Liam's story - 18. Chapter 18

We spent a couple hours at the arcade before Carter ran out of money, we went back to the Bennett's house and played in the pool. He wanted to stay in the pool so I barbecued us lunch so he wouldn’t have to get out and I could keep an eye on him. Dr. Bennett woke and joined us in the yard for lunch before heading back to the hospital. Carter really didn’t want to get out the pool all afternoon, it was a nice day out so I just let him play while I enjoyed the nice weather. 4:30 came around and Mrs. Bennett came home so I got to leave.

I slowly walked home, and spent a little time with my mom before heading upstairs for a shower. I grabbed my phone and read the messages Toby had sent me, they were mostly asking my if I was okay and he seemed worried he wasn’t able to get a hold of me. I shot him a quick text letting him know I was just going to shower and then head over to his place. I made sure to shower well, this could be the day I let Toby top me.

Having access to mom’s car is awesome. I am definitely going to have to buy my own, the freedom is amazing. I made it to Toby’s around six pm. Had supper ready for me, he made me steak, baked potatoes and asparagus. It was amazing, he is definitely a good cook. I didn’t much feel like sitting around and talking, I hadn’t been doing great lately and I didn’t want to bring Toby down with me. He seemed to be doing okay, everyone did. Everyone except me. Even mom and dad seemed to be doing better, I’m guessing by the flowers that mom visited Josh, and quite often I’d catch dad staring off in to space, his mind completely somewhere else. That never used to happen before Josh’s death so I imagine he’s thinking of him. Other than that they seem okay. I seem to be the only one falling apart. I don’t want to put that burden on Toby.

Rather than sit around and talk after supper I pounced. I practically dragged Toby to his bedroom and guided him backwards until he couldn’t go any further and landed on the bed. I followed him and he scooted up bringing his head towards the pillows. Once he found his spot in the bed, I found mine on top of him, I straddled his hip and leaned down to kiss him. It didn’t take long to become heated of for my hands to start roaming under his shirt. I lifted my self up off of him long enough to remove my shirt and start pulling at his. He sat himself up and allowed me to pull his shirt up over his head.
“Don’t you want to like, go somewhere or do something?” Toby asked before I could attach my lips back to his.
“Yeah, I wanna do this.” I replied before attacking him. I pushed him back down on to the bed and continued my assault on his lips.

I was getting pretty excited and could feel he was too. I started to work my way down his body. By the time I got to his shorts he seemed more than happy to allow me to remove them, he made no further suggestions of doing anything else. I took him in my mouth for a while, but stopped when I felt him getting close. He propped himself up on his elbows and gave me a questioning look.
Now or never.

“I want you to do me.” I mustered as much confidence as I could when I said this.
“Really? You’re sure? There’s no pressure. If you’re not ready you don’t have to do it for me. I am satisfied already.” He responded.
“Do you not want to?” The thought that Toby didn’t want me hurt a little. I sat back on my heels and looked down at my knees, I didn’t want to look him in the eyes.
He reached for my face, he put his hand under my chin and gently coaxed it up until I was looking at him. “Of course I want to. I think about it a lot, but I don’t want to do it if you're not ready.”
“I’m ready.”

That’s all I had to say to convince him. He quickly took charge of the situation, flipped me around so I was the one on the bed and he was the one on top. He quickly evened the playing field and removed my pants. He began to suck me, I haven’t felt much like jerking off lately so it didn’t take long to bring me to the brink. I warned him so he could back off and we could keep going, he ignored my warnings and began swallowing as I climaxed. When I had finished coming he sat up between my legs and smiled at me.
“I thought you were gonna…”
“I am, that was just your warm up.” He looked at me like I was prey when he said that. “Can you grab a condom and the lube for me?” He asked gesturing towards his bedside table. I twisted myself around to reach into the drawer. Toby helped me continue over until I was on my stomach.
He spent a very long time warming me up and getting me ready, he used his tongue at first then switched to his fingers. It all felt amazing. He had me turn to lay on my left side before he entered me. it was uncomfortable at first, but he was slow and gentle and allowed me to get used to the invasion. I had gone soft at first, but as he began to slowly thrust inside me he brushed over my prostate. I was rock hard again instantly. He reached around and slowly stroked me in time with his movements inside of me. It was amazing. The sensation of him inside of me and stroking me combined with the little moans and noises, I could hear coming from him, the feel of his hot breath on my neck. He began to thrust a little harder and faster, it was becoming erratic. His grip on me tightened a bit as he became more forceful. I could tell by his thrusting and his breathing that he was getting close. I was too. He came about half a minute before I did, he was still hard and managed to keep up his assault on my prostate while he jerked me to completion.

“Holy shit.”
“FUCK!”
We both spoke at the same time.
I turned around in his arms until I was facing him, we lazily kissed for a few minutes before settling into a comfortable cuddle. His breathing started to even out and he fell asleep. He looked so peaceful. Much more peaceful than I felt. His alarm clock said 8:45, we had been in bed for over two hours. I had felt happy and content while we had been fooling around. Well, happy might be over reaching. Distracted, would probably a better word. The distraction was over and I felt even lower than I had before. Don’t get me wrong, it was an amazing experience and I probably couldn’t have had a better first time but I still felt like something was missing, like I had lost a part of myself and I just couldn’t get it back.

I disengaged myself from Toby’s arms and legs and headed for a shower.I couldn’t sleep and was too restless to lay there with him without disturbing him.

One of my new favourite things about staying at Toby’s apartment is the seemingly endless supply of hot water. I had been in there for a while and had no intention of leaving. I’m not sure what it is about the shower, but it’s just the perfect place to let your emotions out. Of course that’s how toby found me sitting in the bathtub with the shower pouring down on my bawling my eyes out. After one of the best experiences of my life. Something is definitely broken inside of me.

I wasn’t expecting it as Toby pulled the shower curtain back. He was looking down at me sitting in the bath tub for a minute before he climbed in himself. He sat beside me, but facing me and wrapped his legs and arms around me. I leaned into him and just let him hold me for a while before the embarrassment overtook me and I extricated my self from him.

I dried off quickly and headed to his bedroom for my clothes. I was finished getting dressed when I noticed toby standing in the doorway, still naked.

“Where are you going?” He was still standing in the doorway, as I stepped towards it.
“I should probably get home.” I tried to get closer and out of his room but he continued to block my exit.
He took a step out of the doorway and into the room towards me. I tried to step around him but before I could he grabbed me and pulled me into him.
“Liam, please stay. Let me in, let me help you.” he said into my ear. He must have taken my lack of movement for agreement. He began to take off my clothes, but left my boxers on and guided me towards his bed. He laid down and gestured towards the spot next to him. I cuddled in close to him while he covered us both with the blanket.

“What’s going on?”

Seems like a simple question but it opened up the floodgates. I made sure I was turned away from him because for some reason it is harder to open up when were looking at each other, but I told him all of it. How I had been feeling lately, all the crying, the rollercoaster of emotions from being happy one minute to sad or guilty the next. He never interrupted but did ask a few questions. He mostly just held me close to him and listened. It was a cathartic experience getting it all out. I told him how broken I felt and he agreed.

Well, he didn’t use the same wording I did. but he did agree that something was wrong, and that I should probably see someone about it. I told him about my parents earlier suggestion that I see a therapist and he thought it was a good one. He also really tried to drill into me that its okay to need help sometimes, I'm not sure I believed him. And that although I can’t always see it, it doesn’t mean everyone else has moved on.

I had the best sleep i’ve had in a while that night.