Not A Kiss - 2. Chapter 2

After the dream, there wasn’t anything else I could do so I just stayed in bed and watched the sky turn from dusk to morning through the window of my room. It was going to be one of those sunny mornings without any cloud in the blue sky. I cheered up a bit but I still felt horrible inside.

Why did I dream of Joey again after all these years? Five years to be exact. But the dream is still the same and more vivid than ever. I wished I could forget but then again how can anyone forget the event that changed their lives forever? After all, it did change me. I haven’t been the same ever since. It’s like when Joey left, he took a part of me and I couldn’t retrieve that part no matter what I do. He robbed me of something, that much I knew.

When I opened my eyes that day in the park under the maple tree and Joey was nowhere in sight, I guess you can say that I went into shock. I was just slumped there against the maple tree for hours according to Lee, my big brother. He’s the one who found me after all. When I came through I was already in my bed and Lee was there. I have never seen him that scared before and the look of relief on his face when he saw me looking at him made me a bit guilty that I worried him that much.

I knew he wanted to ask me so many questions about what happened but he didn’t that day. Instead, he laid beside me in bed and just held me close to him. He made me feel safe which of course triggered my tears. I must have cried like a baby but Lee didn’t seem to mind.

“Hey, you’re up!” I heard Lee said and I didn’t even notice the door opening.

“What’s wrong?” He said after awhile.

“Hi, Lee. I’m fine. Just thinking.”

“You had that dream again, didn’t you?”

I finally had to look at Lee at that point. He’s wearing casual clothes but he still looked good. Heck, he looks good in everything. Lee and I look the same, we’re brothers after all, but only at first glance. The more you look, the more you’ll see the difference. My good looks, not that I’m so full of myself, are more on the ordinary and homey kind, whereas Lee’s are more defined. It helps too that he works out every week which developed his chest, arms and legs and produced these amazing six packs. Lee is the improved version of me, everything about him is better.

“What are you a mind reader now?” I teased.

“I just know you so well Danny.” He said seriously.

“Since when do you call me Danny again?”

Lee smiled then. Yep, definitely better than me. That smile could have made girls a little faint. And some guys too I bet, not that it would do them any good since my brother is straight. He goes from one girl to another just like that. Not that I take that against him, he’s my brother after all and my loyalty is to him. And somehow I didn’t harbor any bad feelings against Lee for being better than me at everything. He may have everything but there’s one thing I have that he doesn’t have, I have him for a brother.

Silence ensued. Lee kept on glancing at me every now and then as if I didn’t notice.

“Stop it!” I said.

“What?”

“You know very well your charm doesn’t work on me big brother so don’t play innocent on me. Just say whatever it is you want to say.”

Lee surprised me when instead of saying anything, he moved closer and embraced me. It felt awkward having my 21 year old brother hugging me but it felt good at the same time. I sighed.

“Feeling better now?” Lee said when he finally let go of me.

“Thanks, I didn’t know I needed that.” I said while blushing.

“I already told you Danny boy, I know you. Much more in fact than you know yourself.”

I didn’t say anything then. He’s probably right anyway, not that I’d tell him that to his face.

“How long are you going to wallow?” Lee broke into my thoughts.

“I’m not wallowing.” I said defensively.

“Ok, you’re right. During the first year you wallowed. But after that, you just gave up. I mean, I haven’t seen you out on a date. It’s not normal.”

I was gonna say something but Lee beat me to it.

“Don’t say Sam because no matter what logic you give me, it just doesn’t count.” He said triumphantly with a little glint in his eyes.

I said something under my breathe.

“What was it that you said?” He asked.

“DICK HEAD.” I bellowed.

Lee gave me a rather hard tap on the head then.

“What are you five years old?” He said grinning.

Rising to the moment, I did what any five year old would do, I stuck out my tongue at him.

The next thing that happened caught me completely off guard. Lee was tickling me all over. It felt to me like we were transported back in time when Lee would do this exact same thing to cheer me up.

“S-stop, L-lee, S-stop.” I managed to say in between laughs.

Lee stopped but we continued on laughing. When the mirth was gone, we just laid there in my bed both lost in our own thoughts. I was thinking of my childhood, of growing up with Lee. I kinda sensed that his thoughts were the same.

“It must feel good being you.” I said after awhile.

“Why do you say that?”

“Well we both know that you’re better at me in everything and don’t argue!” I said to stop him from saying anything. “I’ve never taken that against you and I never will. But lately I’ve been thinking that maybe I was just confused before. What if I actually like girls, Lee?”

“Well if you do then that’s fine with me. At least you’ll finally go out with someone. But a word of advice, if you like girls then stick to girls.” He didn’t look at me when he said this.

“Why? I could be bisexual for all you know.”

Lee looked at me then with eyes wide in surprise.

“Please tell me you’re joking. You don’t know how hard it is for bisexuals. It’s confusing! One day you like girls and then suddenly you like guys. And sooner or later you must choose and when you’ve finally chosen, you’re going to have to suppress your other sexuality. It’s like you’re killing a part of you.”

I looked at Lee then. I could tell he was bothered by what I said. I felt so guilty for making him worry for nothing.

“I’m sorry if I upset you. You don’t need to worry, Lee. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, girls won’t do it to me the same it does to you.” I said smiling weakly.

Lee calmed down then. In a matter of minutes he was back to being his old cheerful self.

“I just want you to be happy, Danny.”

“Oh stop with the Danny already, Lee...” I stopped. “Fuck, even your name is better than mine. I can’t do anything with it to tease you!”

We both laughed.

“Hey where exactly are you going all dressed up so early in the morning? Are you going out on a date?” I looked at my bedside clock and it was already 10 AM. I smiled to myself. I was glad that Lee was here to cheer me up a bit.

“Nah, I’m gonna hang out with Liam. I’m late actually and it’s all your fault.”

“Hey nobody forced you to stay with me. If I remember correctly, you’re the one who invaded my room.” I teased.

“Liam again? You know I can’t figure out why you’re friends with that guy. He’s trouble.” I said after awhile.

“How would you know? Did you even stop to get to know him?” Lee said this with an eyebrow raised.

I pondered his question and he’s right again. The only things I knew about Liam were things that I heard from other people. Liam is actually nice to me whenever he visit Lee at home. That just goes to show that you can learn a thing or two from your big brother.

I muttered under my breathe again.

“What’s that you said again?”

“SMART ASS!” I shouted.

Lee tapped me in the head again but much gentler than before.

“Anyways, I have to go. You can come and hang out with Liam and me if you want.” Lee offered.

“Nah I’m fine. But I might hang out with Liam one of these days.”

“Really? That’s cool. I think he’ll like that.” Lee said beaming.

“You still think it’s cool if I started fucking with your best friend?” I teased.

Lee just stood there. I couldn’t discern what he was thinking of.

“I’m cool with that.” He said after a long pause.

“You’re funny Lee. Your best friend is as straight as you are. I think my homosexuality is rubbing off on you because you are so gay right now.”

Lee didn’t say anything. He just looked at me as if he wanted to say something. I waited but he didn’t say anything. After a while, he just shrugged, smiled at me then waved goodbye.

When I was finally alone again, I replayed my conversation with my brother. There’s definitely something odd about Lee today. And I haven’t given his best friend Liam any thought until now. Liam is as handsome and sexy as my brother but with a hint of mystery about him. I think it’s time to get to know my brother’s best friend.