The Game - 33. Chapter 33

When Adam died Shaun had felt as though someone had torn out his heart. So much for professional detachment. He had thrown away his professionalism the moment he had spoken to Ben and initiated the wild ride to rescue, and as for being detached, that had stopped long before, maybe in the first instant he had looked into the wide green eyes. In that moment, the instant he saw the light go out he was assailed by so many different emotions he could barely contain them within the poor shell of his body.

Foremost among them was grief, a loss so deep and so powerful it almost swept him off his feet. How could he feel like this about someone he barely knew? How could he feel so agonisingly the loss of someone who had been in his life for only a few days? Maybe it was the loss of a chance he was mourning, the chance to get to know Daniel.... he almost smiled at that... Adam was nothing to him, nothing but a stranger that he would now never get to know.... but Daniel... Daniel was so much more.

Treacherously his mind replayed all the tender poignant moments, the shared cigarette, the teasing voice, the way he had felt when Daniel told him he was gay, when he had taunted him about wondering what it would be like to kiss him. And he had wondered. Almost from the first moment he had wondered. He had looked and wondered and fantasised and become as unprofessional as he ever had. When he had looked into the laughing, teasing eyes he had almost... almost.... And yesterday when Daniel had touched his hand, had laid his long cool fingers over his own... the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice. He shivered.

Close behind the grief came anger. How could he have let this happen? He knew what was going on... knew what was happening to Daniel, and he had done nothing. He had chosen to let it happen, let them take him, let them kill him... and now... now it was too late. He didn’t know who he was more angry with... them or himself.... or Daniel.... Daniel had been the one who had made them bring him here. Had he known? Shaun remembered the look in his eyes, there in the kitchen, the sad smile, the strange intensity. He had known. He had known all along. When he had asked him to trust him asked him to deliver him into the hands of his enemy he had known he was going to die. But if that was so why had he done it? Why had he been so keen to come here, to go through this... to die?

Thinking about it he wouldn’t have blamed Daniel for wanting to die, not after everything he had been through but it hadn’t seemed like that. It hadn’t seemed as though he was giving up, quite the opposite. He had seemed so resolute, so certain that this was the right way. So it must be the right way, somehow. Daniel had asked him to trust him... Shaun had promised that Daniel could trust him... and so that was what he had to do, all he could do... he had to trust.

When Annie ran to him Shaun was close on her heels and he helped her to disconnect the medical equipment. He felt her pain and wondered exactly what Adam had been to her. She was distraught, beside herself. He was more than a friend, of that he was certain, but then why.... what....? Pushing aside the questions he realised that at this point he really did not want the answers.

When Annie took Adam in her arms he was angry, jealous, but he did not have the heart to interfere. At that moment it didn’t matter, nothing mattered.

And then... and then... well that was when everything went strange. Adam’s eyes were half open and there seemed to be a light shining out from under them, a glittering golden light that grew stronger and stronger until it was blinding and they could not bear to look at it any more.... yet, even though they could not look at it, neither could they look away.