Dan we need to get ready for school. If you’re not ready though, I can stay here with you.” He said.

“I can’t let you do that. Besides, I need to talk to Sam.” I said, slightly doubtful.

We looked at each other’s eyes. When Cedric finally let go of me, I clearly saw the regret in his eyes. I felt it too, I wanted him to hold me forever.

********************

It was the first day of school so there wasn’t much to do. Mainly, the professors introduced their individual curriculum, what they expect of their students, the grading system, mode of examination, etc. I haven’t seen neither Sam nor Joey yet and my school day was almost over and I fervently hoped not to see Joey at all, at least not yet. Meanwhile, I sent Sam a text message to meet me in front of the school library. Good thing our school day ends at the same time.

I was on my way to the library after much explaining to Cedric that I’ll be fine and that he can go on ahead of me. Sam was already there when I arrived.

We both didn’t say anything. I motioned that we sit in an empty bench that was right outside the library. We sat unusually apart from each other and we both eyed the other guardedly.

“I’m sorry about yesterday.” She said softly.

“What exactly happened yesterday?” I asked, trying to keep the anger from showing in my voice.

“What do you mean?”

“I think you know exactly what I mean. Why were you with him yesterday? And please don’t lie and tell me that you just met him there.”

“He’s still my best friend, Dan.” She said. “Unlike you, we stayed connected. I think I mentioned that to you before but you made it perfectly clear that you didn’t want anything to do with him. A few months ago, he mentioned that he’s thinking of going to college here and I persuaded him to go for it. That’s why I decided to come here as well. It will be like old times, the three of us together again.”

I had a bit of recollection wherein Sam was telling me how he was doing a few months after he departed. It made me sad that they were in contact and we were not. Hearing it again today made me feel worst.

“What does he want?” I said, the question not particularly directed towards Sam.

“I don’t know myself. But I think he wants a chance to talk to you.”

“He can’t come back and expect that everything will be the same as it was. It just doesn’t work that way.” I said.

“Take your time Dan but please talk to him. I think you need it as much as he does.” She pleaded.

I didn’t answer. I just put my head between my hands in a defeated way.

“What about us? Are we ok?”

I looked at her.

“I know this is not your fault, Sam, but I can’t help but feel that you’re partly responsible for it.” I said.

She flinched at my words.

I stood up. I patted her shoulders and turned to go. I heard her sob as I took a step away from her.