Not A Kiss - 12. Chapter 12

After that, the time I spent at home wasn’t fun anymore. Cedric was still humorous, cheerful and irresistible, but there was a part of me that knew I couldn’t have him and it put me in a foul mood. I pretended I was fine though for my parents’ sake and Cedric’s as well, but deep inside, I felt very alone and sad.

To make matters worse, Lee came home that Saturday afternoon accompanied by Liam.

“Hey, Lee, what are you doing home?” I asked, but my focus was on Liam. He wouldn’t even look at me. Just my luck.

“This is my home too, Dan,” Lee teased while he gazed back and forth from me to Liam.

“Everything ok between the two of you?” Lee asked. Liam just grunted. He grunted! I didn’t know cave man was the new trend.

“Something is definitely up between the two of you,” Lee said, shaking his head. “Go to the garden and sort it out.”

“Hey, you’re not the boss of me. Anyway, your friend here is the one with a problem. He’s been ignoring me,” I said, my voice slightly rising.

“I knew there was something wrong!” Lee said triumphantly. “Liam has been acting weird these last few days. You two had a lover’s quarrel?”

“No!” Liam and I said at the same time.

“You two should talk it out in the garden. Trust me, it would help.” Lee gave both Liam and I a gentle shove. Due to the difference in our build, I stumbled a few steps forward, while Liam remained where he was.

I looked at Liam. I still didn’t know him that well but I decided right at that moment he was stubborn. Another thing we had in common.

“Liam,” I said, “I think this has gone far enough. Can we please talk?” Liam still didn’t look at me but began to move towards the garden. I followed after giving Lee a questioning look. He just shrugged and gave me a weak smile.

Liam sat on a bench. I decided to stand a few feet from him. Gazing around me, I saw the garden was in full bloom. I really envied Dad for having a green thumb. Sadly both Lee and I didn’t inherit it.

“You wanted to talk,” Liam said, suddenly breaking the silence.

“Yeah, sorry. I was distracted.”

Liam’s attention moved to Dad’s flower bed, which I’d just been admiring. On closer inspection, Liam didn’t seem angry at all. He just looked sad. Sadness was one thing I could relate to.

“Liam, what’s wrong?” I finally asked.

He just looked at me.

“Look, are you still mad about the other day?” I asked. “As I kept on telling you, it wasn’t my fault.”

“I know,” he said.

“Then what’s wrong?”

“You like your roommate.” It wasn’t a question. In spite of his shyness, he was a very good observer.

“Sorry if you feel like I was using you that night. I just felt this connection with you, something I haven’t felt about anyone before. It’s like we have so many things in common.”

“I like you.” He said it very casually that it took me a while before I got his meaning.

“Oh,” I said.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked, watching me. It was the first time he’d looked at me, really looked at me, since that night.

“Nothing,” I sighed. “It’s just a lot has happened last night.”

“Want to tell me about it?”

“Not all of it, I’m afraid. The only thing I can tell you is that I talked with Joey last night.”

“Why don’t you sit down beside me?” He patted the bench.

I sat down as far away from him as possible. I laid my back so I could look at the sky. Fluffy clouds were floating on a blue background. It was another sunny day.

“I take it things didn’t go well last night?” he asked.

I only told him about Joey so my mind immediately ignored everything else and just focused on what transpired between Joey and I. It seemed bad at first but now that I had some time to process what happened, some good came out of it. At least Joey and I would try to be friends. That was a start.

“Joey and I worked out something. It’s the other things which bother me,” I finally said.

Liam didn’t say anything. I was still looking up the sky, but had to look at him when he still didn’t say anything after quite some time.

“Did I say something wrong?” I asked.

“You and Joey are back together?”

After thinking things through, I had to laugh. I glanced sideways at Liam and he was not amused that I was laughing at him.

“Sorry! Joey and I are not back together. We’re going to try to be friends again though.” I was trying really hard to control my laughter.

Liam continued looking at me as if I was crazy, but there was a bit of an improvement in his mood. Before long, we were staring into each other’s eyes.

“Did the two of you manage to talk or did you just stare at each other the whole time?”

Liam and I looked up to Lee’s smiling face. I blushed at being caught doing something like that and by my brother of all people. There was something weird about Lee’s smile though. He was probably as embarrassed as I was.

Lee sat down in between Liam and I.

“Are you two ok now?” Lee asked.

“Yeah,” I said. Liam was once again silent.

“Good because I can’t have my brother and best friend fighting over something. What did the two of you fight about anyway?”

This time I followed Liam’s lead and didn’t say anything.

“Fine. If you two don’t want to talk then that’s fine. I’m just glad you two are ok.”

Lee ruffled my hair as he stood up. I was trying to fix my hair when I noticed Lee looking at Liam. There was something odd about that look. It somehow seemed like... but of course it couldn’t be. I shook my head to banish the sudden thought. I was just being stupid. When I looked up again, Lee had gone. I glanced at Liam and his focus was on the flower bed again. He probably didn’t even notice Lee looking at him.

“Can you last all day without talking?” I teased.

“I don’t like talking that much unless I have to. But when I’m with you, I don’t mind talking that much. You’re a talker.” He grinned.

“Whoa, I think you just made a breakthrough there. You probably already exceeded your maximum words per day.”

We looked at each other and laughed. Or I laughed while Liam smiled. I wonder when was the last time he laughed. If Liam and I are going to friends, I had to teach him to let go and have a little fun.

“Is it really that bad?” I finally asked while giving it some thought.

“Is what bad?”

“Your life, what happened to you. Is it so bad that you can’t even laugh?” I asked.

Liam didn’t say anything. I thought at first he didn’t want to answer but when I looked at him, he seemed to be deep in thought as if he was pondering over what I just said.

“I can’t even remember the last time I laughed,” he confessed.

I placed my hand on top of his hand more as a sign of comfort than anything else.

“You are so much like your brother,” he commented.

“You’re not the first one to notice that. I get that a lot. I really don’t mind it though. My brother is a good person and I admire him a lot.”

“There’s something weird about him lately though.”

I didn’t say anything. So he‘d noticed too. I shouldn’t really be surprised, they were best friends. I could always tell when something bothered Sam.

“Where’s your roommate?”

“My roomate has a name. Anyway, you just missed him. He went back to the dorm for some decent clothes. He has a date with Sam.”

If Liam was surprised, he didn’t show it. Perhaps he already knew just as he knew that I liked Cedric.

“I like you, Danny,” Liam reiterated what he had said earlier.

“You don’t even know me that well yet,” I said matter-of-factly.

“I’ve noticed you before even if you haven’t noticed me.” There was some hint of accusation in his voice.

I sighed.

“Look, Liam, my life is very complicated right now. My ex-best friend, Joey, was back after five years of absence. I just got confirmation that the guy I really like is straight. Basically, I think I’ve been sad and alone for five long years. Though I’m sick and tired of being sad and alone, I think it’s wrong if I jump at the first guy who offered.”

“I’m sad and alone too.” Was all that Liam said.

I reached for Liam and tried to pull him towards me. He got the idea and moved closer. I put an arm around his shoulders.

“Why don’t we try being sad and alone together?” I said.

“I’d like that.”

Liam rested his head on my shoulder. Somehow it felt right, two lonely people giving each other comfort.

“Why did you stop trying?” I asked.

“I guess I’m just scared.”

It takes a lot for a guy to admit that he’s scared so I was suddenly looking at Liam in a new light. To think that a guy like Liam can be scared. All we really wanted was to love and be loved so how did the two of us end up like this?

Time passed but Liam remained resting his head on my shoulder while I had one arm around him. We were both silent but it was the kind of silence that I could get used to. It was calming and it made me feel at ease, like I was part of the silence.

Liam sighed. “We need to go back inside soon,” he said.

“I know,” I said. The two of us remained as we were with no intention of going anywhere soon.

“Would you go out on a date with me?” Liam asked.

“Liam, I...”

He straightened up and then looked at me.

“I know, Danny. I want to try again. I think you should do the same.”

Somehow, I felt myself nodding.