Awaken - 15. Progress

I didn't sleep at all that night. I collapsed in the seat next to the normal table in Tyren's room. He was reclined in his window again, his unusual yellow eyes flicking over to me. I dug my books out from the bag and set them on the table, already struggling to keep my eyes open. I waited for him to start, turning to where we would begin today. The ache in my body was still ever present and I'd been nursing this headache since I'd woken up. Tyren rose slowly, his gaze bouncing around the room. He stopped next to me and I looked up at him, confused. Why hadn't he started? I wanted to get into it today. Throw myself through my studies and into my training. At least physical and mental exhaustion would distract me from my own social shortcomings. It had been going so well. I had finally got closer to Talon. Isn't that what I had wanted since day one? After only three weeks I felt drawn to him more than anyone else. Now I was beginning to wonder if the only draw was because of our powers. Were my feelings genuine? Was I only infatuated with him because he paid attention to me and we had the tether? Had I deluded myself into thinking I was special to him?

No. The way he'd looked at me was more than that. I'd been in his head for goddess' sake. I would have seen it if he had no interest in me. If it was shallow lust. That was another problem. I had relied pretty heavily on the bond since I'd discovered it. He was right. My natural reaction when I wanted to know what he was feeling was to search his mind. I had been an uninvited guest repeatedly letting myself in. I cringed inwardly. No wonder why he was so annoyed. He had still let it go, only putting up his walls instead of becoming angry with me. He'd established a boundary and I'd blown up over it.

“You seem...distracted today.”

“I'm sorry teacher. I will pay more attention!” I shook my head as if I could shake all of the unpleasant thoughts out of it.

“Did you do your reading?”

“Uh, no I'm sorry.” I bowed to him, averting my eyes. After all the drama I had laid in bed, feeling sorry for myself. That's what it had been. I could tell myself that things had been hard growing up, that no one paid me enough attention. The reality was that I was running out of excuses. I couldn't rely on that for the rest of my life. If I wanted things to get better I had to stop reacting the same way. I owed Talon and myself an apology. That much was becoming obvious.

“Well your assignment will be double tonight.” Tyren was smiling down at me. I nodded and waited for him to start. He still didn't. He looked down at me as if looking for something.

“Today, let's put the book away. We'll work on your Magik a bit.” I sat upright right away, my mood brightening. He sat on a table across from the one where I sat, his legs crossed in front of him, “I'm sure Athel has begun trying to narrow down what fighting style works best with your power, so we'll only touch on the basics here until you've figured that out. First. It seems, from what I've heard, that you have different types of light you're able to summon? One that can cause damage, slicing through objects. The other seems to be an actual light source that can also provide warmth. Interesting indeed.”

“Y-yes that sounds right.” I agreed.

“Are you able to control which one you use at specific times? It'd be unfortunate if you needed light and warmth and cut yourself open. Or you were being attacked and instead of fighting back you just basked your assailant in a warm glow.”

“I can control it sometimes.”

“What do you mean sometimes? How do you know which one it will be?”

“I try to...think of what I want it to do. Talon taught me how to picture Magik like water and then gather parts of it instead of all. So I imagine myself using it the way I want? If that makes sense?”

“Fascinating. Light that lamp.” Tyren pointed across the room at a metal based lamp on the table. It was maybe 15 feet away. I stood up and focused on it. I flicked my wrist and squeaked when light burst forward and the lamp was sliced in half. My face dropped into a scowl and I felt irritation take hold.

“Hm, I wonder...” He waved his hand and the halves melted down and then reformed into the same lamp right before my eyes. This was the first time I'd seen Tyren's gift and I stared in wonder at the lamp. It was as if nothing had ever happened. “Try picturing yourself lighting it the way you normally would.”

I refocused myself, taking a deep breath. Then I opened my eyes, locking my gaze on the lamp's wick. I saw myself in my mind's eye. I reached out with a match, struck it, then guided the flame to the lamp's wick. My fingers lifted and I snapped, jumping when light sparked above the lamp. Its wick suddenly lit. Tyren nodded, his fingers running over his chin.

“I did it!”

“Indeed. Now cut the the top of the lamp off. Only the very top.”

*

“Sloppy. Stance was supposed to be perfect today.” Athel kicked my shin and my leg gave way, dropping me to my knees. I pushed myself up and tried to force myself into what I hoped was a better position. Athel was quiet for a moment then lightning fast she spun, her foot hitting my hands hard, breaking my guard. It connected with my face and next thing I knew I was on the ground, dazed. I scrambled up, clumsily standing in front of Athel again. She stood with her fingers linked behind her back, her eyes narrowing. I squared my shoulders, sinking back down and raising my hands. She kicked the back of my leg, but I had heard her move behind me. I braced and her foot hit my leg hard but I didn't falter.

“Better. Still terrible. But better. Your stance still bad. You heard though. That good.” The rest of the afternoon Athel kicked me. Occasionally she even added extra flavor and punched me. I'm pretty sure I had a black eye among various other bruises. I wasn't sure that my stance had gotten much better throughout the day but a couple of times I'd gotten lucky and was able to brace myself before she hit me. My body hurt and I was starting to wonder how long it was going to take me to show any progress. I was starting so late in life compared to everyone else. I limped from the carriage into the house, every muscle in my body screaming. My books felt like they weighed a ton as I dragged myself and them up the stairs. Was I even capable of this?

*

Three days later I sat in Tyren's classroom. I had never neglected the reading again and he set the book aside as we finished the day's section, “How much of Talon's powers have you seen? The Shadow Summoner's full power is a bit of a mystery to us. None in his family ever enlisted so I'm not even sure who trained him. A gift like that, it's a shock to me that the king didn't immediately bring him here. He has the potential to be devastating. Much like yourself.”

Talon's name made my chest ache. I hadn't spoken with him since our last argument and the wall between our minds seemed like it had been reinforced tenfold. It shouldn't have surprised me that the minute he figured out how, he would continuously be making efforts to widen the gap. I hadn't even seen him in two days. He had business in town, or so he told Eon. He made sure he was gone when I got home and I had my studies to worry about. I had to stop focusing on Talon when I had so much that I needed to improve. I didn't reach out over the connection anymore. I didn't seek him out. I knew there was more I could do, but I couldn’t make myself do it.

“I haven't seen much of it, no. Bits when he was teaching me. A little when he was fighting.”

“You should bring him here. I'd love to spar with him. Eventually I'd love to see you two spar. Obviously you're not ready for that yet, but it'd be brilliant to see.” I stiffened and tried to come up with some kind of excuse. I tried to convince myself that Talon wouldn't come. He would, though. This separation that existed was entirely my doing. He didn't want me in his head. That was all.

“I can always ask him.” If he didn't come for me, he'd come for Tyren. I thought about every scenario the rest of the day. Earning extra jabs from Athel when I didn't pay attention. I was starting to be less sore as the days progressed. I wasn't always useless when I got home. Suspiciously, I hadn't seen much of Lex since that day either. That worried me. I don't think Lex liked to work out in the open. I wondered if he would've left to get here before us even if we hadn't had an argument. He was controlling things, probably more than I even realized. The king's party was a little over a week away and I had failed to come up with any kind of plan. I had expected to face repercussions right away after I'd hit him, but so far nothing had happened. According to the servants he'd left the day after he'd walked in on Talon and I, and they hadn't seen him since.

The carriage stopped way before I was ready to deal with anything. I reluctantly got out and stepped into the main courtyard. Eon was talking to Talon. I stared as Eon actually smiled at him. When had this happened? It had only been a couple days and it looked like a fledgling friendship had sprung up with my brother and Talon. Talon was the first to notice me and he tilted his head to the side as he looked my way. Eon followed his gaze and I took that as my cue to approach. I half expected Talon to stomp away from me. I thought maybe he'd refuse to speak to me since it seemed he'd been avoiding me. Of course not. Talon was a better person than most of us were. His arms crossed over his chest and he waited.

“Eon,” I nodded at the only constant in my life now. He was getting better each day by leaps and bounds. His haziness seemed to almost be totally gone. That gave me some relief. Not only was I worried about him, but I knew that my list of allies was pretty short. The turbulent relationship that Talon and I had always made me wonder if I could count on him. Eon actually ruffled my hair, rubbing his fingers against his temple. He'd started having headaches and the light in the bright courtyard seemed to be bothering him.

“Brother. I know I'm not the one you need to talk to. Seek me out later if you need help with your stance. I'm sure you will.” Eon walked away and I tried to make up a reason for him to stay. I didn't need a hand to hold for this conversation. I needed to start defending myself. Eon and Talon weren't always going to be there to do it for me. What was the point of training if I'd always have to have a protector?

“Lordling.” So we were back to that one.

“Talon. I...I think...what I'm trying to say is-”

“You're sorry?” His head tilted to the other side, his signature grin playing on his lips.

I sighed and nodded in agreement, “Yes. You were right. I was being petty again. It's more than fair that you don't want me constantly in your head.”

“Well I'm glad you've given me permission to have private thoughts. It means a lot.” There wasn't an edge to his voice. His tone was more playful than anything else, but I still tensed a little. It was like he was baiting me.

“Do you want to continue arguing with me?”

“There are a lot of things I want to do to you, Kalian. Arguing is not at the top of the list.” I blanched and he gave in to a full smirk, the black spreading a touch farther from his pupils.

“What have you been doing the last couple of days?”

“Whatever I want.” The smirk stayed in place and he leaned over me. He wore tight charcoal pants, a black vest with silver brocade on the lapels, his hair hanging loose for once. His fingers were covered in silver and black rings and I easily picked out the one with the triangles. I moved closer as if drawn to him, my head tilting back so my eyes remained on his. Grey eyes filled with heat as he looked at me and I was made very aware that we were out in the open in the middle of a communal space. The affect he had on me was ridiculous.

I was almost lost in the wave of hormones that took me over when he lifted his hand and poked my nose, “You need to learn, and fast, that I am not your servant. We are equals. You don't need to know my whereabouts at all times. You don't have control over who I sleep with. As far as I know, you're engaged and it isn't to me. I would very much like to stop having this conversation. We seem to rehash it quite often. I'm done with it. Do you understand?” I was stuck on the part where he said we were equals. The fact that someone like Talon considered me an equal was hard for me to process.

“I understand.”

“Good. Now that we've addressed that again,” He leaned closer, his eyes only inches from mine, “would you like to go shopping with me?”

I blinked and felt my mouth hanging open a bit, “I'm sorry what?”

“I'm going to the market in the lower levels. Would you like to come with?” He stepped closer, his chest pressed to mine, his proximity making my head spin. When I only stared he shook his head, ghosting his lips over mine. I jumped, checking around us to make sure no one had seen. He smiled sadly and stepped back, walking around me.

“Are you coming or not Sunshine?” I hurried after him and stepped closer as we came out onto the street. The carriage was waiting as always, but Talon bypassed it. I rushed after him, his much longer legs making the pace fast.

“We're not taking the carriage?”

He looked around, his gorgeous eyes widening, “Well gods and goddesses I thought we were in it!” I glared at him and he batted his eyelashes innocently, “My mistake Sunshine. I was under the impression that your legs still worked. When was the accident?”

I wanted to hit him but was struggling to keep up, “Oh be quiet. Is there a reason you're going so fast?”

“Well that part’s simple.” He gripped my shoulder, yanking me into an alley and pressing me against the wall, his palms on either side of my face. My breath caught in my chest and I squirmed against the hard surface. He wasn't looking at me. He was watching the opening of the alley, a far away look in his eyes. As I watched the shadows in the alley slowly became more opaque, shifting around us. Two figures stopped at the entrance, looking around confused and arguing amongst themselves. I stiffened and watched them, hardly allowing myself to breathe. One of them was staring right at us. The sunlight at their back made it impossible to see their faces. All I could tell was that they were both male, one shorter than me and one about Eon's height. They scanned the alley one more time, confusion obvious on their faces. I looked around at the shadows and realized they couldn't see us. They finally moved away and I released my breath. The darkness around us started to return to normal and I realized I had a death grip on Talon's vest. His chest was bare underneath, ink peeking out from the fabric. The muscles in his shoulders tensed under his skin as he took a breath.

“This is cozy, huh?” I blushed and noticed how close he was to me, his body pressing me into the rough wall behind me.

“Who were they?”

“Not sure. They were on us the moment we left the house. Should we place bets on who they were after? Could be either one of us, really. We could also wager on who sent them. Your fiance's been awful quiet lately. You think he knows I'm moving in on his little sun beam?” He shifted when he said this, grinding against my hip, his laughter echoing off the close walls.

“I'm not his.” As if proving it to both of us I rolled my hips against his. Talon made a noise low in his throat, almost a growl and his hand slid up, his fingers holding around my neck.

“How badly do you wanna convince me Kalian?” His voice had dropped, lust making it almost gravely. I was trying to ignore the thrill of excitement that shot through me as his grip tightened fractionally.

“I-I...” Not the first time I had been reduced to a babbling idiot.

He smirked and stepped back, fixing his vest that I had almost pulled off of him, the snaps undone, “We should move. Shopping may not be the best decision today.” I was still leaning back against the wall, the brick supporting me. I shifted my legs, slipping my hand down to try and adjust myself. Talon's eyes followed the movement and he stretched his arms above his head. For the first time I noticed his eyes were all the way black, black on the very tips of his fingers as well.

“That was amazing by the way.”

“I believe I've told you before that I'm incredible.” He winked at me and I looked away, watching people walk by the alley. He was deflecting again. His favorite past time.

“Either way. Amazing.” He waited until we had both relaxed and then stepped out into the sunlight, blinking rapidly as the light hit his eyes. I followed, holding my hand up at first as my pupils retracted. We hadn't even made it that far from the house. Only a couple blocks. I tried not to deflate in my disappointment. Going to the market with Talon had sounded like exactly how I wanted to spend my late afternoon. Training had been sapping most of my days. My body took this moment to remind me that we were still sore. It had gotten better but I still felt as though I'd been put through the wringer.

“Talon?”

“Kalian.”

“Tyren wants you to come to class. He wants to spar with you.” He didn’t answer while he opened the door for me and we were once again in the courtyard. I had almost resolved myself to the fact that he wasn't going to when he sighed.

“When?”

“Uh w-whenever. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to accept you whenever you decided to come.”

He arched an eyebrow as we stood in the entryway, “Does he want me there or do you?”

“Well, he did tell me to ask, but...I do want you there as well.”

“Say no more beautiful. I'll go wherever you want me to. How else am I going to know if he's better looking than me?” He laughed at his joke but I had seen something genuine in his eyes at the start. It was like he was promising me, but he had to cover up the magnitude of what he'd said with a stupid comment. We separated and as I made my way to my room I rolled his words over in my head.

He'd meant it. Connection or not, I could tell that much.