No going back - 19. Colin 7

The hotel was, frankly, rather swish. It was certainly classier than the Travelodges or Premier Inns that Colin was used to. Yet, Owain was rather low-key about it. So much so that he apologised.

"Sorry, when I was convalescing, I spent quite a lot of time staying in Premier Inns in nice places, the Lake District and such. This is similar, just a bit classier in design. But don't be kidded, it's all by the yard."

The pictures caught Colin's eye, they fitted in with the room's decor, "I like those."

Owain smiled, "Don't be fooled. It's not really art, it's created to order, probably by a poor art student. The room next door will have pictures almost identical. Don't forget the hotel has around 200 rooms, all fitted out the same."

Colin smiled, "Wow. It's nice all the same."

"Precisely, and you get the same every time. Perfect for the casual traveller. So, let's get changed and we can go for a walk and a drink, before dinner. OK?"

"Perfect. Is there time to shower?"

"Of course."

Colin had occasionally shared a room with a mate, but with Owain it was different. They’d had sex together and would be doing so again tonight. Owain had even mentioned Colin just wearing a jockstrap tonight, even though it was said in sort of jest. But Colin still didn't feel comfortable stripping off completely, however going into the bathroom fully dressed seemed a bit OTT as well, so he stripped down to his knickers and went to shower.

As showers went it was OK, but the workmanship was shoddy and the kit they'd used was the sort that looked fancy but didn't last; Colin would never have used that type of shower fitting. He had left the bathroom door open to let out the steam, and Owain was chatting about the room, about plans for the evening, and joking that it was a shame that the shower wasn't big enough for the two of them to shower together. Colin replied with a comment about not trusting the workmanship as it was so shoddy and Owain had laughed, then come closer to the door.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have laughed, but I forget. To me, it's just a shower but to you it's work."

"Occupational hazard", Colin smiled, "you notice the stuff other people have done."

Colin had turned to face Owain and was suddenly aware that not only was he showing everything but had got embarrassingly hard. Owain's comment about showering together, combined with his anticipation of this evening, had got him going. But it shouldn't be embarrassing, should it? Feeling brave, Colin didn't cover up, instead he broached the subject. "You said about showering together, well it's not something I've done before. I doubt any of the lads would consider it", he grinned as Owain laughed, "but I reckon we could give it a go. I've just about done, so you could fit in alongside me and I could wash your back."

"Just my back", Owain waggled his eyebrows and stripped off his remaining clothes. He too was showing anticipation.

He did get Owain washed, but they did a lot else besides and you know what, it was great fun.

"So, will you be doing that with the lads on your next trip away with them", Owain's eyes gleamed. They were both drying off and getting dressed.

"Not likely", Colin grinned, "I don't rule out one of them being a bit interested, but..."

"You won't risk it?"

"Nah. All a bit conventional if you see what I mean?"

"They know you're gay."

"Yeah, and it's no big deal, now, thankfully."

The area was busy, surprisingly. They found a place to stand in the street outside a pub on the edge of Borough Market. Colin had been vaguely aware of the market but hadn't realised it had become such a big thing. The whole area under the railway line seemed to have been turned into a market area, and even now it was closed, looked impressive. Shame they wouldn’t have time to explore tomorrow, still they could do that another time. Colin smiled to himself, how easily he’d slipped into that.

Owain went to get drinks, giving Colin time to stand and watch the drinkers. There were notices about not standing in the road, but the crowd had overflowed everywhere. There were quite a few guys together, some were clearly just mates, but others were being far more open and intimate than Colin had ever dared to be in public. And no-one seemed to turn a hair.

"Spotting the mistakes the builders' made?", Owain had a smile on his face as he handed Colin his beer.

"No, I was looking at those blokes there."

"The one with the dyed blond hair and pink t-shirt?"

"Yes. I was thinking that you'd never get away with that at home, dressed like that, you'd get lynched."

Owain had pulled a face, "Not sure about that. If you chose your venue wisely. And besides, there are still a lot of places in London where you'd get lynched."

"Especially behaving like those two", the guy in the pink t-shirt was really getting into a clinch with the other, more conventionally dressed guy, "I'd never dare."

"I don't think I would either. I've always been a bit windy when it came to public displays of affection, I'm not really very brave."

"Those two over there", Colin nodded at another pair of guys who were relatively conventionally dressed, yet one had touched the other's face in a gesture which spoke of intimacy, "Not sure I'd even dare to do something like that."

"So you don't fancy a kiss then?"

Panic coursed through Colin's veins, and he seized up, simply stared at Owain with alarm. Owain brought up his hand to touch Colin's arm, but then dashed it away and scratched his face instead.

"Shit. Sorry, it was just a joke, but it's not a joke, is it? Look lets drink up and go for a walk. I promise that I will keep my hands to myself."

"Sorry, I'd like to kiss you but...", Colin just shrugged, struggling to put it into words.

"Look, it's OK. I forget that not everyone has lived out in the open since they were 18. It's easy to think that being open is no bother. I understand, but I get a bit carried away."

Colin nodded, and they set off through the market itself and towards the river. He didn't notice much, at first, because he felt such an idiot. All he needed to do was make a comment to Owain, or even let the man kiss him. But there was part of Colin that still worried about being found out. They walked past the cathedral, which ordinarily would have held Colin's attention, and they ended up leaning on a wall looking at the river, with a view of London Bridge and the varied buildings on the far bank.

"You want to talk about it, or shall I just shut up". Owain was quiet and relaxed.

Colin envied him, "It's just that whenever anything like that happens, I panic, worried that I'll be found out. I've spent the last 16 years like that, terrified that someone would find out. School, work, mates, Mum, Miles", he shrugged, "it's stupid, because everyone knows now, yet..."

"It's all new. You came out suddenly and without any planning, which is no bad thing, but you need to get comfortable with it. We don't need to go round holding hands and kissing in public."

"But part of me would like to. I was envious of those guys."

Owain laughed, "I can just picture you with parti-coloured hair, a tight pink crop-top and short, shorts."

Colin laughed, and this time it was a real belly laugh, "No, the other two. They were not that demonstrative, but didn't worry about doing stuff in public, people knowing."

Owain put his hand on Colin's arm, it felt good, Colin didn't move away. "We'll get there."

The walk to the restaurant did involve a stop to look at the cathedral, with its flint-covered walls. Colin admired the newer sections and the way they echoed the old. He wasn’t familiar with flint work and could have stared for longer, getting ideas. But he also marvelled at the way the Victorians had blithely steamrollered the railway line through the cathedral yard. The restaurant seemed to be down an alley, and Owain explained that the area still had lots of surviving alleys, despite the creeping expansion of the hospital. What with the railway and the hospital, it was a wonder there was anything old left, but there was.

Before going to the restaurant, Owain had taken him into another yard, which had old buildings on two sides and brand new on the other, the new stuff looked as if someone had vaguely tried to make it fit in, but to Colin's eyes it was flash and a size too big for the space. The old bits, however…

Owain explained that it was the only surviving galleried inn in London, when built the galleries would have gone all around the yard. It was still a pub and was heaving. There even seemed to be live music in one of the rooms. Colin would have liked to have a proper nosey round, but now wasn't the time. Owain assured him that they could come back.

The restaurant was more familiar territory and Colin relaxed. He took time studying the menu, working out what things were and what he wanted. He suddenly stopped, aware that Owain was looking at him.

"Is something wrong?"

Owain smiled, "No, quite the opposite. I was just enjoying the way you do everything properly, including reading the menu. I, on the other hand, tend to pick the first thing that catches my eye and then spend the entire meal noticing other people's food and either wishing I'd chosen it or wondering what it was?"

Colin relaxed a little, but he was still conscious of the differences between them.

Owain looked at him, "You don't have to fit in with me, we should fit in with each other. OK? I'm probably the one with terrible manners. Anyway, what are you having?"

The conversation moved on to discussing the menu, and when the waiter appeared, Colin had all sorts of questions for him about what things were and by the end of it, Owain had grinned at Colin, saying that he was going to change his mind and have one of the dishes Colin had been thinking about. They ended up talking about the food and Italy, and whilst Colin didn't think of himself as knowledgeable, he found Owain's relative ignorance amazing, and it was nice to be able to fill in the gaps, and Owain seemed remarkably interested.

They had a nice, cosy table in a corner; it was private, but meant that they couldn't really see much of the restaurant. One pair of very large guys walked past, being showed to their table by the maître d'.

Owain smiled, "Guess where they are going later?"

"You reckon?"

"Of course. They look the type, and it's a nice thing to do, eat here then go on to the club. There are probably other diners off there too", he smiled, "more power to the pink pound."

Colin stared at him, "The pink pound?"

Owain grinned, "Yes, it's not bandied about so much now, but the term used to be popular. It means gay people's spending power, gay men particularly. In the past there was a significant segment with good jobs and no children."

"More money than their married colleagues."

"Precisely, so if you tap into it, the pink pound is profitable."

Colin smiled, "I wonder if the waiters know where we're going."

Owain shrugged, "Possibly. They might even be coming along. That guy there", Owain nodded at a twenty-something waiter, tall, slim with black curly hair and a rather vacant expression, "he might be dreaming of all the big guys he's going to chase tonight?"

Colin shook his head but smiled.

They had pasta first, followed by a main course. Both of them had opted for pasta with clams, Colin because he'd read about it but never had it. He was enjoying the food, but rather shocked at the way Owain blithely chopped up his pasta into short pieces, as if he was a child, rather than twirling it round as Colin was attempting to do. Colin had to admit to himself that Owain's way was quicker, but his gave him more satisfaction. The main course was equally enjoyable and all round, Colin had had a terrific meal, both the food and the company.

When the bill came, Colin was a bit shocked. They hadn't had much, but things rather accumulated, what with the bread at the beginning, the vegetables to go with their main courses, the wine and the fizzy water. It wasn't that he couldn't afford it, it was just that he didn't usually spend that much on food.