I've Always Loved You - 14. Closure

I saw Mike look back at the door as it closed by Wynonna. We walked back to the SUV and I took Mike’s hand in mine.

“He’ll be fine, Mike,” I assured, taking his hand as we got back in the SUV. “Avi and Eli will watch carefully.” We stopped on the sidewalk. “What do you do Christmas Eve?”

“We could go to the mall?” Mike grinned.

My eyes widened. “No way! You couldn’t get me to go willingly to any mall tonight. I’m not a masochist.”

Mike chuckled as he started the SUV. “I think Starbuck’s is still open for now.” His eyebrows danced a little. “They have some great holiday coffees and other drinks, but you’re recognized more now.”

“First get there. If it’s not too crowded…we handled it at Su-Chen’s with the fried ice cream. If it’s not bad, we can risk it. We’ll be fine.” I waved at him to drive. “Come on, let’s go.”

The Starbuck’s wasn’t crowded at all. Those last minute shoppers were still at the malls, which were closing at eight that evening, or they were with family already, home for Christmas Eve to spend together…they might stop before going home. We walked in and there were no surprises, though one dark-haired young man in his twenties with five others…there was one elderly woman, two middle-aged adults, and two others a boy and a girl, younger than the young man: family from the similar looks of them…his eyes widened when he saw us but didn’t say anything.

The person at the counter was a young blonde woman who smiled at us automatically. When we placed our orders she really saw us. Her eyes also did the widening thing. I knew she recognized us. They always ask your name to put on the cup when it was ready. I heard her whisper to the two others there working to make the coffee and they looked, too. She didn’t do the question but put the name on our cups without needing to ask.

It was bound to happen, Charleston believes itself a city, but it’s really several small towns squeezed together. Where we were in West of the Ashley and well…we got our special coffees. Mine had the minty taste of candy canes, his was a holiday spiced coffee with cinnamon. Delicious. We were just relaxing together on a cushioned bench my arm around the back of him. It wasn’t busy here, but out there? There was no way we were heading back to the hotel as traffic would be hard enough until later. We also needed to be local to the Atkins’ home in case there were problems and we had to go back quickly. Mike and I were enjoying ourselves and we didn’t even think about where we were in this city or concerned what others saw us do, which was nothing, but sit close together enjoying the quiet music and rich smells of the many coffees…we heard the door chime for new customers coming in. The place might get more crowded as everyone would be heading home for Christmas stuff and get a relaxing Cinnamon or Eggnog drink. Three women entered laughing together. I recognized them immediately. My heart sunk. Patricia, the young woman that approached Mike that first night looking for a man to father children, Betty, one of the three of four women that had been friends since high school and Susan…Susan, my ex-fiancé. I stiffened a bit. Mike’s eyes went to where I was looking and his eyes came back to me. The happy atmosphere, the soft playing Christmas music in the background…just soured.

“Do you want to leave?” Mike asked me quietly.

I had guilt feelings with Susan. It wasn’t her fault, but…I lied to her. She and I never really talked before I left. I just…left. Looking over at Mike, he gave me such a look of concern and love. It gave me courage. “No, Mike. This should have been addressed for some time now.”

The three were busy talking and laughing until Patricia saw me and froze. The other two looked and I saw Susan’s eyes show immediate surprise and then hurt and then lastly…anger.

I rose from beside Mike and walked over. “Hello, Susan,” I said softly. “How are you?”

The thing was…Susan was pretty. Reddish brown hair hung below her shoulders and she stood a few inches shorter than me. She had put on some weight since I saw her last, but it wasn’t bad. She had a Chinese grandmother, so it added a slightly exotic touch, which I found appealing…somewhat.

“Eric,” Susan said in an even tone, but there was still anger in her eyes confronted with me; remembering what I’d done to her almost a decade ago. “It’s been what…almost eight years?”

I nodded. “It has been.” My heart was beating faster, not because she meant anything to me, but I had done something wrong. I had hurt her. Admitting a wrong is hard. The four friends probably told each other everything, so… “I’m sorry,” I said as sincerely as I could. “It was never my intent to hurt you.”

“Why are you here?” Patricia said a little snide. “There are no concerts in Charleston.” She looked over at Mike. “We heard about you and Mike.”

“You left Charleston to be gay.” Betty shot quickly and angrily. “Leaving without a word!” She looked over at Mike. “And took him to be gay, too!”

It hurt, but I stood my ground. “I didn’t leave to be gay, Betty. I was gay before I left. I am gay. I didn’t seduce or make Mike gay. We just are.” I said without the volume or anger!

I saw some of the anger in Susan’s eyes lessen. “Then why did you ask me to marry you?” She demanded.

I looked at Patricia and Betty saying to them, “I’m sure you will get all the details from Susan later. Can I speak to her alone?”

“There is no way you…” Patricia said angrily.

“Pat!!” Susan said loud causing them to look at Susan surprised. “Please?” She said softer. “Give us a minute. I will be fine.”

Betty and Patricia looked at each other. Betty nodded finally. “We’ll be right over there.” She told Susan as she pointed to the opposite side of the store from where Mike and I were sitting. Being near us would be unthinkable; shunning us was a statement. They walked away to get whatever they had come in for.

“You can still get what you came in for,” I said to her. “I’ll buy it.”

“I guess you’re doing well,” Susan said a little bitterly. “I hear your songs on the radio now. You have concerts all over. You are even in the news.”

“Yes, it’s going very well,” I said walking her to the counter to get her coffee…or something. The caramel…something. She had no problem taking what I bought her. I motioned to a small table we sat. I knew it would probably be loud…in a Starbuck’s on Christmas Eve…who wouldn’t love that? I gave a glance to Mike, who trying not to look like he was watching, but he was. I liked that. I looked at Susan. “I’m sorry for what I did.”

“You lied to me,” Susan repeated through gritted teeth, her anger coming back a little.

I admitted it. “Yes, I did.” I sighed. “How could I tell you truth I could not admit to myself? I never wanted to be gay.”

“Then don’t do it!” Susan said angrily.

“I could have remained where I was,” I said. “I could have just done what I was expected to do. I could have married you.” I leaned forward. “That would really have been a huge lie.” I shook my head. “The wedding and commitment…I could no more not be gay than I could not be white!” I pounded my own chest. “I didn’t choose this, I am this.” I shook my head again. “I am a white, brown-eyed, black-haired, gay man,” I said loud enough to be heard by the others in the store.

“You said you loved me!” Susan claimed loud and now the other family members were looking very uncomfortable at us now. So was the girl behind the counter. Susan looked at the girl and family and leaned in saying softer to me. “You never loved me.”

I shook my head and closed my eyes covering my face with my hands. “I did…I thought.” Begging her to understand. “I tried to do what I was expected...” and I heard her gasp. Putting my hands down to see what it was, I watched her eyes follow my left hand.

“You’re married!?” She asked louder. “Who…” She looked at Mike and feared who she knew that who was.

Mike had gotten up and had begun approaching when our voices had risen. “To me.” He held his left hand out to show her the matching ring and then put the left hand on my shoulder standing behind me.

She looked angrier now. “I knew it!!” She said standing pointing at us. “All that time…you two were so close…”

“Stop it!” I demanded loud now standing. “We don’t need to embarrass…”

“You were sleeping with him!” She pointed at Mike her anger getting louder. “Ben told us…”

“Ben!?” I asked, remembering my one-time tenant. “He’d have sex with anybody, but he and I jerked off, that’s all!” I shouted. “Mike and I never…”

“Eric,” Mike said quietly putting his arms around me. “Don’t.” He said near my ear. “Calm down.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes feeling the eyes of those here on us. “We should have done this outside, or in the car. For the lie, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I said forcing calm. “I couldn’t marry you. That would have been a much bigger lie that would have been a disaster, but you’re going to believe what you want.”

She looked at Mike angrily. “You married Sherry! You got her pregnant before that marriage!”

Betty and Patricia were now standing next to Susan. “How could you do that if you’re gay!?” Betty demanded of Mike.

Mike shook his head. “Sherry was too excited and willing to go to bed with me…she was as guilty as I was!”

I frowned. “Did you love me?” I interrupted him as I shouted at Susan. “Did you really?” I walked around the little table. “Or did you agree to marry someone that might and has made money? My father was a doctor! I remember the first time over at the house…you loved the money and the house!”

“That is not true!” Susan shouted back. “I cared about you, I was starting to love you!”

“You cared and started to love me.” I nodded, folding my arms across my chest. “The problem is…what you believe. I chose to believe you did love me. I was a virgin until I went to Texas, never having had sex with anyone. You were the perfect girl to make everyone happy.” I got closer to her. “I apologize for what I did. I am…” I said softer, “begging you to forgive me. The whole decade was handled wrong. I regret hurting you and not loving him in the very beginning. I was guilty of falling in love with him while he was there with me.” I shrugged. “It began the night we met.”

She shook her head and some of the anger was ebbing away. “I saw that.” She said weakly. “I saw the…connection you had with him. The ease with how you just…blended.”

“What?” I asked confused. She was jealous?

She nodded as tears were forming. “Whenever one would come in the room with the other…both of your whole faces changed.” She smiled. “Your eyes, Eric, just lit up when you saw him. They never did with me.”

“I never…” I began again understanding. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Susan shook her head. “No, you didn’t mean to.” She sniffed and laughed. “You never would have meant to hurt me. You couldn’t lie well and you were always a gentleman.” She looked at her two friends. “We had many long nights talking about you.” She waved at Mike. “Then the Atkins, Manfred shooting you after you left to live with Eric…”

“But it was so soon after Sherry died…” Betty said. “That was the…”

“No.” Susan shook her head and gave a grimacing look to her friend. “Come on, Betty, you knew what Sherry was like. She was a spoiled brat all her life. Selfish.” She shrugged. “I was surprised the marriage lasted as long as it did, Mike.”

Mike nodded, but his arms were still around me. “It ended a few years ago.”

“You took Chet.” Patricia objected, her focus was on Chet and children.

Mike nodded. “He’s my son. Of course, I did. He is going to be Eric’s and my son soon.”

“That’s why we’re here,” I explained. “Chet’s with his grandparents now.” I smiled at Susan. “I ask again.” I waved at Patricia and Betty. “They can hear it, too. Please, forgive me, Susan? I am so sorry.”

Susan smiled a little. “It is nice to know I was rejected simply for having the wrong equipment.”

We both chuckled. “Do you understand it wasn’t a choice?” I asked.

“Dr. Johnson has gone on and on about the demons of homosexuality, but the numbers are so great…” Susan reasoned. “I can’t really believe that.”

I grinned. “We are everywhere.” I reached out and took her hand. “Are you dating or…” taking her hand I felt the ring on her finger, “married?”

Susan nodded. “I’ve married David Castleberry. He’s in the Navy and at sea right now. I live in Virginia now. I’m just here for Christmas visiting my parents while he’s away.”

I grinned and nodded. “That’s very good. I’m very happy for you.”

“We married two years ago while he was stationed here in Charleston.” She nodded. “We wants to start a family,” she said. “He wants to be here, though. He’s going for stateside duty and we are planning to do so when he does.”

I frowned. “Are you still with that church?”

She shook her head laughing lightly. “No, David attended twice, but said he wanted to find another church after that.”

“Smart man,” I growled as Mike let me go a little. “I hope things are good now for you. I want to best for you.”

Susan nodded confidently. “That’s David.” She leaned in kissing me on the cheek. “Thank you.” She said looking at Mike. “I hope you two will be happy together.” She said went to join her two friends.

Mike turned me around. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I smiled. “Much better now.”

The young man came over. The one who recognized us. “Sorry, Mr. Richards, but…” he grinned and handed me a slip of paper. “Could I get an autograph?”

I chuckled. “Sure,” I said taking it asking his name and signed it to him.

“And you, too…” he said knowing who Mike was, “Mr. Oblivious.” The young man grinned. He shook his head marveling at what happened. “So, you two are married now?”

Why fight it? We just aired everything in the Starbuck’s! “We are. There is still a wedding coming, but…”

He held his hand out. “I got it. No problem.”

I was asked by the three in the Starbuck’s working for the same thing, which I did and apologized for the scene. Before Mike and I returned to the SUV, I stopped by the three ladies. “Merry Christmas.”

Susan rose to hug me. “Merry Christmas.”