Not A Kiss - 14. Chapter 14

Turning, I spotted Liam as he was about to enter the restaurant. Why was my heart beating so fast? I’d done nothing wrong. I wasn’t out on a date with Joey; not intentionally at least. The fact Joey and I were about to go back inside the restaurant meant we were hungry, nothing more.

“Liam...” was all that I could say.

“I’m sorry too.” He hung up.

His last comment puzzled me until Joey and I made our way back into the restaurant. He was with Lee and two girls. I should’ve known.

Thankfully, the restaurant wasn’t that crowded anymore allowing Joey and I to quickly get a table. I noticed, however, that Cedric and Sam had left. I didn’t want to think about where they went. Part of me wanted their first date to go well but there was a bigger part that hoped it didn’t go too well.

Joey had been quiet during the few minutes I was talking to Liam until we entered the restaurant. In fact, he was still silent as we were finally seated, facing each other.

“Joey?”

“Are you still sure it’s a good idea for us to be here together?” he asked.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. There’s nothing wrong with two friends having dinner together, right?”

He flinched when I said the word ‘friends.’

“How did your life become so complicated?” he asked.

“Want me to answer that?”

He paused for a bit and then I saw his face darken with sadness.

Sorry for the hurt I caused him, I added, “Hey, don’t mind what I said.”

“But I started this,” he said.

“And now you’re trying to fix it, right? I should be grateful at least that you care enough to come back.” I smiled at him.

“I care about you, Dan. Nothing has changed. You keep saying that I’ve changed but my feelings for you remain the same.” The frustration in his voice was undeniable.

“I know.” I wished I could say more and tell him that I cared for him too. But I knew I would partly be lying.

“It seems we always get to this part; the part where we don’t know whether to move forward or not. If you tell me to go, I will go Dan.” He was looking me in the eye so I knew he meant every word he said.

“Joey, I thought we agreed that we will try to become friends first?”

“I know but it’s just hard. There’s just so many things I’ve missed about you,” he said with a hint of helplessness in his voice.

I was about to reach out for Joey’s hand which was on the table when Lee interrupted.

“Hi Danny,” Lee greeted. “Joey.” The look that Lee gave Joey made Joey squirm in his seat.

“Hi Lee. Out on a date again?”

“Yeah, I’m surprised that you are too,” Lee said with a little malice.

“It’s a long story,” I said.

“You’ll tell me all about it, ok?”

I just nodded and Lee left without a word. I glanced towards the table occupied by Lee and his friends and was surprised when I saw Liam watching me.

The waiter arrived and took our orders. Joey and I both ordered steaks with a side order of mashed potatoes for me and steamed vegetables for him. We were silent as we waited for our orders to arrive until we were both finished eating (which didn’t take long as we were both hungry) although I could feel Joey watching me every now and then.

“You ok?” I asked after a long moment of silence.

“I guess,” he answered doubtfully.

“How’s your Mom?”

“She’s great. She’s what you’d call an ‘independent woman’ now. A real career-oriented woman. I guess having to take care of me did that to her. In my opinion, she’s happier now although she still misses Dad a lot.” Something about the way he said this or his overall disposition in saying it gave me the impression of how proud of he was of his Mom.

“She didn’t remarry?” I asked.

“Nope. She goes on date sometimes but I think it’s just a social thing for her. I believe she’s still 100% devoted to Dad.”

“Tell me about your girlfriend.”

“Ex-girlfriend,” he corrected.

“Ok, if you want to be technical,” I was starting to feel comfortable around Joey.

“There’s not much to tell.” I had the feeling he was bothered by the subject which made me more curious.

“Did you care for her?”

“Of course, I do. I didn’t go out with her just to cover up my sexuality if that’s what you mean.” He tried not to be annoyed but I felt it nonetheless.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I just always thought that you were... like me,” I was about to say ‘gay’ but decided against it.

“I’m gay, Dan.”

His answer surprised me. “Sorry, what? You’re confusing me.”

“Sarah was my first and last girlfriend. She was the only girl I fell in love with. When I confessed to her that I was gay, she was disgusted. I kept telling her that I will be straight just for her but she didn’t believe me or maybe she didn’t want to believe me.” As I watched him, I was overwhelmed by how sad he was.

Of course I can’t relate to what Joey went through, but I understand. If there was one thing I know, it was that we can’t choose whom we love. After all, I fell in love with a straight guy.

I wanted to say so many things to Joey, but I couldn’t. Words failed me. Joey seemed to be having the same difficulty. We were both silent and it was an awkward one. Liam and I were sometimes silent when we were together but that silence was welcome; this silence with Joey was not.

“I wish I could take away all your pain,” Joey finally managed to say.

I looked at him closely. Was he lying?. I searched for hints that he made up what he said. But I knew he was telling the truth the moment that I looked at his face.

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t need to anyway because he continued on, “I love you Dan. I can’t help the way I feel about you.”

“Joey, my life is complicated enough as it is.” Although I knew that this was not exactly the correct way to respond to an ‘I love you’, he has a right to know my current situation.

“I won’t be a complication. I want to stay by your side as... your friend.”

I knew it was difficult for him to say those words. Friends indeed.

“Well we did agree that we’ll try to be friends,” I mused. “But are you really sure?”

He smiled uncertainly.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he said. It felt like he was trying to convince himself with his own words.

“Since we’re friends, what’s up with Lee’s friend?” he asked while pointing.

I turned towards Lee’s table and saw that Liam was still looking at me. I felt self-conscious, so I turned my attention towards Joey again.

“Don’t mind him. I don’t know what Liam and I have.” I really didn’t. “I think it’s safe to say that we’re more than just friends.”

“Oh, um, Dan...” Joey stammered.

Joey’s gaze was fixed on something behind me. I was about to turn to look at whatever it was but I suddenly felt strong hands gripped me from both sides and helped me on my feet. Before I knew what was really happening, I was looking at Liam’s ebony eyes. Slowly his lips moved towards mine until I felt his soft lips brushed against my own. Liam was kissing me, nothing else mattered. Everything around me faded until it seemed like the world stopped. The single thought in my head was Liam’s lips against mine and the multitude of sensations it was giving me.

I didn’t even notice that I closed my eyes. When I finally opened them, I saw Liam with a satisfied smile on his face, the same lips that had made my heart beat like crazy just moments before.

“Ow, can you please lessen your grip a little?” I said once the sensations all over my body went back to normal.

“Sorry,” Liam said as he let go.

Everything seemed surreal. I looked around me and saw some people watching with interest, others had disgusted looks on their faces and some were completely oblivious. My gaze rested on Lee’s table. Lee had a guarded expression on his face.

“You better go back to your girlfriend. She doesn’t look very happy.”

I sat down when Liam turned to go. I wanted so much to kiss Liam once again but I didn’t want to risk it. I had the feeling the only reason there wasn’t any trouble was because the kiss happened so suddenly.

There wasn’t any disturbance from Lee’s table, at least none that I could hear. I felt, rather than saw, Lee, Liam and their dates get up to leave. The only sign of problem I noted was a woman saying the word ‘fag’ in a voice that clearly wanted to be heard just as the front door closed. I knew immediately that the term was directed at me.

There were so many thoughts that crossed my mind but the most immediate worried me the most.

“Joey!” I said in a loud voice.

I looked at Joey and saw him crestfallen but only for a moment. When he saw me looking at him, he immediately smiled.

“I guess that proves that the two of you are more than just friends,” he said in what he hoped was a cheerful voice, but I saw right through him.

I wanted to enjoy the feeling of my first kiss. It felt exactly as I had imagined it. In my mind, I always thought I’d end up with the first person that I kissed. It was supposed to be Joey.

“I wanted it to be with you,” Although I didn’t mean to hurt him, a part of me wanted him to hear the truth. He was entitled to it anyway.

“I know,” he said with all regret. Joey slipped into deep thought.

It was getting late and I wanted to leave. Asking Joey for a ride seemed cruel; it just made things more uncomfortable for him.

“I think I’ll just grab a cab,” I announced.

“No you won’t,” he teased.

“I’ll be fine by myself, don’t worry.”

“I hope you’re not thinking that I’m going to drop you home,” he said with a grin. “Because I won’t. Your boyfriend’s here.”

I turned around and saw Liam waiting outside.

Joey paid for our dinner after some objection from me. I really didn’t want him to think that this was a date although it felt like one aside from the fact that I kissed another guy.

Liam came towards me as soon as I walked outside. He had an expectant look on his face and I had never seen him so happy.

I stopped moving and Liam halted too. I felt Joey beside me. They were both looking at me. I looked apologetically at Liam and turned towards Joey. I wrapped my arms around Joey and hugged him close to me.