Not A Kiss - 4. Chapter 4

Cedric and I became fast friends. We had so much in common. I haven’t had a guy friend after Joey so it was nice having Cedric as a friend. We don’t seem to run out of things to talk about. We’re both not into sports that much which was a surprise for me because Cedric had an athlete’s built. Turns out we both like reading. I told him that I write short stories every now and then and he just got excited and begged me to let him read some of my works. I didn’t promise him anything but told him that I will think about it. I don’t really let others read my stuff, it just unnerves me.

I’m still not used to having an almost naked roommate but I don’t stare that much anymore, I try at least. I’m not sure whether he just doesn’t care, he’s used to it or he’s seducing me. I rather hoped it was the latter. It’s been two days and I’m still not sure whether he’s gay. There must be something wrong with my gaydar, probably because there was no need to use it before.

With Joey, I just instantly knew or probably felt is the best way to describe it. With Cedric, it’s like a riddle. There’s so many possible answers but there’s only a single correct one.

There were hints though. Our first night sleeping in our room (on separate beds of course), Cedric said: “Good night, darling.” What kind of straight guy would say darling? Maybe a very confused one would.

The next day, which was yesterday, I awoke to see Cedric watching me sleep. He didn’t even act guilty that I caught him. He just smiled and not in an embarrassed kind of way but the sexy and alluring kind which confused me even more.

Just this morning, Cedric entered our room with a towel wrapped around his waist and droplets of water still in his body. I was on my way out to take a shower myself but when I saw him, I stumbled and he caught me. He had his arms around me and we just looked into each other’s eyes. He smells of aftershave, soap and light cologne.

I unwillingly extricated myself from his almost embrace because I felt like if we had remained that way for a few more seconds, I would have kissed him. There was this look on his face though as if he wanted me. If that was so, why is he not making a move? Should I make the move? What if he’s not gay? I don’t want to lose him as a friend.

What kind of trouble have I gotten myself into?

********************

That night, I knew that Lee went back home to pick up some of his stuff so I decided that now would be a good time to get to know his best friend, Liam. I was not even sure if Liam was in their room that night but I figured that I should at least try.

Lee and Liam’s room was on the third floor, room 302. I knocked on the door. There was no answer. After a couple of minutes, I knocked again. The doorknob turned, the door opened and this tall, muscular guy with only red boxer briefs opened the door. What is it with me and almost naked guys?

“Hi,” I said, “I’m Dan, Lee’s brother. We’ve met before.”

“Yeah?” He’s obviously confused. Probably drunk or at least a hangover. “Lee’s not here right now.”

“I know, I’m actually here to see you. I can come back though when you’re not... busy.”

He just looked at me as if I just told him I’m gay. I was about to go but then he moved aside to allow me in. I sighed as I went in.

“I’ll be right back. I’ll just wash my face with water. I have been... sleeping.” He said in a deep voice.

“Um, right. You might want to put on some clothes, too.”

“Wha-” He started to say but stopped when he saw that he was only wearing boxer briefs. “Lee must have undressed me last night.” He said, more to himself than to me.

He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He went out the door and a few minutes later, came back looking more like he’s in control of himself.

“Sorry for that. Lee came back home, right?” He grabbed a shirt and shorts and put them on as he said this.

I couldn’t believe that only a few seconds ago, I was looking at his amazing, perpetually tanned skin with his muscles bulging. His muscles still bulged underneath his shirt and shorts but there was something sensual seeing him without his clothing. He was not excessively muscled. He has the same built as Lee. They’re both into sports after all.

“Yeah, he did. Said something about needing some stuff from home.” I said quickly.

I couldn’t think of anything else to say so I just looked around the room. It’s almost the same as the room I share with Cedric but their room were full of football stuff. When I finished surveying the room, I looked at Liam and found him watching me. We looked at each other’s eyes for a second but both looked away at the same time. I had this feeling that I would not mind looking into those black orbs of his for long stretches of time.

“Why did you come here?” He said after a long silence.

“I.. I actually don’t know. Mainly it’s because of Lee. I said something to him that I heard others say about you. His only response is that I don’t even know you. I realized that it was true.”

He didn’t say anything but he kept his head down. I wished he’d look up so I can peer into those eyes again.

“I’m sorry. This must seem weird to you. I’ll just go.”

“No. Stay.” There was a note of urgency in his voice which made me stay.

“What you heard about me were true, more or less. But they were in the past and I’m trying very hard to make up for them.” He continued.

“By drinking?” I asked without thinking. I bit my lip.

He looked up then and there was this out-of place sadness in his rugged, handsome face. I immediately felt guilty. I couldn’t make myself look at him so it was my turn to keep my head down.

“There are just times when I can’t stand being me so I find temporary escape. I know it’s no excuse but I’m weak.” He said.

I felt sorry for him. I can’t even imagine what could possibly have happened to him to make him this way and to think himself as weak in spite of his outward appearance. I wanted so much to hug him but wasn’t sure how he’d react so I just looked at him. He was looking at me too.

“I’m here if ever you need me, Liam. A friend of Lee’s is a friend of mine.” I said smiling at him. Our eye contact still lingered.

“I’m glad you decided to hang out with me today, Danny.” He smiled for the first time. It changed his face dramatically. Suddenly, he doesn’t seem so mysterious and threatening anymore.

“Hmmm, Lee said the same thing, that you’d be happy hanging out with me. Weird, huh?” I asked.

That’s when Liam broke our eye contact. Somehow, something I said made him uncomfortable.

********************

The following day, Cedric and I were getting ready to go to school to be registered and get our schedules. I was gonna meet my friend Sam at school so I was getting impatient to leave.

“Hurry up already. You can’t possibly be more handsome than you already are so stop fussing about yourself.” I teased.

He closed his cabinet then so I got a good look at him. I was wrong, he looked more amazing with pink buttoned shirt which was only half tucked in, the other half was untucked. The buttons weren’t all done either so one catches a glimpse of his chest as he moves. His denims were a little tight around his thighs and accentuates his ass. He looks good with or without clothes. He should be a model.

“You think I’m handsome?” He asked with a big smile.

“Get over yourself already.” I said.

“You look good, by the way.” He said as he took in every part of me.

“Let’s just go. I want you to meet Sam, my best friend.”

“Must we? Why don’t we stay for a bit?” He looked at me suggestively.

There was already a queue at the registration when we arrived at school. I looked around and spotted Sam. She was already in line and talking to this guy. Although the guy had his back on me, I felt like I know him. It almost seemed like he’s... but it can’t be. Why would he be here? Of course I haven’t seen him for five years so I can’t really be sure.

I waved at Sam to get her attention. She waved back but with less vigor. She’s probably feeling guilty for not waiting for me. And for what, to talk to a guy? I can’t be totally mad at her though, I’m here with Cedric after all.

When Sam and her friend were finished, they turned to go. There were several people that separate us so I couldn’t get a good look at the guy. But I’m still bothered. In every way, he reminds me of him.

“Are you ok?” Cedric asked from behind me.

“Yeah, I just suddenly remembered the past.”

“Not a very good past to remember if it leaves you like this.” He commented.

I turned and looked at him. He looked concerned which made me cheer up a bit.

“Let’s get this over with.”

Half an hour later, we were finished. We picked the schedule which we felt we could easily manage. I wasn’t sure if there’s any subject we picked which Sam picked as well but right at that moment, I didn’t care. It’s not my fault she didn’t even stopped to talk to me. I’m not really sure whether I’m being protective as a friend or I’m pissed because the guy she’s with reminds me of someone.

As Cedric and I were making our way out of the building, we bumped into Lee and Liam. Lee looked absolutely furious.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked.

“Why don’t you ask your friend Sam?” Was all he said as he continued his way towards the building Cedric and I just left. Liam eyed Cedric suspiciously while Cedric was oblivious to the fact. I made eye contact with Liam but he didn’t say anything.

“What’s that about?” Cedric asked, completely puzzled.

“I don’t know but I think I need to see my friend, Sam.”

We went the way which we thought Lee and Liam came from. After several steps, I spotted Sam and she’s still with the same guy. The guy still had his back on me. Sam was not her usual cheerful self at the moment. In fact, she seemed scared though I can’t understand why.

“Hey, Sam...” I was not able to finish what I was gonna say because the moment the guy heard my voice, he turned around. He turned slowly, as if in slow motion. But even before I saw his face, I knew it was him. Eventhough I haven’t seen him for five years, I could still recognize him. It was him, the guy I first loved and who also broke my heart for the first time. Joey was back.