Noah and Jordan - 24. Chapter Twenty-Four

*** JORDAN ***

I’ve never really been a reserved person. I’m outgoing, energetic, and loud. I’d also like to think I’m approachable and open to new possibilities. But never in my life have I felt this free. I didn’t realize just how much my secret was weighing me down. I know I’m still not out to the world, but even just telling Aiden was enough to lift my spirits. I can’t imagine how I will feel when I can finally share to the world my love for Noah.

I’m ready to tell the world. I would shout it from the rooftop today. Yes, I’m not sure how my teammates will react, but I don’t really care as much as I did before. If they really are my friends, they will support me regardless of my sexual orientation. And if they don’t, if they turn out to be a bunch of homophobes, then why would I want to play volleyball with them? Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love playing, but it doesn’t have to be with them. I can always join a recreational league. There are a bunch in the city.

It’s funny how quickly I went from not wanting anyone to know, to wanting more people to know. Everything changed after I got back from the Christmas holidays. The first part was coming out to Aiden. I told him a few weeks ago. Almost immediately, I realized just how much happier I am when I’m not pretending to be someone I'm not, when I'm not hiding the person who I am crazy about.

As for Aiden, he has been absolutely amazing. I thought I loved him before (in a completely platonic way, of course) but now I love him ten times more. Nothing has changed between us; he is still my best friend and has been super supportive. I never took Aiden to be a sensitive guy, but he’s really surprised me by just how aware he is of the struggle that I went through. I finally have someone to talk to, someone who can give me advice. Aiden’s also gone out of his way to get to know Noah. The two have become good friends. I honestly never expected so much from Aiden.

The second reason why I’m ready to come out is because I no longer want to hide what I feel for Noah. A week after we told Aiden, Noah and I went to Jenn’s birthday part. It was a small gathering, with just a few of her friends. Noah knew most people; I didn’t know anyone besides those two. There were two other couples there, straight couples I should add. And it was obvious they were together. No one said anything when they sat beside each other, or kissed, or acted like a couple. But as for Noah and I, we had to pretend to just be friends. We couldn’t be like everyone else. Even when I sat down beside Noah on the couch, I noticed he shifted over a bit. Now, was he just trying to give me space, or did he not want us to be physically too close? I don’t know. But still, it bothered me a bit. I hated that we couldn’t act like we normally do. I hated being there. I hated being fake. I hated pretending. But I had no choice. (Also, in the end, we ended up buying Jenn this makeup set she wanted for her birthday. How boring!).

I know this is what I want for my future. Noah is my future. Dating is one thing, but living together you really get to know a person. You see them at their best and their worst, see their good habits and their bad habits. Has everything been perfect? No. We argue at times. He gets annoyed I don’t pick up after myself, and that he does most of the housework. I get annoyed that he can be rigid, and is so afraid to try anything new. But overall, we are remarkably in-sync. I feel Noah compliments me, makes me a better person, makes up for my weaknesses. And I think I've helped Noah grow as a person too. He truly is my better half. I no longer want to hide that anymore.

But while I’m ready, I know Noah is not. And I have to respect that. He’s afraid his family will find out, and he isn’t ready to cross that bridge just yet. I have to give him time and space. I was going to bring up the subject after Jenn’s party, but I could tell it was not going to go well, so I didn’t. And so, for now, I’m just going to let it be.

Now, while we may still not be out, that doesn’t mean we aren’t going out. We are spending more time in public together. We meet for lunch at school, go for dinner, or a movie, or just hang out in the city. One night we went out with Aiden and Jenn. That was fun! I’d like to do more, but it’s been a bit tough to co-ordinate our schedules. I’m out most nights because of school, work, or volleyball. I’ve also been away from the city the last few Saturdays for volleyball games. So, Noah and I haven’t been able to spend as much time together as I would like.

Tonight, though, is one of those rare nights we both are off. We went to a movie. It was nice. But it was ordinary. Tonight, I want to try to push the envelope. To take a risk. I have no idea how Noah is going to react.

“So,” I say as we walk home, “I thought maybe we could grab a drink before we go home.”

“Of course. We can go to the place close to the apartment,” he says.

“Actually ... um … I was thinking we could try this new place. It’s on our way home.”

When I tell him the name of the bar, he looks at me with concern.

“Isn’t that’s a gay bar?”

“It is. I thought maybe we could check it out.”

I can see the wall going up.

“I don’t know, Jordan.”

“It’ll be fun. We can go for just one drink. What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Um, someone could recognize us.”

“So? That means they’re gay too. It’ll be fine. Live a little man. But of course, only if you’re comfortable. I don’t want to pressure you.”

He stares at me for a moment. “One drink.”

“One drink.” Yes!

It doesn’t take us long to reach the gay bar. I look over at Noah before we walk in. He looks nervous. But this is good for him, good for us. We need to live outside of our comfort zone from time to time.

“You okay?” I ask Noah before we walk inside.

“I am. Let’s do this.”

There really isn’t that much different about this bar than any other in the city. There are chairs and tables, lots of alcohol, food. This one, of course, has pictures of scantily clad men on the walls. And there are way more men here than there are women. There are a few women, though they are clearly outnumbered. We order drinks at the bar and make our way to a booth in the corner.

“What do you think?” I ask as we sit down.

“It’s okay. Seems like any other bar, just with more dudes,” Noah replies.

“See, I told you it would be okay.”

But I can tell Noah is not okay. He keeps looking around, checking to see if he recognizes anyone. People also look at us. We’re a hot couple, if I can say so myself, and several men have noticed us. I’m glad though no one approaches us. I think that would make Noah feel very uncomfortable. As for Noah, he drinks his beer rather quickly. He's done before I barely get through half of mine. Clearly, he is in a rush to get out of here.

“Shall we?” he asks. We’ve been here for less than ten minutes.

“Let’s do it,” I say.

Baby steps. That was big for Noah. Maybe next time we can stay for half-an-hour.

“Thank you,” he says as we walk out of the bar.

“For what?” I ask surprised.

“For pushing me to try new things, but also not pushing too hard.”

“I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.”

“Did you see that guy in the corner staring at us?” Noah asks.

“The old guy with the goatee?” I ask.

“Yeah.”

“I did. I think he liked you,” I say teasing him.

“I think he liked you,” he replies.

“Should I go back and see if he’s up for a threesome?” I ask.

“Jordan!” Noah says smacking me in the arm. “No. Ugh, don’t get that thought in my head. Besides, I have my hands full with you.”

“That’s true. I had a good night.”

“So did I.”

Without thinking, I lean in to give Noah a kiss. A perfect end to a perfect night. My lips barely touch Noah’s for a second before he pulls away. That was the most bizarre kiss I’ve ever had with Noah.

“Not now, people are here,” he says. “When we get home.”

It feels like he pulls away because he is ashamed of me, but I push that thought aside. I know it’s because we're standing on the street and he is nervous someone will see us. It hurts that he pulls away, but I don’t say anything. We walk the rest of the way home in silence.

*** NOAH ***

I don’t think I'll ever get tired of this view; Jordan peacefully asleep in bed beside me. I always wake up before him. Normally, I'll stay in bed for a bit, read the news on my phone, or go through social media. Every so often I'll look over at Jordan, his bare chest slowly rising and falling, his hair flung over his face. He truly is beautiful.

To think, I’ve had the pleasure of waking up next to Jordan for a few weeks now. I can’t believe how quickly time is flying by. I’m actually glad we moved in together, otherwise, I think I would barely see the guy! We’ve both been busy. I’ve been tutoring more. I’m trying to save up some money in case my parents cut me off next year. As for Jordan, it doesn’t help the past few Saturdays he’s been out of town for volleyball. Then, during the week, if he’s not in class or a lab, he’s at work. I know he’s picking up extra shifts, and I know why. I want to help him out more financially, especially since I can, but I know it’s a sensitive topic, so I haven’t said anything. I just have to let him do what he feels is right.

Overall though, the past few weeks have been rather ordinary; not much has happened besides being swamped with schoolwork. We’ve gone out a couple of times, hung out with Aiden and Jenn. There was that one night we went to the gay bar. That was interesting. I’m glad we went. Though, I’m not proud that I only stayed for like ten or so minutes. I know I need to work on that. I need to be better. It’s just that everything is perfect, why rock the boat?

Otherwise, all has been well. To a degree the ‘honeymoon’ phase, as you will, has started to end too. Sure, we still have a great time in bed, a really great time actually, and the lust is still there, but we’re not the same, super horny sex animals we were before. I think most of that has to do with just getting into a normal routine. We’ve used the bondage kit a few times. I have to say, tying Jordan up, after ripping off that skimpy underwear with my teeth, was a huge turn on. We had a great time in bed that night. A great time.

So, living with Jordan, I’ve learned we’re both a bit kinky. It’s weird, even though I trust him completely, sharing my fantasies still made me nervous. I didn’t want him to think I’m a freak. But I had nothing to worry about. Jordan is the one with a crazy imagination! He has some wild fantasies! And to be honest, I’m curious to try some of them one day with him.

I’ve also learned other information about my boyfriend that you can only come to know when you live together. Some of those details I would rather not have known. For instance, I didn’t know Jordan likes to pick at his toenails while in bed. The first time he did that in bed I thought I was going to lose my mind. I told him he’s welcome to pick at his toenails, though he shouldn’t, but he can’t do that in bed. That’s just one thing I can’t deal with. My inner neat freak just can’t handle that.

We’ve had a few small fights here and there, mainly over cleanliness. I know Jordan is trying, but he can be really frustrating at times. I’ll never understand why he can’t just throw his socks in the hamper when he takes them off. It's not that hard to do! We did have one big fight though where Jordan slept on the sofa (after coming out to Aiden we dismantled the fake den bedroom). One night I specially made his favourite for dinner. He told me he would be home after class. But he was a no-show. I called him, but there was no answer. I started to get worried! He put his phone on silent and forgot. Then he went out with some of his friends and lost track of time. He got home around midnight. I was pissed. We fought for about a day, but then made up the next morning. So, minor stuff really.

Oddly enough, one fight we haven’t had, which I find strange, is on the status of our relationship. Jordan brought it up after he came out to Aiden, but we haven’t really spoken about it since then. I know he wants to tell more people, but he hasn’t said anything, so neither have I. I don’t plan on saying anything until he brings it up.

——— 

“Jordan, can you join me in the bathroom for a moment?”

“Kind of busy,” he yells back from the family room.

For most of the afternoon he’s been sitting on the couch playing video games. One thing I’ve learned living with Jordan is that he loves playing video games. I would say he is borderline obsessed. Not to say he plays all the time. He is rather busy during the day. So, he’ll stay up and play for a couple of hours at night. He’s always been a bit of a night owl. I don’t love those nights. I like it when he is next to me in bed.

Normally, I let him do his thing. I'm trying my best not to be one of those boyfriends who is always interfering. I know at times I can be a bit of a control freak, and I'm really trying hard to be better. But there is a lot to do today. Jordan was out of town all day yesterday for a volleyball game. I was out as well. So that only leaves today to prepare for the week ahead.

Now, when Jordan starts to play, he gets lost in a game. I could probably prance around naked and he wouldn't notice. Hm. I wonder if he would. I take off my clothes, throw a towel on my shoulder, and walk into the family room. I stand just to his right, not directly in his line of sight. It takes him a couple of seconds to notice I'm there. He looks at me, goes back to his game, but quickly pauses and looks back with a smile. Okay, so clearly, he will notice if I walk around naked.

“Is this a clothes free kind of day?” he asks.

“I thought maybe we could take a shower together,” I reply. “But you seem to be too busy in your game, so I guess I’ll just have to take it all by myself.”

“For you,” he says, “and this important task, I can take a break from my game.”

“You’re the best,” I say as we walk into the bathroom. “We can shower after you’re done cleaning. Everything you need is there,” I say wrapping the towel around my waist.

“Hey, that feels like cheating!” he says.

“It is what it is. Get to it big boy.”

“I'll do it later, Noah. I'm almost done this level.”

The past few times I’ve cleaned the bathroom. It’s his turn. We did say we would alternate. But I’ve been doing most of the heavy lifting. Again, I don’t mind, because I am used to it. And I wanted to give him time to adjust. But I don’t want to make this our routine. He said he would, so he needs to do it! Besides, it’s not like all these tiny hairs are mine around the sink!

“I know what the means. Jordan, we have a lot to do today. We have to clean, and cook meals for the week.”

“But it’s Sunday!”

“I know! But if we get it done now, we won’t have to worry about it during the week.”

“I'm really not in the mood,” he says.

“But you were in the mood for shower sex?”

“Obviously,” he says.

“Well, if you would just clean up these bits of hair after you shave then the washroom wouldn’t get so messy!” I say. Every morning I find little hairs everywhere. The things we tolerate for love.

“You leave hair too!” he responds.

“I do not. I always wipe down the counter!”

“You do not,” he mutters.

“It's fine, whatever, I'll just do it.” Maybe he’ll do it next week.

He sighs. “It’s just that I've never …”

“You’ve never what?” I ask.

“Cleaned a washroom.”

“What? You’re a grown man. How have you never cleaned a washroom?” I honestly am surprised.

“My mom used to do it when I was at home, and then in the dorms the washrooms were shared and professionally cleaned.”

Well, that does make sense. “It's not that hard, and I can help you.”

“And then we get to shower together?” he asks with his sheepish smile.

“Obviously. It’s the economical and environmentally friendly thing to do,” I say.

“You know I'm all about saving the environment.”

The plan was that I would help Jordan clean the washroom, key word being help. Not that I would do most of it on my own. Turns out, I end up doing most of it on my own. He better have been paying attention because next time he’s on his own. We did take a shower together when we were done. He didn’t really deserve a treat. But, hey, there really is no point in wasting water.

*** JORDAN ***

I’m making a list. I’m checking it twice. I’m gonna found out if I’m … naughty or nice? Wait, why am I singing a Christmas song? And I already know, I’m totally naughty!

My list is a grocery list! Noah asked me to pick a couple of things on my way home from work. I’m already here, so it makes sense, I’ll just grab what we need before coming home. It’s also good. I know I need to help out more. I’m not big on cleaning or cooking, so at least I can help with some of the other chores.

“Okay, so parsley … that should be … this one? It all just looks like weeds and overgrown grass. Aha! Found it. I’m so killing this,” I say to myself. “Okay, red peppers … that should be easy … ooh, cookies are on sale … I can’t pass on a good sale ...”

I kind of prefer that I go grocery shopping. When I go, I don’t spend that much. When Noah goes, he does. He can be a bit oblivious when it comes to costs sometimes. Normally, we go to the lower-end grocery store. It's about a ten-minute walk. But there is a higher-end store just a few minutes away. So, if Noah needs to grab something quickly, he’ll go there. I’ll always walk to the other store. It doesn’t make sense to spend more if you don’t have to. A box of Cheerios is a box of Cheerios. Why spend 3 bucks when I can spend 2, or whatever the price difference is. I’ll also compare prices and look at the flier. I’m that guy! I have to. I need to keep our costs down. I’ve already picked up another shift just so that I can have enough money. And if I can save even five bucks by walking to the other store, then I’m going to save five bucks. Over time it adds up. I don’t think Noah realizes that. Not to say he is spending like an idiot. He doesn’t. He is careful. But still, it’s something I pay way more attention to than he does.

“Find everything okay?” Noah asks when I return home.

“Yep,” I say handing him the bags.

“Cookies … chips,” he says taking items out of the bag that were not on the list.

“They were on sale!” It would be stupid not to buy stuff on sale!

“How you eat all of this without gaining even a pound is beyond me.”

“It’s called the gym! A place where maybe you should go more often.”

At first, after I moved in, we did go to the gym together a couple of times. But slowly, Noah started to find excuses not to go as much. Clearly, it’s time for some tough love. Not that there is anything wrong with his body. He’s beautiful, healthy and in good shape. But still, it’s good to get exercise!

“Where’s the parsley?” he asks as he unpacks.

“It’s in the bag.”

“This?” he says taking out what I’m pretty sure is parsley.

“Yep,” I say proudly.

“This is cilantro.”

I really want to ask if there is a difference, but going by Noah’s facial expression, I’m sure there is. Oops.

“Can’t you make whatever you’re making with cilantro? Be a trendsetter!”

“People make tabbouleh with cilantro, but I prefer when it’s made with parsley. Don’t you work at a grocery store?”

“I work in the grocery section, not produce.”

“You’re a lost cause.”

“Yeah, but you still love me! All right, what can I help with?”

“Um, you can start to cut some of the vegetables,” he says.

“Roger that, captain!”

*** NOAH ***

It’s moments like this that I cherish. When we’re in the kitchen cooking, talking and laughing. Normally when we’re making food Jordan starts to eat what I’m trying to cook. If we’re cutting cucumbers, or carrots, he'll start munching on them. I think it’s more out of habit, and not because he is necessarily hungry. I always scold him a bit, but I actually like this habit. I like how he leans on the counter, talks non-stop about something, casually eating away. This is when I truly am happy we are living together. These playful moments, when it’s just the two of us wrapped up in our own world. I know we've only been living together for a few weeks, but I can’t picture living alone again. I can’t picture this apartment without Jordan.

“Dude, stop eating all of the cucumber!” I say to him. “Otherwise, there will be nothing left to put in the tabbouleh!”

“Does it matter if I eat them now or later?” he asks stuffing his face.

“Yes! Because in the end all that will be left is parsley! Or well, cilantro. You won't eat any, and I'll be left eating it all on my own for a week!”

“I didn’t eat ALL of it.”

As we work side-by-side, talking about nothing important, Jordan will bump into me, touch my arm. When he has to shuffle past me, he'll press against my back, his hand will 'accidentally' go over my ass. He really is a flirt, this one. But I'm not one to keep my hands to myself either. When I pass by, I cup his ass, squeeze those cheeks. He pretends to be shocked, but I know he loves the attention. Mid-way through I realize Jordan forgot to pick up an ingredient from the store. An important one that can’t be swapped out with cilantro. I could send him to get it, but God knows what he will bring back. I might as well just go and grab what I need quickly.

“Hey, can you boil the rice in the meantime?” I ask before I leave. Boiling white rice has to be the easiest thing in the world.

“Um, okay.”

“Everything is on the counter. I'll be back in like ten minutes, okay?”

“Okay. Buy me something nice!” He yells when I'm at the door. “I deserve a treat for all my hard work.”

It only takes a few minutes to grab what I need, but there is a huge line at the checkout. I’m gone for probably twenty or so minutes. When I’m back, I notice Jordan seems pleased with himself. He’s finished cutting all of the vegetables. And there are actually some left! That’s because I told him to cut extra, since I knew he would eat some! The rice is boiling away on the stove.

“Did you remember to put salt in the water before you threw in the rice?” I ask.

From his facial expression I know the answer even before he opens his mouth. “No …”

“Dude, how much water did you put in here?” I ask when I lift the lid off of the pot.

“I filled it up, like you told me to,” he replies.

“I didn't tell you to fill it up! It’s only one cup of rice! This is mush now!” I say shaking my head.

“Delicious mush?” he asks with a smile. “I'm sorry, Noah.”

“It’s my fault. I should have told you how much water to put in.”

He just shrugs. “Sorry.”

“You really are a clown,” I say. “But I still love you.”

*** JORDAN ***

I'll be the first to admit it – I'm a bit of a hypocrite. All my life I've hated what I call Hallmark holidays. I've always vehemently been against Valentine’s Day. My girlfriends always thought I was being cheap. That I didn’t want to spend money on them, or that I was lazy. But I wasn’t. I just think the idea is stupid. Why should you go out of your way just on one day to show how much you love your partner? You should always show them just how much you care. With the exception of birthdays, anniversaries and actual holidays, everything else is a scam.

That all said, this is my first Valentine’s Day with Noah. And this is different. He’s different. He’s special. We’ve been making such good progress. Yes, we’ve had our moments, but honestly, living together has been much smoother than I ever imagined it would be. I didn’t think it was physically possible, but I'm falling more madly in love with him each and every day. And I want today to be special. I want us to be like every other couple and be able to share that love.

Convincing Noah though has been a challenge. We had a bit of a fight over this topic. He argued we should stay in. He said he would cook a romantic meal. I suggested we go out and have a nice meal. He shouldn’t have to cook tonight. Eventually, he agreed to have breakfast together in the morning, and going out at night. I would love to say we’re going to a fancy restaurant, but we are not. Two reasons. One, I simply can’t afford to go somewhere nice at the moment. Even though I’m working an extra shift, my budget is stretched. And two, Noah also doesn’t want to go to a fancy restaurant. He argued it will be weird if two guys go to a fancy place on Valentine’s Day. I counter argued, who gives a fuck. He came back with people will know we’re a couple. I shot back, so what! It’s not like we’ll know any of the people there. Anyway, in the end we decided to compromise and go to a place we both like. It’s a fancy place, but not super pricey.

Now, if I thought the dinner conversation was difficult, I’m sure the next one will be impossible. I don’t just want to go to dinner. I want to go somewhere after. I can only assume Noah will say no. But you never know. I have to at least ask.

“So,” I say to Noah when I arrive home from school, “I was thinking about tonight, and what we should do after dinner.”

“I’m sure we can figure out something fun and inappropriate in bed,” he says with a smile.

“That goes without saying, but I mean before that and after dinner.”

“What did you have in mind?” he asks.

“I was thinking – and hear me out – but say if we go to a gay club?”

He opens his mouth, but doesn’t say anything. I know what he’s thinking.

“If someone recognizes us that means they’re gay. And no one will. It’s a big city,” I add.

“I don’t know, Jordan,” he says. “It’s um … it’s risky.”

“Everyone there will be gay. No one is going to judge us. It’ll be fun. But that’s only if you want to go,” I say.

“I know that, but …”

“Look Noah, I understand you’re not ready to come out, I get that. But we’ve been living together now for more than a month! And we can’t just live in these four walls the rest of our lives; we have to make the most of the time we have together. Most people won’t even care and pay any attention to us. And the few that do, what does it matter? It’s highly unlikely we will ever see any of them again!”

“I wish I had the same courage as you do.”

“You do have courage, Noah. You just have to find it within yourself. It’s not just going to magically show up one day. It’s okay if you’re not there yet,” I say. “Honestly, no pressure on my end. It’s okay if you say no. We can come home and dance together here.”

He looks at me for a moment. He’s thinking. That’s a good sign. Otherwise he would have said no right away.

“Okay,” he says.

“Okay?” Is he saying yes? I so did not see that coming.

“Let’s do it. After dinner let’s go to a gay club.”

“Are you sure?” I ask.

“I am. I want to do something fun and different with you tonight.”

“I’m the luckiest guy in the world,” I say after giving him a light kiss.

“Okay, go change, you can’t wear a hoodie to a club. They won’t let you in,” he says.

“I know that. Okay, be ready soon.”

I’m ready in a couple of minutes. I already knew what I was going to wear if he said yes. Black fitted chinos, with a snug long-sleeve white v-neck shirt, and a blazer on top. I clean up quite nicely.

When Noah sees what I’m wearing, he smiles. “You look amazing!”

“Me? I look like crap. You looking fucking sexy!” He really does.

He is wearing these tight black denim jeans, with a white button shirt. He’s thrown a really nice black sweater on top. He’s also gelled his hair up and back, and thrown on a pair of dark rimmed glasses. He looks delicious.

“This is the sweater my mom bought for me on Christmas, you know the one to wear on that date with Emily. I’ve been saving it for a special night.”

“Ah, so this is that sweater.”

“Yeah, I don’t think she’d be too happy that I’m wearing it to a gay club.”

“She’d be fine. You look extremely sexy.”

“Wait until you see tonight what I have on underneath,” he grins.

“What do you have on underneath?” I ask. I want to know now!

“You’ll see, cowboy.”

——— 

It’s funny how everyone thinks I’m oblivious at times, but Noah is much worse. It’s painfully obvious throughout dinner that the waitress if flirting with him. She is beautiful. I can’t imagine she is thrilled to be working on Valentine’s Day, as opposed to being on a date. She keeps smiling at him, she laughs at one of his really corny jokes, she lightly touches his arm at one point. Does Noah notice? No. He’s honestly in his own world.

When I point out what’s going on, he brushes it aside. He thinks she is flirting with me, because to him, I’m clearly the more attractive guy in this relationship. I tell him that’s not true. I think he is more attractive. It’s a bit sad, even now, I don’t think Noah realizes just how beautiful he is. He thinks he is ordinary, just a random guy. But he anything but ordinary. He truly is beautiful inside and outside.

After dinner, we make our way over to the gay club. This is it!

“You ready?” I ask as we stand outside.

“Uh … I think so,” he says with a smile.

I grab Noah’s hand as we walk into a dark room crowded with men. The room is hot, filled with sweaty bodies, dancing against one another. You can barely hear yourself think, the music is so loud. There are several televisions mounted along the walls showing guys having sex. So, this is what a gay club is like. It’s the first time I've ever been inside of one. I hold on tight to Noah’s hand as we navigate through the crowd to the bar.

“So, what do you think?” I ask Noah.

“It’s loud,” he yells back.

“I know, clubs are always loud.”

Not surprisingly, Noah has only been to a club a few times before. His first time was with Jenn last year! He really isn’t a club kind of guy. Neither am I, but I have been a few times with my high school friends, and then later with John and Caleb.

After we have our first drink, I motion Noah to the dance floor. “Let’s go!”

Noah looks absolutely horrified. “You go. I'm okay.”

“I'm not leaving you. I don’t want you running off with another man,” I say with a smile.

“I really can't dance.”

“Yes, you can! Just sway your hips, feel the music, and if that doesn’t work mimic what the other guys are doing.”

“I'll look like an idiot.”

“You’ll look sexy. And besides, even if you look like a fool that’s okay. You’re not here to impress anyone. You’re guaranteed to get laid tonight no matter what. It’s all good.”

“I'm not sure you'll want to sleep with me after you see me dance.”

“Well, there is only one way to find out,” I say grabbing Noah’s hand.

I hold on tightly to Noah’s hand as we weave through the thick crowd. I find a spot in the middle and turn around to face Noah. I let loose, letting the music dictate how I move. Noah just stands there, shifting from one foot to the other. I grab hold of Noah’s hips and start moving his body.

“I told you I suck,” Noah says. “And it’s really hot!”

We checked in our sweater and jacket at the front.

“Open up your shirt a bit,” I say to him. Noah’s never been one to show much skin. I can tell he is hesitant. “Don’t worry, you look great.”

He undoes the top button showing the top of his smooth chest. I didn’t think it was possible, but he even looks sexier.

Slowly, as we dance, he becomes a bit more comfortable, and starts to move a bit more with the music. Having another drink or two also helps. At first, there is a bit of space between us, but with each song we move closer together. At one point in time, I wrap my arms around his body as we sway with the music. Because the club is packed, a number of guys have bumped into us, some of them ‘accidentally’. Many guys have smiled at me, or Noah, as they dance or walk by. Noah is getting a fair bit of attention. I’m not jealous. I’m happy! He’s sexy and I’m not surprised he is being noticed. Noah, though, as usual, is completely unaware. He thinks all the attention is just on me. At one point in time as we're dancing, he jumps and quickly looks around.

“I think that guy just grabbed my ass,” he says.

That part I don’t like. Hands to yourself!

“You’re a sexy guy; guys have been checking you out all night.”

“They’re all staring at you.”

I just smile back at him. “And you as well. Are you having fun?”

“I am. You’re a really good dancer!”

“So are you.”

I turn around and press my back against his chest, as he wraps his arms around me. I grind against his body as we dance to the music. For once, I have the opportunity to really be with Noah in public as his boyfriend. There are no limits. There is no hesitation. Tonight, we don’t have to hide who we are. We’re two guys madly in love. And knowing that, knowing everyone around us knows we’re together, fires me up inside.

When I turn back around to look at Noah, what he does surprises me. He presses into my body and kisses me on the lips. A full-on kiss in the middle of the dance floor. And it’s a long and passionate one too. When he breaks it off, he moves back and just flashes me the biggest grin ever. I want to ask him what that was about, but I decide to just live in the moment and smile back at him.

The rest of the night is much of the same. We spend most of it on the dance floor, hot and sweaty, our bodies pressed together, touching and feeling each other up. We make out and dance like two horny teenagers ready to fuck right here on the dance floor. I honestly have no idea what has gotten into Noah tonight, but whatever it is, I am absolutely loving it. Perhaps he too is seeing the benefits of being your true self in public, and how great that feels!

By about two in the morning, as the crowd starts to thin, we decide to head on home. Besides, I honestly don’t think my dick can stay in my pants any longer without causing permanent damage. I want Noah so bad it physically hurts.

“Thank you,” Noah says as we grab our coats.

“For what?” I ask.

“Convincing me to come. I had a lot of fun. Though, I didn't enjoy being felt up.”

“I know you enjoyed all of the attention,” I say teasing him. “And thank you.”

“For?” he asks.

“Just being you.”

I’m holding Noah’s hand as we exit the building. I expect him to let go, but he doesn’t. Instead, as we move away from the club he holds on, and moves closer to me, practically leaning on my shoulder. And then, he does something that completely blows me away. As people pass us by, he kisses me right in the middle of the street. It’s just a brief kiss, but it’s amazing. It takes my breath away.

Finally, we are taking that next step and breaking down barriers. Finally.

——— 

The moment the apartment door closes all I want to do is rip off Noah’s clothes. But that will have to wait for a couple of minutes. There is something else I need to do first. I excuse myself and go into the bedroom. I find the small package I hid inside one of my socks.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Noah,” I say handing him his gift.

He smiles. “I thought we said we weren’t going to get each other gifts? And I thought you hated Hallmark holidays?”

“I do … and I know we said we wouldn’t get gifts … but I wanted to. Besides, it’s nothing special. It’s just something small. Open it.”

He rips off the wrapping paper and opens the box. Inside are two black and white wallet-sized photos of the two of us together. It shows Noah standing straight looking at the camera. My right arm is around his neck, and the top of my head is resting against the side of his.

“I remember taking this, the day after you moved in,” he says.

“Turn it around.”

“Forever yours,” he says reading the message written on the back.

“You can keep one, and I can keep one, and this way wherever we go we will always have a reminder of each other. I know there are a bunch of photos on our phones, but I thought this is more personal.”

“This is beyond perfect. I love it. Thank you!”

“You’re welcome.” I totally nailed it with this gift! Best boyfriend ever!

“Just give me a second,” he says. He walks into the kitchen, and returns a few seconds later with a small box. “I knew you wouldn’t follow the no gift rule, so I got this just in case.”

“You broke the rule too!” I knew he was going to get me something!

“Open it,” he says.

Inside the box is a small booklet. Each sheet has a different message.

“Interesting, really interesting,” I say going through the pages. “A bit surprising actually. Thank you so much. This is amazing. I definitely will use this. Oh, can I use this one tonight?” I ask.

“Absolutely.”

*** NOAH ***

Maybe it’s the alcohol, or the fact that I was in a gay club with Jordan, or something else, but tonight, I just have this fire burning inside of me. I know I’m always so reserved. It really takes me a long time to open up. But there was just something about being there with Jordan that made me want to unshackle my doubts and just be free. To just dance like an idiot, like no one was watching. To just kiss him. He’s been so supportive and patient with me. I really wanted to show him just how much I care. And right now, again, I’m going to show him just how much he means to me by doing something that terrifies, though excites me at the same time.

“I didn’t think you had a side like this in you?” Jordan asks somewhat surprised.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” I say with a grin.

“I learn something new every day. All right, let’s do this!”

“Sit right here, and relax.” I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I’m feeling a bit adventurous tonight, a bit kinky if you will. I put some music on and dim the lights. “One lap dance coming up.”

Tonight, is all about pleasuring him. Making him feel as special as he made me feel tonight. After starting some music, I stand in front of him and start to move my hips, side to side. Slowly I start to unbutton my shirt. I let it hang loosely over my shoulders, as I rub my hands over my chest. I straddle Jordan’s lap, placing my hands on his shoulders. I rub my crotch into his, rolling back and forth. He just sits there and smiles, and licks his lips. I lean in for a quick kiss. I’m probably making a fool of myself, but honestly, who cares. I get up and move behind Jordan and start to massage his shoulders. I rub my hands along his torso, brushing past his sensitive nipples. I use the opportunity to kiss the side of his neck, and bite his ear lobe. I swing back to the front, and toss off my shirt. I move closer to his body, sitting down on his legs. But this time I'm facing forward. I again roll my hips, grinding into him, while leaning back. I can feel he is getting hard.

I stand back up and start to unbuckle my jeans. After tossing my belt onto the floor, I move my hips, side to side, letting my jeans slowly fall off of me, revealing my new purchase; a jockstrap. Jordan’s jaw drops. I turn around to give him a view of my bare ass, as I try my best to twerk (I miserably fail). Jordan reaches out to lightly slaps my ass.

“Nice,” he says.

I sit back down, my back to Jordan, and once again start to grind my ass into his now very erect cock. When I get up, I pull Jordan up with me. I lift his shirt up over his head. When it’s gone, I use my hands to roam all over his tight body, making my way down to his belt. I then start to take off his pants. I unbuckle his belt while looking deep into his eyes. This time he leans in for a quick kiss. When I unbutton his chinos, they barely move! He has to physically pull them off. That’s what happens when you wear such tight pants! When they’re gone, I notice he is wearing a pair of those sexy underwear he bought that day from the sex shop. Nice.

I turn around, pressing my back into his torso. I bring his arms around my waist as we sway to the music. He starts to slowly kiss my skin. I bring his right hand down to my hard dick straining in my jockstrap, as I continue to press my ass into his covered dick.

“Fuck, Noah …”

I turn around to face him and plant my lips on his. I kiss him for a long time. When I break it off, I move my lips down his body. I make my way down his heaving chest taking in his beautiful skin. I spend the next few minutes worshipping Jordan’s upper body, inch by inch by inch, until I reach my ultimate prize. I yank down Jordan’s underwear to reveal his beautiful dick, standing tall, oozing with pre-cum. I’ve sucked his cock countless times now, but I never seem to get enough. Each time I am hungry to devour him, all of him inside of me. I take my tongue and move around the head, savouring the salty treat, and then take it all in. I move my tongue up the shaft, as my hands play with his balls. He starts to thrust more into me, trying to get me to take more in. In due time, most of his cock is in my mouth. That salty taste fills my mouth, and I relish it. His dick is my drug, my sweet, sweet drug. After devouring his cock for a few good minutes, I move to his balls, playing with them in my mouth, biting on them ever so lightly. My hands move to his now free dick. I stroke his cock with the back of my hand softly, just enough to make him want more. Eventually it is too much for him. He grabs me by the arms and lifts me up.

“My turn,” he says with what can only be described as a lustful, evil grin.

As we move into the bedroom, I lose my underwear. Jordan makes me lie down flat on my back. It’s now his turn to return the favour. He too goes over my body, teasing it with his tongue and hands. He spends ample time on my dick, licking it from side to side, and playing with my balls. His cock-sucking skills have greatly improved. He brings me close to the edge several times but moves off just in time. The night is still young. Then he flips me around onto my stomach and starts to finger my waiting hole. It doesn’t take him long to get his fingers deep inside of me. I’m much looser now than before. And we’ve had more than enough practice. In between my indecipherable moans I beg Jordan to fuck me. I need him inside of me so much. He doesn’t wait to be asked twice.

He turns me around and lifts my legs up in the air. He wants to see my face as he enters me. This truly is my favourite position, looking into his eyes as he completes me. He leans forward, his face just inches from mine. Looking into my eyes he whispers: “Slow or hard?”

I don’t have to think twice about this one. “Hard. Really, really hard.”

He leans back as a smile spreads across his face. Clearly, that was the right answer. And he delivers. Oh, how he delivers. Tonight, I am in heaven.