Live, Love, Lose - 55. Chapter 55

More time passed and Karl felt something had been changing lately. But for the better.

His hormones weren’t getting the best of him any longer, although he still enjoyed whenever he took the lead during the sex act. Nothing had changed about their sexual routine ever since that first time. He relished in the warmth George brought to him, cherished these rare moments of peace they could share together.

“You’re thinking about them?”

They were lying in bed side to side as the sun hadn’t risen yet. Karl raised an eyebrow as he met George’s eyes.

“Who?”

“Your family.”

Karl’s heart clenched. He thought about them every day. Not all day long, but even a brief moment was enough to make his breath catch in his throat each time.

“No.”

He didn’t look away from him. Neither did George. George’s fingers brushed his cheek ever so slightly. He brought their bodies closer, their lips meeting in slow and chaste kisses that were becoming a bit sloppy the more they kept going. George caressed his side and as he rested his hand on his hip, their fingers intertwined, and their soft moans melted in a song of love.

“One day you’ll be able to go back home.”

Home. That word felt so strange to hear. It seemed to him that he no longer knew what it was.

“When?”

George disentwined their fingers to run a hand through his messy hair.

“Don’t lose hope.”

He looked like he didn’t believe himself into his own words. The way he sighed then made it even truer.

“My uncle often told me this as a child : Hope is a dangerous thing, especially in times of war. And I didn’t understand it back then. But then what do we do if we can’t hope anymore? We’ll die either way sooner or later.

It ignited something deep down in his being whenever George spoke that way, although he couldn’t quite define it. Hope wasn’t a familiar thing to him anyway. Only a vague notion his parents had tried to cling on at some point in the past. Take his siblings as an example. They hadn't hoped. They had acted.

“What are we to each other?”

George looked quite taken back by his question, looked like he didn’t know the answer himself. He saw the way he glanced away, trying to avoid his gaze as much as possible. He didn’t press the matter. He just waited patiently, his heart now beating a bit too fast for his liking.

“Friends…I guess?” It came out after a long moment of heavy silence.

“No. Friends don’t do what we do. They don’t know the taste of each other.”

It seemed that George’s skin was on fire. He reached for his face and rested his hand on his cheek and it was indeed burning.

“We can’t be more anyway.” It came out hardly above a whisper, but he still heard it. “And we both don’t want to be more. It’s much more dangerous than any kind of hope.”

Karl reflected on his words with the most utter concentration. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. can’t/want… don’t want…

“You don’t.”

For he didn’t know what he didn’t want any longer or not. He didn’t know what was right or wrong any longer.

“This is not love.”

“What is love?”

His words were followed by a long moment of silence that left him even more uneasy.

“This is much too complicated to define, let alone explain it…” This was followed by another moment of silence. “This is…what Margaret and Uncle Robb have had for all these years I guess. Something that you don’t necessarily see, but that is there.”

How could you try to understand something you’d never known before? With someone different?

“It’s the same thing that you’ve got with your family?”

“There are different kinds of love. But it’s similar, yeah. I’d never thought it truly existed.”

Karl’s gaze intensified as George was still avoiding it.

“Until I met him.”

His eyes widened out of curiosity.

“Him…?”

George met his eyes briefly before he took a deep breath.

“Nathan. My long-time friend. He was sent to war and never came back.”

He could hear the pain in his voice, see it in his eyes and feel it so deeply in the pit of his stomach. As his hand touched his cheek, George finally met his gaze. Words would be vain now. He reached out for him, meaning to wrap his arms around him and have him pressed tight against his body to comfort him. George didn’t push him away. If anything he clung onto him like a puppy who needed his mother. Karl kissed his hair and whispered Danish words he knew he couldn’t understand to make him relax. It worked pretty well as he heard him sigh in content a few moments later, and his lips brushed the skin of his collarbone.

This weird feeling had only been growing stronger in the last few weeks, and he still couldn’t explain it.

“Speak to me again. Please. Say anything.”

The way he muttered the words against his skin only intensified it. He resumed speaking random sentences in Danish as he ran a hand through his hair.

Maybe it was just the way things were meant to be and he shouldn’t question it.

Maybe the answer would come to him when he expected it the least. He stared at him fondly as his hand went down, his index finger tracing his spine.

Jojo, I’ve kept my promise.

“I’m here. I won’t leave.”

Hello my dear readers!  
I hope you're all doing well with Covid still going on. Well...It's been a little while since the last time I posted.. Once again, I needed to add a new chapter between the previous one and the next one because the transition was much too brutal and I really think this one was definitely needed. 
So don't hesitate to let me know your thoughts about it; whether I need to edit a bit or not!
Have a good day/evening/night and take care ❤️