Ian's Heart - 10. Chapter 10 - Ian

Mom and I are giggling watching Paddy and Dad joking around while they pull our luggage along ahead of us from the parking garage to departures at the airport.

“I think your father fell head over heels for that young boy. I haven’t seen him this spirited since you and your sister were teenagers.” Mom said fondly.

“I know, it’s fun to watch them. I was worried for Pat, although I know I shouldn’t have been.” I sighed, “I just wish Anna could have been a little nicer to him. What is the deal with her Mom, she was always a little…” I don’t really know how to finish that sentence.

“Selfish, self-centered, willful.” Mom replied chuckling.

I chortled, “Yeah, all of the above. But Anna was never pointedly rude, cruel or spiteful, was she? And where is her husband?” Mom was silent for a few minutes, she looped her arm through mine as we walked slowing our pace so we could talk a little more privately.

“No, no she wasn’t. Not when you were younger, but as she’s progressed through her twenties, Anna has changed. Not for the better either, I’m afraid.” Mom paused for a second, “I’m actually worried though, she’s taken to lying, avoids eye contact, she won’t leave the house since she arrived. It’s almost as though she’s paranoid. When she arrived a couple of days before you, we had no idea she was coming. Not that that matters, wherever we are, that will always be your home. All of you, including Paddy.” Mom smiled affectionately, “Anna told us that she’d left her husband because he was abusive and it would be the last time he would lay a hand on her. Not that I don’t believe her, but…”

“But you don’t?” I said sadly.

“No, I don’t. He didn’t seem like the type. But I guess you never know behind closed doors.” Mom sighed, “but there are other signs she’s lying as well. Her story seems to change when we ask about it. There wasn’t a mark on her, not a bruise, not a scar – nothing. I would have thought, if he’d been abusive toward her and then she came straight to us, there would have been some sign. If not physically at least emotionally. But nothing. Now if we say anything she gets defensive, surly even and tries to lay blame on how she was raised. There’s something that doesn’t sit right with me about it all. I’m also terrified that she is telling the truth and someone was violent with one of my babies.”

“What about Dad? What does he think?”

Mom snort laughed, “The first night, he wanted to go down to Florida and shoot the man.” Mom paused and clucked her tongue, “Now, he doesn’t believe a word that comes out of her mouth. But she’s our daughter; she is pregnant with nowhere else to go. I’m going to use her pregnancy as an excuse to get her to the doctors for a thorough check up, see if we can find out if there is anything to it. Or maybe it's something entirely different, maybe something mentally otherwise, who knows. I am very worried.”

From: Adam
Message: Sorry, running late. Please wait if you don’t have to get back to work.

Crap it had been nearly forty-five minutes since I received the text. Hope he wasn’t expecting a reply. As I went to respond, Adam came through the door of the café he appeared a little frazzled. I stood to greet him with a handshake, which he reciprocated. The butterfly wings were a buzz in my chest. I am going to lose myself with this man I just know it.

“Sorry Teach, please don’t give me detention, or do. Whichever one works in my favor,” he laughed, “I’m glad you’re still here, I had to drop my folks at the airport, and the traffic was hell.”

“No it’s fine it gave me a chance to catch up on grading some papers. Here sit you look frazzled, I’ll get you a coffee while you get your bearings.” I suggested pulling out a chair for him.

“Uh… Thanks, black, no sugar.” He replied and sat down running his fingers through his hair. Must have been a hellish morning for him. I’d like to run my fingers through those locks, they look so soft and smooth.

Focus Ian: Coffee!.

“Hi, could I get another standard flat white no sugar, and a standard black no sugar, and two of those blueberry muffins. Thanks.” I gave my order, paid and moved out of the way for the person behind me. I studied Adam as I was waiting, his back was to me, and he had his elbows on the table. His hands clasped together, and his chin resting slightly to the side as watched the people go walk past the window. I can’t help wonder what he’s thinking. He seems to be moving better today too. So hopefully he’s all healed. I don’t know if I could be in a relationship with someone in his line of work. Always wondering if they’re safe, will this be the day or night they don’t come home. After losing James, I’m not sure I could go through that again. Not that I wish my time with James away or regret it, what we had together was precious to me. Even knowing the outcome, I’d do it all again with James

“Sir… sir, your order.”

“Huh! Oh, thank you,” I smiled at the young girl, taking the drinks and pastries. I put Adam’s coffee in front of him, his eyes snapped up. “Sorry I didn’t mean to startle you,” putting his plated muffin down next to his drink.

Adam smiled his straight white teeth at me. I hope that’s the only straight thing about him. I had to stop myself from chuckling out loud at my own stupid thought. “What? You look amused.” He said grinning at me while I felt the heat rise up my neck to my face.

“Oh nothing, my head said something stupid to me?” I waved my hand dismissively. I need to change the subject before he asks…

“Yeah, like what?” His eyebrow cocked on one side curiously.

“Yum…” I shook my head and covered my face for a second to gather myself. Steeling my nerves, I persevered with what I wanted to say pretending nothing happened, “I mean… You’re looking a lot better than the last time I saw you,” How embarrassing, please floor open up and swallow me whole.

Adam smirked and let my nervous rabbiting go unnoticed, “I am thank you, Mom and Dad made sure I got plenty of rest. I got the all clear from the doctor on Friday to return to work tomorrow. Thankfully, I was going out of my mind doing nothing. Not to mention Mom fussing the whole time.” He chuckled.

“What about you, how was your visit with your folks?” Adam asked taking a sip of his coffee and picking at his muffin.

“DAD! Great you’re still here,” Paddy said loudly across the café, “sorry to interrupt but I locked myself out of the apartment. I tried to call, but you didn’t answer.” He kept talking as he walked over to us quickly, Sasha attached to his hand.

“Sorry Paddy, I had my phone on silent.” Everyone else in the world forgotten, because my son, is having a very minor crisis, although he seems to think it’s the end of the world. Pat looked at Adam and he, in turn, stared at Pat.

“Oh, sorry forgive my manners. Adam this is my son Patrick, and Sasha his girlfriend. Paddy, Sasha this is Adam, a friend.” I introduced them nervously, I didn’t know what to say or explain who he is. Adam stood and put his hand out to shake Pat’s hand in greeting, Pat smiled and shook his hand and Sasha gave Adam a shy smile and small wave.

“I really didn’t mean to interrupt,” Pat said again.

“Pat it’s not the end of the world,” I chuckled, I took off my front door key and gave it to him, “Put it in the mailbox when or if you go back out. I have the key here to access it. Are you staying home or leaving again.”

“I was kind of hoping you’d let me stay at Sasha’s tonight. I promise we won’t be late for school tomorrow.” Pat said dramatically. Ah! to be fifteen again.

“Okay,” I nodded my head, “but if you are late, there will be no funny note, just detention.”

“I know,” Pat said looking at his feet, “and the note wasn’t funny.”

“I beg to differ, I found it very funny.” I chuckled.

Pat lifted his head and smiled at me, “so it’s okay,”

“Yep, off you go. Just this once because I deprived you of your holidays together.” I smiled.

“Thanks, Dad,” Pat grinned.

“Hang on a minute, how did you get here?”

“Oliver, he’ll take me home to get some clothes and then back to Sasha’s, he and Kat are having dinner there tonight,” Pat told me.

“That’s an improvement at least. Okay, well I’ll see you tomorrow, I’ll bring your lunch. Just come and find me when you want it. Love you,”

“Love you too,” Pat said sheepishly as he swiftly pulled Sasha out of the café. I love to embarrass him.

I chuckled to myself. Adam was looking at me with a confused face.

“Sorry that’s my son, I like to embarrass him.” I smiled.

“How old were you when you had him?” He asked.

“Um… thirty-four,” I smiled. That didn’t help his confusion. “I adopted him last year, he was my foster child for a while too.”

“Seems like a nice kid,”

“He’s a terrific boy. We’ve had our moments, and I’m sure we’ll have more, but for the most part, he’s actually too well behaved and polite. It took a while for him to stop worrying I’d kick him out, but I think he’s finally come to realize that it doesn’t matter what he does, he’s here to stay. I’m fortunate to have him.” I said reflectively. Something passed over Adams' eyes for a second, like sadness and then it was gone. He smiled at me, and we sat in a comfortable silence for a moment drinking our coffee and picking at our muffins.

“Do you have kids or want kids?” I asked him.

“Yeah, one day. I do love kids.” Adam said pensively. I smiled warmly at the thought.

Adam looked nervous for a moment and fidgeted in his seat, “Look, I’m not used to doing this, so please forgive me if I’m reading the situation all wrong. But would you like to go out with me on Saturday night?”

“Like a date?”

“Yes, a date,” he answered me directly.

“I think I’d like that,” I replied shyly but grinning from ear to ear.

He sighed with relief, “I’m going to be up front with you, I don’t like games, so I’ll just lay it out there. If you decide to change your mind, I’ll understand.”

“Okay,” I cautiously pushed my coffee away and gave Adam my full attention.

He nervously continued, “I’ve never been with a man before, never even been attracted to a man before,” he watched for my reaction.

“I can’t be an experiment for you, sorry Adam.”

He reached over the table slowly and took my hand in both of his, I almost pulled away when I felt that jolt as soon as he touched me, he seemed comfortable, I’m just not sure if I am. “That’s not what this is, I don’t know why, but I have to get to know you.” Adam let go of my hand, “Sorry I’m being too forward aren’t I.”

“It’s fine Adam, it’s just that I’ve only ever had one serious relationship, it lasted over ten years, and I’ve never done hook-ups or casual dating. This is the first time I’ve even had coffee with someone that could potentially be a date or even considered moving on since then.” I said feeling disappointed that this may not be what I wanted with him.

“Do you mind if I ask what happened?” Adam asked seriously.

“Sure,” I answered looking down at my hands, that were dog earing students papers. “James, that was his name, he passed away nearly eight years ago, I didn’t cope very well, so I’ve kind of kept to myself and my little bubble, Life was a hard for me after James left me.” I said sadly, “Until Patrick came into my life anyway. He’s been forcing me to get out and live life a little more.”

“So you’ve only ever been with one person, ever?” I nodded shyly. “And you’ve not been with anyone since.” I nodded again when it’s said like that it’s a little embarrassing and makes me feel a little pathetic. Adam audibly swallowed and his eyes glazed over a little, “That’s a really long time,” he said dazed sitting back in his chair, watching out the window at passers by.

I pulled the paper together I had with me, “Sorry Adam, maybe this was a mistake, I shouldn’t have agreed to this. I don’t think I can do it.” I pulled my chair out from the table, disappointed that I’d made a fool of myself the first time out of the gate.

Adam reached for me, “Don’t go, I’m just processing what you’ve told me. Please be patient with me.” I sat back down, Adam had a hold of my hand again, like he was afraid I’d bolt. I sat staring at the staff as they made orders, not knowing what to do or say, while he prepared himself.

“Ian, I don’t want there to be any miscommunication between us. I’m not curious about being with a man. I’m curious about you. I need to know you. We can hang out, do stuff together, I mean go out and do actual things like movies or dinner, the farmers market maybe, not do stuff, stuff… I’m messing this all up.” Adam stared at our hands mingled together, but he didn’t let go. He took a deep breath, “I would never use anyone to satisfy my own curiosity, it’s disrespectful. It’s why I was upfront with you in the first place.”

Adam took a breath and continued, “How do I put this… I’ve had this feeling each time we met. Then we kept messing it up, not getting phone numbers or names, me standing you up… That day at Kroger’s, I was supposed to sit in the car and not move. But something was telling me you were in there, that’s why I was sitting on the bench by the door,” He chortled, “I couldn’t make it any further, but at least if I sat there, you would have to pass by me. Then ten minutes later, there you were, standing in front of me, with hurt written all over your face because I stood you up. That just killed me, I don’t know what it is about you, but for some reason, we have a connection. I can feel it, even when you're close by and I can’t see you, I know you’re there.”

“It’s not crazy, I feel it too.” I traced the outside of his hand with my thumb, his eyes looked up from our hands, and he gave me a crooked smile.

“So will you still go out with me on Saturday?”

“I’d love to,” I said with a chuckle, Adam grinned back at me.

<>-<>-<>

Since Patrick wasn’t home for the evening, I got stuck into the housework since we would be busy back at school and work. The whole time all I could think about is the feeling in my stomach and the butterflies. I’m not so confident about it all now. It would have to be a coincidence surely. I’ve heard about twins having that kind of connection, being able to feel the other, but never with unrelated people. I wonder if that’s even possible. James and I were connected, but this is on a whole other level. I’m so confused. I really need someone to talk to about this. I am going to drive myself crazy. I could call Mom, but that would open up a whole can of worms. Maybe Bill and John could help me, so that’s how I found myself on their doorstep at five o’clock in the afternoon. The door swung wide open, and I’m greeted with Bill’s smiley face, which quickly turned to a frown.

“Come on in Ian, everything okay?” Bill pulled me into a hug, the second I stepped through the threshold.

“Um, I’m not sure. I have a thing, it’s confusing, I need someone to help me figure it all out. My head is a mess.” I shook my head and smiled sadly.

“Best you come in then, and we’ll see if we can’t tidy it up for you.” Bill chortled, then yelled down the hallway, “Honey, Ian’s here. He has a dilemma, we need to help him fix.”

“Coming, get him a drink... Not alcohol,” John called back.

Bill screwed his face up into a scowl, “Kill-joy.” Bill said quietly and snickered, “What would you like to drink, beer, wine, soda, coffee.”

“Coffee would be great if you don’t mind.”

“Nope, that’s fine, coffee it is. We can always make it an Irish one if things get a little rough.” Bill chuckled, rubbing his hands together mischievously. “Take a seat, John will only be a minute, and I’ll make the coffees.”