Tales of the Underground: Velocity - 36. Chapter 36

Under Ground Aliases

The Reaper- Jamie Free

Velocity- Elijah Warren

Gears- Jacob Palmer

Gizmo- Matty Sanders

*The boys use these to guarantee no one outside the underground finds their real identities*

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When I woke up the next morning I found that I had spent the night on the floor of my sister’s room. Panicked that I was late, I ran out of the quiet room and into the kitchen to check the only real clock we have in the house. Oh thank god, it’s only 7. I have time to shower and get changed before I have to go. I got together the nicest clothes I could find and hopped in the shower. The anxiety from last night still raced in my mind. I can’t stand the idea of Eli breaking up with me because I can’t control myself. Then again maybe it’d be the best thing for him…I threw some of the hot water on my face to smack away the idea. I really need to get my head sorted out. I dried off, got changed, and ran down the stairs.

“What are you doing up this early on a Sunday? Joining me for church?” my dad asked in shock

“No, no god no” I replied laughing “I’m meeting up with Eli, he has something planned or some shit.”

A smile crossed my Dad’s face “I hate to break it to you, but I think that’s what he has planned. He and his parents go every Sunday”

“Fuck my life!” I groaned now understanding what Eli meant by “cleaning my soul”

“Jamie Aaron Free” My dad yelled, voice starting to get stern “I know you didn’t just say that about going to church”

“Sorry dad, I did” I teased getting my stuff together

“This isn’t a joking matter, some respect would be nice” I could tell he wasn’t amused

“Respect for?”

My dad rolled his eyes “You know what you’re supposed to be respecting. I’m not sure where I went wrong with you, maybe it’s all that rock music I let you listen to, or all those hits to the head you took when you played hockey but...”

“You didn’t go wrong” I interrupted “only 16 and I make good money” I defended slapping the winnings from last night onto the table

“Money only gets you so far” he picked up the wad and began counting it “besides Jess filled me in on your little conflict before she left for work this morning”

“ughhh” I grunted “she just needs to mind her own damn business already. What does she think I do?”

“She’s just looking out for you. She thinks you either sell drugs, or that you’re that young racer” he sped up his words as he finished off his sentence

“What?!” I shouted “What did you tell her?”

“That you aren’t.” he said trying to keep a stern face

“Oh my god, you’re the worst liar. She probably saw right through it. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I yelped

“For once could you cool it with the cursing? You’re sisters are trying to sleep. Besides what’s the big deal if she knows.”

“What’s the big deal?” I yelled back “The big deal is that she hears all the rumors about what happens down there. The big deal is she’s gonna want to be a part of it all. This was all supposed to be anonymous remember?”

“This wasn’t supposed to be anonymous it was supposed to be temporary Jamie! Remember that conversation? It was supposed to be to give us a little bump until I could figure something out.” he yelled back “You’re not supposed to be racing anymore! I’d much rather see you working at a food store making minimum wage then risking your life every night!”

“Well you never figured anything out so…” I shrugged heading towards the door

“Well I just did. The plan starts with no more racing and you applying for normal jobs. Maybe Jess can help get you a job at McDonald’s.” I turned back to make eye contact as he tried to take control of the situation.

“No” I answered putting on some old dress shoes I had found deep in my closet

“No?” my dad repeated “Who do you think you’re talking to here?”

“To the person I just gave $5,000 dollars to for the 3^rd time this week. I haven’t even keeping any for myself lately. Not to mention next win my pay rises to about $8,300 dollars. So no I won’t stop racing. You want something to happen for this family, then sacrifices need to be made.” I watched a combination of anger and guilt spread across his face.

“Not the sacrifice of my son. This family can’t handle another loss. We’re barely keeping it together as it is.” He sighed

“You guys won’t miss me. I’ve been isolated for the weeks now and only Jess has noticed. She’ll get over it.” I said finally walking out the door.

“Jamie!” I heard him yell out as the door shut. My words were harsh but true. How in the world is he going to feed 5 kids with his factory job, Jess’ minimum wage, and my minimum wage? He needs a big source of income, whether he wants to believe it or not. These girls deserve food on the table, a good education and to be a part of the crowd. Turn on the TV and what do you see? Girls in fancy dresses and make up smeared all over their faces. I’ll be damned if another one of my sisters doesn’t get to fit in because we can’t afford it. It’s easy to say fitting into the crowd is stupid, until the choice to fit in is taken from you.

I hopped on my bike hoping the ride would clear my head of the inner conflict inside. Everything is pulling me in a different direction lately. All the people I love are telling me I need to quit, and yet there reality is showing me that quitting just isn’t an option, not if the girls are going to live the lives they deserve.

As I biked up to the house I saw the idle squad car sitting in the drive way. Even more stress collapsed on my shoulders as I realized Mr. Warren would be joining us. Over the past few months Eli and his dad were able to rekindle their bond, at least whatever was left of it. Yet I still haven’t had a conversation with him since Eli and I started dating. Whenever I go over he’s either at work, or pretends I don’t exist. Not that it matters to me or anything. I just get a bad feelings todays the day he begins to lay into me about the person I am. But how am I supposed to answer that question, when I don’t even know who I am? Is this what happens when a teenager tries to be an adult?

As I approached the front door I felt my heart begin to beat at a rate I had never felt before. I went to knock on the door but couldn’t move my hand. It felt as though a thick haze rolled into my brain, and I suddenly found myself not able to complete a thought. Time ticked by quickly and yet it didn’t feel like it was moving at all.

Finally someone realized I was at the front door, and Eli came over to let me in. He shot me a weird look as he opened the door “Have you just been standing here for the past 5 minutes?”

Have I? I thought to myself. I looked down at my phone but couldn’t remember when I arrived “I was just straightening up my shirt” I responded realizing he had been staring at me waiting for any answer.

I took a few steps in, finally realizing I had regained movement. I felt Eli tug on my arm “Hey are you okay? You look out of it.” I felt his whispers tickle my ear, a phenomenon I usually welcomed with open arms, but in this second it felt like nothing to me.

Am I okay? I asked myself. I looked over at his concerned face “I’m fine, just tired.” I answered

“Oh my god, are you high?” he demanded pulling on my arm.

“No! No!” I retaliated “Last night was just…long.” I heard the words come out of my mouth but it felt as though I wasn’t the one saying them.

He gently rubbed my back “It was, but I’m glad you’re here this morning.”

“Yeah, my dad actually told me what you’re up to.” I said slightly pulling away from him.

“Oh yeah and what’s that?” he teased playing innocent

“Church” I answered killing his flirty mood “I’m just gonna use the bathroom real quick.”

“Okay then” he let out raising an eyebrow.

I calmly but quickly made my way to the bathroom. I ran warm water on the tap and began splashing it on my face, but it seemed like nothing was getting me out of this state. I felt like a zombie…or no more like I’m sleepwalking…that’s still not right…it’s like…it’s raining in my head…like a fog? Yeah like a fog. I checked my phone and realized I had been in the bathroom for a few minutes too many. I wondered out and found Eli sitting on the coach. I took the seat next to him and laid my head on his shoulder.

“If you’re like sick or too tired or something, it’s okay. You can go back home.” He instructed trying to figure out what was happening.

“No, I’m okay” I reassured him “Besides I don’t think I want to be alone right now.”

“What do you mean don’t want to be alone?” he frantically whispered

Before I could even contemplate answering the question Mrs. Warren entered the room. She smiled at the sight of us being a couple, just like she always did. “It’s so nice you’re joining us this morning Jamie. Your Dad must be thrilled.”

“He is” I answered. Am I smiling? I am! Why? I felt like a robot simply going through the motions of daily life, it was as though nothing was registering in my head.

“Good, you’re always welcome at mass with us.” She said with a smile before heading upstairs.

“Jamie, I need answers” Eli pleaded “What’s going on with you?” I picked up my head and looked into his eyes but didn’t answer. Not because I didn’t want to, I just couldn’t. “This isn’t the time for games, are you mad at me? I’m just trying to help…”

“No” I responded finally speaking “Like I said I’m just tired.”

“Well what did you mean by not wanting to be alone?” I saw concern growing in his eyes “Jamie, are you thinking about doing something bad.” I narrowed in my eyes and stared into space in an attempt to try and understand what he was saying “like something bad to yourself” he clarified with a shaking voice

“No” I could tell my current state was scaring him to death, but I just couldn’t break it “Jess caught me last night when I got home, then I slept on the floor of Jane’s room because she was scared a monster would get her, and I got in a fight with my dad this morning about money.” He reached out to hold onto me but I shrugged it off “It’s just a lot all at once I guess. I don’t know. You ever feel like everythings about to fall to shit and there’s just nothing you can do to stop it?”

“I think so” Eli responded trying to get me to look at him

Before the conversation could carry on any further Eli’s parents came down the stairs and gestured for us to get in the car. Eli did his best to shrug off our conversation, but I could tell it was eating away at him. I could feel his eyes watching me as I climbed into the back seat of his moms’ car. He reached over to grab onto my hand but I subtly pulled it away.

“So Jamie” Mr. Warren began, speaking to me for the first time in months “When’s the last time you went to church.” His tone wasn’t rude, but it wasn’t exactly friendly either.

“Dad, this isn’t a go….”

“My mom’s funeral” I answered interrupting Eli “Don’t worry, I still remember everything. My parents drilled it into me and Jess from an early age. Bible study, after school classes…I’m sure you remember it all” I wrapped up realizing my words were starting to drone on.

“What I remember is you never taking too kindly to it” his strict words cut through the tension filled car like scissors through a paper.

“No I didn’t” I admitted “I still don’t.” I felt Eli’s eyes zero in on me to shut up “But if it’s important to Elijah I can find a way to make it important to me.”

I heard him quietly snicker at my answer “You know education is also important to Eli.”

“Dad” Eli protested

“He wants to go to some of the best colleges in the nation, what about you?” his words rebounded off my increasingly numbing mind.

“Can’t afford it” I once more responded openly and honestly

“You can apply for loans and scholarships you know?” he continued, attempting to pierce me.

“My grades aren’t good enough for a scholarship, and my dad’s credit isn’t good enough for a loan. He’s looking into it with Jess. Financial aid won’t cover enough of the cost anyway. She’s looking at community college but even then time in class is time she needs to make money to help support my family.”

He was taken aback by my brutal honesty “So what are you saying?” he asked continuing to poke and prod me to say exactly what he wanted.

“You know what I’m saying” I replied coldly “We all know what I’m saying” usually I would start to get angry, but whatever was going on in my head was capping off all my emotions. “My life is on hold for now, hell maybe forever. Same with my dad’s, same with Jess’. It’s going to take all the money we have and even my other 2 sisters’ to even send Jane to college.” I stopped talking and our eyes met in the rearview mirror “but I know what you’re getting at. That doesn’t mean I’m a failure, it means I’m trying to make the best out of a bad situation. If my family’s blue collars offend you then you’re just going to have to join the club. I’m not perfect, and I never claimed to be, but I’m not this great dangerous evil you think I am.”

He rolled his eyes and snickered once again.

“Are you done embarrassing yourself yet?” Eli asked trying to redirect some of his father’s fire.

“Elijah, watch who you’re talking to” his dad snapped

“No dad, I won’t. Remember what we spoke about? How I told you the only way I could still find a way to respect you was for you to not jump down my throat about everything I do.”

“I’m just looking out for you son.” His dad answered realizing that his plan was backfiring.

“No, you’re just trying to turn me against Jamie. When I was a kid you told me a man sacrifices for his family, even if it means leaving his dreams behind.” I could hear the frustration peak in Eli’s voice “Even if it means leaving behind who that man once was.” He continued “Well Jamie’s only 16, and he’s already more of a man then anyone I’ll meet at some fancy college.”

I looked over at him and our eyes locked. Even after everything that happened last night, after all the emotional torture I put him through, he’s still defending me? Why? Haven’t I hurt him enough? What do I have left for him to love?

“Dad, maybe if you didn’t quit when things got hard you would have been there for me when I needed you. When things get hard….when thing get downright impossible, you don’t stop loving the people closest to you. Dammit, that’s when you love them the most. I don’t care if Jamie winds up working forever in a factory just like his dad. I’m not leaving him.”

It was then I finally understood why Eli would never quit on me. Both his father and I left him when he came out. He was all alone, with only his mom to comfort him. He’d be damned before he let anyone else experience that pain. As I looked into those blue eyes the fog in my mind only grew worse. The reality of my life finally dawned on me. I’m going to get him killed before I scare him off. Maybe my dad has a point after all.

Do you think McDonald’s will hire a kid with straight C’s?