The Game - 17. Chapter 17

The meal was almost ready. Daniel was very carefully arranging food on the plates. He was, again showing a rare skill and attention to detail in the presentation. Andrea watched him, completely absorbed in his task, his green eyes gleaming in the light of the afternoon sun, his hair glowing, the colours vivid. He was striking, beautiful, open, innocent.... in the short time she had known him Andrea had never seen or sensed anything but gentleness in him. He was as innocent as a child and it was more than just the drugs. Again the sense of recognition swept over her, as though she should know him.

“What have you done, my dear child? What has happened to you that has brought you to this?”

He looked up and smiled. She had spoken softly so it was unlikely he would have heard her words but he understood the thoughtful sadness in her voice. There was nothing but gentle questioning in his gaze.

“Have you finished with that?”

“Almost.”

“Good. Lily and Shaun will be here soon. Does it feel good that you have made a lovely meal to share with them?”

He thought about it carefully, looking puzzled, then shrugged, smiling. There was no pride in him, no conceit, no artifice. For some reason it made Andrea sad.

Before the meal Andrea helped Daniel get dressed in clean clothes and brushed his hair until it shone. She touched up her own make up and was surprised when Daniel picked up her eyeliner and applied it quickly and skilfully to his own eyes.

“Do you use that? Did you... before you came here?”

“I don’t know. It felt right... so I did it.”

“Do you always do whatever feels right?”

“I don’t know. It think I would like to.”

“Yes, so do I. Is there anything else you feel like using?”

Daniel carefully scanned the cosmetics which she had spilled out onto the table. He picked up a lipstick but put it back after checking the colour and shook his head. “Well, come on then, let’s see what they think of your feast.”

Lily and Shaun were surprised and pleased to find a home cooked meal and even more surprised by Andrea’s enthusiastic assertions that it was mostly Daniel’s work. She was exaggerating, of course, they all knew that but it was nice to think that he had found something he had enjoyed doing.

It was a pleasant meal, although Daniel spoke little and Ben was as surly and silent as he always seemed to be these days. Andrea made up for them and both Shaun and Lily were animated and thoroughly enjoyed themselves.

All of them found themselves drawn to Daniel in ways they struggled with. He was still withdrawn and quiet, having to concentrate to remain focussed enough to work his way through the meal without needing to be prompted too much but there was a spark in his eyes that had been absent for most of his time there. Shaun was gratified by it, Ben suspicious, Lily utterly charmed and Andrea disturbed.

It was impossible for Daniel to keep up with the conversations around the table and so he just concentrated on his plate, eating little but doing it carefully and with grace. He often looked up to find one or more pairs of eyes on him, all regarding him with a degree of intensity which, given the circumstances was unusual. He did not seem, in any way perturbed by the scrutiny, either he was unaware of it or, somehow used to it.

It was unfortunate that when the telephone rang it was Andrea who went to answer it. She, of them all had no firm suspicion of what was going on, no desire to protect Daniel from the people who were ostensibly trying to help him and so, when the Professor asked her about how Daniel was, whether he had had any new memories she saw no reason to keep the truth away from him and she told him about the conversation in the kitchen when he had remembered cooking with Annie and the fact that he loved to sing.

For a moment the Professor was silent, and then he said “I think he’s stable enough to bring him in to the hospital so I can do some tests and find out why he is reacting so badly to remembering. I am anxious not to keep him on this medication for too long. I want to start reducing it as soon as possible. Who’s on there tomorrow?”

“Shaun and Lily are sleeping in. I think they are on until lunchtime then I’m not sure.”

“That’s perfect. Have Shaun and Lily bring him to the hospital by nine. It shouldn’t take long and then they can be back in time for the shift change.”

“Okay, no problem.”

When she went back to the table the conversation was flowing, relaxed and friendly. Even Ben was joining in, laughing at something Lily had said. Standing in the door, she was very surprised by the dynamics around the table. Considering that Daniel was a patient; sick, vulnerable and, in a very real way, at the mercy of his carers, he was very definitely the centre of the group. He was not allowed to withdraw too far and there was no time when there was not someone looking at him or to him with a strange intensity.

What was it about him that captivated them so much.... well apart from the obvious.... come to think of it, that was enough.

When she sat down and relayed the conversation she had just had with Professor Bowen to the others it was as if a curtain fell, a pall settled over the table and all the conversations were dulled by it. Of them all, only Daniel seemed entirely unaffected by the news, although he was, very quickly affected by the drop in mood. He kept looking up from his plate, where the food was now ignored, with an uneasy look on his face, his eyes flicking from one to the other as if looking for something he didn’t find anywhere.

After an excruciatingly long period of stilted conversation and food being pushed about on plates but going nowhere near mouths, Andrea was desperate for a way to break the tension she seemed to have unwittingly introduced.

“Hey, why don’t we clear this away and chill for a while before Ben and I get on our ways? I hear that Shaun has been known to be presumed upon to knock out a few tunes on a battered old guitar and Daniel told me this afternoon that he loves to sing so why not see what happens when the two of you get together... Also I have a certain pleasure in screeching at the top of my lungs.....”

“Alright. Why not? Do you think you would like that Daniel?” Daniel looked up at Shaun, who shivered at the look. There was a glow in the shining eyes, made enormous by the unexpected cosmetics, that had never been there before, that touched something in him that had been asleep for a long time. And it was all wrong... it was impossible.... it was.... wrong.

“Yes. I would like that.”

“Well then, lets just get this cleared away, dump it in the kitchen and get the table folded down to give us some space. Daniel, do you think you can manage that. I’ll help and make us all some coffee.”

Dutifully, Daniel ferried dishes, cutlery, glasses and condiments from the table to the kitchen and stacked them neatly next to the sink whilst Andrea boiled the kettle and watched him, growing more thoughtful by the minute. The reaction to the telephone call had shocked her but, for some reason, she did not feel able to ask the others about it. And she knew she could not ask Daniel about it, he seemed entirely oblivious to all but the sudden tension which clearly unsettled him.

However, by watching him, watching the others watch him and watching the way they all related she was beginning to get an idea and it disturbed her. Something very strange was going on in this house and she didn’t know whether to report it or throw herself into it.

“All done?” Daniel nodded. “Do you think you can manage to carry some drinks through?”

“Of course.”

“Do you know how everyone takes it?”

He looked at her with a deeply puzzled expression on his face. “If it’s hot they mostly take it by the handle.”

“I mean do they have milk and sugar.”

“Oh. I don’t know. I don’t.”

“Okay then. You just take them in black and I’ll bring milk and sugar separate. Come back when you have handed over those two.”

“Okay.”

When they were seated in the living room, each with a steaming mug in their hands Shaun found that he was unaccountably nervous as he began to strum softly. He started off with some old folk songs which most of them knew and joined in with. Daniel sat silently and watched him steadily, smiling and clearly enjoying the music but making no effort to join in. This was part of the reason he was so nervous, the cool green eyes were in no way judgemental but suddenly the need to be perfect was overwhelming.

“I thought you liked to sing.”

“I do, but I don’t know any of those. At least, I don’t remember.”

“Can you remember anything that you do know?” He thought for a while then shook his head. “Okay, then, I’ll play lots of different ones and if you hear anything you recognise feel free to swing in there.”

Shaun played all sorts of different kinds of songs, from different genres, different decades, different cultures even and Daniel seemed to enjoy them all but recognise none.

And then he played something just for himself. Bending his head over the guitar, fingers almost caressing the strings he began to play the opening to a song that, although obscure and considered by many to be strange, was one of his personal favourites and one he loved to sing. Lost in the music it did not, at first register that someone was humming along with the tune. Then he looked up to see that it was Daniel, his eyes distant, staring into the past, his lips moving hesitantly and silently forming words.

Shaun stopped, captured by the beauty. “Do you know this one?”

Daniel frowned. “Yes. I know this one, but the music sounds wrong.”

“That’s probably because you’ve heard the new version. There was someone a while back who did a radical remix. It was pretty good. Do you want to try from the start again?”

“Yes. Is that okay?”

“Of course it’s okay. We would all love to hear you sing.”

From the very first moment it was obvious to everyone that singing was not just something that Daniel loved but something that Daniel did..... and he did it extraordinarily well. Shaun played the song through to the end but only because it was a song he knew so well he didn’t have to think about it because what he was thinking about was Daniel: about the look on his face, rapt and intensely introverted; about the richness of tone, the perfect pitch; about the energy and enthusiasm he threw into it; about the skill and polish of the performance. Daniel could sing... more than that Daniel was a singer.

“Where did you learn to sing like that?”

“Learn?”

“There’s no way you could sing like that without lessons. The performance was professional. Are you a singer Daniel?”

Daniel had been in a completely different world when he sang, rapt and absorbed. Then he seemed to come back from somewhere far away to find everyone staring and shooting questions at him. He looked startled and alarmed.

“I.... I don’t know. I don’t ..... yes... yes I do remember.... something. I remember singing.... I remember ...” He closed his eyes and nodded. “I remember singing.”

“Where? Where did you sing?”

He kept his eyes closed for a moment and then opened them and shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Can you remember any more songs?”

He thought for a moment then nodded. “Can I play?”

“The guitar? Yes, of course.” Shaun handed over the guitar and for a moment Daniel sat with his eyes closed running his fingers over the strings. Then he began to pick out odd snatches of different tunes and adjusted the tuning over and over. Everyone watched him with interest. He had the look of someone who really knew what they were doing.

When Daniel started to play he was transported to another world, a world where he was in control, where he was master and he took them with him, his adoring servants. Shaun could play guitar, was technically proficient, but Daniel.... Daniel made it sing. He was more than proficient, he was... The guitar was no longer an instrument it was an extension of him and the passion than infused his singing extended to his playing. The song was haunting and poignant and, by the time he had finished they were all shivering ad had tears in their eyes.

At the end of the song Daniel frowned deeply. “I think... I think.... I... think this is what I do.”

“Do?”

He closed his eyes and his face twisted with the effort of remembering. “I think.... I practise and I.... there are....” The discomfort on his face intensified.

“Is it hurting you to remember Daniel?” He nodded, opening eyes shadowed with pain. “Then you had better stop. You know what happened last time you forced it.”

Daniel’s eyes widened and flicked to Ben, fear fluttering in them, before he dropped his head, staring at the floor for a minute before getting to his feet and walking, a little unsteadily out of the room.

“Do you think he’s okay?”

“I don’t know. That was unexpected.”

“Pretty amazing though. Who would have thought?”

“You know.... there is something..... something.... that is tugging at my own memory, something familiar in that song he sang and.... all day I have had this feeling that I know him... or at least that I should know him. I am sure I have seen him before.”

“Do you think he might be professional?”

“I’m sure of it. No one sings like that just for fun.”

“Maybe you’ve seen him perform.”

“Maybe. Anyway, it’s time I left. You can have the pleasure of the rest of Daniel’s repertoire. You know, I had a great day today. Daniel’s a pretty special guy. I could get used to this.”

“Maybe I should go and check on him.”

“No” Ben got to his feet. “I’ll do it. I want to have a word with him before I go. I’ll give him his meds while I’m at it.”

Shaun looked startled. “No, it’s alright. I’ll do that.”

Ben gave him a strange look, his eyes narrowed. “No. I’ve got it covered. I think you might have misread the dose this morning.”

Shaun flushed and bowed his head over the guitar which he began to strum softly.

When Ben entered the kitchen Daniel was bent over the sink holding his stomach. He was as white as a sheet. For a moment Ben felt a stab of sympathy but he suppressed it and the anger surfaced again. This had been a good job. After what he had been through in the army, what he had seen and experienced during his time in the special forces, this job was easy, a little piece of peace in the sea of his troubled mind. And now Daniel had brought that trouble into the house, shattered his peace, tormented him with suspicion and doubt.

“What’s the matter with you?”

The words came out harsher and sharper than he had intended and Daniel jumped, startled. Looking up Daniel’s eyes widened with what looked like fear. That just made him more angry.

“Sit down Daniel. It’s time for your meds.”

Daniel shook his head and backed away, still looking frightened. No, not frightened, terrified.

“Not you. No. Not you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Just sit down.”

Shaking his head, still backing away Daniel fixed him with eyes that were wide and dark with fear.

“Sit down.”

“No.”

“Daniel.... “

“No. No... please... no...”

He stumbled and his foot slipped on water that had been spilled on the floor while they were cooking, sending him crashing to the floor in the corner made by the kitchen units. He seemed stunned. Had he hit his head? Ben crouched down holding out his hand but Daniel shrank away, pressing himself into the corner, turning his face away.

“Daniel. I don’t know what you are afraid of, but I’m not going to hurt you. Now get up and let me give you your meds so I can go home. Believe me I am tired and grouchy and I just want to get out of here. It seems as if that is what you want too so just don’t make this hard for me.”

Daniel looked up, his face still marble pale, his eyes enormous. The anger began to waver. There was something acutely poignant about the way he was looking at him and there was no doubt about the fact that he was afraid. He was shaking, breathing hard, trying to sink back into the cabinets.

“Why are you so afraid of me?”

“You... you helped him.”

“I don’t understand, helped who?”

“Him... you helped him.” Abruptly his eyes went blank. “He hurt me...” Daniel was whispering as though he was so afraid he could barely dare to speak at all. “He... he said... he said... I was... was too close. He said I was too close to remembering.... and then... then he ... he made the pain come again... and you... you held me down.”

Ben closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Shit! “You remember that?” Daniel nodded, never taking his eyes from Ben’s. “Listen to me Daniel. That was nothing personal. You would have hurt yourself. It was for your own good, to stop you hurting yourself.”

“You helped him.”

“He was helping you.”

“No.” The whisper was hoarse and hopeless. “No, he wasn’t.”

“I know that it didn’t feel like he was, but he was. You would have hurt yourself, made yourself very ill.” Even as he was saying it Ben could hear the hollowness in his voice. Even as he was reassuring Daniel he was remembering the incident, remembering thinking even as it was happening, that whatever might be happening to Daniel, it was certainly not any ordinary seizure. People having seizures are not aware, they do not look at you with eyes that are seeing the other side of hell, they do not scream with pain or fight a body that is no longer under their control for every painful, desperate breath.

“It’s alright Daniel, that’s over now. You are alright now. Let me help you. I swear to you I am not going to hurt you. I am going to help you.”

“No.”

“Come on, just get up. I am going home soon and I am not going to do anything to you except give you your medication which is exactly the same as you had this morning and yesterday, and the day before. I am not going to hurt you Daniel.”

Daniel looked uncertain, less fearful but more confused. Ben got to his feet and held out his hand to him. After staring at him blankly for a moment Daniel took his hand and hauled himself unsteadily to his feet.

“Did you hurt yourself?”

“No.”

“Okay, sit down. Just take a minute.”

Ben stood for a moment, looking down at Daniel’s bent head. He felt shaky, as though he was on shifting sands. It was one thing having suspicions, fearing that something bad might be happening to someone you don’t really care about, but it was another having the fact thrust in your face. It was one thing learning techniques for use in situations of conflict and another to see them used on someone so...so... so damned innocent.

Maybe... maybe he was wrong. He had had a pretty rough time of it at the end, maybe he was transferring his own fears, his own paranoias. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe this wasn’t what it seemed but what it was expressed to be.

Laying his hand on the back of Daniel’s head he stroked his hair soothingly. “It’s cool mate. Just chill for a minute. Take some deep breaths. Get calm. No one here is going to hurt you.”

Gently and fearfully Ben let his fingers slide through Daniel’s hair, down over his skull to the nape of his neck. Suddenly Daniel gasped and stiffened with a low moan. Ben immediately withdrew his hand, his heart sinking.

“Sorry Daniel. Did I touch a sore spot, let me take a look.” He parted the hair at the back of Daniel’s neck and immediately found what he was looking for. “Alright, come on. Sit up and let’s get this over with so you can rest and I can get out of here.”

Daniel watched impassively as Ben drew up the syringe, his face blank again. He looked exhausted, worn out by the sickness, the fall and the trauma. “It’ll be alright Daniel. I am sure it will be alright in the end.”

Daniel sighed and closed his eyes. Knowing what was expected of him he held out his arm and Ben took it, holding it firmly as he pushed up the sleeve. The arm was bruised from wrist to elbow, peppered with needle marks and the scars of larger penetrations. With feeling of disgust Ben took his other arm to find it in the same condition. He glanced up to find that Daniel was looking at him with a strange expression on his face.

“Do your arms hurt Daniel? They look as if they hurt a lot.”

“No. Not really.”

“Do you ever complain about anything?”

“I.... what’s the point.”

“Trust me... for most people there does not have to be one.”

For the first time Daniel gave him a shaky smile and his resolve dissolved. He crouched down, bringing him to a level with Daniel. “Daniel, do you remember being taken somewhere? Do you remember being given a drug that hurts, that feels really, really cold and then... then hurt a lot, makes you feel like you are going to die?”

Daniel’s eyes widened, shocked. At first he shook his head, jerkily, fearfully, then his eyes widened, turned inwards and he started to shake. He closed his eyes, the shaking intensifying as he nodded, tears beginning to squeeze out from under his closed lids.

“Alright Daniel, it’s alright. I shouldn’t have asked you that. You are not supposed to remember it.” He took Daniel’s face between his hands and tilted his head forward slightly so that he was looking directly up into his face. He felt sick. Sick to his stomach. He had never really thought.... not really... not that they would do something like that to a civilian, to a kid... what the hell were they covering up?

“Daniel look at me.” His head jerked from side to side denying the reality that was screaming at him from the past. “Look at me Daniel.” At the note of command Daniel’s eyes flickered open and stared into his, wide, frightened, the pupils dilated, reflecting his face back at him. “Good. Now listen to me. What they’ve done to you is wrong. It is very wrong but.... I can’t save you. I don’t know if anyone can... but I can help you.

“You can fight this... but it will be hard. You have to find something that is very clear and very important to you and hold on to it. Hold on to it no matter what happens, no matter what is being done to you or said to you. You have to programme your mind so that no one is able to make you doubt. Find something that is so strong in your life that you could never doubt it... and hold on to it. Then no matter what happens you will have something to keep you stable, keep you steady and keep the door open so they will never be able to take your memories completely away from you.”

“Annie.”

“Right... yes... you already have her don’t you? She’s been keeping you on track already. But be careful Daniel, be very careful. Don’t ever.... ever tell them about her because if they know what you are doing ... if they know they can’t take your memory they will take your mind and that will be so much worse. Be careful. Be so... so careful Daniel. I wish you all the best. I can’t stay here. I can’t be part of this... but I can’t help you. Maybe one of the others can.

“Take care.”

Ben got to his feet and looked at the syringe in his hand then lifting his head, he gazed into Daniel’s dazed but now calm eyes. Then, very deliberately he dropped the needle onto the floor and ground it into the tiles with his heel before turning and striding out of the room.

Andrea had gone and Shaun and Lily were laughing softly together, playing about with the guitar. They both looked up when Ben walked in, their eyes widening at the look on his face.

“I’m leaving. I can’t stay here any more. I don’t want to be part of this. Take care of him.... he’s going to need it.”

“What? What do you mean? What’s happened?”

“Nothing. I just.... I ... can’t do this any more. I thought I was making a difference, doing something good but... they’re all the same... in the end. Power is a terrible thing, especially power over another human being.”

“Is Daniel alright?”

“No.... Daniel is not alright. Daniel is not going to be alright and that’s what I can’t handle. Because if I stay here, if I turn a blind eye this time, there will be more. There will always be a Daniel being screwed by those with power over them and I am no longer prepared to be part of the screwing. Goodbye.”

Before he had even turned to leave both Lily and Shaun were on their feet. Shaun was hampered by the guitar and so it was Lily who sprinted for the kitchen. Shaun would have followed but Ben stopped him.

“He’s not paranoid. I never thought that I would see it outside of the special forces but your saintly Professor has been using techniques on him that have been illegal outside of the military for twenty years, and drugs that have never been strictly legal anywhere. When he says they hurt him he isn’t lying and they’re not going to stop until either his memory is completely wiped or his mind is destroyed. Help him. I can’t”

“Wait. Ben wait. What are you trying to say? That the Professor has brainwashed him, wiped his memory deliberately?”

“I’m not telling you anything except that they have been using illegal drugs and techniques on him. For what purpose I can’t guess. Be careful tomorrow. It’s too late to stop that but afterwards you have to keep a very close eye on him and whatever you do don’t ever admit to them that he has remembered anything... if he ever does.”

“Shit Ben.... shit!!”

“Indeed my friend.”

And with that he was gone.