Raising the Limit-Book 1 - 20. Chapter 20

Everyone weathered the move without too much difficulty. Renee thought that there would be a battle over which kid got which bedroom, but surprisingly Lyssa said she would rather have the smaller room with its own bathroom instead of one of the larger rooms and it would be easier for her to manage as she had graduated to using crutches for short distances. Owen agreed and he chose the bedroom that looked over the west side of the house,not wanting early morning sunlight brightening his room everyday.

The kids started at their new school and it seemed like a pretty girl in a wheelchair with a broken leg garnered a lot of attention, especially from the cute boys. Lyssa and Owen both made some new friends and their transition went smoothly.

January blended into February and David and TC were both busy as usual. TC had been away for four days in the middle of the month, once again speaking at a convention. David couldn’t believe it had been nearly a year since they had reconnected. They had both crossed the forty threshold in November. Their birthdays were two weeks apart. Neither of them really noticed as Lyssa’s accident had taken centerstage.

He and TC had been skirting around the issue of David’s continued submissiveness. It wasn’t so much that David didn’t want to continue, it was more the fact that he kept pushing his Dominant nature back to the farther recesses of his mind. He knew it was just a matter of time before it would have to be addressed or it would end up boiling over into something neither one of them wanted.

Another thing that neither man was consciously aware of was the fact that they had slowly integrated their personal belongings into each other’s homes. At the beginning they had agreed to nothing other than toothbrushes kept on hand at both places. Over the course of the last few months items of clothing and other toiletries had crept into each other’s closets and drawers without them even realizing it.

It wasn’t until a weekend get together with the usual group at Mile’s house did they realize that everyone had come to think of them as a couple.

Sitting around the fire pit the discussion was centered around Gio and Zander who had decided to have a commitment ceremony. Gay marriage had been legalized in Florida, but neither of them wanted any type of governmental organization dictating what they needed to solidify their relationship. A marriage certificate was just a piece of paper to them, legally they already had documents drawn up giving each other power of attorney over health and financial decisions for each other. Neither was religious so they didn’t have that “god-driven ceremonial bullshit” to contend with either. They wanted a small gathering near Christmas, with a few friends and family so they could collar each other, as they were both versatile and enjoyed switching it up.

Andi had looked at David and TC and asked “So when are you two going to finally admit that you’re an item?”

David had glared at her and it was TC who replied, “When I can get this one to actually admit that he’s a true sub at heart.”

David bristled as he looked at TC and his forehead furrowed, anger welling up. He stood up, needing to distance himself and growled “That would be never.”

TC realized that what he said had come out the wrong way and stood up to follow David but Miles stopped him. “Let him be. He needs to cool off and after he does, then you two need to talk. I don’t know what’s really between you two, but you obviously hit a nerve. Give him a little time.”

TC didn’t like it, but he knew Miles was right. He had sensed for a couple of months now that David’s reticence stemmed from his battle between his natural Dominance and his lessening interest in submissiveness. He just hadn’t realized it had bothered him so much. Every time they had talked about it David had assured him he was OK with what they were doing. He had a feeling that even David himself wasn’t sure what he wanted. He watched as David’s back disappeared down the lane toward the far pasture.

David’s departure had put a damper on the rest of the group, TC apologized to Gio and Zander for ruining their announcement, both of them assured him it wasn’t an issue and not to worry. The evening had come to a halt a little earlier than usual. After helping to clean up, Terry, Michelle, Gio and Zander departed, promising to get together again in a few weeks. TC hoped that he was still part of their group of friends by then.

Nearly an hour after David had walked off, TC couldn’t take it anymore. Andi had repeatedly apologized for opening up a can of worms and TC had told her it wasn’t her fault, this had been brewing for a while. TC set off down the lane, the light of the full moon brightening his way.

David was leaning on the pasture fence watching the horses sleep standing up. He let out a sigh as TC approached, knowing that they needed to discuss what had happened.

Before TC could speak David said “Yes. I’m OK. I reacted poorly and I’m sorry.”

Now it was TC’s turn to sigh as he knew that David, even with all of his reservations, was still trying to placate TC. That didn’t settle well with him.

“David, you don’t need to tell me you’re sorry. I’m the one who should be sorry. I overstepped our boundaries again. Please tell me what you want to do?” he said.

“That’s just it TC. I don’t know what to do.” David replied, letting out his breath in a frustrated huff.

“Then can we go back and sit down and talk about it? Miles left the fire going, everyone else left.” TC told him.

“Sure.” was the resigned response from David.

They walked back up the moonlit lane and sat next to each other facing the fire that was slowly dwindling down to embers.

TC waited for David to start.

It took a minute or two for David to gather his thoughts, most of which had been swirling around his head in a maddening tempest for the past hour before he said “I think I need a little break. You are such a strong influence on me TC. I need a little bit of a breather so I can sort things out in my head. When we started this last year I thought that maybe it would last a few months and then we’d be back to hitting the clubs like we used to. But the more time that passed I guess I just got complacent with how things were going.”

TC replied “I can see your point. I guess we really did just let things continue on without reevaluating it the way we should have. I’m just as guilty, if not more so than you. I got comfortable with the way things are and never gave any thought to how it affected your need for Dominance. When we discussed things I never realized that they had become routine for us. I can understand your need for some time away from me. When you’re ready, I'll do whatever it takes to fix things, even if it means going back to being just friends, without the sexual aspects.”

“I guess I need some time to think. Can we just hit pause for a week or two?” David requested.

TC’s gut clenched at the thought of not seeing David but he acquiesced, “I don’t really like it, not seeing you or talking to you, but I totally get it. I would never do anything to risk our friendship. You mean too much to me.” TC admitted.

“OK, I think I’ll crash here tonight. Miles or Andi will give me a ride home tomorrow. I’m sure they’re upset too. I’ll let them know that we’re still working on things.” David said.

TC stood up and David followed him out to his car. Before TC got in David pulled him close, hugging him tightly, then pulled him down for a soft, sweet kiss. They didn’t say anything else as TC got in and closed the door. David watched as he disappeared down the long driveway. He turned and went back into the house where Andi was waiting in the kitchen. She held up her hand, effectively stopping him from saying anything until Miles got back from dousing the remains of the fire.

Several moments went by with Andi looking at David with concern etched all over her face. Once Miles came back in, bringing with him a woodsy, smoky scent from the fire, David let his emotions finally take over. Silent tears slipped down his face and both Miles and Andi came over to put their arms around him comfortingly. It only took a few moments before David had gathered his wits about him. He briefly explained what was going on and Miles agreed that he needed to take a little breather.

Being as late as it was, David bade goodnight to his friends and headed for their guest room. He tossed and turned most of the night, both stress and the unfamiliar bed adding to his insomnia. In the morning Andi fed him breakfast and drove him home, making him promise to call if he needed to talk.

David puttered around that afternoon, power washing the house, driveway and lanai, letting his thoughts wander all over the place. He was no closer to organizing any of his thoughts than he had been the previous night, but the physical exertion and being in his own bed led to a deep, dreamless sleep.

Over the course of the next two weeks he let his work crowd out the insecurities and disquiet that had crept into his brain. He left the emotional workout for the evenings and the weekend. Slowly he came to grips with the realization that for now his need for Dominance definitely wasn’t in sync with how it related to his and TC’s relationship. As much as he could still feel an urge to be in control, he also had no driving desire to go out and find someone who was willing to submit. He missed TC, plain and simple. He had a deep emotional attachment to the man and it was teetering on the edge of something he was unwilling to admit to himself, even though deep down he knew the truth.

By the end of the second week he was in a much better place, mentally and emotionally. On Saturday morning he called TC, ready to talk things over again, this time with a fresh outlook.

TC had dealt with his own demons the past two weeks as well. He realized that he had become more invested in his relationship with David than what either of them was truly comfortable with. His ingrained need for control had spilled over into his friendship with David, contributing to the disquiet and uncertainty that had plagued his friend. TC knew he had to rein in those controlling habits if any type of relationship were to survive between them.

When his phone rang and he saw that it was David, TC’s heart jumped up into his throat. He had no idea what the outcome of this conversation would be, but it made him nervous as he answered with much trepidation.

“Hi,” he greeted softly.

“Hi TC.” David’s voice was music to his ears and he sounded happy. That surely was a good sign. Right?

“So, I’ve given it a lot of thought and if you’re willing I’d like to continue what we’ve been doing for a little longer, but I’d also like to revise our original contract, probably throw it out altogether. I think we need to revisit our boundaries.” David proposed.

TC smiled and it was reflected in his voice as he replied “I think that’s a good idea.”

“Can you come over for dinner tonight?” David asked.

“I think that could be arranged. What time?” TC inquired.

“How about five? We can have a drink and talk before dinner.” David told him.

“You want me to bring anything?” TC offered.

“No, I’ve got some pork in the slow cooker for pulled pork sandwiches and I’ll pick up some sides when I go to Publix later. I’ll see you tonight.” David responded.

“‘Bye David,” TC said as he hung up the phone with a big grin on his face. He was in a fantastic mood the rest of the day.

TC showed up at David’s at five o’clock. He rang the bell, not wanting to seem presumptuous by letting himself in like he had been doing. David had earned respect long ago and it was high time TC started showing it to him.

David opened the door and smiled. He looked good, refreshed even. TC could tell that he was in a much better frame of mind. David stepped back to let him in and when the door was shut he pulled him in for a hug. TC wrapped his arms around David, inhaling the scent that he had missed these past two weeks. He pulled back, not wanting to overstep any bounds.

TC followed David into the kitchen where he accepted the Crown and Coke that had just been poured. There was a folder on the table next to it.

“Have a seat. I, uh, wrote up a couple of things that I think we should go over. I’m not comfortable with the idea of a contract anymore. I think it was a mistake to begin with. I hope you’ll agree.” David prefaced before sliding the folder over to TC.

TC opened it up and saw that David had written:

Friends first.

Talk, Listen, Act.

Agree, Disagree, Negotiate.

Honesty, Respect, Trust.

Condoms.

Friends forever.

TC smiled. “I don’t have a problem with any of this, but I do have a question. Why the need for condoms? I know that we’ve been using them for the sake of hygiene, but before we toko this break I was thinking of asking you to go without, so I could feel you more completely.” TC remarked.

David smiled and tilted his head slightly, finally managing to raise one eyebrow. Seeing that look, it suddenly clicked into place and TC said, “Ohhh. I get it. Too much intimacy. Right?”

David chuckled as he replied “Yeah, barebacking should be reserved for people who are in love and have a committed relationship. Even though we're both clean, I think going condomless is crossing a line. There needs to be a physical reminder to keep to what we’re agreeing on. I think we both started to get too comfortable with what we had and we ignored the warning signs. I think we both know that the expiration date on this part of our relationship is coming up. Exactly when, I don’t know, Two, maybe three months? I need a little more time to wean myself off of this dependency I have with you. I don’t think I can quit cold turkey. What we’ve been doing is OK, but it has to taper down I think.”

TC’s heart sank when he heard that. But he knew as well as David did that it couldn't last forever.

David saw the look on TC’s face and put his hand on the side of TC’s bearded cheek and turned him gently so that TC had to look at him. Gazing straight into his eyes David said “TC, two or three months of sex. That’s it. Then you need to find someone who can give you what you need. It’s not me, and we both know it. Right now? If we keep going down this path we both end up broken. I can’t risk it. ” He tapped on the words that TC had just read, “Friends forever.” he added.

TC knew that David was right, even though his heart was screaming at him. They did need to dial everything back, maybe even branch out and start meeting new people. Now that thought scared the shit out of him. He had been out of the dating scene for ten years and a lot had changed. Well he had about three months to figure it out.

Now that they had gotten the difficult part out of the way they settled into an easy camaraderie as they finished getting dinner ready together. After dinner they watched a movie on Netflix and by an unspoken agreement TC went home. Sex would be scheduled until the day came when they decided it would end. It’s what they both needed in order to keep things platonic and not jeopardize the friendship that was so strong between them. .

Once TC had left, David felt a sense of loss. He really wasn’t sure that he had done the right thing, but he was now stuck with seeing how the next few months went.

February turned into March and along with warmer temperatures the month also ushered in the arrival of spring breakers and baseball’s spring training afficianadoes. It also signaled a month long traffic nightmare. Locals stayed in on the weekends, letting the tourists wait two hours for a seat at a restaurant. Beaches were wall to wall with colorful umbrellas and pale northern skin on display. The end of each day saw the umbrellas come down and plenty of fiery red skin as tourists realized that the Florida sunshine was pretty unforgiving.

David and TC got together only on the weekends, usually Saturday nights. TC now proposed what he wanted to do and nothing was ever started unless they both agreed upon it.

As time marched on and the weeks slipped by, both men seemed to become more desperate in their quest to make the most out of the remaining moments that they had together as lovers. TC seemed to have developed a rougher edge to him.

The first weekend in May, David went over on Friday to spend the weekend, knowing that this would be the last weekend together as Dom and sub. It was time, and they had mutually agreed that this would be their last time as lovers. They woke early on Saturday and enjoyed a light breakfast together on TC’s balcony, the soft breeze infused with the salty tang of the Gulf that stretched out as far as the eye could see, the early morning light giving a soft edge to everything.

David agreed to let TC do whatever he wanted for this last time together. TC seemed to be more intense than he had ever been, more determined, more focused. He seemed to have regained some of the confidence that had disappeared after Elliott died. After breakfast he had spent over an hour torturing David, tying gorgeous knots around his heated skin, and then bringing him to the edge before pulling back abruptly. David was strung so tight, his emotions higher than they had ever been, on the verge of snapping, but he never considered stopping. He needed TC to have this one last measure of control. He always had a mental blockage, one that TC was now battering relentlessly and slowly it was cracking. They were both sweaty and breathing heavy, TC frustrated that David was still holding back.

He growled, exasperated in his failure to get David to give in to him, muscles tense with barely concealed irritation. TC looked at David intensely and asked “Do you trust me?”

David looked straight into those liquid brown pools and saw the truth that lay within their depths and it was his heart that answered with pure, unrestrained honesty. “Absolutely.”

TC put his lips next to David’s ear, the soft bristles causing a sharp intake of air as TC whispered “Then let go.”

David felt something inside him shift mentally, something that he didn’t want to admit, even to himself. He did as he was told.

He let go.

There was an immediate shift within David. It was no longer the physical sensations that were forefront in his mind. It wasn’t the soft caresses, it wasn’t the sharp pinches or the suction of lips on heated flesh. TC wielded his ropes with expertise. David felt each knot, each binding, each pull and tug at his very core. The blows that landed on his skin he took silently, giving TC what he needed.

The focus, the sheer determination that TC gave off was transmitted directly to David. Every ragged breath, every moan, every heartbeat, every single movement brought them closer. Their hearts drummed out a rhythm in perfect synchronicity, their connection absolute.

TC was hyper-aware, hyper-focused on David and only David. The trust between them was implicit in its solidity, each worthy in every way to the other. TC took everything he could from the man who finally gave himself wholeheartedly. It ceased being about the sex, it was now centered on the connection between their hearts. They both fell into an abyss where the only thing they cared about was the other, nothing else mattered.

David found a strength that he never knew he had. TC’s need to control, to be in charge was magnified by David’s willingness to give, to submit completely with every fiber of his being.

Time no longer mattered. Each second, each minute that passed was a testimony to the river of pure feeling that flowed between them. Every single beat of David’s heart pushed endorphins through his system in quantities that flooded out everything else. He experienced the highest of highs and felt invincible, as long as TC was touching him. The only thing he could hear was the beating of his own heart and the whoosh of blood as it streamed throughout his body. His sight was taken away with a blindfold, yet he could still see TC clearly, the connection between them painted a vivid picture in his mind. He saw the truth, the crushing truth, in both himself and in TC. He succumbed to it and let the certainty of what he felt drive him further into the depths of passion.

There was only one outcome that would satisfy TC’s driving need to make David his. As soon as TC entered him, David felt whole. He could only give what he had, so he gave everything in that moment.

TC registered the fact that he could feel David surrounding him, tightness and heat threatening to overwhelm him. Neither of them realized that there was no barrier between them. All they knew was that it felt right, it felt like this is where they belonged. When TC could no longer hold back the wave, he unleashed himself, marking David as his, sealing a bond that he had only ever shared with one other. David came mere seconds later and lost himself to the pure physical sensation.

Their bodies trembled as the adrenaline flowed through them. Their breath mingling, sustaining each other. TC recovered first and got up to get a warm, wet washcloth to clean David up. Ever so gently he tended to the man who meant everything to him. He got back into bed and pulled David close and covered them with the blanket.

David was aware of his surroundings and he felt warm and safe, it seemed to envelope him. He closed his eyes for a moment and as his mind processed what had just happened he could feel himself surrounded by TC holding him, slowly caressing and stroking his back soothingly. David felt languid and it reminded him of coming down from getting high when they were in college. The adrenaline that had coursed through his system still forced his heart to beat faster than normal. He could hear TC whispering to him, mostly reassurances. He opened his eyes when he heard TC call him ‘Agapi mou.’ David didn’t know very much Greek, but he did know that it meant ‘my love’.

TC saw his eyes open and handed him a bottle of water. “Here, drink some of this. It’ll help.”

The cool liquid felt good on his lips and helped ease his dry throat.

Reality suddenly gripped David when he realized the enormity of what had just happened. He bolted upright, eyes wide.

“David? What’s wrong?” TC asked, bewildered at his sudden movement.

“Oh shit, shit, shit, shit. Oh fuck TC. We screwed up. We screwed up bad. Really bad.” David answered as he threw back the blanket that was covering him, getting tangled in its folds and starting to panic.

“David, how did we screw up? What did I do? What did you do? Talk to me!” TC’s voice was laced with fear.

“We crossed the line TC, I know did, and I think you did too.” David was now searching for his clothes. He spied his jeans and thrust his feet into them as TC just stared.

David saw it. The moment when TC knew what he was referring to. He just didn’t expect TC to grab a hold of him and make him look at him.

“Don’t go David. We can make this work. Yes, we crossed the line. I never meant it to happen, and neither did you, but we need to talk about it.” TC told him.

“When? When did you know TC?” David demanded.

TC blinked slowly, the action subconsciously confirming what they both knew, before admitting, “I think I’ve always known. I think I fell in love with you back in college, but buried it. Then when we lost touch, it got pushed back, way back. Elliott came along and it got buried deep, to where I didn’t think it even existed anymore. It all came crashing back the moment I saw you in the hotel lobby.”

David pulled his shirt over his head before speaking. “That day. That day in the lobby. It was one of the happiest days of my life. When I saw you, it felt like my heart started beating again. I’m not sure exactly when it happened. Oh hell. I do know. It was back in college for me too. I love you TC. As in, I’m in love with you. I also know I can’t be with you. You need someone who needs you with every fiber of his being. You need someone you can cherish and take care of. I can’t give you what you need and you can’t give me what I need. You know as well as I do, it will never work. I never meant to hurt you TC. I need to go. I can’t stay here.”

TC grabbed a hold of David and tried to pull him close, wrapping his arms around him and holding on. “Don’t do this David. Please? We can figure something out.” he whispered, his lips trembling, close to David’s ear.

David tried to pull away from TC but the man held onto him tight, arms locked into place. It nearly killed him but he closed his eyes and uttered the one and only word he never actually thought he would have to use and it came out as a whisper. “Pickles.”

TC sucked in a gush of air and immediately let go of David as his exhaled breath left him deflated. He stood motionless as David put both hands along his short beard and pulled him down to kiss his lips lightly, a feather-like touch.

“I will always love you TC.”

Then their world stopped.

David turned away from TC and walked out the door. His brain forever seared with the image of the pain that was reflected in TC’s eyes and the tears that fell from them silently. As he strode toward his car his brain kicked into a protective mode. He entered into that frame of mind where he was aware of what was happening around him, but nothing registered, like when you’re driving a long stretch of road and can’t remember the last fifty miles. He was on autopilot and later on, when he tried to recall those details of what happened on the absolute worst day of his life he couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried.

David never remembered getting in his car and driving to his house. He didn’t remember packing a few changes of clothes and some toiletries into a bag and grabbing his passport. He never remembered calling an Uber to take him to the airport.

It was a broken man, a man whose heart was shredded within himself that arrived at the airport and went up to the first ticket counter that he came to that was open and bought a seat on the next flight to anywhere. Anywhere but here.

David sat back, barely aware of the fact that he had bought a seat in business class. After the initial exchange of pleasantries, the flight attendants left him alone. David stared out the window, unseeing as the plane gained speed down the runway, not registering that slight, stomach lurching sensation that always happened to him as the wheels left the ground. He didn’t blink when the plane touched down and he realized that he had to change planes. He thought he may have been in Atlanta, but he really didn’t care.

Still on autopilot he found his next gate and boarded another flight. Lather, rinse, repeat. He had flown often enough that logistics of changing planes was embedded into his brain. He just did it automatically, registering just enough pertinent information to get him from point A to point B. Once again he found himself staring aimlessly out the window as the plane ascended into the sky, carrying him further and further away from all that really mattered to him.

He watched, unseeing as the sun set, setting the sky ablaze with red and orange. He felt as if his heart was in the middle of those fiery colors, burning hotly until they became nothing but ash. He barely registered as the hours slipped by, never really falling asleep, just hovering in that barely conscious state, his mind nearly shut down completely, protecting itself. He jolted as the plane touched down with a thud, momentum throwing him forward slightly as the brakes worked furiously to slow the aircraft.

He grabbed his duffel bag from the overhead compartment and followed the herd of humanity exiting the plane. Still on autopilot he made his way through customs easily enough and figured out he was in London. He found his way to ground transportation and asked the first hotel shuttle driver that he saw if they had any availability. The driver nodded in the affirmative.

David couldn’t recall arriving at the hotel, which thankfully turned out to be a decent, moderate property. He somehow made his way to the check in desk and managed to secure a room for several nights. It was mid-morning and he was fortunate that they had a room available immediately. Check-in was usually after two’ o’clock.

He stood in front of the door to the room that matched the number on the key card envelope and held the card up to the sensor until the green light came on and he heard the click of the door unlocking. He pushed his way into the room and let the door shut soundly behind him. He dropped his bag on the floor next to the bed and as he did so, his brain finally kicked in and registered the crushing enormity of what he had just done. His legs gave out and he slid to the floor at the end of the bed, his back resting against the end of the duvet covered mattress.

Every emotion that he had been holding back since walking away from TC came crashing down over him. The shaking started in his hands and quickly spread, like wildfire, until his entire body was shaking uncontrollably. Hot tears streamed down his face.

Anguish.

Anger.

Regret.

Sorrow.

Hopelessness.

Fear.

Panic. Panic seemed to take control as he continued to shake and sob, an inhuman keening noise coming from deep within himself.

He was hurting.

He was lost.

He was spiraling into nothingness.

Shit. What was he going to do?

OH FUCK. WHAT HAS HE DONE?