Chapter 26

I fretted all damn day waiting for Ashton to return. I knew dinner parties held by nobles often started late in the evening and lasted well past moonrise. So I hadn't expected him back before midday, but now the sun was sinking low on the horizon, and there was still no sign of his return.

Tareth had apparently noticed my nervous pacing and taken pity on me. He pulled me into the barn while he and Marcus finished their evening rituals with the horses, attempting to keep me entertained by regaling me with stories of his time at the Sterling estate. When Marcus jokingly brought up a picnic Tareth had gone on with Amelia, I perked up, not having realized my brother had someone he'd taken an interest in.

"Amelia? Isn't she the girl who's been helping clean my room?"

"Yes, she's one of the house maids," Tareth said, scowling at Marcus for bringing it up.

I grinned at the flush on my brother's cheeks. "You like her?"

Marcus burst out in a loud guffaw. "Like her? Hell, Reth's had puppy eyes for her since she got here. He's was just too damn shy to talk to her until about two months ago."

"But you've taken her on a picnic though, right?" I asked.

Tareth nodded, the flush getting deeper. "Yes." He turned his glare on Marcus. "And it was very nice."

"After you nearly tripped and fell in the lake," Marcus added.

"It was just a little splash!" Tareth retorted. "Besides she found it amusing, and I might have earned a few kisses for it."

After our laughter died down, Marcus and Tareth finished up, and we all headed back out of the barn. "Come on, let's go eat in the kitchen."

I followed them, nudging my brother. "Do you still see her? Are you courting her?"

Tareth glanced at Marcus's retreating back before answering, obviously not wanting to give his friend more ammunition to tease him with. "Yes, I am. We've... we've gotten rather close. I... I think I might love her."

His confession surprised me, since he hadn't mentioned anything before. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know how you'd feel about it. You've been through so much, Kye, been so alone for so long... I didn't want you to think I might abandon you."

"But you can't give up your love..."

"I'm not. Amelia knows how I feel, and she understands. She's shy and probably would never approach you, but she was very upset by your... situation."

I was glad it was dark because I was sure my cheeks were red. I didn't want to think about another person knowing what I'd been through. Of course, most of the estate probably knew, I just wanted to ignore that fact.

He gave me a nudge with his elbow. "But I suspect you have your own love life to worry about, huh?"

"W-What do you mean?" I gaped at him.

"Lord Ashton. He was practically a raging monster when he couldn't find you yesterday." Tareth was grinning at me.

We had nearly reached the back door. I heard a mournful voice singing an old song, and realized we were passing by my old cell—the one Charlie was now locked in. I wondered briefly what the Count would do with him, before my brother drew my thoughts again.

"I heard... I heard he kissed you," Tareth whispered conspiratorially.

I ducked my head, hoping to hide some of my embarrassment, but my lips tugged into a smile at the memory of Ashton's lips on them. I finally nodded. "He did."

"Annnd? Do you feel the same?" Tareth pressed.

I glanced at my brother from the corner of my eye. "Maybe." While my heart wanted to, my mind still wasn't sure what to expect from Ashton.

Tareth wrapped me in a hug as we stopped before the kitchen door. "Good. You deserve some happiness. And Lord Ashton is a good man. Now, let's eat. I'm sure he'll be back anytime now."

My worry at his absence returned. "I hope so."

****

He hadn't. And it was now late in the evening, and everyone had retired. Liam had appeared in the kitchen while we ate. He must have seen my concern because he commented that Ashton and his escort may have need to stop on the way back, or that he might have chosen to stay one more night. I wasn't reassured by his efforts to allay my worries. I could see him attempting to hide his own behind his jovial smile.

Sleep was determined to elude me, chased away by thoughts of all the things that could be happening to Ashton. I'd left the door to my room open with the hopes of hearing his footsteps treading down the hall in the late hours of the night.

But only the faint rustle of the wind against the window broke the silence. I flipped over several times in the bed, curling up, and listening intently. It was well after midnight before I even felt the faint tendrils of sleep trying to take hold. My eyes fell prey first, closing for longer and longer periods of time before popping back open at any small sound. After the moon watched me tossing again and back to my other side, my limbs decided to succumb as well, becoming too heavy and tired to flip around once more. My mind was the last to bow down to the tyrant sleep had become, battering me to give in.

As my brain surrendered, it slowly gave up its relentless images of Ashton being poisoned, stabbed, shot and killed. I focused on his delicious kisses and the feeling of being held in his arms. I found myself curling tighter in the covers, attempting to reclaim a tiny fraction of the peace being held by the man gave me.

Being embraced, cherished, had been a dream I'd long since abandoned in Barrett's home. I'd come to expect pain and torment with touch, leaving me utterly alone.

But now... now I found myself craving every little graze of Ashton's fingers, the brush of his hand down my back, the stroke of his fingers over my calves, the grip of his palm on my neck.

Then his departing kisses, so warm and enticing... my body pulled up against his, those strong arms holding me tight...

Gods, it felt so real, even now in my dreams. I burrowed deeper into the pillow as I flattened on my stomach, heat infusing my body from the back, the blanket feeling heavier, wrapping me tighter in its perfect cocoon.

****

A damn beam of sunlight pricked at my eyelids. I tucked my head further into the pillow, attempting to avoid greeting the morning. But it was futile; the ray had already done its job, pulling me from my perfectly content state of sleep.

As my brain gradually decided to rouse, I realized I wasn't curled in my normal guarded position. I was flat on my stomach. My hands weren't fisted against my chest; they were splayed serenely under the pillow.

And I realized the heavy blanket was still weighing down over part of my back and one leg. I reveled in the sense of tranquility left from my dreams and the surprising comfort of the blanket. It was strange it hadn't made me feel that way before. Maybe it was the combination of Ash's kisses, the dreams, and the coziness of the bed.

After a few moments of lingering in a hazy doze, I abruptly realized I didn't know if Ash had made it home last night. All my fears flooded back.

I rubbed my face against the fluffy pillow, pushing up with my hands, only to realize the damn blanket was fucking heavier than I'd thought. Panic seized me as I could barely wriggle, and the weight that had felt so protective suddenly became oppressive.

I shifted just enough turn my head as I went to slide free of my coverings, only to realize... it wasn't a blanket.

My breath caught in my throat, my eyes widening in shock.

Ash.

Oh... Gods...

All I could feel was my pulse pounding in my ears as I stared at his beautifully serene face mere inches from mine, practically buried against my shoulder. Half his body was sprawled over me, one leg thrown over mine, and a solid arm slung over my back and tucked up against my other side.

I couldn't see much else but his magnificently tanned bare shoulder, but that was enough for me to realize he was at least half naked.

And pressed up against me.

I smiled against the pillow. My heart was still racing at finding the man—who had called me his amari, who had given me my first kiss, who stole my breath away every time he smiled at me—in the bed next to me.

I couldn't move. I didn't want to move.

Abruptly, though, Ashton huffed out a breath as he flipped over onto his back in his sleep. The arm that had draped over me flopped out to the side, the blankets shifting down to his ribs. I couldn't help but stare at the mesmerizing man: his dark lashes fanned across his cheeks, chestnut hair falling across his forehead, stubble roughening his chin.

I swallowed reflexively as my eyes drifted down to his massive chest. I'd known he was strong and toned, but finally being able to see what I'd only imagined was under those linen shirts was indescribable. The spattering of dark hair had me aching to run my hands through it.

I whimpered softly as I realized my body was responding to this man in a way it never had for anyone else. It both excited and scared me. I'd known nothing but Barrett's carnal lust and penchant to inflict pain.

Yet... I knew there had to be more to the stirring of these feelings than anything I'd felt with Barrett, didn't there?

A low grumble brought my attention back to Ash's face. Small twitches in his facial muscles indicated he must be starting to wake. I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, bringing up his hand to rub at his face.

I wasn't sure how much sleep he'd actually gotten, but it couldn't have been much considering how late I'd fallen asleep myself. He must have wandered in sometime in the early hours before dawn. I wondered how he'd ended up here.

He shifted before he rolled back to his side next to me. His arm dropped back over me in his sleepy doze and tried to drag me into his chest. I couldn't help the silent giggle that shook my body as he nuzzled into my neck.

I felt the moment he realized something was off. His body stiffened just before his eyes shot open. Those bright cinnamon eyes met my pale blue ones and widened in shock.

"Fazito enferni!" Ashton cursed as he nearly flung himself away to the other side of the bed. His face darkened with remorse as he scrubbed it with his hands. "Ah, sino supito," he muttered to himself, and I wondered why he was calling himself stupid. "Gods, Kye, I'm so sorry. I didn't... I didn't mean to..."

I could see his pulse throbbing in his throat, the panic clearly written all over his face as he dropped his head back on his shoulders dejectedly. I rolled slightly so I could face him, reaching out to touch his bare forearm.

"Ash?"

His eyes were squeezed tight, his face upturned to the ceiling. "Kye, I don't know what—"

"I was just a little surprised... It was actually... nice."

Those glittering cinnamon eyes snapped back to me, wide and searching. He seemed to expect something else from me—fear, panic or perhaps even anger—but I felt none of those. His eyes darted over me, seeking reassurance.

He obviously found what he was looking for because his shoulders relaxed and he huffed out a relieved breath. He dropped back on his elbow, turning towards me. "I was just so exhausted after returning... I wasn't thinking and I just fell into bed. I didn't think to head back to the guest room... I swear I didn't mean to—to scare you..."

Wait? Guest room? Why would he be going to a—?

Oh... no... He hadn't, had he?

But the masculine furniture, well-used and comfortable, the family paintings, the stacks of books... the missing shaving items... his scent...

He had.

"This—this is y-your room, isn't it?" I whispered, but I already knew the answer. "Why? Why would you put me in here? Give up your own room? There must be other rooms—"

"Because I wanted you here, Kye. I wanted you comfortable and happy. I needed you here. To know you were safe..."

"But where—where have you been sleeping then?"

He smiled wanly. "A guest bedroom down the hall. Although I must admit, sometimes I fell asleep on the couch in here."

"But why?"

"Oh amari, don't you know?"

I frowned.

His eyes darkened as he shifted to his side, filling my vision with the wide expanse of his gloriously bare torso. I could barely breathe as his hand lifted to my jaw.

"I want you. I love being with you," he whispered, "I want to hold you in my arms and smother you with kisses. I want to caress every inch of you, and keep you safe and happy. But I didn't want to rush you, to scare you. I was afraid. After everything you've been through..."

I felt his hand start to slide away, and my own hand slipped up to grip his wrist, halting its retreat. I turned my face, kissing his palm.

"I'm not afraid. You are nothing like him. You make me feel safe, wanted..."

"Kye..." He hovered over me, his gaze searching, asking permission.

I lifted slightly, hesitantly taking what I knew we both wanted. Our breaths mingled as I pressed my lips to his, a gentle caress. A small growl of pleasure rumbled from Ash's throat as his hand wrapped behind my head, holding me in place as he rolled me to my back.

Part of his bare chest was pressing down on me, pinning me in place as I opened to him, and none of my usual fears at being restrained or held down emerged. Ashton's heat, his weight, felt more protective, more enveloping, like a gentle hug. And I knew with absolute certainty that I could escape—if I'd wanted to.

The slow tender kiss erupted into a blistering, possessive one, lighting my body aflame like it never had before. I arched under him, as he shifted next to me and I could feel his arousal against my thigh.

He ripped his lips away on a ragged gasp, leaving us both panting. "Kye..." his voice was guttural, a throaty plea. "I can't—I don't want to hurt—"

"You won't," my own voice sounded husky as tears welled up in my eyes. Because I knew now that I loved this man, the man who'd torn apart my carefully honed control to help me pick up the pieces and rebuild my spirit again. "You could never hurt me."

His forehead dropped, pressing against mine, and I could feel his body shaking with the effort to control himself. "Gods, Kye, you have no idea what you do to me."

His hand drifted from my neck, down over my chest, and I cursed the damn sleepshirt preventing his touch on my skin. His tongue licked across my lips, before stealing another kiss. I didn't care if I could breathe anymore. As his hand slid down over my side, slipping up under the offending shirt, I gasped at the sudden electrifying heat of his fingertips skimming my bare hip. His kiss swallowed my moan as his palm smoothed over my belly before reaching my chest, pulling the shirt up between us. A small squeeze of one of my nipples had me crying out in shocked pleasure.

Ashton's lips smiled against mine. "So beautiful."

But I was beyond much comprehension, his hand stroking my chest, his tongue plundering my mouth, his long muscular body pressed up against me, slowly grinding... It was almost too much... too much sensation... too much...

I rocked my hips, my cock sliding against his—hard and still covered in his soft pants—suddenly aware of how hard and sensitive I was. Ashton groaned, dropping his head against my neck, and I suspected maybe I was affecting him as much as he was affecting me.

"Kye, damn it, I can't..." he growled against my collarbone.

I don't know what he was going to say, and I didn't care. I just rocked against him more, seeking more, chasing a pleasure I'd never reached before. His breath was harsh against my skin, his teeth softly scraping, as his hand slid down over my belly.

"Ash!" I gasped, throwing my head back, as his hand stroked down my cock. My fingers grabbed his shoulder in a death grip, holding him against me. The throbbing pressure built as his huge hand lazily caressed me. I was ready to burst when the solid grip of his hand softened.

"No! Please... sir..." I whined against his shoulder.

His soft chuckle rumbled against my neck as I felt his hand fumbling with the ties of his pants. "Not without me, little one."

I couldn't even protest the name as his hand returned, clutching my arousal against his. The silky slide of his thick cock against mine had me forgetting everything else except the sensations he was wrenching from my body.

His stroking sped up, our panting breaths buried in each other's shoulders. My hips arched against his, pressing our groins closer. I tasted the salty sheen of sweat as I licked at his neck. I jerked against him as he coaxed my orgasm from me, my seed spurting between our bodies.

A moment later, I felt his cock swell against mine in his hand and another rush of warm stickiness flooded between us. My heart pounded in my chest, and I could feel Ashton's beating just as fast as he collapsed over me.

It was several minutes before either of us could move, but Ashton eventually managed to roll back slightly, easing his weight off of me. He grabbed the far corner of the sheets and gently wiped us clean. After tossing the sheet aside, he pulled the blanket up over us.

I opened my eyes to find him staring at me, watching me closely. I found myself blushing under the intensity of his gaze. I suddenly felt raw—bare and exposed. My skin tingled all over.

Gods, had I really just begged him to touch me? I groaned, rolling to bury my face in the pillow.

"No." Ash stopped me, keeping me from turning away. "No, don't hide from me. Please."

"But I've never..." I mumbled, embarrassment choking my words. "...what must you think of me..."

"What I think is that you are the most beautiful person in the world," Ash whispered in my ear, placing a lingering kiss against my jaw.

I shook my head against the pillow at his words. Beautiful? I knew I wasn't beautiful. I'd never been anything other than ordinary, and that was before Barrett left me broken and scarred.

He nudged my chin with his, urging me silently to look at him. I flicked my eyes up at his, and my breath hitched. In that moment, I could see myself through his adoring eyes—and I was perfect.

His lips trailed further down, sucking gently at the pulse of my throat. "I'm so blessed to have you. And the way you surrendered to me... so beautiful and giving of yourself... It makes me love you all the more."

My breath caught in my throat. He loved me?

My mind raced. I knew he'd called me his amari, his love... but to hear he actually loved me... that it wasn't just an endearment he'd carelessly thrown out there...

He meant it.

"Kye?"

I realized he had pulled back and was staring down at me, his brows furrowed in concern. His thumb brushed across my cheek, and I realized I'd been crying.

"Did I hurt you?" his voice ragged with worried.

I shook my head, sniffing back my tears.

"No? Then what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

I smiled through my tears, pulling him closer. "I love you, too."

His eyes brightened and a grin lit up his face a mere breath away from mine. The pure joy radiating from him echoed my own.

He suddenly wrapped me up in his arms, rolling both of us so that I was now on top of him. "Mine," he growled playfully.

I laughed at his impish possessiveness.

"Gods, I love it when you laugh," he sighed, stroking fingers through the golden strands of my hair tickling his torso.

I smiled, dropping my head against his chest. "It's been so long."

"What do you mean?" His hand still petted my head.

"Since I felt... happy. I didn't think I ever would again."

The hand stilled.

I tensed, holding my breath, wondering if I'd said something wrong. I peeked up at him, only to find his eyes glistening. He pulled me up for another kiss, soft and reassuring.

"I love you, Kye. I'd give anything to keep you happy and safe."

And at that moment, I knew I had been wrong: he could hurt me—if he ever threw my heart away now I'd handed it to him, I'd never survive.