The Game - 28. Chapter 28

I am dreaming. It is a different time and a different place. The wind is in my face and the sound of the river is loud at our side. We are following it in the car, matching it’s twists and turns until we find the perfect spot. We lay out picnic by the water and then Annie takes me by the hand and leads me back to the car. It is a hot day and the sun brings out the blonde highlights in her hair. It is free today, flowing in waves over her shoulders. She is very beautiful and I almost wish that I could fall in love with her... almost.

She holds my hand and drags me along. At the car she stops and swings round so fast I am startled. I stand, toe to toe and she looks up into my face, her blue eyes sparkling.

“What do you think about Adam?”

“What do you mean?”

“You have dreaming eyes, as though you are always deep in thought. What do you think about?”

Laughing I shrug and she smiles every more broadly. “I wish you dreamed of me, but I know that is not the case so I won’t waste energy on it.... so.... Tell me....have you ever heard things you couldn’t have heard, known things you couldn’t have known?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Have you ever heard anything... here?” She touches me lightly on the temple and I am puzzled but intrigued.

“Are you asking if I have ever received a telepathic communication?”

“Something like that.”

“I don’t think so. Why do you ask?”

“Because you are special. I know that. I am just not sure exactly how special you are.”

I laugh, thinking she is teasing me but she is deadly serious. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that there is something about you that makes people.... that draws people to you, something that is.... indefinable, indefatigable, unimaginably sexy.”

“O.... kay. But what has that to do with telepathy?”

“I was just wondering.”

“Wondering what? If I’m psychic? I doubt it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s.... fantasy isn’t it? Telepathy, ESP.... seeing auras.”

“Is it?”

“Well yeah I.... I mean....” That was the point that I worked out what had been strange about our conversation for the past few minutes.... “Fuck! You’ve been doing it haven’t you? You haven’t opened your mouth for ages... You’ve been talking to me inside my head.”

“Nah... I couldn’t have. It’s all fantasy .... isn’t it?”

“Isn’t it?”

“What do you think?” and again she was not using her mouth, her lips, her throat. There was nothing at all physical in the way she was communicating and yet I heard her as clearly as if she had been.

“Bloody hell. I... er... I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, whatever you say, try saying it my way.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“Try.”

So I tried, not expecting it to work... but it did work... she heard me. And that was when I first heard about the game. She had not been able to tell me before because it was something that could not be spoken of aloud, not to people outside the game. But they were running short of psi’s... that’s what they called people who were able to communicate in the way we had been, who could pick up messages, code, clues from the ethers. The whole thing made my head ache and I wouldn’t talk about it any more. Laughing Annie had taken my hand and we had run again down to the river, to the picnic.... from then on we never spoke another word to each other with our lips... not when we were alone.

“Daniel?”

There was that name again... clever really... to choose a name that would seem familiar enough to be accepted without question. I am not Daniel. I have never been and never will be Daniel. I am Adam... Adam Daniels.

It is hard to relinquish the dream, to turn back to a reality that is about to get scary. But slowly it fades, the memory of Annie, still smiling, still golden, shining in the sunlight.

“Daniel.... can you hear me?”

Of course I can hear her.... how can I fail to hear her? I am not deaf... just... just... “Aarghh.” I am suddenly right back there, in the room, no longer caring about the cars on the road or the cows in the field... not even the threads in the tapestry. All I care about it the pain in my arm. They are trying to get a needle in but they can’t, my arm is too damaged. It hurts. It hurts a lot.

“I’m sorry Daniel, did I hurt you? I will try to be more gentle but I’m afraid you’ve got yourself into a bit of a mess.” Got myself....? Yeah right!!!

The nurse on the other side is having more luck... she has the needle in but she is struggling with the rest. A third nurse is standing at my head, stroking my hair, reassuring me. She may as well not bother. The only think I can focus on... the only thing I care about is the pain in my arms.... the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I moan.... I hear it but I don’t register it as coming from me. I am lost in a world of pain and nothing else is real.

“It’s alright Daniel, just try and relax.” Relax.... how can she possibly expect me to relax when she is hurting me so much? Suddenly, I’ve had enough.... I can’t take any more. I am tired, and in pain, and afraid... for the first time, now that it is so close I am afraid. So I hit her. I didn’t mean to... I just wanted her to get away from me, away from my arm, to stop hurting me and I just hit out. I didn’t mean for my hand to connect with her face.... or did I? Did I mean to give her back some of the pain she was giving me? Maybe I did.

But once I have done it there is nothing else I can do. I have no strength to fight any more. I am spiralling, struggling with the feeling that I am falling, falling, falling.... and not even the pain can call me back.