No going back - 21. Not according to plan

Waiting in A&E was definitely not how I had planned to spend Monday morning. I had woken up feeling like shit, and more, and realised that I had woefully overdone it at the weekend. So, it was a taxi to the hospital and the pleasures of casualty. It took a few hours for me to be properly seen to, and then to my horror, they decided to keep me in 'for observation'. To give them their due, they didn't know me from Adam. If it had been at my usual hospital in London, I would probably have gone home with a flea in my ear and instructions to rest up for a week. As it was, I had a couple of nights in hospital to look forward to, complete with a scan. The works.

Of course, it took ages to find me a bed with me idling away the time in some sort of waiting room reading a trashy novel on my phone. And when I got settled, finally, Colin appeared looking anxious. I tried to brush it off, but he was worried; we’d just had a great weekend and I end up in hospital. For me, it was only a blip, for him it was serious. Again, different points of view. I’d lived through the last five years, knew what a serious problem really felt like. He hadn’t and everything was new to him. In the back of my mind was the worry that he might give up on us, not wanting to have an invalid as a boyfriend. I knew that he wasn’t that sort, but the worry was there, in its box at the back of my mind.

I was there for three nights in all and had the prospect of a further week at home. Colin took it upon himself to bring me all the bits and pieces that I needed to make life less unpleasant, which was sweet of him but of course meant that he got a good root around in my things at the rental house. Not that there was anything to hide. As a visitor he was solicitous but not overly so, and wonderfully practical. After an initial hesitation, there was a quick kiss each time he arrived and, eventually, departed.

He brought paint catalogues too, with various ideas marked, and an IKEA catalogue. Plenty to keep me busy, then. Both Francis and Jo dropped in a couple of times, though conversation got a bit stretched. Beyond work and my family we didn't have that much in common. My fault, partly, as I'd not really made that much effort. Yet.

Mhairi came, and I gave her the full run down on what had been the matter with me. Prior to that, I'd been vague, but if I was going to have a real relationship with her and I was going to have to watch myself, then she deserved to know as much as she wanted to. Which was the lot.

I saw Colin daily, which was amazing, and he'd brush off any embarrassment I felt. On the Tuesday he popped in just as visiting was starting, bringing me a cake and a big smile, and came for a proper chat in the evening. He'd just about wound up on the new house, which was terrific, and had photos for me to see, though there was going to be a lot of last-minute work and what he called snagging, but by the time I was up and about next week, then it would be ready.

Next week!

I realised that everyone expected me to take the doctor's orders entirely seriously. I had done that all the time, sort of. But I saw no reason why I could not have relaxed at the new house, but Colin regarded instructions for bed rest literally. Oh shit. I didn't want to annoy him or make him go off and abandon me, so I resigned myself. There was something else, when we'd discussed the house and logistical arrangements, I sat him down and said I had something to say. Mhairi had told me firmly that as Colin was taking such care of me now, he deserved to know what was going on regarding my health. So, I told him in gory detail. To my surprise he let me; he didn't get me to stop, part of the way through the recital.

Afterwards, he didn’t quail and certainly the information didn’t seem to dent him. He simply said that we would have to make sure that I took care of myself and didn't get too over enthusiastic. Whilst I might chafe at the restrictions, the fact that Colin felt so strongly rather warmed me, and there was the relief, too.

I was home on Wednesday, but it took till afternoon to finally get released from hospital. Colin came to pick me up and insisted that he did not need go back to work. He had a ton of food in the car and proceeded to cook me dinner. We didn't discuss my health or anything serious. Nor did we mention his family. Instead we watched a stupid film and chatted about Italy. I tried to persuade him to let me come to the new house. But Colin was insistent that the doctors had said rest, so I would have to stay in the rental house and rest.

He was right, in a way; I was OK lounging around but any sort of effort tired me out. Bum.

By Saturday, I was going a bit stir crazy. Colin had been wonderful, and Mhairi had managed to pop round each day in her lunch hour, bringing me something to eat and chatting. In fact, we'd ended up reminiscing, because if I was ill when I was a kid, it had usually been Mhairi that looked after me and made a fuss. I'd completely forgotten that, wiped clean from my memory when I left. And talking about those moments, made us chat about others too. In a way, we were doing what any family did, only this was something new in ours.

"I've been thinking about the new house and what I'll put in it?"

Mhairi laughed, "Don't ask me for decorating advice, I'm rubbish. Joe's far better with that sort of thing."

"No. It's not that, but I'll bear in mind about Joe when the time comes. Can you believe it, Colin wants to take me to IKEA, turns out he loves the place. I think he likes the idea of going round with someone with money to spend."

"And a house to fill?"

"Precisely. Anyway, I was thinking about pictures and thought about some photos. Do you have any decent ones of us?"

"A few", she shrugged, "mainly holiday snaps. There are no proper photos; you know the more formal, posed things."

"Mum and Dad wouldn't have heard of that would they?"

"Pure vanity. Shame really because a half decent one would be nice. I've got one or two. There's a lovely one of you and Dad going off for a walk. I'll try and have copies made."

"Thanks. I thought that actually having a few reminders of the good times might be a nice idea."

She smiled, "So, no pictures from Church?"

"Bloody hell, no. Are there any?"

"Oh, a few of particular occasions, nothing to write home about. You know the sort, the Pastor stood next to serried ranks of grim looking people in their Sunday best. In the local paper, there's a weekly column where they print photos of community events. Church picnics and the like, people smiling and having fun. We never did anything like that."

"Making scarves for refugees?"

Mhairi smiled, "Oh, don't. I still have nightmares about those boring evenings. Anyroad, those pictures are somewhere around, probably in the attic."

"Hmm. They can say there."

On another visit, I'd commented that I'd barely seen Joe and she went a bit quiet and apologised; he'd evidently got involved in some project with his school mates and it was taking up his time. She seemed rather stiff and unforthcoming, so I wondered quite what Joe had got himself into as I suspected his Mother didn't approve.

We managed tea together on Saturday, Mhairi brought cake and Colin was due to call later in the afternoon. He was busy on a job that he had to work extra on. I suspected this was because he had lost time whilst keeping his eye on me, so I would have to make a fuss of him when he arrived.

"How's Colin's relations with his family, is it something that I shouldn't mention?", Mhairi looked intrigued.

"I think his brother's persona non grata since doorstepping me. I gather he sent Miles an email saying that he couldn't have a conversation with him till Miles was more accepting so that they could talk rationally".

"And?"

"Radio silence. Though, interestingly, Colin has had a couple of messages from Miles' wife."

"His wife?"

"Yeah. Pictures of their girls' birthday party, that sort of thing".

"Hmm. Sounds a bit like what I did when we got back into contact".

"Pictures of Joe doing things".

"Precisely. Maybe she's trying to keep channels open. Can't be all bad. What about his Mum?"

"Not good. Either radio silence or she's still parroting her elder son's rubbish. I think Colin will keep trying."

"Good. His Mum must surely miss Colin; after all, he was up there a lot."

"Yes. Regular as clockwork. Evidently he did lots of work in the house and garden."

Mhairi gave a dry laugh, "So, good nature might not make her tolerant, but having a jungle for a garden and a dripping tap might."

Mhairi didn't stop for dinner on Saturday but stayed to chat to Colin. She'd even asked me if he was moving in with me when the new house was finished. That had been quite a startling thought. I'd seen us as gently going along, getting accustomed to each other but to Mhairi our moving in together was the logical next step. Fuck. Was Colin thinking this? I was rubbish at being a boyfriend, as I had no idea.

He'd brought food with him and was busy cooking in the kitchen, chatting to me all the while about the new deli in town and how he'd bought some great stuff there. Then he appeared with two tumblers with an alarming orange coloured liquid in them.

I grinned, "What's this?"

"Terrific drink, have it before dinner. We had some in Italy and I saw a bottle in the new deli."

"So we're trying it?"

"Yeah, the guy there told me different ways to make it, this one just uses soda water, which I thought might be better for us."

"You mean, won't dilute the alcohol?"

He grinned, "Nah. Less sugar."

"Can you imagine how much sugar and that there is in the concoction in the first place."

"Oh, don't spoiling my ideas."

"Have you started cooking yet?"

"Hungry already?"

"No, I wanted to do something first."

He looked puzzled, "OK. I'll just turn a pan of water off. Nothing else is started yet."

When he returned, he stood there expectantly.

"Will you come a bit closer?"

He came to stand by my chair. I was sitting with my feet up, feeling relaxed and a bit in need of some fun. I'd had an idea. I stroked his bum and his thighs and even slipped my finger under his t-shirt and tickled his hairy belly.

"What?"

"Would you get naked for me?"

"Get naked? Now?"

"Yes. I know you don't believe it, but you are incredibly sexy, and I was thinking that we could do something a bit fun that wouldn't exert me."

"Like what?"

"You get naked, and I get you off", and I made the familiar motion with my fist.

He stared at me and shook his head, but he didn't move away and started to take his shirt off. It wasn't a striptease, I couldn't quite imagine or expect that, but it was clear when he took his jeans off that he too was finding the idea exciting. We did just what I suggested, well perhaps a little more. But I remained relaxed, and it was gentle, fun, sexy and we both enjoyed it.

"You know, I like seeing you like that."

"But I'm..."

I patted his belly, "Not what you were told you were expected to be. "

"Not a beanpole like Miles was, and Dad for that matter. And Mum's never been big."

"So, it was your fault?"

"Something like that."

"Well, we have to remedy that". He looked alarmed, I shook my head, "Nothing startling, just a little bit of fun, now and again. OK?"

"Naked fun?"

I gave him a wry grin, "You took the words right out of my mouth."

The alarming aperitif actually turned out to be rather good, and we'd definitely try it again. The pasta was with prawns and chili, a lovely, tasty dish served just with a green salad and cheese after. Real Italian cheese. Colin had pushed the boat out, and I actually managed to remember that he'd cooked something very similar for me that first time, with the freesias. We were relaxing afterwards, it all felt so comfortable, and I decided to bite the bullet.

"I was telling Mhairi about the new house, the need to furnish it and your crazy love of IKEA". We were lying side by side on the sofa, sort of cuddling together and rather than be amused, I felt Colin stiffen. "She asked me if you were moving in, and I realised that we'd never had that conversation. Sorry, I'm a bit crap at relationships, at least the ones I've had before."

Colin seemed to relax and put his hand on mine, "It's OK, I thought we could talk when you finally got moved it. I wasn't certain you'd want me around all the time just as you were getting settled. And, well", he looked anxious, "it seemed a bit previous, besides you'd be lumbered with my family too."

"Let's see how it goes, OK. It's just that these last few days, I've enjoyed seeing more of you and having you around."

He smiled, "You mean, having me cook for you?"

"There is that too. Give me time to settle in and we can see how we feel. But tell me stuff, don't bottle it up."

I felt his hand, tracing patterns on mine, "That applies to both of us. And there's nothing to say we can't see more of each other. I can come over to yours and you can cook for me?"

I spluttered with laughter, "Deal!"