The Hidden Ones: The Spotlight - 29. Ryder's Confidence

-------Teddy-------

All I could do was sit on the couch and breathe as I desperately waited for the high to pass. My mind seemed like it was just constricting over itself, like it was tightening and tightening and tightening! Is this how Ryder feels every day? Is this what paranoia and anxiety feel like? Oh my god he must be miserable! This is terrible! This is just…

“Teddy.” I heard Ryder giggle as he grabbed my arm. “I didn’t even know it was possible to breath that loud!”

“I, um,” I managed, as he yanked me off the couch.

“Come on.” He led. “I think you need fresh air or something.” I slowly nodded and followed as he led us outside. “Better?”

I took a few seconds before finally nodding my head. “Better.”

“I shouldn’t’ve made you smoke.” He exhaled. “I guess its just,”

“You didn’t make me do anything.” I spoke, finally managing to make my words coherent. “I had the option to say no.”

He nodded his head and slid down to the ground. “I still hate to see you paranoid.” He grumbled. “But I guess after this morning you did have it coming.”

“Oh yeah?” I asked, taking a seat on the curb next to him.

He nodded his head once more and thought it over. “How did you take that conversation so well? I mean that was marriage we were talking about.”

“I know.” I giggled. “I guess I just figured it was more of fantasizing than anything else.”

“Oh.” He exhaled, falling deeper into his own head.

“But, I meant it when I said I wouldn’t say no.” I confessed. “Would it be soon? Sure. But my parents got married at nineteen. Sometimes you just know.”

“And sometimes you have an unexpected baby.” He pointed out, still working himself up over it. “Sorry.” He quickly let out, realizing what he had said. “I’m just, scared.”

“Of the commitment?” I asked, as our eyes met.

“No.” he shook his head. “That I’m getting ahead of myself. It’s like, like I’ve been sad for so long and now I’m happy. But everything I’ve ever touched in life has turned to shit, so why wouldn’t all of this?”

“I don’t know.” I confessed. “But if it turns to shit I’ll be there with you. You’d have to try extremely hard to get rid of me.”

“Promise?” he asked, concern still in his eyes.

“Promise.” I repeated, as he leaned his head against my shoulder. “You don’t have to feel pressured. I won’t be expecting anything on graduation day, or the years after. But whenever you ask I’ll say yes, that I know.”

“So you’re not going to ask me?” he tilted his head slightly and tried to look at my face.

“Nope.” I denied. “I dragged you out of isolation, and forced you to date me. This parts all on you.”

“And you’re sure graduation day won’t be too soon?” He asked, unable to let the thought go.

“Positive.” I smiled, beginning to enjoy the idea.

He nodded his head and exhaled. “Ok. Graduation day it,”

“Ryder!” I interrupted. “Don’t ruin the surprise! I don’t want to know when you’ll propose!”

“Oh.’ He giggled. “Sorry. I-it’ll be a surprise, I swear.”

“There are my two favorite teens.” My uncle called out as he approached. “Geez are you guys really that overworked?” he asked as he finally got a good look at how tired we looked.

“Yeah.” Ryder forced out as we both jumped to our feet. “Do you need something? Or are you just,”

“I’ve got news.” He interrupted, ushering us inside to the rest of the band. “And now I know why you both look overworked.” He exhaled as the smell of the air hit his lungs. “And my nephew is here too. Wonderful.”

“I didn’t,”

“Nope!” he shut down. “Hear no evil see no evil.” He dismissed trying to ignore the smell. “You are your father’s son.” He sighed, giving me a hint into my dad’s youth. “But I’m not here to play policeman. I’ve got some bad news.”

As I saw the look on his face I knew exactly what he was trying to get at. “Uncle,”

“No.” he shut down again. “Don’t ruin this or I’ll text Harry.”

“Fine.” I groaned, knowing his whole special way to give news.

“You guys won’t be touring with Trivium.” He let out, trying his hardest to look sad.

“What?” Ryder exclaimed as a sudden rush of life hit him. “Why not? What did we do? I thought they said if the album was heavy,”

“It’s nothing you guys did.” Uncle Martin waived. “There offer is actually still on the table, however you guys had a break through this morning.”

“Z100?” I asked, jumping at the opportunity to get under his skin.

“I’ll send my brother a picture right now.” He warned, finally silencing me. “But yes, Z100. Your E.P. sales have been slightly rising since this morning and your streaming is skyrocketing. I-it seems like Messiah is becoming a known name.” he nodded as excitement began to fill the room. “The band I Prevail called,” The second the band’s name came out of my uncle’s mouth I could feel Ryder begin to rock with excitement. “And they want to co-headline a tour.”

“Co-headline!” Ryder shouted, grabbing onto me. “Like we’re both the main act?!”

“They were supposed to open for A Day to Remember next month, but considering their debut album blew up, and it’s looking like yours will too, well they feel like you guys can sell enough tickets together to pack small venues like Terminal Five.” The anticipation in the room began to rise higher and higher as it began to click with the band. “Now since you’re both new bands we’re going to give you three openers just to guarantee sales. Assuming We Survive! And We Came as Romans want in, and we’re going to extend the invite to This Wild Life if you’ve heard of them.”

“I have.” Ryder breathlessly nodded. “This is like, this is our tour?”

“Well it’s a shared tour with I Prevail, and you guys will be going on before them, but depending on crowd demographics that can change from city to city.” Uncle Martin explained, beginning to get into the nitty and gritty. “Not before you agree you guys have to realize something. This is an all or nothing tour. If it works, then it’ll really work, you guys will gain fans left and right. Hell, you might even wind up upgrading venues during the tour. Avenged Sevenfold went from Irving Plaza to Staples Center overnight. But if it fails, you’re dead in the water. No one in the industry will touch you regardless of your streaming numbers.”

“I don’t care.” Ryder spoke up. “We’re in.”

“Ryder,” Brandon nervously began.

“No, no doubts.” He shook his head. “No overthinking it. We did it with warped tour, and now we’re going to do this with our tour. If we’re going to make it, it’s going to be our way.”

“Everyone agree?” Uncle Martin asked looking at the rest of the guys. One by one they all began to nod their heads. There was a layer of fear under all the excitement, but Ryder’s confidence seemed to silence it before it could start. “Mr. Sullivan.” Uncle Martin called out as he locked eyes with Ryder. “It’s no mystery that this is your moment. Write your fucking heart out or no one will ever work with you again. Not even as a ghost writer.”

“Already doing it.” He nodded, not backing down from the challenge.

My uncle proudly smiled but as he saw me next to Ryder shook his head. “And please stop dating my nephew. “

“Ryder may wear the pants in the band, but he doesn’t wear the pants in our relationship.” I interrupted, staring down my uncle.

My uncle rolled his eyes and walked back towards the door. “You boys have two more weeks. Get this album done, and make sure it’s good. And Teddy, for the love of god if I see you with weed again you’ll be grounded until you’re twenty-one.”

“Alright alright.” I waved off as he shut the door behind him.

“I love you,” Ryder began, turning towards me. “But I think the band needs to be,”

“I get it, I get it,” I teased, standing up and kissing him on the forehead. “You get your big break and now you’re kicking me out.”

“That’s how it goes.” Ryder smiled standing up and walking me out. I waived to the guys, but as usual only one or two cared enough to waive back.

“So this is it.” I shrugged as we stood outside my car. “You go on tour once, and suddenly you’re getting a tour of your own.”

“It’s not just Messiah’s tour, we have to share it.” Ryder humbly shrugged.

“For like a show or two, you guys are totally going to take it over.” I encouraged. “And I bet you’re going to play bigger venues than you think.”

“Yeah right.” He rolled his eyes, but I swear I saw a glimpse of hope in them.

“Maybe even Madison Square Garden.” I tempted, raising my eyebrows.

“Okay, if that happens I’ll retire from music. That’ll be it. If on my first tour I play the garden I’ll call it a career right then and there.” He giggled with a shake of his head.

“I love you.” I smiled, landing a deep kiss on his lips. “And I’m so proud.”

“I know, I love you too.” He exhaled, letting me hold him for a few seconds. “But I really need to get back to writing. We’ll hang out again tomorrow? I really want to see Blake and Liz.”

On the way home I made sure to drive extra cautiously. I was definitely sober, but there was no doubt about how groggy I felt. It was like a ghost had come down and sucked away all my energy.

“This is why I hate sleepovers!” My mom shouted as I walked into the living room. “Look at him! He barely slept last night!”

“I slept fine.” I shrugged off, just happy to have a sound excuse.

“Sure you did.” She grumbled. “And where the hell have you been? It’s almost four!”

“I went to visit Ryder in the studio.” I explained forcing a smile. “I actually saw Uncle Martin there, Ryder’s headed back on tour at the end of the month I think.”

“I’m sorry buddy.” My dad spoke up. “But this is what’s best for him. I’m sure you’ll make it through it.”

“I know.” I nodded. “Plus he’s co-headlining it!” I let out as excitement took over my words.

“No way!” My dad gasped. “We’ve got to go to at least three of the shows. I’ll drive you, and we’ll get a hotel room, and,”

“Just what I need, my husband playing groupie for my son’s boyfriend.” My mom remarked. “I really lucked out over here!”

“You’re just jealous because I didn’t invite you.” My dad childishly teased, but as our eyes connected his smile faded. “You want to talk about it?”

“Yes, but not that.” I shook my head. “Can we talk?” I asked as they both happily nodded. “I meant to dad. Alone.”

“Sure. That’s fine.” My mom sarcastically bit. “I have work to do anyway. Not like I want to spend time with my family or anything!”

My dad couldn’t help but silently laugh as she walked out of the room, and into her office still ranting about the moment. “What’s on your mind?” He asked as I sat down across from him. “The idea of him touring still got you down?”

“Yeah, but that’s not really it right now.” I swayed my head. “It’s just. Did you regret marrying mom at nineteen?”

“I’ve already told you. You’re the best thing to ever happen to us, we wouldn’t,”

“No, I don’t mean about me.” I quickly interrupted. “I mean like, even without me. Do you regret getting married young?”

He carefully thought it over before shaking his head. “No. I loved your mom more than I loved anything else in the world. She took my breath away. I’m lucky you gave me an excuse to marry her actually.” He teased with a smile. “I mean sure, there were people who told me I missed out by locking myself up, but that’s not the way I saw it. The way I saw it I had what they were all chasing. They were all searching for love, but I had it. I wouldn’t change anything.” I happily nodded my head, but saw curiosity enter his eyes. “Why? What happened?”

“Nothing.” I exhaled, trying to find the words. “I just. You know how Mrs. Sullivan is, and today at breakfast, well she jokingly said Ryder was going to propose at graduation.”

“It’s not the worst idea.” He shrugged. “College will be in the rearview mirror, and it’ll give you some stability going into medical school. “

“Oh no,” I interrupted once more. “She means like, high school graduation.”

“What?” he gulped as his eyes widened. “Like at eighteen years old.”

“Well weddings take a lot of time to plan.” I shrugged. “But yeah, in my first year of college.”

“Well then.” He forced out, straightening himself up. “What did the two of you think?”

“Well Ryder got super uncomfortable and twitchy, so I had to keep busting him about it.” I smiled. “But then I started falling for the idea, and well, we spoke, I think he’s going to propose.”

My dad slowly nodded his head as he thought it all over. “I don’t have much ground to stand on so all I’m going to say is, if you’re sure you’re in love with him then go for it, but if there’s any doubt give it some time. You both have a lot of life ahead of yourselves, and I’d hate to see you guys lose your independence before it even starts.”

“Okay.” I nodded, making sure to listen closely. “But if I feel like I do now, I’d say yes.”

“Fair enough.” He smiled. “I think Ryder would be a great addition to the family.”

“Oh my god!” My mom exclaimed, showing that she had been eavesdropping the whole time. “Harrison!”

“Mom!” I yelped, as she turned the corner. “What the hell?!”

“Watch your mouth.” She scolded taking a seat near us. “Whenever the two of you get together only bad things happen. If it was anything else I would’ve went back to my office, but marriage?!”

“You can’t listen in on us like that.” My dad exhaled, even more upset then me about it. “This is how we lose his trust. Besides, we can’t run his life for him. He’s almost a young adult, he needs to start forging his own road.”

“Not while we’re paying for his college he doesn’t.” My mom dismissed, leaning forward in her seat. “Teddy you need to understand your dad and I were under very difference circumstances, and yes I love him, and I would’ve married him no matter what, but getting married at nineteen? That’s a huge commitment, especially if he spends the majority of time on the road.”

“He’ll always be on the road.” I shrugged, as my eyes fell to the floor. “If I wait until he stops touring we won’t get married until we’re like sixty.”

“That’s fair, but you guys have been dating what? Two and a half months?” She asked, pointing out the issues with such a young relationship. “That means after only a year of dating you’ll get married. You need to see how stress effects,”

“That’s enough.” My dad interrupted, finally reaching his breaking point. “Teddy didn’t ask to be preached to. He came to talk. You don’t think by June they won’t know what stress is? You really want to make Teddy think about all that? Ryder is headlining this tour, things, by june, everything is going to be flipped upside down! Everything will have changed. So if they still love one another enough to get married then I say go for it!”

“Harrsion.” My mom groaned, letting out a deep sigh.

“No, I’m serious!” he exclaimed, starting to get excited. “How many nights have you stayed awake worried Teddy will never find someone?”

“Gee thanks.” I muttered, eyes still on the floor.

“It’s nothing personal, just, the number of gay people around here isn’t in your favor.” He shook his head. “But now he has someone he loves, that we approve of, that is wildly successful, and you want to come out here eavesdropping and put a god damn kibosh on the whole thing!”

“It’s okay.” I forced out, realizing how upset he was.

“No Teddy it’s not.” My Dad shook his head. “When your mother decides to get off her high horse and join the rest of us here on Earth she needs to apologize.”

“Alright sorry, sorry,” She let out, not quite sure what else to say. “I just want what’s best for him.”

“I get that. But you can’t do that by listening in on us. I don’t know how after eighteen years you can’t trust the two of us together. Do I like to have fun with him? Yes. Do I bend the rules from time to time? Yes. But I would never let him do anything I think could hurt him in the long run.” My dad exhaled, starting to go on another rant. “I get it. You want him to be a surgeon, he wants to be a surgeon. But before any of that, above it all, he needs to be happy with where he is in life. And he has to get to happiness through his own decisions or he’s always going to doubt himself.” A minute or two of silence passed as his words began to sink into everyone. “You.” He let out grabbing onto my shoulders, and forcing my head up. “You are the most important thing in my life. I love you more than anything else in this world. We both do. We trust you, and no matter what you choose we love you unconditionally. Understand?”

“Yeah.” I meekly forced out, reaching out and hugging him. He held me tightly and let out a deep sigh. I haven’t seen him this worked up about something in years. I guess he’s starting to accept that I’m growing up. That things are different, and that there’s another child on the way. But I can tell he wants me to know I’m loved. That no matter what I can trust them with anything.

I gave it a few more minutes but as the awkward silence filled the air I went up to my room to let them duke out the rest of their fight. My mom knows she’s in the wrong, but she will fight to the very bitter end over anything. I just hope she’s ready to get the earful he’ll give her about it all!

As I laid in bed and sorted through the music on my phone I realized that nothing really stood out to me. There was nothing in particular I was excited to listen to. I mean how many times am I going to listen to Drake, Ed Sheeran or Justin Bieber? My hand cautiously hovered over the search button until finally I began typing in the band I had just hung out with. I couldn’t help but smile as an impromptu picture of them in the studio took the place of my screen. They tried their hardest to make it look professional, but you can tell someone quickly threw it together on a phone.

I couldn’t help but shake my head as I saw how many listens their songs were starting to get. Disclose and Surrender both hovered near the nine-hundred thousand mark as Pill in Ibiza seemed to be rising at near six-hundred thousand. It’s only a matter of time until they break a million. I went to click their pop cover, but my finger seemed to get stuck at Surrender. The second I clicked it I got flashbacks to sitting in his room as he sheepishly played the early version of it for me on his keyboard. Back when he was still working on it. Back when none of this was certain. Back when he was only mine. I held my breath and let his voice soothe me. I’m not sure if I’m ready to share him with the world just yet, but I better get used to it soon.