No going back - 25. Colin 9

Colin had been ridiculously nervous before the concert, not helped by the fact that he'd felt unable to practice unless he was at home on his own. This would be the first time he'd ever sung with the Chorale when he had someone he knew in the audience. Or at least, someone he’d actually invited, after all the wives of other blokes in the choir didn't count. Come to think of it, it was the first time Colin had done something and had folk there.

Not because his parents weren't supportive, they'd come to school open days and the like, but Colin had rather kept his head down at school. When he was younger, bullying had meant that he disliked volunteering for anything, and it got to be a habit. Also, his Dad hadn't really approved of people 'showing off'; this was a loose term that could be applied to anything his Dad disliked. Mainly the man seemed to have felt that anything where people put themselves in the lime-light. So, even if Colin had fancied singing in the choir, it might have not gone down well.

He'd been lucky, in a way, that the college in Netherwich had offered the sort of day release type course that wasn’t available Leighton. The course had been brilliant but being away from home had also been curiously liberating; without the feeling of his Mother looking over his shoulder and without Miles, Colin had found a confidence he’d not had elsewhere. The result had ultimately been Reliable Renovations, putting himself really in the limelight, and really making it work. But still, work was one thing, singing in the choir was different, though Colin could almost hear Owain’s voice asking him why. Why was if different? The thought made Colin smile and wiped away a few of his nerves.

So now here he was, about to sing with Owain, Mhairi and Joe in the audience. Part of him was ridiculously excited and pleased. When Rhys asked him if he had anyone coming, Owain was able to say proudly that his boyfriend and his boyfriend's sister and nephew were going to be there. This had the advantage of filling up Colin's quota (all the members were expected to sell two tickets, Colin usually just gave them the money). But beyond that, it felt like a real bonus to be singing to someone.

And afterwards, he got to introduce Owain to people, as his boyfriend, and you know what, the heavens didn't fall in. Even grumpy Russell was polite, if not friendly, and there was no hint of anyone not liking that Colin was gay. But people's expectations were worrying, the fact that Colin had spent so much time on Owain's new house had suggested that he was going to move in. There was no reason not to except it felt too soon.

Neither of them had lived with anyone, and Colin had all sorts of funny things he liked doing alone, not just rehearsing. Did he want Owain washing his smalls for him, would Owain mind Colin getting up at sparrow-fart when he was busy and needed to get the work done, could he simply put himself at his desk and work all day of a weekend? At the moment, it worked because he went home, alone, to do these things.

But, on the other side, there was the fact that he loved waking up next to Owain. It wasn't the sex, which was great, but you could have sex anytime and anywhere. As they had proved. It was the warmth and companionship he liked.

Colin hadn't quite got his head round the way Owain thought his body was something to be proud of. Colin had started to be a bit daring, though each time he'd had to quell a moment of panic. Yet all Owain did was tell him how great he looked. When he first stood naked in front of Owain, it had felt really, really big. At school, he had developed all sorts of coping mechanisms to enable him not to appear naked in front of anyone, ever. More recently, what little sex he’d had, was either in the dark or under covers. Yet here was Owain talking about visiting bars where everyone wore only boots, and then there were the blokes at Ten Tons of Fun wearing just a jock-strap which hid nothing and let everything hang out.

But it was all worth it in the end; Owain seemed quiet, but he had a knack of making Colin feel he could do stuff, do more.

And the moment had been complete magic when, after the concert, Colin had come from backstage to find Owain, Mhairi and Joe waiting for him, big smiles on their faces and Owain had given him a big hug, congratulated him and given him a big kiss.