Loving Fiercely: How I Resist - 14. Chapter 14: I saw you in a dream

This story is so very sad. The grief and hurt permeates each stanza. We were in fields of emerald green... this single line says so much, paints such a wide and deep picture. The following stanzas yield more scenes made vivid by your wordstrokes - hollow eyes staring, children grieving. You have done a find job of making the reader both see and feel pain and rage.

I'm always struck by the first line. It's concise, but the blue skin makes this dream anything but peaceful. 

I really appreciate how you've used the Elegy form to mourn a youthful victim. Your rhymes flow and seem quite natural, and bring the poetic structure to life to serve your artist intents. I think it's great. 

elegy is a beautiful form, perfect for this sad story you tell. it's very nicely done. 

well done BDANR!

the sadness, and the hope, come through loud and clear

A fabulous poem... Dark sadness laced with a delicate satin voice. 

On 1/11/2018 at 12:40 PM, Parker Owens said:

This story is so very sad. The grief and hurt permeates each stanza. We were in fields of emerald green... this single line says so much, paints such a wide and deep picture. The following stanzas yield more scenes made vivid by your wordstrokes - hollow eyes staring, children grieving. You have done a find job of making the reader both see and feel pain and rage.

Thank you, Parker. Those are the precise feelings I hoped to evoke: the rage and hurt we all felt having lost a peer of ours. It was a difficult, confusing time for us, though I am glad to have conveyed this story in a way that you all could empathize.

Appreciate you reading :).

On 1/11/2018 at 6:23 PM, AC Benus said:

I'm always struck by the first line. It's concise, but the blue skin makes this dream anything but peaceful. 

 

I really appreciate how you've used the Elegy form to mourn a youthful victim. Your rhymes flow and seem quite natural, and bring the poetic structure to life to serve your artist intents. I think it's great. 

 

Thank you! Recalling the dream, seeing my friend appear before me with his lifeless skin was a chilling scene. Even after over a decade, I can never forget it,  the clearest image I have of it. The elegy worked perfectly with what I was going for. Much gratitude for having introduced me to the form :).

On 1/11/2018 at 7:51 PM, Mikiesboy said:

elegy is a beautiful form, perfect for this sad story you tell. it's very nicely done. 

Thank you, timmy!

On 1/11/2018 at 8:20 PM, mollyhousemouse said:

well done BDANR!

the sadness, and the hope, come through loud and clear

Thank you, mollyhousemouse! 

11 hours ago, asamvav111 said:

A fabulous poem... Dark sadness laced with a delicate satin voice. 

Thank you, asamvav! I didn't think about what voice I was conveying, but "delicate satin" is quite the compliment and nice to hear :).