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    AC Benus
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The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Pride Month, and other Haibun - 1. An Open Window

.

An Open Window

Haibun

 

Sometimes when I'm alone and working upstairs, the window at the front of the house is open, allowing me to hear things.

The June breeze of the late afternoon flaps my curtains out towards the sidewalk, and sounds drift in to me. Recently, four pre-teen boys have started spending the couple of hours before dinnertime rolling skateboards up and down the center of the quiet street. The third boy of the group, the one who's a bit on the chubby side, has an old-fashioned scooter like the type so popular now, but they were seen as hopelessly Leave It to Beaver when I was a kid and definitely out.

 

Their voices cry

with the effortless bellows

of being.

No thoughts have they

of the unless cares of age

or worry.

Their sounds greet my greedy ears

all unknowing or caring

of effect.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Today, as I'm just settling down to begin my work, I project forward in time to what my afternoon fatigue may encounter. In that thought, my thinking goes out to touch upon one particular young man. If I'm lucky I'll hear him pass on his skateboard; hear him on his way to the train station to go to school. No leisure for him in the still hours of the morn, as he has places to go – albeit reluctantly, perhaps – but in the evening at around sunset when I hear him rumble home on the sidewalk opposite my house, the lad takes it slow. Tiredness echoes in his very wheels.

 

My curtains rustle

And my mornings and evenings

Are marked by the sounds

Of my neighbor boy in flight:

But, it's good to hear him home.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

This particular skateboard-commuter is kind too. One afternoon when I was tasked with something heavy to do on the curb, and had it fall, he happened to be passing on the other sidewalk with a buddy of his. When he saw my plight, he immediately kicked the end of his board up into his palm and ran to me, saying, "Oh, man! Let me help." He did, and it brings a smile to my face now to think of it.

 

For all who youth might disparage,

I say, look around in Wren-fashion

And see kids with noble carriage –

Circumspice rewards compassion.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

  

Another smile comes to my face to recall one writer's-blocked afternoon. I was here, as usual, working lat in the daylight hours, not making much progress and feeling isolated and much too much in my own head, when like Clement Moore's "moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow" I heard boyish laughter. It preceded the actual boys far ahead on the sidewalk, and as I had been pacing, working out some dilemma of abstract plot, I sauntered to the window.

Three teens appeared walking home from school. Their laughter was crystalline, carefree, and dipped their shoulders in merriment as they shared a moment of their daily life between them.

Two of them were tall and the same age: about sixteen, if I had to guess. And one of these taller boys held the hand of the third, his boyfriend who was a bit younger and shorter.

They cavorted so freely, so joyfully, it made my heart celebrate. But it made it a bit troubled too. For we old men, the what if's weigh heavily on us. What if I could have had held a boy's hand without fear as a lad; what if I could have started a normal emotional journey at that age; what if repression and dread of 'retaliation' had not been my constant companion at fifteen; but…but to have had a boyfriend instead…?

These what if's for so long ago bring tears to my eyes.

But….

 

How glad I am

They, those boys out in the open,

Have nothing to fear,

Or more precisely,

Give not a damn.

They have each other,

And they'll tell

The fresh, late-afternoon air,

And anyone who happens to be watching,

Life is laughter,

And life is connection,

So who gives a damn about

Anything else.

 

 

~

 

_

Copyright © 2017 AC Benus; All Rights Reserved.
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The content presented here is for informational or educational purposes only. These are just the authors' personal opinions and knowledge.
Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are based on the authors' lives and experiences and may be changed to protect personal information. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

Hi AC, a wonderful description of your feelings. I know this sitting inside listening to the live around the house and taking part trough this way and through my own thoughts. Thanks for sharing this.

 

I wish you could have been free of fear in his age, as everybody should. :hug: But I celebrate, that my kids seem to grow up in a more open minded time. My son (6 years) asked me a few days ago, if he could merry an other boy, if he has grown up. I felt happy to say: Yes, of course.

I have an older brother, who had to wait so long to merry his husband. Sometimes times changes to something better.

 

This Haibun is a beautiful and evocative piece. Each observation leads me deeper into your life and thinking. Each new poem paints pictures with vivid quality. And it is the light in those scenes - neither deep shadow nor brilliant sun - which remain with me now. For in your final section, my mind a whirl of my own what ifs, you give us golden late day sunlight, and summer green peace, and the silver laughter of hope. This is a masterful work. 

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15 hours ago, Lyssa said:

Hi AC, a wonderful description of your feelings. I know this sitting inside listening to the live around the house and taking part trough this way and through my own thoughts. Thanks for sharing this.

 

I wish you could have been free of fear in his age, as everybody should. :hug: But I celebrate, that my kids seem to grow up in a more open minded time. My son (6 years) asked me a few days ago, if he could merry an other boy, if he has grown up. I felt happy to say: Yes, of course.

I have an older brother, who had to wait so long to merry his husband. Sometimes times changes to something better.

 

Thanks, Lyssa. It's wonderful to know this Haibun reached out to you. It's nice to know your son who's it's fine for a boy to love a boy, and maybe marry him one day. You make me smile, and you've made my day. 

 

Congrats to your brother! 

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12 hours ago, BHopper2 said:

This part really got me. I'm happy for the times we are in, where we can "be free to be you, and me," but wishing it was like that at an earlier age. Excellent story overall, and I was touched by it. Thank you, for sharing it with us.

 

Thank you, BH. It's true about a better time; kids today don't have 99% of the negativity I (or we) had back in the day. But still that progress needs to be extended to more places around the world. Thanks for reading and leaving such great comments. :) 

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3 hours ago, northie said:

Both you and Parker have opened up a whole new creative avenue. This particular combination of prose and poetry is special. I'm drawn in immediately by the present tense of the prose - I'm next to you, almost - and then you grant me access to your thoughts and reflections on a subject very close to your heart. A privilege. :)

Thank you, northie. You might like to try Haibun for yourself. And see my admiration for Parker's work above. Thanks again for your great comments. 

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This was beautiful AC. Knowing that we've come so far. 
 I know you're in SF, I grew up outside NYC. We both have amazing Gay history in those cities. With much history. 
This reminds me to remember and acknowledge those who came before us. The ones who lead the fight, and didn't get to see the fruits of their labor. 
I just love how much power and hope this offers. 

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On 6/6/2017 at 9:32 PM, BlindAmbition said:

This was beautiful AC. Knowing that we've come so far. 
 I know you're in SF, I grew up outside NYC. We both have amazing Gay history in those cities. With much history. 
This reminds me to remember and acknowledge those who came before us. The ones who lead the fight, and didn't get to see the fruits of their labor. 
I just love how much power and hope this offers. 

Thanks, JP! BTW, I know you posted a great poem about the rainbow flag, and I'll take the opportunity to say here I wrote about it too in chapter 2 of this series, Pride Month.

 

There are lots of shoulders we stand on. Names like Nelson may not mean too much to us, but in Nelson vs the United States he and his husband were the first to demand the government stand out of the way of folks getting legal protections via marriage laws. That was 1972. When the ban was overturned in 2013 the presiding justice read the majority decision out loud, saying Nelson vs the U.S. is officially overturned. 

 

Thanks again  

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On 6/7/2017 at 1:52 AM, MichaelS36 said:

AC, tim often tells me of your talent. I have to say this beautiful. I guess I'm lucky. I never had those what ifs. I've always just been me. Like with tim, we hold hands /kiss everywhere because why shouldn't we?  I'm not much into poetry, odd since I married a poet, but I think I'm beginning to see.

Thank you, AC. 

Thanks you for the kind comments. Beautiful is about the best compliment I can get, and I always appreciate receiving it. I hope you can explore more and more poetry on GA, as it's getting really popular around here. :) 

 

Thanks again. 

On 6/10/2017 at 8:54 AM, Defiance19 said:

Your thoughts, and the poems could each be read separately and in their own context. But in this combination, it makes the whole deeply meaningful and intimate. This piece is also very evocative.. 

I'd never heard of the Haibun before and I love it AC.. 

Thank you, Def. It's a great review and I appreciate it. The Haibun is a form I've read many times but never really thought about trying it for myself. I guess I got inspired and lucked out on a good theme :) 

 

Thanks again 

30 minutes ago, Reader1810 said:

Reading these poems does the heart good. I am smiling...

Well done, AC. :) 

Edit: Yes, I have read these before, but like before, they caught me and pulled me in. 

Thank you, Reader. It's funny you should mention this poem just now, as the last few days -- since school's out -- I have been hearing many of the comings and goings of my skateboard neighbor, and it does my heart good too :)

I like to know he's around and close to home. Funny, huh, but that's just how it goes 

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