Not A Kiss - 16. Chapter 16

My stomach twisted in a knot. Liam was wary but he didn’t show signs of fear that I felt. The position which Liam and I were in didn’t look good. To top it all, we were both naked with raging hardons; although mine was going away fast. I could feel that Liam was still semi-hard though. Liam and I locked eyes for a second and as if on cue, we both looked at the cause of the door banging, Liam turned his body slightly sideways while I had to get up a bit and strain my neck to see. It was Lee.

The good thing was, he didn’t look angry. Or maybe that was a bad thing. Lee gave me a look which made me feel how disappointed he was, I hadn’t seen him look at me that way before. I wanted to run to him and try to explain the situation but my nakedness prevented that. Liam was the only reason Lee could not see me fully naked. From Lee’s vantage point though, it looked as if Liam was fucking me. There was nothing wrong if Liam and I were actually doing it though, I mean I was old enough. But I still felt guilty.

“Get dressed Daniel,” Lee commanded. Oh shit, I was in big trouble. I had never heard him call me Daniel before.

Lee opened the door and went out. Liam and I looked at each other as soon as Lee closed the door. I smiled at him weakly and he did the same. He disengaged his body from mine. I couldn’t help but look at him and admire his golden brown skin and muscle-ripped body in spite of our situation. He caught me looking and he smiled. I blushed. He went towards me and helped me on my feet. He gave me a quick kiss before finally letting me go.

I sensed Liam was checking me out as I bent over to pick up my clothes. I got dressed with my back towards him. I only turned around again when I was fully dressed. I frowned when I saw that he was still naked and his cock was still semi-hard. I picked up his underwear from the floor and threw it at him. He was smiling as he put it on. With a sweep of his hand, he collected his remaining clothes from the floor and threw them on his bed. He sat down on his bed as I went to open the door.

Lee came inside and I closed the door. When I turned around, Lee and Liam were looking at each other. I couldn’t explain it but I felt out of place, like I didn’t belong. The feeling passed when Liam motioned for me to sit beside him. When I sat down, Liam immediately took my hand in his. I looked at Liam’s hand which held mine then at Liam’s face. Liam smiled at me encouragingly. Finally, I looked at Lee.

“I know you’re old enough...”

“I’m sorry, Lee,” I cut him off.

Lee sighed. He sat down on his own bed. There was a sadness on his face which seemed out of place. I let go of Liam’s hand and went to sit beside Lee.

“Look, I know it seemed like we were doing something but we weren’t. At least not yet. Though I’m not really sure if I was ready to go all the way. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we didn’t plan for you to walk in on us like that. We thought you wouldn’t be back for maybe a couple of hours,” I said a little faster than usual. I was really nervous, it was a wonder I was able to say those things at all.

“I’m sorry if I startled the two of you but Danny, you’re my brother. I was just shocked when I saw you like that so I overreacted,” Lee said, his head bent low.

“It’s my fault.” It was the first time Liam spoke since Lee walked in on us making out.

“No, it’s not. I was at fault too. It’s not like you forced me.” I needed Lee to know that this was what I wanted too.

“Stop it, both of you. No one’s at fault here. It’s not wrong to have sex with someone you like,” Lee said looking at me first then at Liam.

“I just said that I overreacted,” he continued. “I could have just walked away from here silently when I saw the two of you naked but something made me stay.”

Lee gave me that same look before; the look where I felt like he was trying to decide whether to tell me something or not. I wished he would finally say it.

“Liam, do you mind if I borrow my brother for a while?”

Liam just nodded his head although it was obvious there were a lot of questions on his mind.

Lee got up and I followed. We went out of the room. We didn’t go far, just to one end of the corridor where the window overlooked the dorm parking lot. Lee leaned his body against the window, his arms crossed in front of him.

“Danny, do you really like Liam?”

I was beside Lee, but unlike him I was looking out the window as I thought about the question carefully. In my analysis, I took out the part that Liam was my first kiss since I put a lot of significance on that. Even without it, I felt like I still cared for Liam a lot which surprised me. I was so focused on Cedric lately that I hadn’t given Liam much thought. It didn’t even feel like I was focusing all my feelings for Cedric on Liam. I truly cared for Liam.

“You may believe me or not, but I do like Liam a lot. I won’t go so far as to say that I love him because right now I don’t. But I feel like I could fall in love with him in time. Why do you ask?” I turned towards him and studied his profile.

An unfathomable sadness passed over his face again. I wondered what was really wrong with him. Maybe he hadn’t fallen in love yet, that was a possibility at least. Lee was sad and alone just like Liam and me. The difference was that Lee was trying to hide it. There was a part of me which made me reach out my hand to pat Lee on his shoulders.

“Lee, why won’t you tell me what’s bothering you? Why won’t you let me help?”

“Because I’m your big brother.” As I watched him, a subtle change occurred. It was so sudden that it could have been nothing. Something about the way his body straightened or the mildness that passed his face made me feel how proud he truly was to be my big brother. In spite of this, I needed him to tell me what was wrong.

“What has that got to do with anything?” I made a face.

“You do know that I would do anything for you, right?” His face appeared so calm but I sensed the strong emotions that raged within him but though I could sense them, I couldn’t tell what they were for sure. If only he would tell me.

“I know but it’s unfair, isn’t it? You’re willing to do anything for me but you won’t let me do anything for you. I love you as much as you love me Lee. As your brother, I’ll do anything for you too.” The feeling that I was not in control of the situation made me want to cry.

Lee turned my way so we faced each other. He studied my face, trying to discern the sincerity in what I just said. I looked at him steadfastly.

“I hope you won’t regret what you just said. I sincerely wish that there won’t come a time that I will ask you for something.”

He turned from me again so that I was only seeing half of his face. I knew that no matter what Lee asked of me, I would give it to him.

“I wish otherwise,” I said stubbornly.

Lee kept quiet. He was in deep thought and I had a feeling that he really wanted something from me.

“I wish you’d say it and be done with it. Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you,” I said with a hint of frustration in my voice.

“Let’s go back.”

I was so disappointed that I couldn’t hold back a frown.

We went back to their room where we saw Liam sitting exactly as he was when we left him. Liam looked at me questioningly but I just shrugged.

“I guess I’ll just go down to my room then,” I said.

“Can’t you stay?” Liam asked pleadingly.

I glanced towards Lee. I knew he was against the idea, I saw it perfectly on his face. So I was really surprised when he agreed.

“Just keep it quiet,” Lee said and he turned his back towards Liam and me.

Liam was smiling broadly. Before I went towards Liam, I moved closer to Lee and gave him a hug from behind. “Thanks,” I whispered. Lee patted my hand while I hugged him.

Lee took off his pants and then laid on his bed, his back towards Liam and I. I took off my pants too but I laid face up in Liam’s bed. Liam turned off the light and I felt him beside me. After a while, he was on top of me, our faces inches from each other. Robbed of my sense of sight due to the absence of light, my sense of smell was heightened. I could smell Liam’s slightly sweaty odor mixed with his cologne which increased my hunger for him. When he breathed out, I smelled his sweet breath. I was starting to get lightheaded due to his scent. He kissed me passionately and our cocks, which pressed between us stirred. I quietly groaned when Liam let go of the kiss.

“Good night,” he whispered. He got off me and laid on his side and I did the same. Liam shuffled closer to me and my back fitted perfectly against his body. Liam nibbled on my ear and then kissed and licked my nape which sent shivers up and down my spine. He wrapped an arm around me.

I wasn’t sure whether Liam was already sleeping, but I kept still so as not to bother him if he was. I couldn’t sleep since I still had a lot on my mind. I still refused to think about Cedric. I reminded myself that I was with Liam now and Cedric was with Sam. I would get over my feelings for Cedric in time.

I focused my thoughts on my first kiss. The dream kiss I had with Joey was sweet but also painful. The dream kiss with Cedric seemed so real, I was oftentimes unsure whether it was really a dream or not. Probably just wishful thinking on my part. The one I had with Liam earlier this evening, that I was sure was real. I was really glad that Liam did it. My first kiss!

Liam snored lightly. I smiled to myself. Somehow, I liked the way it sounded. It made him more manly, more appealing. After listening to his faint snores for some time, my eyelids grew heavy until finally I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Sometime during the night I awoke to Liam talking in his sleep. I heard what he said although he was just whispering because his lips were close to my ear. When he finally stopped talking, I was about to go back to sleep but what he said was finally processed deep in my brain. I frowned. Did he mean that?

I didn’t go back to sleep for some more minutes in case Liam would talk again in his sleep. He didn’t, the only sound that came from him was his rhythmic faint snores. He was probably dreaming. But what if?

********************

I awoke early the next morning. Liam was still limp beside me so he was probably still sleeping. I gently removed his arm around me and then slid quietly away from him. I turned to see whether I woke him but he was still sleeping with a satisfied smile on his lips. I got out of bed and put on my pants.

I sat down on Lee’s bed. Lee was sleeping peacefully. I stroked his hair and slowly, he opened his eyes. I mouthed the word ‘sorry.’ Lee just smiled and slid sideways to make room for me. I laid beside him.

Lee extended his arm so that I was using it as a sort of pillow. I turned to my side to hug him, and he gave me another smile.

He had this faraway look again which meant he was deep in thought. So deep in thought, in fact, he didn’t notice me watching him. Sometimes he would frown and then the frown would deepen or disappear only to be replaced by another frown usually deeper than the one before it.

“I have to go,” I whispered.

“Aren’t you going to wait for Liam to wake up?” Lee asked in a hushed voice.

“I’ll just see him later. I need to check up on Cedric.”

“Danny, I hope you’re not using Liam. He’s my best friend. I don’t want him to get hurt.” He was serious and I felt like he needed to be reassured somehow.

“I swear, I’m not. I care for him a lot,” I said with all sincerity.

“Good because I’m not sure what I’d do to you if you hurt him even though you’re my brother.”

“That sounds like a threat,” I teased.

“Just treat it as a warning,” he said with a smile.

“I think he’s hurting, Lee.”

“Because of Peter?”

“No, not because of Peter. Because of... someone else.”

“Who?”

“Just forget what I said. I really need to go.” I got up. I looked at Lee and he was frowning. I shouldn’t have said anything.