Not A Kiss - 8. Chapter 8

During the last day of the first week of class I saw Joey again. I found out from Sam that Joey had gotten into a fight with Lee. So that was what Lee meant when he said he took care of something that day. I didn’t really know how I felt about their fight. Sometimes I wish that I don’t feel anything at all.

I waved doubtfully at Joey and he waved back with a slight smile. I approached him.

“Hi, Joey,” I said while looking at the floor. I was afraid one look into his brown eyes would jump start what we had five years ago so I avoided looking at his face.

“Hi, Dan.” I can’t see his face but it felt like he was amused or something.

“Listen, I was wondering if we can talk privately after class,” I said in one breathe.

“Ok, I know the perfect place. I’ll meet you in the parking lot at 4:15,” he said.

I left him without saying anything. My class ended at three so I’d have about an hour to prepare for the ‘talk’. In spite of telling myself I should not let what would happen later affect me, I still couldn’t help but wonder at it. Cedric noticed right away. Of course I didn’t tell him I was meeting Joey later mainly because I didn’t want him to worry. I felt like Cedric wanted to ask me what was wrong but he respected my silence, as usual.

It wasn’t enough that Joey was already in my thoughts. Turned out, we had two classes together that day and I grimaced when I realized that they were major subjects. So he was also taking English Lit. Why am I surprised? In fact, I should have already known. English was something the both of us enjoyed.

I tried ignoring Joey but still couldn’t help looking at him every once in a while. I saw him watching Cedric with a slight frown on his face. I grinned. Would it be cruel if I pretended I was dating Cedric? I thought about it and decided that it would be unfair to Cedric. He had done a lot for me already and though I was sure he would readily agree if I asked him to pretend to be my boyfriend, I wasn‘t sure what effect it would have on this ‘relationship’ I already having with him. Whatever it was.

Too soon, the moment I dreaded came, my school day just ended.

“Are you going home for the weekend?” I asked Cedric as we walked. I stopped and sat on a bench a few feet from the school parking lot. Cedric sat beside me.

“Nah, my Dad’s on a business trip. What about you?”

“I think I’ll go home for a bit. I haven’t been home during the week so might as well take this opportunity to check up on my parents. They must be missing me a lot already. Are you going to be alone in our room all weekend?” I had to ask. I figured, it was now or never.

“Pretty much. I don’t know anyone that well around here except you of course. And going to a bar alone is just not my thing.”

“You can hang out with me at home if you want,” I offered.

His eyes twinkled. “You sure? That would be awesome.”

“Yes, I’m sure.” I gave him a cheeky grin, and continued, “I only offered because I don’t have a car whereas you do.”

“Why don’t you have a car?” he asked. From the way he looked at me, he must have been dying to ask me this from the first time we met.

“Oh, um, how do I put this?” I started. “I guess you can say that I don’t like driving. Lee has a car and he’s more than willing to drive me around so it’s the perfect situation, for me at least.” I felt the heat rise to my cheeks.

“Well then it’s settled. I’ll drive both of us to your home. Want to go now?” he asked.

“Um, actually I need to meet with someone. I’ll just meet you in our room later, ok?”

Cedric’s body tensed. His face suddenly turned serious and his lips were unusually devoid of a smile. I was surprised when I noticed that his blue eyes have turned to a dark shade of gray.

“Who is it?” His voice was a little bit menacing.

“Joey.” I uttered as I bowed my head.

He relaxed a little and when I looked at him again, I saw the concern in his eyes.

“Are you going to be ok?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I just know that I have to do this.”

He moved closer to me and gave me a one-arm hug. “I hope never to see you the way you were the last time you saw him because I swear I’ll kill him.”

I leaned my head against Cedric’s chest. I have never felt so at ease like this with another guy except with Lee. It didn’t feel wrong even though we were in school grounds and in broad daylight.

“Why don’t you go out on a date?” I asked.

He ruffled my hair with his free hand.

“Hey!” I protested.

“That’s what you get for asking stupid questions,” he teased.

“Well if the question is so stupid, why don’t you just answer?” I dared.

“I guess you can say that I haven’t met the right person yet.”

“You know what I think?” I asked. “I think you’ve met the right person already. You’re just afraid.”

“I think you’re right.”

“Oh I know I’m right,” I said, chuckling.

I tried to straighten up when students started showing. Cedric wouldn’t let me though. I tried several times but he just tightened his hold on me. In the end, I gave up and just tried to ignore everyone around us.

“This is embarrassing,” I whispered.

“There’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing. Besides, I’m not ashamed of being with a hot guy like you.”

I started laughing.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, the confusion apparent in his voice.

“Nothing. We’ll talk about this later. There’s something we definitely have to discuss.”

Someone cleared his throat somewhere nearby. Cedric and I turned to look at that someone almost at the same time.

It was Joey. I couldn’t believe that an hour already passed. I un-slung Cedric’s arm around my neck, thankful that he didn’t resist this time. I got up first and Cedric followed a couple of seconds later.

“Hi, Joey. This is my roommate, Cedric.”

Joey’s face was completely devoid of expression.

“Hi, Joey. Just call me Ced.” Cedric extended his hand towards Joey.

A minute passed and I was afraid that there was gonna be trouble. I looked at Cedric and the smile on his face was starting to turn into a frown.

“Hey, nice meeting you,” Joey said as he took Cedric’s hand. They shook hands while looking at each other but it was more like a ‘stare-off’ and whoever blinked first lost.

It was I who cleared my throat this time. They both let go of their handshake almost at the same time.

“I’ll see you later, ok?” Cedric said to me.

“Yeah. Don’t forget to pack some clothes.”

“I won’t.” Cedric turned and walked away.

“Shall we go?” I said, facing Joey. He looked at me and I immediately lowered my gaze.

He sighed. “Let’s go. Want us to take my car or your car?”

“Oh definitely your car. I don’t drive.”

He didn’t say anything. I followed him and he led me to this silver convertible. It was slightly old but very well maintained.

“Hop in. It maybe old but it still works fine.”

I couldn’t help but smile a bit when I saw this look of admiration on his face as he gazed at his car.

“What’s wrong?” he asked when he looked at me after he placed himself on the driver seat beside me. My amusement must have been apparent.

“Nothing, let’s just go.”

I kept my face towards my side of the car to prevent Joey from making small talk as he drove. He must have sensed my reluctance because he didn’t try to talk to me at all during the entire ride. I got more and more uneasy by the second though, to the point I was near panicking when I realized where we were going.

“Joey?” I said softly.

“Did you say something?” he asked, distractedly.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

He smiled, and said with a chirpy voice, “We’re going to the park.”

I was gonna say something but it was too late now. To my horror, Joey was already parking his car in an empty space.

He turned off the engine of the car. “Here we are.” Then he looked at me and his grin faltered. “Dan, are you ok?”
I took deep breaths, trying to control my breathing. I hadn’t been here since that day. I looked around me and it was like reliving my dream. Very little had changed since I’d been here last.

“What’s wrong?” I heard Joey ask as if from afar.

I looked at him which was a big mistake. I suddenly found myself looking through his eyes and him looking through mine. It felt like I was back in time, to the time when I still knew the person beside me. It only lasted for a minute though. The more I looked into his eyes, the more I realized that I didn’t know him anymore. The five years we were not together became more and more apparent. He’d become a stranger to me.

A frown formed on Joey’s face. Did he see the doubt in my eyes? I expected I would throw myself at him right about now but something was keeping me back and I couldn’t explain it. My heart still pounded with the same intensity it did five years ago but something had definitely changed. I was surprised when I came to the realization I was the one who changed.

I faced towards the front of the car and stared directly in front of me. I didn’t look at anything in particular, I just stared. I’d always thought and considered myself as a coward but as I sat there in Joey’s car, I felt different. I wasn’t afraid of Joey anymore. I felt that the hold he had on me all these years had suddenly vanished like a rusted chain which broke easily. Funny how I’d dreaded this moment the whole day. Even my earlier panic of going to the park seemed absurd now.

“Let’s go.” I finally said. I opened the door and stepped out of the car and turned towards Joey who seemed at a loss.

“Joey?” My voice seemed to distract from his thoughts.

“Ok, let’s go.” He seemed disappointed somehow like this wasn’t the way he’d expected things to proceed. I felt a bit guilty but I was glad at the same time that I could talk to Joey in full control of my emotions.

We walked side by side. I glanced at Joey whose expression was serious as if in deep thought. Five years had made him more handsome than I remembered. His features were more defined now, his nose and lips particularly. I still felt the whole hearted admiration I had for him but there was also the realization I was not looking at the same Joey I’d known back then.

I didn’t know how long I stared at him or when we stopped walking. Joey looked at me suddenly and I felt myself blush. I turned away from him. The wind blew overhead and the branches of a big old maple tree swayed, the leaves rustling.

It was like the tree was waving to us.