Button - 15. Fifteen to Life

Fifteen to Life

“So, do I get to go to college parties when I’m fifteen too?” Sarah asked slyly from behind her spoonful of cereal.

“Of course not. Don’t be silly. That’s way too young for a college party,” Graham said taking another sip of coffee and turning the page on the newspaper.

“Shut up Sarah,” Button whispered.

“Why does Button get to go then?” she asked sweetly.

“Stop calling me that name,” Button warned her.

Having two hormonal teenagers in the house was driving Graham batty. All they did was bicker and tease each other constantly. It was ridiculous though the exchange they’d had last week at breakfast was pretty hilarious.

“Are you showing off your boobies?” Button teased his sister with a grin. Sarah was wearing a rather revealing, tight top that showed off her figure. It was a little daring for a thirteen year old girl but it was a turtleneck with long sleeves. It was fashionable.

“No. I’m just wearing something stylish, unlike your ratty old jerseys and jeans,” she rebuffed. Sarah was quiet for a minute but then came the fireworks.

“Pop. We’re out of Kleenex again. Button keeps stealing the one from the bathroom and using them up in his room.”

“I do not,” Button said turning red.

Graham could hardly stifle his smile. The boy spent more time with the damned Kleenex than he did anything else. He remembered those days.

“I’ll pick some up at the store Sarah,” he said hiding a smirk behind the coffee mug.

“Why do you need so many tissues Button?” Sarah asked innocently.

“I don’t,” Button said. “Have you told Pop about what you let Joey Germaine do to you?”

Sarah’s face got beet red, almost as red as Button’s. “You promised!” she shouted getting up from the table.

“You know, if you keep playing with it so much, you’ll wear it out,” she yelled and left the kitchen in a huff.

Button looked even more embarrassed.

“You shouldn’t provoke your sister like that,” Graham said looking at him closely. “We respect others’ secrets unless they are something really bad.”

“I know,” Button said getting up from the table. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh and Craig,” Graham said grabbing the boy’s attention. “Just so you know, it doesn’t wear out.”

“Pop? Why does Button get to go to a college party with Kevin Dooley and his boyfriend tonight?” Graham heard Sarah ask bringing him back to the present.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Button said as he peeked at Graham nervously.

Graham looked at him with a grimace. “You told your dad the party was at Rudy’s house.” Rudy Torgeson was Kevin’s seventeen year old boyfriend. Craig had finally relented after Button promised that non-alcohol refreshments would be served and that the chaperones were adults.

“What is going on Craig?” Graham asked slowly.

“Nothing. It’s just a little party at Rudy’s brother’s place. It’s no big deal,” Button said but Graham knew he was lying.

“Craig!” Graham shouted into the other room. His husband was napping on the couch. With the new store opening at the Mall of America, he grabbed a few minutes of sleep when he could.

“Craig, we have a situation,” Graham called out.

“Pop, it’s not like that,” Button said. “Really.”

“Kevin’s sister told me Rudy’s brother is in a frat. It’s a frat party with a keg and everything,” Sarah smiled evilly at Button.

“What’s with all the racket?” Craig demanded lumbering in. His blonde hair was sticking up and he was rubbing his eyes furiously.

“Your son is going to a frat party tonight.” Graham said looking pissed at Button.

“What?” Craig asked confused.

“Apparently someone can’t tell the truth,” Graham said.

“Come on. It’s no big deal. I’m not gonna drink or anything,” Button whined.

“You’re not going to a frat party. You’re way too young,” Craig said angrily. “What’s worse is you lied to me.”

“I didn’t lie,” Button said. “I told you it was at Rudy’s brother’s house.” Technically, Button had merely left out certain details such as the fact that it was Rudy’s older brother and it was a frat party. There would be adults present chaperoning; of course they were college age adults.

Craig’s sleepiness had vanished. He pointed a finger at his son and bellowed, “You’re not going anywhere tonight or for the next week. You’re grounded!”

“That’s not fair. It’s Gennie’s birthday next weekend,” Button whined.

“Too bad. You should’ve thought of that before you lied to me,” Craig groused.

“It’s his girlfriend’s birthday Craig,” Graham said. “I agree he should be grounded but don’t ruin her birthday.”

“We’ll see,” Craig said as he left the kitchen stomping angrily.

“You see what happens when you try to deceive us?” Graham asked.

“I didn’t do anything wrong!” Button yelled. He stomped from the room as well. Sarah and Graham heard the door bang shut.

******************

Button got out of the shower and went into his room. His anger from the morning had been replaced by frustration. Sarah was always getting him into trouble. Why did she have to be so mean?

He looked in the mirror, the towel around his waist, and looked at his reflection. Button liked what he saw. He was now about two inches taller than Pop, about 5’8”. Working out and hockey had given him a lean but muscular torso.

Button thought about the other guys at school. Many of them were still shrimps. Brent still hadn’t really started growing yet. Petey was but he was definitely shorter that he was. In fact, the only guy taller than him was Jamar. Of course, he was a year older than most in his class but still, even Kevin who was about his age wasn’t nearly as developed as he was.

Button was the hairiest boy in the eighth grade. He wondered if he’d get as hairy as his dad. Most of the other boys had some hair under their arms and groin but they had nothing like he did. His chest and stomach had brown hairs growing out. It wasn’t thick like Craig’s but he was getting there and fast. He was shaving his cheeks and chin already.

Button thought he didn’t look like a kid anymore. He was maturing. While some of the guys still looked like boys, he looked like a man. It just wasn’t fair. Button should be able to hang out with older people.

Especially older girls, well women. That’s why he wanted to go. He knew there would be college women there and he wanted to see if they’d kiss him, or more.

Sure, he and Gennie were going out but it was getting pretty frustrating. She wouldn’t do much more than kiss. He had to beg to touch her in certain places. Gennie was a really nice girl and he like her a lot. But, she got him so excited and then she’d make him stop.

Button wasn’t sure he was ready for sex, not real sex. He’d like to do more than kiss and steal an occasional feel. One time, Button suggested that Gennie could help him out with her hand. She’d gotten so mad she made him leave her house.

All he wanted was some relief. He didn’t want to marry her.

Those college girls could be pretty wild. It would feel so good to kiss one and feel her up. College girls had so much more experience they could show him what moves worked. He pictured what they’d do to him and it was so exciting.

But what about Gennie? He’d asked her to be exclusive. He’d seen her talking with Jamar one day and it pissed him off. She’d said yes and it was nice, well okay. All she did was tease him, get him excited and then he had to go home to Five-Finger-Frida, his real girlfriend. Button looked down at his hand and scowled.

But college girls. College girls who liked to do more, lots more.

“Screw it, I’m going,” Button said to his reflection. “I’m calling Kevin. They can pick me up down the street.”

******************

Button peeked around the corner. Dad and Pop were cuddled up on the couch watching an action flick. It was loud so they wouldn’t hear him. He could hear Sarah chattering to one of her girlfriends on the phone in her room. The coast was clear.

He tiptoed past his parents and to the kitchen door. Button slid the glass door open, quietly and slipped out. He crept past the windows and to the street. No one noticed him as he walked quickly down the block. Rudy’s car was idling by the Wentworth’s house. It was the perfect plan.

“Hey Craig,” Kevin said as he got into the car. Rudy nodded a greeting and put his arm around Kevin’s shoulders.

“You guys ready to party hearty?” Rudy asked shaking Kevin a little.

“I’m so ready,” Button said grinning. This would be fun.

“It’s gonna be a great night,” Kevin said smiling at Rudy.

“It sure is,” Rudy said chuckling.

They chatted about what would happen at the party. Rudy promised to show them how to play something called “Quarters” and “Beer Pong.” Button was a bit confused about what they’d win, but if Rudy thought it was a blast, so did he.

Kevin was acting like a girl, blushing and touching the senior a lot. Button also thought that was a little weird to watch, like when Dad and Pop got goofy.

When they got to the University of Minnesota campus, they pulled up to a cool looking house that had towers and spires. It was really loud. Rudy told them to get out and he’d park the car. Kevin and Button got out and looked around. There were guys in the front yard playing some game with balls attached by rope they’d throw at these vertical bars. They seemed pretty drunk.

“I’m gonna lose the big ‘V’ tonight,” Kevin whispered to Button. “Rudy thinks I’m ready.”

“Really?” Button looked at him surprised. “Are you ready? You guys have only been going out for a couple of weeks.”

“Oh yeah,” Kevin said. He was being even more girly now. It was making Button uncomfortable. “I just wanna get it over with.”

“If you’re sure,” Button said. “I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

“Yeah. I bet you’d do it if you had the chance,” Kevin smirked. “Here. Take some of these.”

Button reached out and Kevin placed a couple of rubbers in his palm. “So you’re really doing this?”

“Yeah. We’re gonna use Rudy’s brother’s bedroom. I’m so excited.”

Button just shook his head. “I think you’ll need these more than me,” he said trying to give them back.

“Not if some hot college chick wants you,” Kevin giggled. He was getting annoying.

“Ready for this?” They heard Rudy say behind them. Kevin practically ran into his arms. “Hold on. Let’s do this right.”

Button thought Kevin looked really glassy eyed while Rudy was eying his friend like a hungry dog. He followed them inside the house. It was pretty exciting.

******************

“Dude, we saw you with ‘Sure thing Suzie.’ Did you get your knob polished,” one of the guys in the kitchen said high fiving him. Button was feeling a little woozy from his make out session with a real college girl. She’d let him touch her and they’d kissed for a while making him swoon. On top of the two beers he’d drank, the headiness of her perfume and soft curves left him speechless.

Then he told her how old he was. She’d broken away from him, calling him ‘jailbait’ and stumbling over to another guy. Button decided he’d better not say anything about that part, not again at least.

“Wanna play some beer pong?” the loud guy asked him.

“I don’t know how to play,” Button said loudly into his ear.

“Just bounce the ball into a cup and make the opponent drink,” he said. “Too easy.”

Button started playing with the loud guy against an Asian guy named Li and a Hispanic dude named Jesu.

“I’m Lucas,” his dark haired, loud mouthed teammate said. “What’s your name?”

“I’m er, Craig,” he said.

“It’s the Craigerator,” Lucas said play punching his shoulder.

Button was NOT good at beer pong. Li and Jesu kept bouncing ping pong balls into the cups of beer making him drink. Lucas didn’t seem to care they were losing. He guzzled them down as fast as he could.

Button felt so full he thought he’d burst. After ten cups, he wanted to take a break. The other guys laughed at him.

He wandered around the crowd, looking for Kevin and Rudy. Button didn’t see them at first but then he noticed Rudy was drinking and talking with a short red haired guy. Kevin was nowhere in sight.

“Rudy, hey, where’s Kevin?” Button asked.

“Don’t know, don’t care,” Rudy laughed and looked away dismissing him.

Button scowled. He walked around and pretty girls who were very drunk kept handing him shots. He drank them down. They tasted like Koolaid, with a sting at the end. He was beginning to feel kind of tired.

After about an hour, he finally found Kevin sitting in a corner by himself.

“What’s up?” Button asked sitting next to him. It was obvious Kevin had been crying.

“Nothing. Just leave me alone,” Kevin sniffled.

“You need a shot,” Button said grabbing a couple from another pretty woman carrying them around on a tray.

“Hey,” she said but continued on her way.

“Drink buddy,” Button said saluting his friend. Kevin drank it down. He was still pouting.

“What happened?” Button slurred. “Did you do it?”

Kevin nodded looking sullen.

“Wasn’t it good?” Button said. Why was the room starting to tilt?

“It was awful,” Kevin said. “It hurt. Rudy just did it and left me alone in the room.”

“I’m sorry,” Button slurred patting Kevin’s shoulder.

“It’s my own fault,” Kevin said. “I need another shot.”

Button tried to get up but the floor kept moving. Kevin snorted and went over to a table and grabbed a couple of little plastic cups. He slammed it and handed one to Button.

Button tried to make the room stop spinning and put the cup to his lips. He missed spilling the drink down his front.

“Missed,” he hiccupped.

“It was a mistake to come here,” Kevin said. His tear stained cheeks looked so sad. Button wiped Kevin’s face for him.

“I’m having a blast,” Button said. Kevin was so blurry.

“I should have waited for you,” Kevin said.

Button was trying to understand what Kevin meant when he saw his friend lean towards him. Button burped. Kevin’s lips were coming closer. Oh my God, Kevin’s going to kiss him again!

Suddenly, from deep within his stomach, Button projectile vomited all over Kevin’s face and the front of his shirt. It was a deep red color. Little piece of pepperoni from his dinner were hanging of Kevin’s sleeve.

“What the hell?” Button heard. The voice seemed familiar. He turned and saw someone he never imagined seeing here.

“The police are here!” a couple of guys shouted from the front door. “Get the hell out!”

“Holy shit, Button,” the guy said hauling him up by his arm. “What are you doing at a frat party?”

It was his cousin Miah Holden.

“Let’s get you outta here,” Miah said. Button grabbed Kevin’s arm and they headed out the back door.

**********************

“I’m sorry Uncle Craig. I called you as soon as I could,” Miah said sheepishly. “I didn’t bring him.”

“I know you didn’t,” Craig said putting Button in the backseat of the car. Kevin slouched around to get into the other door. “Thanks for calling. He was lucky to have you there.”

“I brought him to my apartment as soon as the raid started,” Miah shrugged. “Don’t be too hard on him.”

“He’s fifteen fucking years old,” Craig growled. “He’s grounded for life.”

“Sorry,” Miah said as Craig hugged him.

“Nothing for you to be sorry about. Thanks,” Craig said getting into the car.

Craig looked back and saw Button was already passed out. Kevin was pouting on the other side looking out the window. He started the car and headed toward the Dooley house. Craig was still fuming.

They headed onto the highway south. Craig couldn’t believe this had happened. Button was usually such a good son. Sure, he had his issues and could battle with his sister and Graham, but he’d never acted this badly before. For him to go against his express orders was something new. Craig couldn’t get his head wrapped around it.

He looked up at the rear view mirror and his son hadn’t moved. But Kevin was a different story. He was sniffling and clearly holding back the tears. There was something more than just a drunken party that made the boy this upset.

“Kevin, did you know I told Craig he couldn’t go?” he asked.

“No. He said you changed your mind,” Kevin lied. The boy sniffled again.

“Are you okay?” Craig asked.

“I’m okay,” Kevin said as a sob escaped his lips.

“I’m a pretty good listener,” Craig said. His fury at Button was easing. He was safe and sound now, though he’d be sick tomorrow. But Kevin wasn’t doing so well. It was nagging at the big blonde man.

“It’s nothing,” Kevin said looking out the window again. He just couldn’t tell Craig’s dad how he felt. It was too embarrassing. His plans were all fucked up.

“You know, I was fifteen once and had a really hard time myself,” Craig said. “I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I would’ve killed to have someone who understood me.”

Kevin looked forward, meeting Craig’s eyes for a split second. He was wrestling with the idea of telling him. Craig’s dad could see something was bothering him. Kevin didn’t know what to say. Rudy hurt him but what happened with Button was worse. He loved him and instead of loving him back, the boy puked on him. How much lower could he go? His heart was aching so hard a sob came out.

“You’ll think I’m stupid and hate me,” Kevin finally said.

“I wouldn’t do that,” Craig shook his head.

“I got dumped,” Kevin said and started crying again.

“Rudy dumped you?” Craig asked. “I’m sorry. I know you really liked him.”

“How do you know about Rudy?” Kevin asked as his sobs eased.

“You told us all about him last week, remember?” Craig tried to hide his grin.

“Oh, yeah. I thought he loved me,” Kevin pouted.

“Do you love him?” Craig asked. It was strange how the boy was acting.

Kevin didn’t respond right away. He kept looking over at Button, watching him closely. “No. I don’t think I do.”

Craig pondered Kevin’s reactions. He was upset about being dumped, but admitted he didn’t love Rudy. This was a very odd set of circumstances. Kevin was starting to cry again.

“You’re upset about someone and I don’t think it’s Rudy,” Craig said quietly.

Kevin squirmed a little. He was really uncomfortable but something was bugging him. Perhaps Craig’s dad would understand. It was weird talking to him like this but he felt like he was about to burst. Kevin’s feelings welled up so bad it was impossible to stop it.

He leaned forward and whispered into Craig’s dad’s ear, “It’s him I love.”

Craig was confused at first but as he looked up in the rear view mirror it became quite clear. Kevin was staring at Button now. It was Button. Button was the boy he loved.

“Have you and my son ever..?” Craig started to ask.

“No,” Kevin said quickly. “I kissed him but that was it. He doesn’t like me that way.”

Craig was trying hard to contain his emotions. On top of being woken up in the middle of the night and finding Button missing and then drunk, now his friend was expressing his love for his son. He pulled the car over to the side of the street. A memory was wrenched from his head. It was something quite similar to what Kevin was feeling he suspected. Button was still passed out, completely oblivious to the situation. Craig decided he’d have to throw this poor boy a lifeline, if only because watching Kevin struggle was pure torture.

“I once loved a boy who didn’t love me back too,” Craig began. He turned around and faced Kevin.

“I played around with this boy when I was about your age. I thought I loved him. In fact, I loved him so much I tried to make him love me.”

“Oh,” Kevin said fidgeting. “What happened?”

“He started dating a girl and I broke them up. I thought if I could just make him see me, he’d love me. All I did was make him hate me,” Craig confessed. “It happens and it hurts. Don’t do that to Button.”

Kevin was really sad now but he’d stopped crying. He was thinking about how he’d tried to make Craig jealous by being with Rudy. It hadn’t worked. Rudy just used him and Craig couldn’t have cared less.

No. That wasn’t true. Button had tried to help.

“I guess I’m just an idiot,” Kevin finally said.

“We can all be idiots when it comes to the heart,” Craig said. “Are you okay?”

“I will be. I’m sorry I dragged Button out tonight,” Kevin said. “I thought I could make him love me.”

The fury that had been roiling inside him calmed. Craig wasn’t really too angry anymore but an even worse feeling was replacing it. Fear.

After he dropped Kevin off and spoke with Mary Dooley, Kevin’s mom, Craig got back into the car. Button was somewhat awake and looking at him scared.

“Dad I…”

“We’ll talk tomorrow. In the meantime, you better go back to sleep,” Craig said as they made their way home.

*********************

Button’s head hurt. His cereal was sitting uncomfortably in his stomach. He must have thrown up three more times last night. Sarah had been silent knowing the other shoe was about to drop. Dad wasn’t up yet. Pop just looked at him with disgust. Button didn’t know what to say. He felt horrible.

“Sarah, what are you doing today?” Pop asked her.

“I’m going over to Claire’s. Her mom’s taking us shopping.”

“That’s nice,” Pop said and glared at Button again. “What are your plans, Craig?”

“I don’t feel good,” Button said looking at his cereal bowl. “Nothing I guess.”

“Good plan. You have some thinking to do,” Pop said quietly.

Button swallowed hard to contain his churning stomach.

“Good morning,” he heard his dad say as he came into the kitchen. “I’ve gotta get going.”

“You want me to take today’s shift?” Graham asked him.

Craig kissed him and shook his head. “Nope. I’ve got it. Have a good day, Sarah.” Button watched as his dad kissed the top of her head.

“Craig,” he said frowning. He didn’t touch Button or kiss him. His dad just paused and sighed. Then, without another word, he left.

Button just sat there brooding. Sarah got up and went to her room. Pop stared at him.

“He hates me doesn’t he?” Button finally said with a little anger in his voice.

“No,” Pop said sadly. “He doesn’t hate you at all.”

“Dad looked at me like I’m something gross,” Button said. He felt tears roll down his cheeks.

“You scared him Craig,” Graham said softly. “Your dad cried himself to sleep last night he was so terrified by your behavior.”

Button couldn’t stop the tears. “I didn’t mean to scare him. I just wanted to…I don’t know.”

Pop got up and came around the table. He put his hands on Button’s shoulders. “You scared me too. When Miah called, I was so afraid something even worse had happened to you.”

“I guess I lost control,” Button said.

“You know what your grandma is like. Do you want that to happen to you?”

Button turned and looked at Pop’s face. It was twisted with fear and something else. “I won’t do that again. I swear. I don’t know what happened to me.”

“You need to think about your actions. Lying to us and sneaking out like that was very hurtful.”

Button couldn’t look at Pop anymore. It was painful. He’d never considered what his actions meant in the context of his drunken grandmother. Sarah had even looked at him strangely, with some level of distance.

Last night it had seemed like a good idea. It was just a party. He’d get to kiss a college girl. He’d feel grown up.

Today, Button realized it wasn’t like that. He’d betrayed them. He’d hurt them. Button felt like crap and not just physically. His heart was aching as well.

“Please don’t be mad at me,” he said finally.

Pop looked at him. “You need to tell your father you’re sorry. You broke his heart.”

“I’ll make it right,” Button said. “You’ll see.”

“I hope so.”

**************************

“Dad?” Button said looking into the study. “Can I talk to you?”

Craig looked over and sighed. He took his glasses off and gestured for Button to enter.

“Dad I’m really…”

“Hold on,” Craig interrupted. “I have something to say first.”

“Okay,” Button said ready for the yelling to begin.

“Do you know how much you mean to me and Pop?” his dad asked. He was looking at Button very differently, fearfully.

Button shrugged. “I know you love me.”

“Yeah. There is that. When we couldn’t find you last night, your pop and I almost went crazy. We thought you’d run away or something. It made Graham throw up. He was that upset.”

Button couldn’t look up. “I didn’t know you’d miss me.”

“He checks on you every night. When your room was empty, he almost lost his mind,” his dad said quietly. “So did I.”

“I didn’t mean to do that to you,” Button muttered.

“And then when I found you so drunk you couldn’t sit up, I just about lost it again.”

“I shouldn’t have gone,” Button said. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not just that you went to a party and got drunk. It’s more than that. It’s that you lied to us, snuck out, and we were so worried.” He was crying again. “We were afraid we’d lost you.”

“I’ll never do it again,” Button promised looking at his father. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, you weren’t. I know teenagers do things like this but I never thought you’d…”

“I hurt you and Pop and that’s not okay,” Button said. “I’ll do whatever you want. Please forgive me.”

Craig looked at his son. He was hurting so bad. He reached out and embraced him, Button sobbing into his chest.

“You have to make it up to us. That’s your punishment. You’ve got to make us trust you again. That’ll be really hard to do,” Craig said holding his son back. “You know that right?”

Button nodded. This was a punishment far worse than grounding or losing computer time. He’d sit in his room for days to avoid doing this. It felt like he was apart from them.

“I’ll show you I can do better,” Button said finally. “It hurts so much.”

“Come ‘ere,” his dad said. “It’ll be alright. We love you so much and that’s why it hurt.”

Button didn’t know what he’d do to make it better. It didn’t seem like that big of a deal when he decided to defy them. It was really obvious it was far more painful than he’d ever imagined. Making people trust you was almost impossible. But, he figured they would help him. At least, he hoped so.