Noah and Jordan - 6. Chapter Six

*** NOAH ***

You don’t need to look at a calendar to know it is the end of September. It's a great time of year. The weather is perfect, roughly in the mid-teens. It's not too chilly and not too warm. The leaves are changing colours; a mosaic of red, orange and brown. Slowly they're detaching from their branches, free-falling to the ground. After months of attachment they must now let go. They drift in the wind, withering away, their beauty fading. Change is in the air. But change is difficult; we vehemently fight it and embrace nostalgia. Yet it seems only natural. With time the landscape changes, and so too shall we.

I thought I had changed. I ran from my past. But you can only escape life for so long before it catches up with you. After years of running mine finally has.

“But you have to promise you won’t tell anyone, especially Jordan. This is something really personal,” Sebastian says as he leans in closer.

“Of course not.” A thousand thoughts run through my head. What possibly could Sebastian be hiding and why out of all people does he want to tell me?

“All my life people have assumed to know who I am. They’ve placed my life in this neat little box. And I’ve followed along. But somewhere along the way I realized I’m not who everything thinks I am. I’m different. I like and want different things.”

I honestly have no idea what Sebastian is trying to tell me. I just nod and listen.

“And one of the things that I realized is that I don’t like girls,” he continues.

Say what now? Is he …?

“I actually like guys.”

A million thoughts flood my head at once. That statement hits way too close to home. It takes me a second to realize I’ve stopped breathing. My mouth is open, yet I haven’t responded. I don’t know how to respond. I take a deep breath.

“I had no idea that you’re …”

“Gay?” he says finishing my sentence.

“Yeah.”

“I am. I hope that’s not a problem.”

“Of course not!” I say looking at him. “I would never … whoever you want to be with … whatever makes you happy ... I’m not one to judge.” Why can’t I complete a sentence? I swallow hard. “Thank you for telling me. I won’t tell a soul.”

“Thanks. As you can imagine being in sports and being gay isn’t exactly easy.”

“I can’t imagine it is.”

“You’re probably wondering why I decided to tell you.”

YES! I scream in my head. Why would he tell me? He can’t possibly know …

“Yeah, I’m a bit curious.”

He looks directly at me. “Something inside of me feels like you’ll understand ... that you know how I feel.”

My eyes go wide. Shit. He knows. But how could he know? He can’t know. I haven’t told anyone. My heart is going to stop. Maybe it already has. It's really hot in here all of a sudden. I'm sweating more than I ever have. My breath quickens. I can feel his eyes looking into my soul. It's like he is peering inside of me, discovering my deepest and darkest secrets.

“Hey, Noah …” Jenn’s voice almost makes me jump out of my chair. I had no idea she was here.

I’m not sure if her arrival is the best timing in the world or the worst. But I’m kind of glad Jenn is here. I can now end this dangerous conversation with Sebastian. Though part of me wants to respond to him, to set the record straight, or well, set it a certain way.

“Hey, Jenn.”

She looks over at Sebastian, who is sitting awfully close to me. She doesn’t wait for me to offer an introduction.

“Hi, I’m Jenn. You are?” she asks Sebastian.

“Sorry, I’m Sebastian.”

“He plays volleyball with Jordan,” I add. “He’s the team captain.”

“Oh, cool,” she says sitting down oblivious to what is going on.

“Anyways, I have to get to class,” Sebastian says getting up. “I’m glad I ran into you because I actually wanted to let you know that Jordan’s birthday is this Saturday and we’re throwing him a surprise party. Let me know if you can make it. Here,” he grabs a paper and pen from his bag and jots down a number, “that’s my cell number. If you don’t mind giving me a call and letting me know what your plan is, that would be great.”

“Sure,” I say to him. “I’ll let you know. Have a good day.”

I eagerly want him to leave before Jenn opens her mouth. He starts to turn but then stops. No! Don’t stop. He turns back around.

“I think I mentioned it was a surprise party. Jordan has no idea. So, if you can keep everything I said here a secret that would be great.” He puts a lot of emphasis on the word ‘everything’. I figure he isn’t talking about the party but what he said before Jenn arrived.

“Of course,” I say with a nod.

“Okay, take care. If you could let me know soon that would be great.”

With that he's gone. My heart is still beating harder than I can ever remember. Okay, just try to relax, you don't want Jenn asking questions. But I can’t relax. Sebastian just told me he is gay. He outed himself to me. And then said I would understand. There is no way he knows. How could he? I’ve kept this secret hidden from everyone.

“Earth to Noah,” I see Jenn waiving her hand in my face.

“Yeah?”

“I was talking to you,” she says.

I had no idea. “Sorry, just lost in a thought.”

“Clearly I need to go to these volleyball games with you,” she says to me.

“Why?” I have no idea what she is talking about. I can’t stop thinking about Sebastian.

“Cause clearly all the hot guys are into volleyball! Did you see him? Holy shit! It looks like he walked straight off of a runway!”

I need to change the topic. “We should do some work,” I say to her.

“Work can wait. So, are you going to the party then?”

“Jenn, I need to get some work done.” I really don't want to talk about anything right now. I don’t want to think about anything. I just want to get away from here. But Jenn might suspect something is wrong, so here I am, stuck.

“You're not going, are you?” she asks.

“I don't know.” I really don't. I would love to be there for Jordan. But then Sebastian will be there, and all of this is just too close for comfort. What if I say something or do something stupid? I don’t think I should go, but I want to.

“Well, you should go and take me with you. I wouldn't mind meeting that guy again.”

Now I can't help but smile. Oh, she could meet him all she'd like, but it won't do her any good. If only she knew she has no chances with Sebastian. I would never have guessed he's gay. College jock, well built, as masculine as they get, team captain, and friends with everyone. I know it is stereotypical, but you sometimes have this mental image of gay guys being a bit more feminine. But he is just your ordinary, average guy, which I know is true for most gay guys. But still it completely caught me off guard.

“I probably won't go. I have a lot of work to do. Exams are just around the corner and —”

“Noah cage that inner nerd for one night and just have some fun. School can wait. How many parties have you been to this semester?”

“One, maybe two …”

“Exactly, live a little!”

“Jennifer …”

“Don't think by using my full name I’m going to take you more seriously!”

“Fine, I’ll go!” I can always change my mind later. Though I should go for Jordan.

“Text Sebastian.”

“I’ll do it later,” I say.

“I know you, you’re not going to text him. I want to see you text him in front of me.”

“Fine,” I say picking up my phone. Jenn can be so stubborn at times. I know I shouldn’t do this, but part of me wants to. “Done. You happy?”

“Always,” she says with a smile. "You'll thank me for this later.”

I have a feeling that's not going to be the case.

*** JORDAN ***

I sound like such a nerd. If I told anyone this they probably would never believe it was coming from me. I would get the cliché remark: ‘Who are you and what have you done with Jordan?’ But I don't know what to say. I’m actually looking forward to my English class today. I know, weird isn't it? I've never hated school but I'm not one to look forward to a class either. But when I woke up today I was happy it was Wednesday. I swear those pain killers I took for my foot are still messing with my head.

When I woke up I had a mission. A pretty ambitious one too - to clean up my room. I haven't cleaned my room in a week (ok fine, two weeks). It looks like a tornado swept through here, turned around, and went through my room again. I start to pick up some clothes off the floor, but not even five minutes in I want to give up. That’s when, lucky for me, John calls to see if I want to grab some lunch. Of course, being a good friend, I say yes. How could I say no? So off I go to get some food. I’ll clean up later. Key word, later.

John is already there when I arrive.

“Took you long enough!” he says when I sit down.

“It still takes me a bit of time to hop everywhere,” I say in my defence.

“How much longer do you have to wear that thing?” he asks.

“I have an appointment with my doctor next week so we'll see what happens.”

As we eat we talk about a bunch of things, school, sports, random stuff. He tells me about the new girl he is seeing. He asks if I’ve hooked up with any girls since my breakup, any rebounds. I tell him no. I’m actually okay to take it easy for a while, wait until my foot heals and then go back out into the world.

“So, hey, we should hang out this Saturday,” John says to me.

“What do you have in mind?” I ask.

“I don't know yet. Something fun.”

“Sounds good. Just nothing crazy. I still have this foot to look after.”

“Damn, I was thinking of skydiving. That changes everything. Obviously dude! I’m not that dumb. I’ll think of something. I’ll text you later. For now though, I have to get to class. I’ll see you later.”

“Alright, take care man.”

I sit around the coffee shop for a while. I don't want to get up and return to the horrors of my room. I don't have English class with Noah until two in the afternoon so I have a bit more time. Shit I forgot! I was supposed to ask Noah for his English notes from last week. I wasn't really paying attention in class seeing how I had much, much more important things to do, as in bug Noah. I should call him and remind him.

As I talk to Noah I notice Sebastian enter the coffee shop. I wave him over. He comes and sits down. I signal I’ll only be a moment.

“Oh man, Jordan I forgot them at home,” Noah says to me over the phone. “I'm on my way to the library right now so I will have to get them for you later.”

“Man, you're such a nerd. You're going to the library this early!” I say.

“Nerds are cool. I know you're jealous.”

“Yeah buddy, really jealous.”

“Anyways, I'm meeting Jenn there to get some work done. I like going now because it's usually quiet. The eighth floor is empty so I can concentrate.”

“I didn't know that about the eighth floor. Next time I’m there I’ll check it out.”

“Next time? You mean the first time you come?” Noah says.

“Ha ha, very funny.”

“Today in class you better pay attention! What do I look like some sort of personal note writing down .... taker .... person?”

“I can honestly say I don't think you're a note writing down taker person, whatever that is.”

“You know what I mean. I'll see you in English class.”

“Alright man, I'll see you later,” I say shutting the phone. “Sorry," I say turning to Sebastian.

“No problem. Who were you talking to?”

“Oh, it was just Noah. I need to get some notes from him.”

“Ah, your clumsy friend,” Sebastian says.

“That he is. He's Noah, what can I say.”

“You’ve been hanging out with him a lot these days. I sense a bromance.”

“Nah, Noah is a cool guy, but we’re just English partners. No bromance.”

I hate that word, bromance.

“Alright, sorry dude, I can't stick around. I just need to get some coffee and run.”

“Okay, I'll see you around.”

“Later dude.”

With that he is off, leaving me alone once again. Damn it! I guess this means I have to go back and clean up my room. Yay …

*** NOAH ***

Life is funny. Cruel sometimes. There was a time in my life when I fought hard to change things. To avoid the reality around me. I tried so hard. At least for a while I thought I succeeded. But here I am years later in a similar, yet different situation. I left everything behind when I came here, thinking this would be a fresh start. I made new friends, got a girlfriend and yet all of that seems irrelevant now.

I don’t remember exactly when it happened, when I started to notice guys in a different way. It started sometime in high school. Some of my friends started dating girls, but that just didn’t interest me. I just didn’t see the allure of being with a girl. I always found girls to be friends, nothing more. Instead, I started to realize I was paying more attention to the guys around me. Even when I would secretly watch porn on my home computer (when I was a kid we shared a desktop so it wasn’t easy) I realized I would pay less attention to the girl and more the guy. I found his body aroused me. But I didn’t feel the same way when I saw the girl. I didn’t think much of it at first, but those feelings grew stronger. When I would masturbate I would think about the guy. I would remember him clearly. I couldn’t tell you anything about the girl.

Then in my final year of high school I met Aaron and everything changed. I was in love, or well, I thought I was in love. He was this guy in my math class. I couldn’t get him out of my head. We ran in different circles and so never hung out. He was nice and would talk to me in class from time to time, but I generally would say little. I was too nervous. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, looking at him. He had a girlfriend so I knew he didn’t feel the same way. But that didn’t stop me. As the months progressed I started watching more and more gay porn exclusively. Fueled by my desire for Aaron, I would jack off multiple times a day.

I realized then that I was gay. There was no denying it. I had tried to tell myself before it was a phase, that I was just curious. But I knew I was fooling myself. I was more than just curious, I was aroused. The thought scared me. I knew I couldn’t come out. My super religious parents would freak out. So, I stayed away from Aaron. I told myself I had to focus on school instead. For the most part it worked. The semester ended and there were only a few months left in school. But everything changed on a cold March day ...

I was sitting in the library when I noticed Aaron and some of his friends sit down at the table next to me. Even though I had made a resolution not to stare at Aaron, I couldn’t help myself. It had been so long since I had seen him, and he now had this new haircut, and looked flawless. I was in love all over again. Every so often I would glance up discreetly. Or I thought I was being discreet. I wasn’t.

I wouldn’t say the area I grew up in was homophobic, but it wasn't the most accepting either. I didn’t know a single gay person, so I didn’t know what other people thought. I soon found out. I heard Aaron laugh, this sweet, sweet laugh, and I looked up. I know I was looking for too long. I caught the eye of one of his friends. He was staring at me with this anger in his eyes. I knew then I was screwed. I quickly grabbed by things and left.

As I made my way through the door Aaron's friend caught up to me. He grabbed me by the shoulder and turned me around.

“I don't know what you think you were doing, you little fag, but keep your eyes to yourself. Your kind aren't welcome here,” he said.

I brushed off his hand and angrily responded. “I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I'm not a fag.”

“I saw you staring at my friend, more like ogling him. I could have outed you back there, so count yourself lucky. You know what we do with fags like you here, don't you?”

“Fuck off,” I said turning around and quickly walking away.

The next day I dreaded going to school. I was convinced Aaron’s friend told his group, and that they told other people. I managed to convince my mom I was sick, but the day after she forced me to go to school. I’m not sure if I was just being paranoid, but I felt like everyone was shooting me glances. My friends didn’t mention anything. If they had heard they would have asked. A few days later during lunch I saw Aaron enter the cafeteria. I’m convinced he gave me a dirty look. I was convinced he knew. And so I became more and more paranoid. I was convinced people were talking about me behind my back.

If people knew or didn’t, I’m not really sure. All of the drama though made me resolute I couldn't be gay. I knew I had to work to make myself like girls. I also realized I could never really get away from everything if I stayed in town. Many of the same people would be joining me at the local university. I needed to leave. I needed a fresh start. I really had to work hard to convince my parents to let me fly half way across the country to attend a different university. They were surprised and disappointed. But I knew I had to go. So, after graduation I left the school behind, never looking back.

*** JORDAN ***

This has never happened before. I'm the first person to arrive at my English class. I knew it wouldn't take me half an hour to walk here, but I wanted to give myself extra time because of my foot. Okay fine. I didn't want to clean my room so I left early! I hope someone else comes soon. It's so weird being here all by myself.

Slowly the room starts to fill up. I keep looking at the door expecting Noah to arrive, but he doesn't. It’s strange because usually he is here before me. I glance at the clock, just a minute to go, but still no sign of him. Better hurry up buddy. The prof walks over and closes the door.

“Okay everyone let’s get started …”

Weird. Noah said he would be in class when I talked to him earlier. I text him asking him where he is, but he doesn’t respond. Throughout the lecture I keep looking at the door and my phone, but there is no sign of him. Skipping class really doesn’t seem like something he does. Perhaps something happened?

What the hell? The person sitting next to me jabs me with his elbow. It seems like the professor was speaking to me.

“Sorry sir?”

“So, last week you're chatting and laughing and this week daydreaming? Am I that boring?”

“No, sorry sir,” I say.

Someone sure doesn't like me. Alright I have to pay attention. But this isn't like Noah. I text him again. No response.

When class is out I give Noah a call. No response. I know there is no reason for me to be worried, Noah is a grown man. But he did say he was coming to class, and now he has just disappeared. Instead of heading home I head to the library. I know it is a long shot, but maybe he is still there and lost track of time?

I make my way to the eighth floor. The area is empty and there is no sign of him. I hop around the floor. Then I see him. He is just sitting in a chair, staring off into the distance. He looks so deep in concentration, like his body is here but his mind is far away.

“Noah,” I call out to him. No response. Weird. I hop a bit closer and put my hand on his shoulder. “Noah.”

Holy shit. The moment my hand touches his shoulder his body jerks violently. He practically jumps out of his chair.

“Jordan! You scared me,” he says breathing heavily.

“Sorry man, it's only me. I called you several times but you seemed to be deep in concentration.”

“Yeah …” he says looking off into the distance again, like he is trying to remember what he was thinking about.

“Why didn't you come to class today?” No response. “Noah?”

“Yeah?” he says looking at me.

“How come you weren't in class today?”

“Class? What are you talking about we still have time ... oh shit!” he says looking at his watch. “It's 4:30 already!”

“Yeah man. You missed class.”

“Fuck!”

Okay, clearly something is wrong. Noah never swears.

“Is everything okay?" He is acting really strange, even for him.

He turns to me with a smile. “I'm fine. I just lost track of time, that’s all.”

“Are you sure? You don’t seem okay.” I don’t believe him.

“I’m fine, trust me.”

“If there is anything bothering you, you know you can tell me, right?”

“I know. But, don't worry everything is okay. Listen I have to go. I will catch up with you later,” he says getting up.

“I’ll walk out with you. Oh, are we still on for tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” he asks confused.

“Yeah, to finalize our presentation topic.”

“Right. Yeah, sure.”

“Where should we meet?” I ask. He really is off his game.

“How about you come over to my place around two in the afternoon. Does that work for you?”

“It does. You sure you’re okay, buddy?” He still seems really off.

He smiles again. “Trust me I'm fine. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Bye.”

He takes off before I can even say bye. I don't believe him. Something isn't right. I would hope by now he would trust me. I’ve confided in him when I needed help. I was hoping now I could return the favour. But whatever is bothering him, clearly he doesn’t want to talk about it. I guess I just have to respect his decision and give him some space.

*** NOAH ***

It's been a long day. All I want to do is eat something unhealthy and fried, take a nice long hot shower and go to bed. I just want this day to be over. I toss all of my stuff onto my bed, strip off my clothes and walk into the shower. Food can wait. The warm water running down my body feels so nice. This is at least one sanctuary I have, the shower, where no one can disturb me. It allows me to be alone with my thoughts.

I remember leaving my parents, my hometown, and moving to the big city. At first I was scared being on my own, but soon I realized I enjoyed living in a large urban setting. Being at a new school allowed me to start fresh, reinvent myself; though I barely changed. I also found that in university people were more mature than those in high school. It also helped I met and became friends with Jenn basically right from the first day. She has been my rock.

Forgetting about guys though, proved to be much more difficult. The city offered up a lot of eye candy. I argued dating a girl would make life easier. Enter Stacey. I knew it wasn’t going to work after our second date. But I held on. It's not that I didn't like Stacey, at first I did, but I found my heart wasn't in the right place. Though, I knew that if I let go of Stacey I would have to admit that I’m gay. I wasn’t ready for that. And so I stuck to her, clinging on to her as though my life depended on it. Finally, in my second year she broke things off. She just couldn't stand me any longer I guess.

I was left in limbo. I figured I would throw myself into school work. I wouldn’t date anyone. I wouldn’t focus on guys or girls, but only myself. That plan was also a failure. I couldn’t turn off my inner desires. Everywhere I looked there was a guy I wanted to be with. I fought through it during my second year. But this year I haven’t been able to. At the start of the year I felt utterly alone. That is what was keeping me up every night.

Then I met Jordan. I knew getting close to him would be a mistake. But I convinced myself I wouldn’t fall for him, I wouldn’t get my heart broken. I told myself he would only be a friend. That worked for probably a week. By week two I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Thinking about the way he makes me feel when he says my name. I wanted more. I still want more. I want him.

Just thinking of Jordan arouses me. I stroke myself as I remember the way he smiles, the way his eyes light up when he laughs. I don’t last long. Within seconds I feel myself get close.

Fuck! I’ve really messed this up. I need to get him out of my head. He will only ever be a friend. This won’t end the way I want it to. It never does.

I step out of the shower, dry off, put on my pyjamas, and head into my room. I’m not that hungry anymore. All I want to do is crawl into bed, throw my blanket over my head and pretend like this day didn’t happen. I start to throw my stuff off of my bed when I notice my phone. I have a few random messages from Jenn. I also have a bunch of messages from Jordan. Some are from before asking where I am and why I didn’t come to class. One is recent. It’s some stupid joke he found on the internet and sent my way. It makes me smile. Oh, Jordan.

I also have a message from Sebastian. He writes he’s glad I’ll be there on Saturday. I should message him. I should ask him what he meant when he said he knew I would understand. I need to know if he knows. I stare at my phone. I don’t have the courage to face him. Not yet. I put the phone down on the side table and throw my blanket over my head. I’ll deal with the world tomorrow.

*** JORDAN ***

I wanted to call Noah last night. I wanted to check on him. I was worried. Something just isn’t right with that guy. But he made it clear earlier he didn’t want to talk about whatever was bothering him. I figured if he was ready he would call me. I must have checked my phone at least a dozen times to see if I had any missed calls. Nothing.

I know I have no right to be, but I’m a bit disappointed. I know we’ve only known each other for three weeks, and that isn’t that much time, but I feel like we've become good friends. Or maybe that is only the way I see it. Maybe he still thinks of us as casual friends. The funny thing is, I don’t know why this bothers me. If this was John or Caleb, I wouldn’t have cared this much. This just feels different.

Well, if there is something on Noah’s mind he can tell me today. I am on my way to his apartment right now to talk about our book presentation.

“Hey, Jordan,” Noah says opening the door with a big smile on his face.

“Hi, Noah.” Someone is in a much better mood today.

“Come on in. Welcome to my small little place. It's not much, but it’s home.”

“This place is much better than the small torture chamber, also known as my dorm room, that I live in.”

“You can drop your stuff on the couch. Do you want anything to drink or eat?” he says while heading into the kitchen.

“I'm good. Don't go all out for me.” Well, so far he seems like the regular Noah I know.

I notice his cellphone vibrate. He has a message. His phone is sitting right in front of me. I don’t mean to look at it but I see the message. It reads: “Just wanted to check in after our conversation yesterday. I hope we can finish talking soon. If not, I’ll see you Saturday.”

Why is Sebastian sending Noah a message? They're not even friends. What conversation did they have yesterday, and when? Is Noah upset because of Sebastian? Or, did Noah reach out to him after? Is Sebastian behind Noah acting weird? Why will he see him on Saturday? I have so many questions.

“Why would I go all out for you?” Noah asks coming back into the living room. “If it was someone special I would consider it. But for you ... nah.”

Well, so far things seem like they're back to normal. After he places food on the table he picks up his phone. He looks at the message, and then places his phone upside down on the table. “So, what did I miss in class yesterday?”

“Uh, nothing much really. Class was really boring. The prof went on and on about something ... modernism or something like that. I wasn't really paying attention,” I say.

“Well, I hope your lecture notes are a little less vague.”

“Uh, yeah I kind of didn't write anything down. Usually you take notes and I just copy it later.”

“Since when? You've done that once and I have no intention of making that a routine.”

“But the plan works so well!” I protest.

“I bet it does,” he snickers back at me.

“Well, buddy someone should have been in class then to take their own notes!”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, so our presentation. Any idea on a topic?”

“Well, we have a number of options. We talked about the social issues facing Clarissa ... Septimus and his mental problems ... and what else was there …”

“Helps when you take notes,” he says with a cocky grin.

“Whatever tree killer,” I say with a scornful look. “And Clarissa's sexuality.”

“Do you have any preferences?”

“Well, actually I thought it was interesting about Clarissa's sexuality.”

“How so?” Noah asks.

“Well, Clarissa describes her kiss with Sally as the happiest day in her life. She clearly has strong feelings for her and yet she ends up marrying Richard.”

“Which of course is a marriage of convenience.”

“Exactly and Clarissa figures that out by the end of the novel. I think if she could have, she would have been with Sally. But it’s interesting that Clarissa never sees her feelings towards Sally as homosexual. In fact, she considers what would have happened if she had married someone else entirely, Peter. So, she does seem to like guys,” I say.

“Perhaps, but what does she say ... here let me look at my notes ... see how handy the are! Um, she says she feels about women as men feel. Well, it sounds like she's a lesbian to me,” Noah adds.

“Maybe she's bisexual? Which I guess would make sense if she ended up marrying Richard and contemplated marrying Peter.”

“But even that could be a farce. She could have made up an affection for him because she wanted to feel 'normal'. If she forced herself to like a guy enough then perhaps it would be true in her head. It’s like, yeah I like girls, but I like guys too so that makes it okay. I don't know .... maybe I'm over analyzing things,” Noah says.

“No, I think it's all part of Woolf's story and the conflict she is trying to create, which is why it is a good topic!”

“You know, the funny thing is Sally becomes a perfect housewife with five sons. She turns out to be straight in the end.”

“Yeah, that is interesting,” I say.

“Maybe for Sally being with Clarissa was her just living life and not meaning it. She was experimenting, just trying to new things. Or perhaps she learns that conformity to society is the only way to be happy,” Noah says with a serious, yet sullen look on his face.

It sounds more like he is talking about something else than about Sally. I want to ask him if everything is okay, but I have a feeling he will just brush me off again. Though, clearly he has no problem talking to Sebastian.

“Clearly a lot to talk about,” I say.

“There is,” Noah says returning to his earlier, happier mood.

I can't help myself. I have to ask.

“I know I've said this so many times before and you assured me you're okay, but dude, you don't seem alright. It really seems like something is bugging you.”

“It's nothing I can't handle myself. Trust me, I'm fine. But thank you.”

I don't believe him, but if he says so.

*** ??? ***  

His hand slowly caresses my face; the cold skin on his finger tracing an outline from my temple to my cheek. His finger glides along my dry lips. He places his thumb under my chin and nudges my face up. His luminous eyes stare into me. I glance at him, but quickly lower my gaze. I can hear my heart beating. My mouth is dry. I want to say something but I can't. I'm bound in a spell cast upon me by his presence.

A mischievous smile creeps across his face. He takes his other hand and slips it inside my shirt, holding onto my waist. His hand on my bare flesh sends shockwaves through my body. I can feel his veins pulsating against my skin. My legs begin to tremble and I feel the weight of the world bring me down. But I'm still standing. He holds on to me, pulling me closer to him. He brings his other hand to my hip and begins to massage my back.

He slowly lowers his head down my neck to my shoulders, gently kissing my skin. His warm breath sends a shiver down my spine. I grab on to his waist to steady myself. Perhaps I grab on too strong because his body jerks even closer to mine. Our bodies are pressed together now; our legs intertwined. I can smell his flesh. He lifts his head and looks at me with the same smile spread across his face.

He brings his face back to my ear and whispers, “I've wanted this for so long.”

I try to say something, but I can't. I'm paralyzed. Locked within his grip; caged by his aura. All I can do is nod. I open my mouth but no words escape.

He brings his face closer to mine. I can feel the heat emitting from his body seeping into my soul. He lowers his mouth closer to mine.

He leans in closer. My body aches with anticipation ...