The Discovery - 7. Chapter 7

The cold marble floors made every footstep echo over and over in the wide hallway of the courthouse. Jacob suppressed the urge to frown and tried to remain as stoic as possible. They had been in Pittsburgh for hours, going over every possible inch of his new suit that Kyle had purchased days before. He had to admit it looked nice, but Jacob knew there was a deeper meaning to it. Kyle was dressing him up to look as good as possible in front of the judge, hoping that may be enough to sway his opinion to their side. What Kyle wasn’t telling him, and that Jacob was starting to figure out, was that Kyle had very little faith in the legal argument he was about to present. Jacob may not know the law as well as Kyle did, but he did know his husband and he could tell when Kyle was nervous.

Jacob had stood there while the tailor floated around him, watching Kyle inspecting a table of silk ties. It was always the subtle things that tipped Jacob off. Things he remembered from their time together years ago. When he was younger, he never noticed because he didn’t know there was something to be mindful of. But now, with years of marriage behind him, he could see the slight tremor of a finger or the way Kyle’s eyes would dart around whenever he was thinking. The way Kyle’s breathing seemed to go faster for a moment before settling back down. The part of the whole situation that annoyed him the most was that Kyle had medication he could take. For years, Kyle had been taking them and they worked to help calm the panic that would slowly fester and grow inside him. Recently, he had noticed that the bottles in the bathroom cabinet had been going neglected more and more. Two years ago, Kyle had almost completely stopped taking them. When Jacob had confronted him then, wanting an explanation, Kyle had informed him that while the drug worked in eliminating his anxiety and panic attacks, they also made it harder for him to concentrate or to effectively argue a case in court.

While he had a hard time believing it, Jacob knew that if Kyle believed it, it would only make his job harder while he was in the courtroom and during negotiations during his class action lawsuit. When they discussed it, their compromise had been that Jacob would not force him to take the anti-anxiety pills unless absolutely necessary and Kyle would get back on his medication once the case was finished. The case was finished four months ago and if what he was seeing with his own eyes, his husband was likely not holding up his end of the agreement.

“Kyle?” Jacob’s voice caught his husband’s attention. “If you’re picking a tie, why not just get a couple of them and we can see what works best.”

“Yeah,” he conceded with a sigh before picking up a black tie and a bright blue tie.

“Almost done here, sir,” the tailor said as he made one last check to the cuff of Jacob’s pants before stepping back with a pleased smile on his face. “Very good, sir. How does it feel?”

Jacob turned to regard himself in the mirror as Kyle brought the ties to him. Despite his initial misgivings about all of this, he had to admit, it did look good on him. With the suit jacket off, the shirt covered his torso evenly, letting just a hint of his size show. He may no longer have the perfect abs he once had, but he still stayed as trim and fit as possible. Of course, there were the slight lines around his mouth and eyes that had started to deepen in the last few years. Inevitable milestones of growing older, David had said to him. He took the two ties Kyle held out to him and put them up to his collar. “What do you think?”

Kyle looked between the two and smiled. “Probably the blue one. This will likely be a suit you’ll be wearing for a long time. May as well get the black one to go with it on some other occasion.”

The two of them worked together to get the tie just right on Jacob’s neck before adding the suit jacket as the final touch. When Kyle stepped back, he grinned a little which wasn’t lost on Jacob who smirked slightly as he stepped down. “Like what you see?”

Kyle kissed him softly and replied, “always.”

“Good answer.” Jacob gave him an affectionate kiss on his cheek. “So, what’s next?”

Kyle looked back at the man watching them with a happy smile on his face. “Are we all set here?”

The man nodded. “Absolutely sir. It was a pleasure doing business with you and I hope your day goes well.” Before they left, he produced a bag to hold the rest of their purchased items in before Jacob and Kyle exited the shop and headed down the street.

After the couple placed the items that they were not planning on wearing to court in the car, Kyle grabbed his briefcase and they set off in search of a place to eat while they passed the time. Kyle pointed out a small bistro open for brunch, and they went in to get a table. “Before we get knee deep into this, I think we should talk about what is going to happen and go over everything you can tell me about your dad’s estate.”

Jacob shrugged. “There was never much of an estate, Kyle. He died not long after he got out of prison. He basically lost everything and never had much time to make anything else.”

“Where did he live after he left prison?”

“A small apartment for a few months,” Jacob replied. Despite his drunkenness at the time, he could still remember the only time he had been in his dad’s apartment. The words exchanged. The sounds, and the aftermath. He tried to push those memories aside and force himself to forget again. “I think most of the stuff there was borrowed.” How crushed his father was when Jacob would go out of his way to call David his dad in front of him. The guilt in those eyes and the tears. The father Jacob remembered having when he was a little boy, only Jacob was too angry and too selfish to see.

Kyle nodded as if he expected that answer. “So, how did you manage his estate, or did he have a will with someone else as the executor?” He opened his briefcase to pull out a pad of paper and a pen to start taking notes.

Jacob fought the urge to laugh at the question. “There was no will. Just a bank account with a couple hundred dollars in it. I had to save up and Dad ‘n Sam helped me get him a headstone for his grave. That’s about all there was to it.”

Kyle glanced up at him. “Good. That means as his next of kin, you can legally speak for him in court. Or, rather, I’ll be speaking as your representative.”

An irritated feeling started to set into Jacob. It seemed to him that all of this was overly complicated. Or Kyle was just making it sound that way. “What does that have to do with today?”

“It means you can petition the court to modify the adoption agreement to have it unsealed. PACE is going to say that you can’t because you’re not your dad and I have to convince the judge that since your father has passed away, it falls to you to make those decisions for him.”

“And then what?” Jacob had spent the last twenty years trying to avoid thinking about his father. He’d spent more time thinking about him in the last few months than he had in the years prior to this catastrophe. He could remember what Joe’s voice sounded like when he was sober. A shattered, guilt-ridden, scared voice with a leaner face than Jacob had remembered. Though he could never bring himself to admit it, in the final days of Joe Eaton’s life, Jacob saw the love and anguish in his father’s eyes. A man desperate for the one thing in life that he could not live without. An ache was starting to form in Jacob’s chest and all he wanted right then and there was to just stop all of this and walk away.

“Then, we get the entire file on the adoption. Birth name to who adopted him and everything else,” Kyle continued, smiling in self-satisfaction. “Then we can contact him.”

Jacob took a drink of his latte and nodded but said nothing. He wondered if it was really going to be as easy as Kyle made it sound. But, then again, his husband knew a lot more about the law than he did, so it probably was a simple matter. Maybe the reason why he’s never heard of something like this is because it happens so often. And adoption was never something that ever came to mind before all of this.

Kyle took the time to look over the copy of his petition, going over every line slowly to make sure everything was in order. The state was likely to send some mid-level attorney or lower and he figured that would give him an edge. He hoped it was someone who wouldn’t really care if he won the motion or not and would just make a deal with him to get this over with. As their meals arrived, Kyle suddenly remembered something he hadn’t mentioned to Jacob yet. It was for good reason that he hesitated as he spoke up. “Sweetheart, there is possibly one little thing you’ll have to do in court today that you might not like.”

Jacob looked up from his plate, giving Kyle a dubious look. “What’s that?”

A grimace marred Kyle’s face as he said in a more diplomatic tone, “it would probably help our case if just for today, you’re Jacob Eaton instead of Jacob Howard.”

The ache that had been in his chest felt like a snake starting to constrict around him as his voice stayed quiet but cold. “No.”

Kyle expected that response and pressed on. “Listen, I know what that means, but if you would ask to be addressed by the court as Mr. Eaton, it will make it easier for us to tell who the judge is talking to, and it will show you as honoring your father’s legacy.”

While it had only been six years legally since he changed his name, the last time he felt like Jacob Eaton was so long ago, it felt more like an entirely different person’s life. That man was a drunk and a fool for thinking he could avoid the same pitfalls as the man he remembered most as his father. The slurring, depressive, and abusive man he had been forced to live with and fear most of his childhood. To be asked to go back to that – to be that person who was always hiding bruises and acting tough just to make it through the day – it felt like a betrayal of the life he had spent twenty years trying to build. Every fiber of his being roared defiance to the idea of going back to being that weak, pathetic, unwanted and forgotten person. How he managed to contain his feelings was itself a testament to having let go of that life long ago. When he found the ability to speak, it was with a quiet voice laced with steel. “My name is Jacob Howard.”

Kyle sighed. “I’m sorry. I know it’s a hard thing to ask of you. We’ll manage without it.”

Jacob went back to his food, taking a few breaths between bites to put all this unfocused anger back in its place. Telling himself that Kyle was just doing what he thought would be best for their case today, he avoided putting blame on him or anyone else. “I’m not mad at you. I’m just…” He sighed. All he wanted was the life he had a few months ago back. He wanted to see Kyle coming home from work every day instead of only seeing him on weekends or over a video chat. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Alright.” He watched Jacob carefully as they continued to eat. “I’ll see if I can find the PACE lawyer and see if maybe he just wants to deal.” Jacob didn’t respond. Kyle watched as he continued to eat, keeping his eyes focused on the food in front of him. There was a moment where, for the first time in a long time, Kyle felt a gap opening between them. There had been arguments and disagreements in the past, but they always managed to talk their way through them and reach an accord. But this felt different. So different, Kyle wondered if they should just go home. But he knew they couldn’t. Jacob needed answers and Kyle was determined to get them.

There was a prolonged, heavy silence between them. Kyle had to find something to lighten the mood. “Did I hear Tanner finally won a wrestling match over the weekend?”

Jacob looked up at him and nodded. “Yup. Andy was doing a little bragging on Facebook. And Troy mentioned him beaming a bit when he brought it up at work.”

Kyle smirked as he chewed. “Surprised he didn’t bring it up during the game on Sunday.”

“Oh, he did,” Jacob assured him. “Just before you got there. Showed us pictures and everything. He’s gonna start making videos of his matches now.”

“Matt seems hellbent on being a baseball star someday.” Kyle smiled at the possibility. “Not sure how serious he is about it yet, but he does seem to really get into it.”

“He seems to like it more than the others do,” Jacob admitted. “He’s still young, though. Plenty of time to decide what he wants to do when he grows up.”

“Well, yeah, of course. But you have to admit, it’s a fun thing to think about.”

Jacob smirked slightly. “Yeah. It is.”

Kyle felt a measure of relief to see the light starting to shine in Jacob’s eyes again. This hadn’t been easy for either of them, but Kyle could guess that Jacob was feeling a bigger strain. Over the past few weeks Jacob had been seeing the therapist he had gone to years ago to help him deal with his alcoholism. The very same one who Kyle had seen for his anxiety disorder. He had asked Jacob about how his sessions had gone, but Jacob had been guarded about it, saying little about what they discussed. From what Kyle could tell, it was helping, but there was definitely a new sense of stress in their relationship. Hopefully today will have a positive outcome and they can move on from it.

After finishing their brunch, they started making their way to the courthouse. Now, Jacob and Kyle were headed into the courtroom where they hoped to find answers.

The courtroom itself was disappointing to Jacob. It looked like any other room in an office building with the exception of the elevated dais in the corner where the judge was already seated. The room itself was well populated with only the jury box empty. People were walking from one desk to the other, passing papers that eventually seemed to make their way to the judge. Even as he and Kyle took a seat near the front, there seemed to be a case of some sort taking place already. In all, Jacob was mostly underwhelmed by the scene in front of him.

Kyle was unfazed and regarded Jacob’s slight frown with a little surprise. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he replied with a shrug. “Just seems… mundane in here I guess.”

Kyle snorted silently and shook his head. “Yeah. It’s a real courtroom. Most of the time, things are pretty banal. Don’t worry. They should be calling our case soon. Just follow me when I walk up.”

Jacob nodded and said nothing else. There seemed to be nothing else to do but wait. A few minutes after they had been sitting there, Kyle gently nudged Jacob catching his attention to a middle-aged man coming in, finding a seat for himself with a small leather case in his hand which he rested on his lap once he sat down. Kyle silently moved over to the man and the two of them engaged in a small, inaudible conversation for a few moments before Kyle returned to his seat next to Jacob. “Friend of yours,” he asked once Kyle returned.

“No,” He replied with a frown. “That’s the PACE lawyer. Tried to end this before getting to the judge but he’s not budging.”

“Oh.” Jacob didn’t understand what that was about, so he mostly ignored it. This all seemed unimportant. The feeling that all they had done today was wasted time he could have been working. He decided his main goal was going to just get through this with minimal fuss and go home.

Time passed slowly and the activity in the front of the room bored him. He could barely understand what was going on so there was no desire in him to pay attention. All of this had started with a stupid test that was mostly done for a laugh. Now, he was spending time in a courtroom trying to get information on someone he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted. Whenever his mind started to dwell on it, Jacob could never think of a moment in his life where he could have guessed he had a sibling. Nothing his father ever said hinted at the possibility. Yet, here he was, nearly forty years old, discovering some dark secret from his father’s past that he was finding difficulty to care about.

“Next case: Jacob Howard v. Pennsylvania Adoption Cooperative Exchange.”

“That’s us,” Kyle said as he rose to his feet.

The two of them headed up to the front of the room with the other lawyer close behind them. The judge looked up with a calm, disinterested look on his face to see them take their places before looking down at the paper on his desk. “This is an evidentiary hearing, if I am to understand correctly. Attorney for the plaintiff?” He looked up and at Kyle expectantly.

“Kyle Howard for the plaintiff, your honor.” He was standing up straight in place behind the table they had been seated at. Jacob could hear the subtle change in Kyle’s voice and suppressed a smirk. Hearing him go from everyday Kyle to big shot attorney always amused him.

“Justin Brower for the defense, your honor,” the other lawyer said from his place across from him and Kyle.

“Very well, then.” The judge scanned the page in front of him before speaking. “Mr. Howard, you are seeking a court order to produce adoption papers that are otherwise sealed, is that correct?”

“Yes, your honor,” Kyle replied. “Thirty-seven years ago, a child was put up for adoption by Joseph Eaton who at the time, stipulated a closed adoption. We are seeking to amend that and have the records unsealed.”

The judge frowned slightly. “Has Mr. Eaton petitioned the court for this change?”

“No, sir. Mr. Eaton has been deceased for some time now.” Kyle knew better than to ballpark or miss the date of Joe’s death. Even a small mistake like that could come back to bite him.

“Then I don’t see how the court can approve of this request,” the judge replied.

“Your honor, Jacob Howard was Jacob Eaton before he was married six years ago. He was Joseph Eaton’s only surviving relative and next of kin. As such, he has the right to speak on behalf of his deceased father.”

The judge nodded slightly. “Very well. Mr. Brower, what is PACE’s objection?”

The other lawyer spoke plainly. “Simply put, sir, there is no section in Tittle 23 that allows to change an adoption from closed to open. Mr. Eaton had a chance to make it open in the future when he signed the papers thirty-seven years ago and chose not to. Simply put, your honor, unsealing the records would be a violation of the law.”

Kyle knew that would be their opening argument but was ready for it. “Your honor, Subsection D section 2737 allows for modifications if they are in the best interests of the child.”

“A child, who is thirty-seven years old now,” Brower countered. “Mr. Howard is wanting to poke his nose in a rabbit hole and upend someone’s life without cause and PACE does not feel obligated to assist him.”

Jacob noticed the judge’s lips tick up in a bit of a smile as he sat back in his seat. He genuinely seemed interested in the case. “Fine points for both of you. Mr. Howard, have you attempted to reach an agreement with PACE prior to coming in here today?”

“We have, sir,” Kyle replied. “I’ve spoken to them several times in the last week, and they have resisted each step. If I could get the information through another source, I would have done so by now. PACE either has files they don’t want us to see, or files that they don’t have.”

“Your honor, that is a baseless claim made by the plaintiff.” Brower frowned heavily. “Mr. Eaton is deceased. His claim for any modifications died with him.”

“Not according to Title 20,” Kyle shot back. “Jacob is Mr. Eaton’s only living relative and his first-born son. He’s only asking for information on his brother.”

“We are protecting Mr. Eaton and the child he put forward for adoption, sir,” Brower declared. “And this child is a man now and can decide for himself if he wants to be found or not. He hasn’t stepped forward yet, so it’s reasonable to assume he does not wish too.”

“Which, at the end of the day, is the whole point of the confidentiality of the adoption process,” the judge concluded with a nod. “Mr. Howard, the defense is correct in that Mr. Eaton had years to reach out and he chose to not avail himself of his rights then. With him deceased, regardless of anything in Title 20, the court has to assume that he wanted it this way and we should honor his decision.”

Kyle blinked in surprise. He didn’t expect it to turn so quickly. “Sir, we are not here trying to set a legal precedent. We’re only asking for a special dispensation for the unique circumstances.”

“Regardless,” the judge said in an almost apologetic tone. “I fear it could lead down a slippery slope in that direction. The court sympathizes with your situation, Mr. Howard, but it cannot in good faith grant your motion. The petition is hereby denied with prejudice and this court stands in recess.”

Jacob had watched it all unfold and fall apart in an instant. The sound of the judge’s gavel made him blink as the judge rose from his chair and exited towards the back of the room. His legs seemed to move of their own accord as he stood and wordlessly followed Kyle out of the room. They said nothing as they walked out of the room and down the marble hall to the elevators. Kyle’s head was tilted down as he carried his briefcase in his hand, stopping at the elevator to stab at the button to summon one of the cars. They entered the elevator by themselves with Jacob pushing the button to send them back down to the ground floor. He could see Kyle internally fuming from his loss in the courtroom and he knew he would have to do or say something to make it better, even if he wasn’t exactly sure how.

“When I get back to the office, I’m going to look deeper into the titles to see if I missed anything and refile,” Kyle muttered.

Jacob hung his head a little, knowing what he had to do. “No.” He kept his voice calm and measured. It was helped by the fact that he wasn’t sure how he felt about losing their case and his main desire right now was to go back to the life they had before all this. “It’s time to just let it go and move on.”

“What?” Kyle looked at him in surprise. “We can’t just give up.”

“Yes, we can,” Jacob replied. “You did everything you could. We just have to let it go and go back to our normal lives.”

“But what about –”

“No, Kyle,” he insisted. “We’ve been chasing ghosts for months now and we reached the end. Let’s just go back to our jobs and our life. We already have enough family as it is.”

“But –”

“Kyle,” he repeated with a firmer tone. “It’s over. Let it go.”

Kyle fell silent. Standing there silently in the elevator he mentally went over his entire argument, trying to find where he went wrong. Had he been too dismissive of the defense? He knew judges would sometimes take offense at a lawyer who seemed arrogant or vain. No judge was ever completely unbiased, he knew. Was there something he missed when he poured over the relevant laws all week? Perhaps he should have enlisted help. There were plenty of other lawyers on staff in his office now. All he had to do was grab one or two and have them look everything over. Bill was a skilled family law practitioner. Why didn’t he have him practice his arguments with him yesterday? As they stepped out of the elevator, dozens of questions flooded his mind about his actions. It all became garbled in his mind though. The main thought that he couldn’t ignore, that made his eyes sting with tears that only pride held back, was one that would take a long time to purge.

He had failed Jacob.

The couple’s shared silence lingered as they left the building on their way to the car. With each step away from the courthouse, Kyle was filled with more doubts about his performance. His mind kept replaying it over and over, looking for anything he overlooked. Despite everything, he couldn’t have expected that he would lose and do so with Jacob standing right next to him. He felt the flush in his cheeks, as a feeling of humiliation filled him. How could he have let this happen? How could he have let Jacob down like this again? It was a wonder Jacob stayed with him for this long with the number of times Kyle has failed to stand up for him and do the right thing and to get the right outcome for Jacob’s sake. From the very beginning Kyle failed him. Instead of speaking up about what was going on in Jacob’s life, he decided to play the safe game and stay silent. When Jacob’s alcoholism first reared its ugly head, Kyle left him and his father instead of putting his own feelings aside and helping him with it. When it came to the children, Kyle always felt like he was foisting them off onto Jacob instead of carrying his own share of the burden for the sake of his own career. And now, when that career was supposed to come to Jacob’s aid, what did he do? He bungled it.

As they approached the car, Jacob looked at him. “How about I drive us home?”

Kyle stopped suddenly. It felt like another defeat that he couldn’t even manage to drive his own car. “If you want.” He produced the keys and handed them over before getting in the passenger seat.

Jacob sighed and got in. Kyle’s overall body language was giving him the impression that he was on the edge of a breakdown and needed to rest. Nothing was said between them as Jacob drove out of the area, heading towards the highway that would take them home. Once Pittsburgh was behind them, Jacob relaxed a little more, feeling thankful that it was all over with. Given time, they could forget about it and get back to normal. As they drove, Jacob focused on what he was going to accomplish in the next week. The orders he had to get done, the deliveries that would have to be scheduled, payroll, and everything else that came with running his store. While he did have a staff just like Kyle did, he kept things more informal. Everyone he hired knew their jobs and what had to get done each day. He had five workstations set up and three other workers to help assemble the pieces people purchased. That along with a sales associate and another all-purpose employee to manage the books and keep records while also serving customers in person and on the phone made up his employee roster. It wasn’t as bold and big as what Kyle did and he more often than not ended up dirty and sweaty by the time he got home every day.

He glanced over at Kyle occasionally who just stared down at his lap. That was something else that had to be addressed. “Kyle? It’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is,” Kyle replied glumly. “I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I know you did your best. You always do.”

“Well,” Kyle sniffed, “my best wasn’t good enough.”

Jacob sighed and knew he had to say something now before they got home. “Do you remember the deal we made when you started that big case?”

It was Kyle’s turn to sigh, knowing where this was headed. “Yes.”

“So, it’s been months since you finished it up,” Jacob commented as politely as he could. “I think it’s time started taking your medication again.”

“I work better without them,” Kyle replied, still feeling horrible about his performance.

“That may be true,” Jacob said dubiously. “But I’m less concerned with your work performance than you as a healthy person not having panic attacks like the one you’re on the verge of having now.”

“I’m not having a panic attack.” He wanted to believe that was true, but he could already feel his heart starting to pound in his chest.

With an exaggerated sigh, Jacob took the only route he knew he could take to win the argument. “I guess I’ll just have to tell Dad about it then.” He made sure to add just a hint of humor, so it seemed more like a playful threat.

Kyle closed his eyes and smirked slightly. He took a deep breath and then let it out. Jacob never made insinuations like that unless he meant it. And he wouldn’t have said anything unless he had serious concerns. “Alright. I’ll take one as soon as we get home.”

Jacob nodded. “Good. And, just to make sure you know I’m not upset or anything, I think we’ll go to bed early tonight. Then you’ll know for sure just how much I appreciate all the work you put into today.”

Kyle chuckled silently, knowing what he had in mind. “That would probably be better than taking a pill when I get home.”

“Well, if that’s how you feel, imagine taking your anti-anxiety meds and getting laid all in the same night?” Jacob looked over at him with a serious look. “Sounds like a win-win to me.”

Kyle chortled despite the shadows in his mind and sat back in his seat, letting the stress he had been feeling all day fade into the back of his mind. “Lucky me, then.”

Jacob smiled and turned his attention back to the road ahead of them. No matter what Kyle says about it, he always felt that he was the lucky one.

****

Matthew’s eyes narrowed as he watched Carter’s movements. He could see the telltale twinkle of mischief in his eyes just as he lobbed the baseball into the air. With his eyes trained on the ball, Matt moved backwards a few paces and waited a second before leaping into the air with his gloved hand as high as he could get it. He grunted and muttered a curse as the ball only grazed his glove and flew past him where Blake caught it with practiced ease.

“You were a lot closer that time,” Blake offered with a playful grin.

Matt grumbled but set aside his frustrations as he took a few deep breaths and pounded his fist into his mitt. “Try it again.”

The three of them were standing on the short stretch of lawn between the house and the orchard where they could play catch but also keep an eye on the driveway in case one of their dads arrived.

Blake gave his friend a patient smile and a roll of his eyes before he stepped back. “If you say so.”

“Come on,” Matt insisted. “It’s fun.”

“We have a social studies test tomorrow,” Blake pointed out before he threw the ball over Matt’s head. He didn’t understand the point of what they were doing, only that Matt insisted that they try to throw the ball over his head and make him jump to catch it. Like some weird version of “keep away.”

Matt leapt up and caught the ball in his gloved hand. He had missed a few balls sailing over his head in the last few games of their little league last summer and he wanted to get better so that next year, he could make the catches that he needed to make. Having Carter and Blake help him helped him learn how to time his jumps and know where he needed to back up first. “We’ll get to it. My dads aren’t home yet.” He tossed the ball back to Carter and waited for the next throw.

“How come they’re not here,” Carter asked as he caught the ball and threw it back to Matt.

“I dunno,” he answered. “They went out of town for something.” He left out the fact that he had noticed a tension in the house between his fathers in the last week. No one said anything and Matt felt that maybe his grandpa didn’t notice. But there had been times when he spied a look between them that worried him. He had asked Kyle what was going on, but his father just gave him a reassuring smile and told him not to worry about it. “I heard Dad say something about going to court this morning before they dropped me off at school.”

“Sounds like adult stuff,” Blake quipped as he caught the ball Matt threw to him. “Dad and Bri are like that sometimes.”

“Yeah, but your dad was hurt,” Matt pointed out. “This is different.”

Carter caught the ball as it sailed over Matt’s head. He didn’t like thinking about how long his dad had been in the hospital last spring. “We need to get inside and start our homework.”

Matt sighed and silently agreed as all three of them turned towards the house. The practice was only supposed to last for an hour, and he could tell it was well past that time. They headed inside, through the kitchen and into the dining room to do their homework. Whenever they were in the same house after school, they always worked together on their homework. Most of the time, they would end up at the orchard or Carter’s house before the other two were picked up by their parents. They had other friends as well that they would socialize with at school and occasionally during the weekends if there was a birthday or a similar event, but they tended to stick together. They had become popular over the years and all their other friends enjoyed their time together in and out of school. But, even among their peers, the three of them were considered inseparable.

As they started getting into their homework, Aaron came into the room with his usual exuberance on full display as he moved into the spot between Matthew and Blake. “What’re you doing?”

“Our homework,” Matt answered as if the question was obvious.

“Why don’t I have homework?”

The three friends exchanged looks as they giggled. “Because you’re only in Kindergarten,” Carter explained. “Everything you learn you don’t need to study and have work to do.”

Aaron seemed to consider that a valid reason and started looking at the big books in front of the boys. “Can I help?”

Matt smirked and suppressed a mischievous giggle. “Sure. What’s forty-two divided by seven?”

“Six.”

Carter and Blake looked up from their books as their mouths dropped open. Carter stared at Aaron incredulously. “How did you know that?!”

Aaron pointed to his brother. “He taught me.”

Matt laughed at their reactions. “That’s all I taught him. At least as far as dividing goes. I used to show him some of my other math problems from first and second grade and taught him how to add and subtract.” Aaron grinned proudly at the other two boys.

Blake rolled his eyes. “For a second there, I thought he was a genius or something.”

“Maybe he is,” Matt said with a shrug. “Anyway, Aaron, go watch some cartoons with grandpa while we get this done before our dads get home.”

Aaron looked at his older brother with his blue puppy-dog eyes. “You sure you don’t need my help?”

Matt ruffled his mop of dark hair. “We’ll be okay. Maybe we’ll play a board game before bed tonight.”

This seemed to satisfy the boy and he left the room to go check on David and Colt to see what they were doing.

The boys had occasional banter as they did their work and finished only a few minutes before Andy arrived through the back door. They were still talking in the dining room when Andy walked by and saw the boys still in there. “Blake, you and Carter start getting your stuff ready to go. I’m dropping him off at his parent’s house on our way home.”

The boys got their things together while Andy made small talk with David and Colt before the three of them headed back out the door. Within minutes, the door opened again, and Matt could hear the familiar sound of his fathers’ footsteps as they came in. He hopped off the sofa and went down the hall to welcome them home. As he turned into the kitchen, he came to a halt when he saw Jacob, wearing a suit and tie he’d never seen before. “Wow! You look nice, Dad.”

Jacob smiled at his reaction. “Thanks. How was your day?”

“Normal,” Matt replied with a shrug. “Homework is done. Are you two cooking?”

Jacob’s smile dimmed slightly. “Actually, I think we’re gonna let grandpa decide if he wants to cook or we order out tonight.”

Matt saw the looks on both of their faces and knew something bad had happened today. “Oh. Okay.”

“It’s alright, son,” Kyle said with a forced smile. “Just a hard day in court is all.”

“Do you need me to do anything?” It sounded silly to him when he said it, but he wanted to do something to make them happy.

Kyle’s smile softened a little at his gesture. “Thanks, Baby Boy. Right now, just go tell your grandpa that dinner is up to them tonight.”

“We’ll be in our room, changing and getting a little rest before then,” Jacob added before he took Kyle’s hand and headed out of the kitchen.

Jacob heard Matt head to the front of the house, but he kept his focus on Kyle as they went down the side hallway into their rooms. Once the door was closed, he released Kyle’s hand and started to undress. “You got a little quiet as we were driving into town,” he said as he stepped into the closet and started hanging up the suit jacket.

Kyle sighed. “Just thinking, Dad will ask what happened today. Not sure what to tell him.”

“You tell him the truth,” Jacob said simply. “You did your best, but the judge didn’t see it your way. End of story.”

Kyle removed his tie and joined Jacob in the closet to put it up with the rest of his ties. “He’ll be disappointed.”

Jacob frowned. “No, he won’t. The only person who’s disappointed is you, sweetheart. Just let it go.” They finished changing into more comfortable clothes for the rest of the evening in silence. When they finished, Kyle headed through the bedroom, heading to the door when Jacob stopped him. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Kyle turned his head. “I’m going to get a drink.”

Jacob’s face was set with a stoic yet determined expression as he motioned Kyle to the bathroom. “This first.”

Kyle let out a deep sigh and reluctantly followed him. “What?”

Jacob said nothing as he opened the medicine cabinet and took out the bottle of pills. He twisted the cap open and tapped a pill out into his open hand. “You promised.” He extended his hand out to his husband, waiting.

They stood there, staring at each other as Kyle tried to come up with a plausible reason to put this off. But he knew Jacob would not be swayed. Without a word, Kyle took the pill and moved to the sink to pour a glass of water. Once he swallowed the pill, he turned back to Jacob and asked, “happy now?”

Jacob sighed, feeling a little hurt by his words, but let it pass. “It’s not about me being happy or not, Kyle. It’s about you being happy and feeling like your normal self.” He saw some of the resentment melt from Kyle’s face and took the edge off his own voice. “Now, we need to put this all behind us and get back to living our lives.”

“But what about your brother?”

Jacob wanted nothing more than to just forget he existed, but he had to accept that it was something that he had to live with from now on. “You did all you could, baby. It’s up to him now. He should have the same information we do. If he wants to get in touch with us, we’ll leave the door open for it. But let’s not obsess over it until then. We have two kids and a whole family to take care of. Not to mention two businesses and…” He smirked and leaned in closer to his husband. “…rumor has it, there’s an apple orchard around here we have to manage.”

Kyle smiled despite his mood and shook his head. “Yeah. I heard that rumor too.”

Jacob’s smile returned to his eyes, and he kissed Kyle’s cheek softly. “Good. So, we’re moving on then? No more chasing ghosts?”

Kyle rolled his eyes as Jacob moved closer. He felt Jacob’s breath on his neck as he answered. “Yes.”

Jacob’s voice rumbled softly against his neck. “Promise?”

Unable to stop himself from laughing at Jacob’s efforts, he gave in. “Yes, I promise.”

“Okay then.” Jacob pulled Kyle into his arms. “I love you. No matter who comes in or out of our lives, you’re the only one I want to be with forever.”

His words helped to settle Kyle’s feelings. He felt himself relax more and nuzzled against Jacob’s neck. “How about we go out there, grab something to drink and spend some time with our boys before dinner?”

Jacob smiled happily. “Sounds like a great idea.”

****

When Kyle woke up the room was completely dark. He sighed to himself and carefully extracted himself from bed without waking Jacob. This always happened when he first started taking his medication. Waking up in the middle of the night and being up for possibly an hour or more no matter how tired he felt. And he did feel tired. Despite Jacob’s offer, Kyle opted to just go to bed early that night, knowing that this was likely to happen. Now he was up, thirsty and thinking about how stupid he had been, thinking he could convince the judge to go along with his outlandish scheme.

Dinner with the kids had been quiet but enjoyable. Aaron was enjoying going to school full time now. Matt was excelling better than he had in the same grade. They were active, making friends and seemed to be heading in a good direction for the time being. It felt good to just sit and listen to them talk about their day. Matt seemed to be getting older each time Kyle saw him. In some ways he was still a little kid, yet there were moments when he saw a seriousness in his eyes that made him look older than he should be.

When he and Jacob were asked about court, Kyle just shrugged and said that you don’t win every match and left it at that. He waved off his dad’s sympathy, claiming it was just a small bump in the road. But losing the case continued to haunt him. What made him feel worse was that no matter how hard he tried, he could not come up with a next step. Every possible avenue had dried up. Jacob had told him to let it go and maybe that’s what he should do. Even if his instincts told him that this was more important than he could know.

He silently headed to the kitchen to get something to drink. Once he stepped into the hallway, a faint light coming from the front of the house caught his attention. This late at night, he figured everyone should be asleep. He carefully crept down the hall and peeked in. Curiously, he found his dad with his head hanging down and his eyes closed. In his lap was an open book with his hands resting on it. Kyle smirked and stepped into the room and moved to David. Within the last few years, Kyle has watched as his father’s age started to catch up to him. Gone was the brown hair that once graced his head, replaced with a light shade of grey that was slowly whitening. Physically, Kyle couldn’t ignore that he moved slower than he used to. Was more prone to aches and pains and despite all that, he maintained his usual schedule and his constant positive outlook.

Kyle stood close enough to see the slight rise and fall of David’s chest before he gently shook David’s shoulder. “Dad,” he whispered. “You need to get up. Shouldn’t be sleeping down here in this chair.”

David grunted and opened his eyes slowly and looked up at his son. “Must’ve fallen asleep,” he mumbled as he closed his book and set it on the table next to his recliner.

“It’s after midnight,” Kyle said. “What are you doing down here?”

“Fell asleep reading, I guess,” David admitted. “Probably gonna get a talking to in the morning.” His eyes cleared as he rose to his feet with a grunt. “What are you doing up?”

“Woke up,” he replied with a shrug.

David looked at his son thoughtfully. “You were pretty quiet about your court case today.”

Kyle frowned slightly. “I lost. No one wins every case.”

“Maybe,” David said. “You’ve lost before. But you seem pretty unhappy about this loss. Wanna talk about it?”

“Not much to talk about, really.”

“If it’s bothering you, there’s something to talk about.”

Kyle lowered his head slightly. “I wish it were that simple.”

David put a hand on his son’s shoulder and gently steered him down the hall into the kitchen. “When it comes to you, it is that simple. Even when you’re pushing forty, you’re still my son. And if you have something you need to get off your chest, you know you can always tell me.”

Stepping into the kitchen, David turned the light on over the sink to provide a little light for the two of them before he guided Kyle to the table. Without a word, he went to the fridge and pulled out some orange juice, filled two small glasses and put them on the table before sitting down. Kyle slid into the seat next to him and was silent for a moment before he could find the words to share. “I just… I just feel like I failed him, Dad. This was important to him and when he needed me to get the answers for him, I let him down.”

David took a sip of his juice. “You may not have won your case, but I find it hard to believe you failed Jacob, Baby Boy.”

Kyle shook his head. “I should’ve known I was trying something that was likely to end badly.”

David looked at his son thoughtfully. “You didn’t fail him, Kyle. The court did. You can’t let someone down when you try your best.”

“Still.” Kyle sighed. “I keep feeling like I’m the worst husband in the world.”

David chuckled softly. “I think your mother could offer you more than one name to disprove that theory.” He was glad to see a wry smile on Kyle’s lips. “Kyle, no one is perfect. You did everything you could. I’m sure there’s something you can come up with if you give yourself time.”

Kyle shook his head. “Jacob said he’s done and doesn’t want us to put any more effort into it.”

“Really?”

“He said to just let it go.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

Kyle shrugged. “Helpless, to tell you the truth. I want to do this for him, but he keeps wanting to pump the brakes. I found some relatives that are still alive, but I think I’m not gonna be able to figure out who or where this mysterious brother is.”

David pondered that. It never occurred to him that Jacob might have other relatives out there in the world. Not that they would matter much, since he obviously hasn’t seen them in decades. “Maybe they might know something. But, then again, maybe they don’t.”

Kyle shook his head again. “I don’t want to approach them without him, and he seems intent on just going back to how things were before all this started.”

“Well, sounds to me like that’s where it should end,” David said as he finished the last of his juice. He stood up and put the empty glass in the sink. “For now, at least,” he added. “Maybe now you just wait and see what happens. You might get lucky or something. Never know.”

Kyle knew his dad was just trying to cheer him up. He smirked and looked up at him. “Thanks, Dad.”

David smiled. “Now. It’s past your bedtime, and you have two boys to get to school in the morning. Go to bed.”

“Yeah, I know.” Kyle got to his feet. Before he could say anything, David wrapped him up in a warm, loving embrace. The familiar comfort helped ease his disappointment. He hugged his father back. “Good night, Dad. I love you.”

David gently ran his fingers through his son’s hair before giving him a kiss on the forehead. “Always and forever, sweetheart.”