The Discovery - 22. Chapter 22

Michelle stepped quickly through the office with determination in her eyes, clutching a file in her hand. She went past the reception area and down the hall leading to Kyle and Monica’s offices. Rosette slowly stood from her station as Michelle approached and gave her a dour look that was just enough to stop the young woman in her path. “Be careful going in there,” she advised. “He’s been in a mood since Friday.”

“Really?” She gave Rose a curious look. Rosette was not known to gossip. “Why?”

Rose’s posture straightened slightly as a brief look of irritation. “He won’t say. Isn’t anything going on here. Did you and Monica report in Friday after your trip?”

“Yes and no,” Michelle replied. “We tried to call him, but he never answered his phone.”

“Hmm.” The almost perpetual serious look on Rosette’s face deepened into a frown. “Go on in then. Just be careful.”

Michelle smiled slightly. “I think what I have for him will brighten his mood. Thanks, Rose.” She continued on her way to Kyle’s door. When she reached the door, she knocked quietly on the door first before stepping in. With Rose’s warning fresh in her mind, Michelle wasn’t sure what to expect when she cautiously stepped inside. She was mildly surprised to find Kyle sitting quietly at his desk, tying away on his computer as if nothing was amiss. “Mr. Howard?”

Kyle looked up from his screen. “You have something for me?”

“Oh, I have quite a bit,” she said with a pleased smirk as she approached his desk.

He motioned to the file. “What’s in there?”

“A motion,” she said as she placed it on his desk.

“For what?”

“To unseal a restraining order from nine years ago that was filed by Angela Crawford.”

Kyle opened the file and started to read it. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“It was filed against Dylan Goode,” she said. “Nine years ago, he tried to strangle her.”

His head snapped back up. “Is this the only one we know about?”

“So far,” she said. “I’m going to call the university and look into their records to see if he had any complaints reported with campus police or Pittsburgh PD.”

“Good,” he nodded. “Keep me informed.”

Michelle clasped her hands in front of her before she asked, “is there anything I need to know?”

Kyle sighed as his lips set in a firm line before he answered in a reluctant tone. “Jacob found out.”

Michelle blinked in surprise as her jaw dropped. “What do you mean he found out?”

“Apparently, my son found some online court documents and found the name. Since I hadn’t said anything, Jacob did some searching online of his own and found Josh’s picture.”

She gave him a knowing look. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

He rolled his eyes. She was right and he knew it. “And we had a big fight over the weekend. It took us all Saturday night and part of Sunday to settle things.”

Michelle looked at him sympathetically. “Sounds serious. How did you settle things?”

“As far as the case is concerned, he knows I’m too far in to turn back now, so nothing is changed there. After it’s over, we’ll decide on what happens next. I’m not to leave town except for court appearances. Anything else, he wants a few days of warning first and I am to keep him informed on everything that’s going on with the understanding that anything I tell him he can’t tell anyone.”

“Seems reasonable,” she said. “What else?”

Kyle sighed. “We have to go to couple’s therapy once a week. We both acknowledge that we both have our personal problems that we need to address together.”

She smirked in amusement. “Don’t make it sound like a chore. Think of it as date night just with a chaperone.”

He chuckled silently. “Good point. So, will she testify?”

“Angie?” She nodded. “We have her cooperation. Along with Grant and Rodger, we probably have a good argument for reasonable doubt. If we can get Dylan on the stand and have enough evidence to pin him down, then we’re set.”

Kyle nodded and handed the file back to her. “Well, get to work. I should be hearing from Kevin in a couple hours.”

“What’s he doing?”

“He’s on his way to court in Pitt,” he replied. “It’s a case I filed a week ago to get Josh’s adoption records unsealed.”

Michelle took the file from him. “Why didn’t you go?”

“Because I’m grounded,” he replied with a wry smirk. “I’m not to leave unless it has something to do with this case. So, I sent Kevin. He’s good with family law anyway. Hell, he’d probably do better than I would.”

“Well, I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so.” She gave him a sympathetic smirk before heading to the door. “Anything else you would like me to do?”

Kyle thought about it before saying, “go over everything we’ve compiled so far and tell me what we’re missing. I’ll admit, I’ve done a few cases like this in the past, but not from this side of things.”

“If I see any gaps, I’ll let you know.” She stepped out, closing the door behind her. Kyle pondered how soon things were going to start. In a few weeks, jury selection would start and from that point on there would be no turning back. And now, with Jacob and everyone else aware of the situation, he could feel the weight of it starting to rest on his shoulders.

****

Kevin was starting to question himself as he looked around the cracked streets and old, rundown houses around him. It probably would not be a concern if he wasn’t dressed in a suit from his short court appearance an hour ago, looking like a person with more money than the area around him. He left his car near a small park and slowly walked towards a narrow street. With every step, Kevin wondered what it was he was expecting or hoping to find. The police report and the prosecution had given them photos of the neighborhood he was walking in from the night of Sharon’s murder. He had seen the small, dilapidated house that was Josh’s last residence he had rented in the police photos.

At the beginning of this case, Kevin had asked Kyle about looking around the area as he was doing now to see if they could find anything that might help them. But Kyle had dismissed the idea, saying that anything that could have helped Josh’s case would have been lost a long time ago. While he had to agree that Kyle had a valid argument, Kevin still felt compelled to at least look at the area with his own eyes. To get a feel for the area and hope that it would give him a better feel for the events that took place. It was one of the more frustrating parts of this entire situation; the extreme passage of time between the crime committed and where they were now in a fight to defend a seemingly innocent man.

He kept his attention on his surroundings as he wandered down the streets. This was an area devoid of any kind of wealth. Most of the houses he saw were at best showing signs of deterioration. At worst, they were boarded up next to empty lots where the only evidence there was of a home being there in the past is the barely visible outlines of foundations that had crumbled away. Small concrete walkways, choked with weeds, that led to a brownish green square of soil. Half broken stairs, discarded garbage, and shattered glass from beer bottles that had been thrown out of car windows seemed to cover the sidewalks wherever he looked. A kind of sadness seemed to have wormed its way into the area. Where someone’s dream had once been born here, now there was nothing but a wasting away of an area which had been forgotten by the outside world. Only gangs, drug dealers and the occasional holdout remained, desperate to keep their tiny dream alive.

Kevin turned a corner and moved down another street with the same signs of urban blight as the last. The urge to leave the area was tempered by a nagging sense that there was still something there. Something left behind that had been overlooked. His thoughts went to some of the people he had already spoken to. Mrs. Ellington and Rhonda Spencer had each mentioned an unknown person who asked them about the murder, who they couldn’t identify. None of the police records from the original detectives on the case had any notes about meeting with either of them. There was no reason for them to randomly mention the same person. Someone else had to be involved, somehow. He kept a slow but steady pace as he kept his head up, looking over the area. When he reached the next intersection, he sighed, still feeling foolish for having come here.

“Are you lost, sir?”

He looked up as the voice brought him out of his thoughts. To his right, a two-story house sat by itself, painted brightly red with gold-colored posts and railing around a small, covered porch. Sitting in a chair, almost out of sight, was a diminutive woman. As he turned his attention towards her, she smiled kindly and motioned with her hand for him to come closer.

Wanting to be polite, and realizing he had nothing better to do for the moment, he walked towards her. He smiled politely as he reached the steps of the porch. “Sorry, ma’am. I was just out looking around.”

“Not much to see around here,” she replied in a slow but clear voice. Now getting a closer look at her, Kevin could see she was a black woman with deep but almost elegant wrinkles on her face. He guessed she was probably well into her seventies if not her eighties. “Don’t see many men walking around in fancy suits around here.”

He chuckled and nodded his head. “I would imagine that’s true. I was just looking around, trying to make sense of things. Or looking for something. But I wouldn’t know what it was I’m looking for anyway.”

She laughed softly at his words. “Child. Y’ain’t gonna find something if you don’t know what it is. You ain’t from around here anyway, so I don’t imagine you’d find nothing but trouble if you wander around here too long.”

“Probably true,” he said as he came up the steps. “I’m Kevin.”

“Eleanor,” she replied. “But everyone around here calls me ‘Miss Ellie.’ So, what’s a white man in a suit looking for in this place?”

He let out a breath and shrugged. “I’m not sure. Just looking around and trying to get an understanding about a murder case I’m working on.”

Her head tilted back slightly. “You’re a cop?”

“Oh, no.” He laughed a little at the notion. “I’m a lawyer. Trying to find out everything I can about a murder that took place around here about six years ago.”

“Mmm.” Miss Ellie nodded as she listened. “That doesn’t happen often around here. Most of the killings happen in other neighborhoods on the north side. Who was it who died?”

“Sharon Ellington,” he replied. “Did you know her?”

The old woman searched her memory for a moment before shaking her head. “Name doesn’t sound familiar. And I usually know most people around here.”

Kevin realized he may have asked about the wrong person. “Did you know a guy named Josh Carter?”

Her thin eyebrows lowered as she frowned in thought. “Hmm. Sounds familiar. Makes me think of a skinny white boy.”

He gave her an amused smirk. “One second.” Kevin pulled his phone out and brought up a picture of Josh to show here. “This guy.”

She looked up and took the phone to bring it closer to her eyes. “I seem to remember that face.” She stared at it for a few more seconds before nodding. “Yeah. I used to see him walking to the bus stop sometimes.” She handed the phone back to him before continuing. “I’m usually talking to everyone around here. I like to know who’s around and what they’re doin’. Sometimes just to make sure they’re not up to no good. Mostly just to chat and give them someone to talk to if they want.”

“What do you remember about him,” Kevin asked her.

“I remember him being polite. A little shy.”

He knew he had to think quickly about what to say next. He wasn’t sure what this could lead to, but he had to explore all the possibilities. “He was arrested and convicted of her death. But he’s maintained his innocence this whole time. So, he’s getting a new trial coming up soon. I was hoping to find someone who might remember anything about… well… anything.”

Miss Ellie chortled and shook her head. “I wouldn’t even know where to begin, if I was you. You really think this boy is innocent?”

“Yeah,” he replied with a nod. “Yeah, I do.”

She looked back towards the street with a small smile. “Sounds to me like he’s in good hands then.” Her attention to her guest was broken when she heard a familiar voice coming down the street. “Oh, Lord,” she said with a grin. “Here he come.”

Kevin turned to follow her gaze. “Who?”

“Mr. Hollywood,” she said in amusement. “Walks around taking pictures of everything and talking to himself.” She half stood and her quiet unassuming voice grew in strength as she called out to the young black man walking in their direction. “DeSean! When your mama bringing me back my dish?”

“I got it right here with me, Miss Ellie!” A young black man that Kevin guessed was in his mid-twenties came up to the porch, waving a small dish that Kevin remembered seeing his mother use to serve vegetables in at the dinner table. The young man turned to examine him and asked, “who this?”

Kevin smiled politely. “I’m Kevin.”

“He’s out here looking to solve a murder,” Miss Ellie said with a grin as she took the offered dish. She slowly rose to her feet and headed towards the door to go put it where it belonged.

DeSean’s eyebrows rose with his interest. “When did that happen?”

“Oh, about six years ago,” Kevin replied.

The man frowned in thought. “About what time?”

“Time of day? Supposedly around eleven o’clock at night. Police weren’t called until the next morning though.”

“You know what day?”

Kevin shrugged. “I think it was June eighteenth. 2017.”

“Shit,” DeSean said. “That’s a while ago. Me and my boys were just teens then.”

“Out causing trouble of your own back then,” Miss Ellie said as she returned. She playfully slapped the boys behind as she retook her seat. “I babysat this boy when he was barely out of diapers.”

DeSean rolled his eyes. “We weren’t getting in no trouble,” he insisted. “Just cruising the streets with our phones making stupid videos. Cops never bothered us. Never saw no murder though.”

“I wouldn’t think so,” Kevin said. “She was killed inside one of the houses. Supposedly, her boyfriend killed her, but he’s maintained his innocence so we’re trying to find out the truth. Anything could help, no matter how unimportant it might seem.”

“I always uploaded my vids to the internet back then. So, they’re all there.”

Kevin felt like he was barking up the wrong tree, but he just said anything could help. “Where are they online?”

“On YouTube,” he said. “Just short clips. Never amounted to much so never got any ads on ‘em or nothing. Now, I’m going to school for real. Learning how to make real movies. Sounds to me like you got a cool story. Maybe you wanna help me with my project?”

Kevin smirked. “What kind of project?”

“Making a documentary,” DeSean replied. “Could be fun making one about an innocent guy who got fucked by the system.”

“Watch your language, boy,” Miss Ellie said with a sharp but humorous tone. “He said the boy who got put in jail was white.”

“Don’t matter,” DeSean said with a shrug. He looked back at Kevin and said, “tell you what; I’ll give you a link to my videos, so you don’t have to go looking and if you find anything that helps you, then you gotta help me with my project.”

Kevin chuckled silently. “Alright.” He got to his feet and pulled out one of his cards and handed it to him. “You can send it to my email, and I’ll look it over when I get some time.”

DeSean took the card and read it over. His eyes widened slightly in surprise. “Oh, shit. You’re legit a lawyer! Okay then. I’ll look over everything I got for that time, and I’ll see if there’s anything I didn’t upload.” He looked back at Kevin and smirked. “Never know what’s there, right?”

“And with that, I need to get back to the office.” Kevin went to the steps, remembering his manners he turned to the old woman and nodded politely. “Thank you for your time, Miss Ellie.”

Her face broke out in a friendly smile as she waved. “Don’t be a stranger, now.”

****

Kyle returned home from work, feeling tired and disappointed. Time was running out in his investigation. In less than a week, he was going to be in court with pre-trial motions. The prosecution was going to try and suppress some of his evidence, and he was going to do the same. The judge would make the final decision and after that they would move onto jury selection. At least he had gotten lucky with the judge. Judge Schumer was known to be fairly neutral and never favored any side over the other, relying more on the law than his own personal viewpoints, if he had any. He was also known to run a very strict courtroom as well. He disliked any sign of dramatics or any questions or evidence he deemed out of bounds.

The house was mostly quiet as he walked towards his shared bedroom with Jacob. From the quiet voices he could hear at the front of the house, his dad was in the front room with Colt. The boys were likely upstairs finishing up any homework or playing in their rooms. Jacob could be anywhere with as silent as he had been in the last week since they made up.

It didn’t feel like they made up to Kyle. Less of a peace agreement and more like a cease fire for the time being. Jacob seemed to stay distant, though he would put up a good front for the kids and their friends. Whenever they were alone however, Kyle could sense that gap that had formed between them was still present. They would talk and occasionally share a smile or two, but an unspoken tension still existed between them. They were at least sleeping in the same bed, but sleeping was about all they were doing. Whenever they got into bed, Jacob kept to his side and made sure there was space between them.

When Kyle entered their rooms, he was a little surprised to see Jacob sitting quietly at his drawing desk, leaning over with a pencil in hand. He was tempted to see what Jacob was drawing, but decided it was best to get his attention first. Earlier in the week when he leaned over, Jacob had flinched, and the incident gave Kyle the impression that he felt his space was violated. Kyle moved over to his desk. “Hey. How’s it going?”

Jacob didn’t look up as he answered. “It’s going. Busy day?”

“Sort of,” he replied. He sighed to himself and realized he had to approach the touchy subject. “I had Kevin run to Pittsburgh for a court date.”

“What for,” Jacob asked with his eyes fixed on the paper he was working on.

Kyle knew there was no easy way to say it, so he decided to just go with the blunt facts. “Just… getting things ready for trial and stuff.”

His hand stopped on the page and Jacob took a long breath. “Okay then. So, what’s next?”

Kyle felt like he should choose his words carefully. “There’s a hearing scheduled next Tuesday for pretrial motions. After that, then we’ll empanel a jury.”

Jacob nodded as he continued to work on the page on his desk. “Nothing going to get in the way of the party Saturday? Everyone is going to be here.”

Kyle smirked. “No chance of me missing out on our first teenager’s birthday. Andy sounded so excited when I talked to him yesterday about it.”

Finally finding the ability to look over at Kyle, Jacob lifted his head. “So, what’s the big deal? I mean, don’t get me wrong, Tanner turning thirteen is great and all, but Dad seemed to make it a bigger deal than I thought it would be.”

“That’s because you weren’t around when we were all turning thirteen,” he replied with a chuckle. “It started being a thing when Troy was turning thirteen and it was his first birthday since his mom died. Dad knew he was still dealing with the grief, so he and Uncle Pete decided to make a super huge deal out of it. Thinking back on it now, I think it was as much for Sam as it was for Troy. Got him out of his funk for a bit as well.” He turned to walk into the bedroom as he continued. “And after that, well they just did it for me and then for Brian and Andy. I guess Dad decided he wants to keep that little tradition going.”

Jacob’s lips lifted in a slight smile. “Well, that was a nice thing to do for Troy, I guess. Good enough reason. Dad is inviting all of Tanner’s friends from school too?”

“Yup. So, there’ll be lots of stuff going on.” Kyle quickly undressed and grabbed some clothes before heading into the bathroom. “Main thing I think is to just keep Emily and Aaron entertained because they’ll probably get bored with all the older boys running around.”

“Don’t forget about our appointment Thursday,” Jacob reminded him.

“I know.” Kyle closed the door to the bathroom, leaving Jacob alone again as he went back to drawing.

Jacob stared at the drawing he had started of himself with Kyle and the boys. When he started it, he had the hope that it would help to ease the stress he had been feeling since he left his shop. But over the time he spent on it, he had to restart twice. All his mind could focus on was just the simple task of keeping things amicable between them and hoping that the counseling sessions would help them. Meanwhile, he was feeling tired all the time. Going to the gym felt like too much of a chore even though he felt the need to be there to keep his routine from falling apart. David was constantly checking on him and Jacob felt like he had to keep a brave face in front of him and the kids while all he wanted was to crawl into bed and ignore the world.

He half-listened to the shower run while he attempted to concentrate on the paper in front of him. When he heard the water shut off, he tore up the paper and threw it in the trash can before getting up and headed to the front of the house. Jacob told himself he wasn’t avoiding Kyle. They would be sitting down to dinner together in a few minutes like they do nearly every weeknight. But over the last few days there has been a lingering discomfort Jacob feels when being alone with him. Limiting their time alone felt like the right thing to do until they had their first few therapy appointments.

David sat in his recliner watching Matt and Aaron watch cartoons when he saw Jacob walk in. He turned his head to regard the somber, brooding man who was staring at nothing. A sliver of annoyance was starting to grow in David, though he did not let it show. For the last week it was obvious to him that Jacob and Kyle were walking on eggshells around each other. So far, he was satisfied with letting them work out their differences on their own so long as the children were doing well. But lately, the cool demeanor each of them has displayed was making him reconsider his choices. Sure enough, as soon as Matt turned his head back to Jacob, David saw the brooding face disappear and he looked like his normal self. David frowned for a moment before excusing himself and heading to the kitchen.

Colt was standing at the stove when he walked in. As David passed him, Colt glanced back at him and smirked. “What,” he said as David reached for a soda.

“Nothing,” David grumbled.

“Bull,” Colt fired back with a chuckle. “What’re they doing?”

David opened the can and rolled his eyes. Keeping his voice down, he replied, “they’re still fighting.”

“No, they’re not,” Colt said. “How are they fighting?”

“They’re not talking to each other. Just being polite with each other for everyone else’s sake.”

Colt shrugged. “You can’t make them talk, Davey. They’re grown-ups – sort of. They have to find their own way to fix this thing between them.”

David sighed and gave him an annoyed look. “Yes, sir.”

Colt’s shoulders shook slightly as he silently laughed. “It won’t kill you.”

“Are you gonna finish dinner or did you burn something again?”

Colt ignored the playful slight. “Another five minutes. Go on and get your boys ready. It’s Matt’s turn to set the table.”

David went about his task and over the next few minutes everyone in the house gathered in the kitchen. Matt dutifully set the table as everyone else slowly trickled in. Everything seemed natural and normal on the surface. Aaron was his usual talkative self as he got into his chair while Matt got drinks for the two of them and joined him at the table. Colt pulled dinner from the oven and set it on the top to cool a little while Jacob took his seat.

Kyle was the last one in the kitchen, and he stopped in the doorway as he took in the smell coming from the cooling glass pan sitting on the counter. With a long inhale, the familiar scent filled him with nostalgia as his mouth split in a wide grin. “Is that chicken and rice?”

David smirked and pointed at Colt. “Yup. He did most of the work.”

“And I put a few touches on it,” Colt added. “Nothing big. Just some ‘down home’ flavors you’ll like.”

Kyle moved into his seat at the table. “Sounds good.” He looked over at David and said, “I still remember eating this all the time when I was in high school.”

David sat down next to Matt with a thoughtful smile while Colt started to fill everyone’s plates. “Yeah. All those meals I had to make special while you were swimming.”

“What does his swimming have to do with it,” Jacob asked curiously.

“It was something that he could eat that wouldn’t affect his competitions,” David answered.

“Probably wouldn’t hurt if you got back into shape,” Colt quipped as he sat down. “Will make you feel better in the long run.”

A wry smirk formed on Kyle’s face. “Would be nice, but I don’t really have the time anymore.”

“You could go with me,” Jacob offered. “Well, me, Andy and Tanner.”

Kyle looked at him, both thoughtful and surprised at the offer. “Maybe I will.” With those words in his mind, he started to eat. He was pleasantly surprised by the flavor of the chicken on his first bite and complimented Colt on his efforts. As he sat there quietly, Kyle pondered the idea of going to the gym with Jacob. It would probably be a good idea, he thought to himself. With or without the boys with them, it would give them something to do together that didn’t involve work and serve to remind them of the days when they used to go to early gym as teenagers. Just thinking of those days made him smile slightly. With everything else going on, doing something that harkened back to those innocent times could be beneficial to their currently strained relationship. The workouts might help more than he might imagine.

His thoughts and mood were suddenly shifted when his father asked him, “did you have a good day at work today?”

Kyle looked up with a guarded expression as he tried to answer as neutrally as possible. “It was a typical day for the most part.” He could almost feel the air around Jacob change even though his facial expression didn’t change. While it wasn’t a lie, there was also something important that happened today that he wasn’t sure how to approach given the circumstances.

Jacob looked across the table at Kyle and held back a frown that started to form. He could tell that Kyle was holding back something. The look in his eyes said that he knew something he wasn’t sharing. Something he felt had to do with him. The tension inside him seemed to tighten around his chest. He forced his eyes back to his plate and continued eating, using slow and deliberate movements to make sure he could focus on that instead of hearing anything else being said at the table.

He thought it best to just stay quiet and not call Kyle out on it at the table. Thankfully, the rest of the night passed uneventfully. If David had noticed how Kyle responded, he would have chosen to do the same. They went through their usual nightly routine and after the boys were in bed, they retired to their bedroom. As he was undressing, Jacob felt a sense of dread grow inside him and he knew even though he didn’t want to know, leaving it all unsaid would only make things worse. With his back to Kyle as he was pulling out a pair of shorts to change into, he finally spoke up. “So… Just another day as usual for you, like you said?”

Kyle looked at him for a moment before sitting on the bed. “Mostly, yeah.”

Hearing his tone of voice, Jacob worked up the courage to turn around and look at him. He felt foolish for being both afraid and like he had to dance around the subject that was obvious to both of them. “But something did happen.”

Kyle stared up at him with the same defensive gaze he had earlier. “What makes you so sure?”

Jacob sighed. He didn’t want this to be confrontational and decided not to take his words as an attack. “Because I know you. Better than you probably think. When Dad asked during dinner, I noticed the look in your eyes. Wanna tell me what’s going on?”

He hesitated slightly before replying. “It’s about Josh.”

“I figured as much,” Jacob replied and fought against the urge to let his anger boil up again. “If you don’t want to tell me, it’s okay.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you,” Kyle said. “I just don’t want it to make you angry.”

“Well, I can’t promise it won’t make me angry,” Jacob said quietly. “But I can promise you that I don’t yell or get angry at you for telling me.”

Kyle sat for a moment before he decided on what to say. “A judge ruled in Josh’s favor today. Not about his murder trial. What happened today was the court approved the order to release his adoption records and birth certificate. His first one.”

“I see. And?”

“We got it, and I informed him that the names of his birth parents were Kathrine and Joseph Eaton.”

Jacob sat there and stared at the floor. He wasn’t sure why exactly it felt so shocking to him. After all, it had been a DNA test that had started this whole fiasco. But deep down, he had still held onto a faint hope that this was all some kind of mistake or something else. Anything else other than the truth that was now confirmed. With absolute proof of their connection, it was now something he could no longer deny. He took a few breaths to push all of the confused and jumbled thoughts and feelings out of the way so he could speak again. “Oh. Well…. Okay then.”

“I don’t expect you to be happy about it,” Kyle said with a slight hint of disappointment. “And I wasn’t very keen on the idea of telling you. But, you asked, so…” He shrugged helplessly.

“It’s not something to worry about right now,” Jacob said as he stood and went around to his side of the bed. “Let’s get some rest. We will deal with it when his trial is over.” Making his decision to avoid it for now, he turned the lamp off on his bedside table, laid down and pulled the blanket up before turning on his side. With his eyes closed, he waited until he heard Kyle get into his side of the bed and turned the lights off. With his mind full of all the implications of what might happen and how things are going to change for him, he found himself wishing Kyle would fail and that Josh would just end up in prison so Jacob wouldn’t have to think about him anymore.

****

Brian watched with a pleased smile as the large group of kids laughed and played at Tanner’s birthday party. As much as Andy loved to cook, Brian loved to socialize. And this party was turning into a great one. It wasn’t every day that a kid turned thirteen and it was wonderful seeing how many of Tanner’s friends showed up for the party and to wish him a happy birthday. The younger kids stayed involved through the cake and opening of presents, but after that went their separate ways down to the den to watch cartoons while the older boys stayed upstairs. Outside, Andy was cooking on the large grill he bought for the occasion and talking to all the parents outside. Despite being an infamous gay couple in a small town, they were pleasantly surprised by the way everyone just got into the spirit of the day and enjoyed themselves with no uncomfortable conversations or statements.

As he left the room to let Tanner and his friends enjoy themselves, he walked through the kitchen on his way outside. He stopped short when he noticed Jacob standing by himself leaned up against the kitchen counter with a bottle of water in his hands. With a curious smirk, he turned to join his friend in the kitchen. “You look like you’re hiding or something,” he said to break Jacob out of whatever inner thoughts he seemed to be dwelling on.

Jacob looked up, a little surprised he didn’t hear Brian approach. He smiled slightly and shrugged. “Just a little tired is all,” he replied. “Everyone out there seems to have a beer in their hand and I’m not feeling like I want to be around all that right now.”

Brian could understand his feelings on the subject, but at the same time, got the impression there was more going on than Jacob was letting on. “No harm in that, I suppose. Do you want me to stick with you and protect you from the evil beers?”

“They’re not evil,” Jacob replied with a silent chuckle. “I’m just not feeling too social, I guess.”

Through all the years Brian has known Jacob – through high school, his first job with Sam, his drinking problem and his marriage – the only time he could remember Jacob being anti-social was when he had a problem of one kind or another. His father’s own alcoholism, his initial year of sobriety, and now after having a major fight with Kyle. “That’s okay if you’re not.” He leaned up against the counter next to Jacob and let a moment of silence pass between them before he continued. “I heard about the thing with that Josh guy.”

Jacob took a drink of his water and stared at the floor. “Yeah.”

“Lucky him, I guess.”

Jacob looked at him curiously. “How do you figure that? He’s been in prison for years.”

“True,” Brian conceded. “But he didn’t have to run and hide from an alcoholic father like you had to.”

“Guess not.” Jacob hesitated a moment. When Brian didn’t say anything else, he felt compelled to say something. “I have a question for you.”

“Go for it.”

“How did you manage to forgive your dad after he disowned you and didn’t speak to you for all those years?”

Brian was a little surprised at the question. He thought about it for a moment before answering. “I guess I realized he was making a genuine effort to reestablish our relationship. It wasn’t easy. I almost slammed the door in his face the first time he showed up unannounced.”

“Why didn’t you?”

He searched for an answer and shrugged when he replied in the most basic way possible. “Because he’s my dad. While he screwed up and he was far from a perfect person, in the end, I owed it to him to at least hear him out. And, I’ll be honest, I’m kind of glad that I did.”

Jacob nodded slowly as he listened. “I never gave my dad that chance.”

“Do you feel you had a reason to?”

“At the time, no.” He sighed and looked up. “Now, I wish I hadn’t shut the door so hard on him.”

“You did what you thought was right at the time,” Brian said in sympathy.

Jacob shook his head. “No. I was drunk, angry at everything and everyone… I blamed myself for Kyle leaving. A part of me, the sober part of me, wanted to. But… that was part of the drinking, I think back then. It fueled my anger at him and made it easier to not care.” He glanced back at Brian. “You remember. How I was when we were out at the bars, and I would get blackout drunk.”

Brian didn’t like remembering those times and let his facial expressions show it. “Yes, I do. Let’s face it, you turned into a whore when you had enough whiskey in you. You had no control over your emotions and you could go from raging anger to weeping baby in the blink of an eye.”

Jacob nodded in agreement. “Yeah. I really was. Used to drive Dad nuts. David, I mean. I would be gone for days at a time and then just come home like nothing happened.”

“Why are we talking about this?”

“Just been thinking a lot about it lately,” he said with a shrug. “A part of me misses it.”

“Because, when you drank, you didn’t have to feel what you didn’t want to feel.”

“And when… my dad was sober, and I wasn’t… I didn’t have to care about what he said or did.”

Brian’s frown deepened. “Why is this thing with Josh bringing all of this up for you?”

Jacob struggled for an answer. In some ways, even he didn’t fully understand why he had all these pent-up emotions that were unravelling. “I don’t know. I can’t explain it.” He also knew he wasn’t telling the whole truth. He was avoiding the one thing he didn’t want to face. The one sin he knew he could never take back or earn forgiveness from.

“Jacob,” he began with a sigh. “When you figure that out, then everything else will fall into place. I’m sorry you’re going through this. No one should have to go through what you’re going through now. But… you’re not going to solve this in the next few minutes. I suggest you stop sulking here looking for an answer that you know you’re not going to find in the next twenty-four hours. You and Kyle are seeing a therapist now and that will help in the long run but you need to give it time. When you start opening up about all of your feelings, then the answers will come to you.”

“In the meantime,” Brian smiled and nudged him playfully. “Let’s go see what the boys are doing.”

Jacob smiled, despite his misgivings. He knew Brian was right. Dwelling on it wasn’t going to solve anything. Brian took his hand and Jacob allowed him to take him down to spend time with the boys and enjoy the day.