Awaken - 18. Politics

This time I awoke in my own bed, still wrapped in someone else. I shifted and immediately regretted it. My entire body was incredibly sore. My side ached as I pushed off the arm that had been draped over it. I laid on my back and tried my best to imagine how I was possibly going to function today. Sitting on Tyren’s hard stool or trying to withstand Athel’s attacks filled me with dread. I wasn’t sure when sitting comfortably would be possible again. I have narrow hips. What in the world was I thinking? I wasn’t built for sex. Definitely not! Things were not meant to enter the place they had. I was convinced. Or at least the part of my brain dealing with the pain was. The rest of me was wondering when we would do it again.

“Morning.” Talon yawned, throwing the blankets over his head.

“I think you crippled me.”

“I guess there’s a first for everything.” I narrowed my eyes at the lump lying next to me on the bed and tugged off the thick blanket. He held tight, jerking it from my hands.

“I’m not kidding.”

“As someone who’s been crippled, I think you’re going to be fine.”

I immediately felt bad, pausing my efforts to drag the blanket away from him, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Mm.”

“Are you falling asleep again?”

“Mm?” I yanked the blanket and he hissed as the light hit his eyes. Once more, Talon rescued the blanket from my hand, burrowing back under it. I raised an eyebrow and crawled under the covers on top of him. I took a breath and cupped my hand, bright light filling the space under the blankets.

“The light! Put it out!”

“I want you to come with me today. You promised...”

“I will come with you. I haven’t promised you when.”

“Please Talon!”

“Turn. The. Light. Off. Or I will do it for you.”

“Are you threatening me because you don’t want to get up?”

“Absolutely. One more warning. I don’t make empty threats.”

I pouted and let the light go out. Talon breathed a sigh of relief but besides that remained quiet, “Talon?”

“Yes! Yes, I’ll go with you. Leave me alone you harpy.” Pleased with my achievement I rolled from under the covers, easing myself off the bed. It was early enough that the sun had barely risen from the horizon, a pale morning light showing me the way towards the adjacent room. I pushed the button for heated water as I stood there and whined to myself about the pain in my backside. The door opened and Talon practically stumbled in, clumsily pushing his hair out of his eyes.

“Good morning!” I greeted him.

“It is morning, yes. There is nothing good about that.”

I giggled softly, “The great Talon Verloren, the Shadow Summoner, a Lost One, laid low by mere morning?”

“Yes, I hate it.” I laughed out loud as he whined loudly. I tested the water in the large round basin and slowly climbed in. I let my head fall back as the warmth of the water soothed my aches. Talon clamored in on the other side and sunk all the way into the water, his long legs bumping mine. He came up slowly, tilting his head back so the water cleared his hair from his face. I sat and took inventory of the bite mark and the scratches I’d left all over him. It was surreal to think I had done that. Was I an animal? I had thought so little of Amaris, but am I any better?

“You’re doing it again.”

“What?”

He splashed water over his shoulders and chuckled, “Running every scenario though that head of yours. Comparing yourself to someone else, comparing yourself to me. You’re always doing it when you get this quiet. I’m not sure which one it is this time since you’ve put up your own walls. Nicely done.”

“I don’t mean to do it. It’s a habit I guess.”

“It’s one we need to get rid of. You have nothing to worry about or be insecure over.”

“What about Dima? Amaris?”

Talon sighed, rubbing his temples before leveling me with a look, “Kalian are we going to keep having the same arguments repeatedly until one of us dies? Yes, Amaris and I slept together. Granted, I didn’t do much to discourage Dima, but nothing happened between her and me.”

“I saw her bringing you breakfast, to share.”

“Yes, that’s not illegal.”

“You were making moves on me though.”

“So, using your logic, I am allowed to get upset about you eye-fucking your teacher?” I blushed scarlet. I had been so sure my walls were up and sturdy. It didn’t matter. He was right. I was being hypocritical. My own jealousy was biting me in the ass, again.

“You’re right.”

“Those are by far my favorite words. Listen, I’ve slept with other people. That is a fact I can’t change. But I haven’t slept with anyone since Amaris, since whatever is between us started to develop. I’m not going to apologize for it. As for the other girl, for a while there I had no idea what was up and down with you. We’ve overcome that now. Things aren’t the same as they were even three days ago.”

I nodded slowly, forcing my brain to accept the logic he was presenting. When I spoke again, my voice was quiet, “Will you sleep with other people when we’re…together?”

“Are we? Together, I mean?” He was in front of me now and he took my hand in his.

“Do you want to be?”

Looking down at our hands, he was silent for a long minute, “I want whatever you want.”

“I want you.”

“Well, it’s nice to finally hear you say it.”

                                                                                *

Leading the way across the school’s courtyard I tried not to notice the stares that were being thrown our way. Even with his hood up, partially covering his face, people couldn’t take their eyes off him. He kept playing with the ring on his finger and grinning at me. How he managed to ignore them, I would never know. My head was on a swivel as I took in the different looks. Curiosity, disgust, and even lust. I quickened my pace and was relieved when we came over the small hill and Tyren’s building came into view. The teachers’ buildings stood in a long rectangle and Tyren’s was the furthest from the palace. It was also the closest to the training grounds, which had been a blessing when I’d been running late. The small tan building was always a relief after the long courtyard. For some reason walking through the other students made me nervous. The king didn’t normally appoint personal teachers, so I wasn’t sure if that was the reason I received some less than friendly looks. It didn’t matter. I wasn’t here for them anyway.

As we got closer to the building, I noticed Ajul pulling the door open. She turned as she heard us approach and her mouth dropped open. Talon slid his hood back as we walked through the door, grinning at the girl as she held it ajar. She just stared, blushing.

“You, my lord, are ten minutes late.” Tyren turned, frowning at me. He stopped frowning and his eyes widened in surprise as soon as he saw Talon. I stepped out of the way and Talon stepped in, taking in the room. Tyren stood in front of his window, his wealth of pillows spilling off the built-in seat. His main desk sat at the front of the room in front of a wall made of the same tan brick the building was built from. My normal desk and another one sat in the middle of the room facing each other, both made of the same worn wood. Tyren’s little creations hung from the ceiling, some looked like flying machines, others like vehicles, and some I couldn't tell.

“Talon Verloren?” Tyren asked, eyes still wide.

“On most days, yes. Tyren?” Tyren nodded and after a brief, awkward pause, the two men charged into a conversation filled with their respective achievements and accomplishments. Tyren seemed to know of a few missions Talon had completed for the Verseckt and Talon praised him for this or that creation. Not having anything to add to the conversation, I carefully sat on my normal stool, waiting for the steady stream of compliments to subside. As I pulled my books from my bag, something occurred to me.

“Tyren, how do you know Talon is a member of the Verseckt? How do you know which rumored missions he carried out?” They both stopped speaking. Talon had a thoughtful expression on his face and Tyren leveled me with a strange look.

“We have only just met, my lord. Those are very delicate questions.”

“Yeah, but how do you know?” I crossed my arms over my chest, keeping my gaze on his defiantly. Talon looked between the two of us, his interest piqued.

Tyren sighed, “let’s just say that I monitor the…inner-workings of the court. Even those that most are not privy to.”

“Alright. How does a teacher become privy to things like that?”

Tyren hopped up onto his desk, his leg hanging off as he looked out the window, “I have…established connections within the court. It’s something one must do if they’re to weather the tumultuous relationship between the king and queen.”

“What do you mean? Do they dislike each other? How did you make these connections?” I asked, slowly becoming confused. My mind was focused on the fact that Tyren, a man without title or land, had maneuvered his way into a position of strength in court. It was close to what I needed to accomplish.

“The king and queen disagree on the best course of action for our country. The king is set on expansion, while the queen thinks we are already spread too thin. It’s something that has been making their day-to-day exchanges rather tense. Those of us who attend court regularly have noticed the gap between them widening.”

“This is why you think I’m running out of time.”

Tyren looked from the window to me, a sad smile on his face, “I fear that you may have come to court at the worst time possible. There seem to be many forces working in the shadows. My sources, my friends, think that you may be key in whatever conflict is to come.”

“Why me? I haven’t even mastered my power yet. How could anyone see me as a threat?”

“My lord, your progress has been amazingly fast. I’m told you’ve created your own weapons yesterday from your power, the pure energy of it. You even held your own against our weapons and combat master. Not an easy task I can assure you.”

“Barely. She still kicked my ass. I didn’t even last twenty full minutes.”

“My lord, Kalian, the fact that you lasted any time after only being with us for roughly a week is impressive. We harp on you for being behind, but truly your natural ability is astounding. I would, however, like to double our efforts.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re giving me more lessons and reading.” I groaned, my hands in my hair. I glanced to Talon who had moved to lean against the table opposite mine. He was quiet, his eyes on the ground as we spoke.

“No, what I propose is that Talon rejoins your training. I think it will be good to draw attention to him as an ally of yours. You need as many as you can possibly get. Especially strong ones. In addition to your combat and Magik training, you need to be well-versed in court etiquette if you’re to stand a chance here.”

“That all sounds great, but there’s still one major problem.”

“What is that my lord?”

“I’m on a time limit. Lex is not going to push the wedding back so I can get more comfortable at court. I don’t even know how much time he’ll give me to hone my power and learn to defend myself.”

“True, that is an issue. If Captain Nainde thinks that furthering your education may threaten his position in any way, I fear you’d be on the first carriage back to Krinn.” Yellow eyes studied my face and he looked back to the window. Tyren stared out it for quite some time, both legs folded under him now. He wore loose buttermilk yellow pants and a tan scarf, silver rings in his ears, contrasting sharply with his dark skin. For the first time, it occurred to me that he wasn’t much older than us, maybe in his 30s. And yet he already possessed the wisdom and poise of someone far older. Talon shifted on his feet, his eyes meeting mine. He looked serious; his lips were pressed into a thin line. He was frustrated. I wondered if it was the loss of control for him. It seemed ever since we’d met, I had stripped his carefully cultivated routine from him and he was constantly trying to find a way to get it back. I couldn’t imagine him navigating the politics that the royal court possessed.

“We must address the engagement.”

My eyes snapped back to Tyren who was pleating the edges of his scarf between his fingers, “Yes, that is clear. Ideally, we would need at least a couple of years to advance to the point where I would feel comfortable with your mastery level, but we don’t have anywhere near that amount of time. Like you’ve said, Mallex has his own schedule that only he is aware of.”

“Why?” It was the first time Talon had spoken, “Why is he pushing so hard all of the sudden? What’s the end goal here? Do your ‘sources’ have any idea why he’s chosen to get married, seemingly out of the blue?”

Tyren cleared his throat, his hands releasing his scarf, “He wishes to join the Oben. What could be better than marrying the son of one of the king’s most famous generals? The king is thrilled with the prospect of the two families joining. Lex will surely secure his place among the king’s most trusted men. Joining the Oben will be a formality at that point. Everyone knows the king is already considering him for it. Also, with the blossoming of your power, I suspect he wishes to be the one controlling it. He thinks your past entitles him to it.”

“He’s definitely an entitled ass. So how can I get out of it? It sounds as if Lex and the king have already decided it’s a done deal.”

Tyren’s fingers went back to the edge of his scarf, worrying the hem between a thumb and ring finger, “That is a good point, my lord. Your father is the one who accepted his proposal correct?”

“Yes.”

“Your audience with the queen will be tomorrow. After your lessons. She wishes to have tea. At that audience, it may… behoove you to mention you’ve had no say in your own engagement and that you’ve gone along with it solely to abide by your king’s wishes.”

“So, lie?” I looked at him, frowning deeply, my mind scrambled.

“The queen and king’s marriage was arranged, forced. You may be able to stir her emotion. If you can garner her sympathy and get yourself a royal ally, perhaps squirming away from the Captain may be made easier. She and the king do not do things without expecting something in return, however.”

“So, in 24 hours I have to figure out a way to get the queen to empathize with me and figure out some sort of gift for her so she will want to help me?”

“It would take something like that to nullify your engagement.”

“Is there no other way?” I let my head fall onto my book.

“Well…”

My head popped up and I met Tyren’s eyes. He hesitated for a moment, “You could officially separate from your family.”

“I…what?”

“The king can give you permission to detach from your family. To start your own. He can give you land and title as well.”

“For the small, small price of his soul.” Talon laughed bitterly. I looked between the two of them. Talon looked annoyed and Tyren smiled sheepishly at me.

“It would be a high price. Master Verloren is correct.”

“What would it entail? What requirements would I need to meet for the king to even consider it?”

“You would have to prove that you would be more of an asset to him on your own. You would need to prove your loyalty and jump through any other hoops the king deems necessary. You must understand that it will legally cut all ties from your family. You will be an entirely separate entity.” I chewed my lip, toying with a bent corner of the old blue book in front of me. I had no idea how I would carry out any of these things. My choice was between the king and the queen and there was no way of guaranteeing that either would want to help me. What if I backed myself into a corner and ended up playing right into Lex’s hands? He had far more practice at this than I did and even with Tyren and Talon’s help I didn’t know if I’d be able to wrap my head around everything they expected of me.

“I will go to the queen and try and convince her tomorrow.”

Tyren nodded, his fingers folding in his lap, “I will accompany you. I also think that bringing Talon may help as well. The courtiers and royalty are fascinated with you both. Do not yet divulge the nature of your relationship. You are still engaged, my lord, and it could destroy your reputation. Hold off until Captain Nainde no longer has a claim on you.” I stood, realizing that it was already time for my lesson with Athel. I slipped my books into my bag and Talon stood as well.

“Also, Talon, I would very much like to spar with you when it suits you.”

Talon grinned softly at him, “I’m still thinking about it. Can’t have you kicking my ass in front of this one. He’ll think less of me.” I made my way slowly down the spiral staircase after that, Tyren’s soft laugh still carrying out of the room.

                                                                                *

I lay in the bath. I had several more bruises from Athel, but today I managed to escape more broken bones. She had spent the afternoon focusing on the weapons I had used before. We worked through a slew of her questions. Could I make it bigger? Yes. How long could I hold it? At present, only for a few minutes before I got tired. Could I throw them? Not yet, but I was determined to discover a way to do that. My body was sore and the bruises on my torso had faded to a sickly yellow. Dark purple ones on my opposite hip and down my legs joined them today. Talon had stood quietly the whole time, watching but not interfering. Feeling his eyes on me all day had made me nervous. Did he think I was getting better or was his silence an indication that I hadn’t improved as much as he anticipated?

I sunk into the water, only my eyes remaining above the surface, and thought back to everything Tyren had said. How would I convince the queen to help? Whether the royals got along or not I would still be asking her to put a stop to something her husband seemed to favor. Did she dislike him so much that she’d take up the gauntlet for me? It did seem doubtful. I let my head fall back against the edge of the tub, my mind racing. I was so far out of my depth. I had been trying to remain as optimistic as I could, but Lex was many steps ahead. I heard the door open and without looking knew it was Talon. I wasn’t sure if that was a new benefit of the connection, but his presence was comforting. I opened my eyes as he skimmed his fingers along the basin, making a line until he reached me.

“You were awfully quiet today,” I mumbled.

His eyes met mine, his face impassive, “What would you have wanted me to say?”

“I’m not sure. Anything. What do you think I should do?”

He tilted his head to the side, his finger moving from the porcelain to my skin, tracing my collarbone, “I can’t make these decisions for you. I will support you in them though.”

I jerked away from his touch, “Talon I need help!”

“And you have it. Help is not what you’re asking me for. It’s much easier to let someone else make decisions for you.” I shifted out of his reach, sulking quietly as I let water pour from one of my hands.

“Are you trying to start an argument?”

He lowered himself down, kneeling by the bath, “Kalian, I can’t live your life for you. You have to become self-sufficient .”

“I don’t like this serious Talon.”

He turned my face to him and I saw that he was grinning, “I could be a lot less serious if you’d stop whining so damn much. It’s time to grow up Sunshine.” I was offended at first, but then I knew what he was saying was true. I had made myself a promise and I wasn’t living up to it. I had slid back into complacency and expected others to just fix my problems for me. Neglected or not, I was still raised with far more opportunities than most.

“Are you going to sit in the bath for the rest of the night and feel sorry for yourself?” I narrowed my eyes at him and then delivered a devastating splash of water directly to his smug face. For a moment he just stared at me, his mouth hanging open, face dripping, and then it was on. He gripped my shoulders and dunked me under. I came up sputtering, flailing my arms. Once I regained control, I aimed again. By the end of it, the bathroom and Talon’s clothes were soaked. I followed him into the bedroom, holding a thick, white robe around my shoulders and a towel in my hands, rubbing my wet hair. He was grinning at me and I gripped my robe tighter as he dragged his wet tunic over his head. I stepped closer and bit my lip when he shivered, the cool air hitting his damp skin. My fingers dropped from my robe, the fabric clinging to my shoulders as I crossed the room. He watched me, his mouth shifting into a smirk. I let my fingers play over the waistband of his pants. The black fabric was stuck to his skin gripping his thighs and other more interesting areas of his lower half. He stole my towel, gently drying my hair with it as I unlaced his pants. His focus on my hair was broken when I began working the garment down his legs. I kneeled and he helped me get both feet out.

I tried to force myself to relax as I ran my palms up his calves, then thighs, slowly straightening my back until my eyes were level with his chest. I let my hands rest on his hips before sliding one over his lower stomach. His breath hitched and I could feel his eyes on me. I looked up at him and my hand ran away from where I’m sure he wanted it to go. I traced the lines of the tree on his hip, committing every branch to memory. I followed the lines up and then ran my finger tips over his sternum and then to the side, running them down his arms. I traced the circle on his forearm, paying extra attention to the strange symbols in the middle.

“What’s this?”

“You get one when you join the Verseckt.”

“So…Amaris?”

“Yes.” I ignored the pang of jealousy in my chest. He was here with me. He wasn’t with her. My hands moved even farther down. I linked our fingers, finally looking up at him. He leaned down, resting his forehead against mine and then used our linked fingers to pull me close. My chest pressed to Talon’s and I forgot to breathe as our eyes locked. I raised myself up on my toes, my eyes falling closed as my lips touched his. He unlinked our fingers and his hands went to my hips as my arms wrapped around his neck.

                                                                                *

After, I nestled myself in his arms. The soft blankets surrounded us and my head rested on his outstretched arm. His hand was on my hip, rubbing slow circles. I was lost in thought and barely noticed the touch. He shifted closer, his hand now running up and down my back. I shook my head, closing my eyes as I tried to calm my mind. My body was satisfied and relaxed. I couldn’t think of a place I would rather be at that moment. Even with that, I couldn’t drag my thoughts away from the plans for the next day. I had wanted an audience with the queen and I got one. One wrong word and I could ruin my chances of ever getting away from Lex. The engagement needed to end for multiple reasons, one of them laying in bed with me now. I had to admit to myself that in a too short amount of time I had developed very real feelings.

His lips pressed gently to my forehead and I startled, “Care to share your thoughts? You’ve gotten much better at hiding them from me.”

I looked away, trying to avoid his eyes, “I don’t think you’re ready for that conversation.”

“Which one?”

“The one about feelings. Specifically, the ones I have for you.” Talon stiffened. It wasn’t much, but I felt it. I felt myself shut down very slowly. He didn’t recover right away and in that time I turned in his arms, sliding myself out of them. He sighed softly and let me go. I felt him shift on the other side of the bed. I lay on my side, facing away from him now as I pulled at one of the tassels on the corner of a pillow.

“You’re right. I’m not ready for that conversation. It’s been three months Kalian, and I didn’t see you for two of those.”

“I know.” And I did. I knew it was too fast and I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was even real. I was in an unfamiliar place and he was one of the only people I had to lean on. He also was the first and only person I’d ever been intimate with. It was a perfect storm for misplaced emotions. Arms encircled me and I refused to let myself immediately melt into him. He kissed down my neck and over my shoulder and I stared at a spot on the wall across the room.

“Listen, it’s not that I don’t care about you. This has been moving too fast for you, I think. There’s a lot going on.”

“It’s okay.” I pulled the blankets up, willing myself to instantly fall asleep. When my body refused to cooperate, I lay there in silence.

“I’m not going to argue with you Sunshine. You’ve got enough on your plate. There are feelings there. I’ll admit it. We have other things to worry about right now, though. You’re meeting with the queen tomorrow. Have you figured out what you’re going to do?”

“I’ve been thinking about it all afternoon. You heard Tyren. He thinks I should try to appeal to the part of her that’s still mad about being married off. She’s been queen for 20 years, though. How could she still be mad about that? What if I annoy her and Lex gets his way?” I rolled over to look at him.

“Hey, I can promise you right now that marrying Lex is not going to stop me from feeling you up every chance I get.” I laughed softly and he smiled back, “If anything it will just make my behavior more frequent. Knowing that it will piss Lex off? Icing on the cake. The fact that he’d be humiliated? Oh, babe, the cherry on top of the icing.”

“I can just imagine his face.” I giggled, covering my mouth.

“Don’t do that beautiful. I don’t want you to have nightmares when you fall asleep.”