The Game - 22. Chapter 22

It’s cool in here. I’m not afraid any more. Something is changing, I can feel it, something is ending; something beginning. It is peaceful and cam. The sound of a car passing drifts in through the open window along with the smell of freshly mown grass.

Outside the world goes on while in here it is suspended, time thickening, slowing like the sound of my heart beating loud in my head, louder than the car. In here the world holds its breath.

Since I spoke to Annie last night things have become at the same time much clearer and a lot more complicated. There is movement within me but it is slow. My body and mind are both slowing down, my blood sluggish and thick, my mind as clouded as a stormy sky. And yet I know what I need to know and the rest will come, they are coming already, I feel them gathering, like crows on a battlefield.

It is strange to lie here, mind and body drifting, floating or so it seems, under a blanket of drugs that ever now are being fed into my body, drop by drop, drip by drip. Stranger again to be suddenly so clearly aware of it, aware of it all, knowing that, like a blanket, I can throw it off when I please.... but not yet, not until the end, the very end. We all have our parts to play and I have to allow others to play theirs before I can play mine.

Extending my awareness I feel them coming, all of them. Gathering here, now, for the last moves, the end game. They are moving like threads through a tapestry, weaving the picture, no one knowing what is their part in the weave until the picture is completed. I know. I see. Amongst them I find a few threads that are brighter than the rest and I touch them gently, briefly. Those that are aware get my message .... ‘slowly now, slowly. Don’t come too soon, let them make their move or I won’t be able to make mine’. Those who are not aware simply shiver and feel uneasy.

Lily is holding my hand. I can’t feel it but I know it, as surely as I know that she is crying, struggling to hold back and conceal the tears that spring to her eyes, struggling with fear and confusion. I could reassure her but I don’t. This is her initiation, she is entitled to experience it and the tears will cleanse her soul. She doesn’t know she is a player, doesn’t understand why she feels so drawn to me, why it is so personal. She thinks she is falling in love with me and she fights it because she thinks it is unprofessional. She thinks she is taking advantage of a vulnerable person. She is wrong.

The door opens and someone comes in. I could open my eyes but I don’t. I know it is Shaun, I don’t need to see him, I can sense his energy, pure and strong. It almost burns me. Deep inside I smile.

“How is he?”

“I don’t know. They gave him something... he’s completely out of it. Why would they do that? If it’s only tests, if they want to see why remembering sparks seizures then he needs to be conscious surely?”

“You know it’s not only tests Lily, we both do.”

“We can’t let them do it Shaun. We just can’t. We have to get him out of here... right now.”

“No. For some reason Daniel wants to do this. We don’t know what’s gone on so we don’t have the information to judge. We know they are not going to physically hurt him and whatever else they do we can get him through, so.... we have to trust him.”

“Trust him? Shaun... he’s....”

“You know what? I don’t think he is. I really don’t. All this is... well, I don’t know what it is but I am pretty damn sure that it is not about Daniel being ill.”

“I know what you mean, but I am not so sure that is still going to be the case by the end of the day.... and I am even less sure that we can rely on Daniel’s judgement right now.”

“I trust him. I don’t know why. I know that I don’t know him, that by any account he is not in the best condition to be making life or death decisions but.... I still trust him.”

“You are losing it. You have lost all perspective. You are completely out of order and you know it.”

“Out of order? I know I’m out of my mind.... but what can I do? I can’t fight this. I don’t want to fight this. One day....”

“Shaun, stop it! Please.... you know I love you dearly which is why I have to stop you making the biggest mistake of your life. If you fall for him you are going to get hurt more than you have ever been hurt before, not to mention losing your job.”

“Sorry babe. You’re my best friend and I know you mean well but you are way... way too late.”

I wish I could talk to him. I wish I could feel him touch me. I am so glad he’s here. If I had know that this was how the game ended I would have played it more enthusiastically.