No going back - 29. Colin 10

Colin had thought about Jase’s advice regarding staying in touch with his family and sent emails to his Mum, Annalisa and to Miles. The weekend in Oslo gave him the excuse of sending a few of the pictures he’d taken, including one of him and Owain where they looked like an ordinary happy couple. His Mum hadn’t responded, yet, but Annalisa had sent more news of the twins. It wasn’t that the inane stories of ballet and that were interesting, it was the fact that she was sending anything at all.

With Miles, the effect had been instantaneous, in a ‘light the blue touch paper’ sort of way. There was a call, which Colin let you go to voicemail, that began, ‘You’ve got a nerve, kiddo, leaving Mum in the lurch’. But the second time that Miles phoned, Colin picked up. Every time Miles tried to go off on one, Colin would interrupt.

“I’ve heard it all before, Miles, so put a sock in it, and listen for once…”

>You never let…

“For fuck’s sake listen. I’m gay, I’ve known I was gay since I was at school. But I told no-one; do you wonder?” There was some sort of rumble from Miles. “I don’t care what you think, I don’t need your permission.”

>As your brother, I should be respected.

“Don’t be a pompous ass, respect needs to be earned. You’re my brother and it should mean something, and I am trying.”

>But…

“Listen. I did not leave Mum in the lurch. You two rounded on me, telling me how to live my life. What the fuck has that got to do with weeding the garden and fixing a leak in the bathroom? Look, I can leave behind talk of Owain and stuff in Netherwich. If I come to Mum’s, I don’t intend to rub her face in it, but I demand the right to live my own life. In my way.”

>But you’ve let her down.

“No, we’ve let her down. You’re an idle bastard, Miles.”

Explosion.

“I run a business too; last week I had 12 folk on jobs for me, and if I don’t get new business, they don’t get paid, simple. Yes, I want to see the family, but my clients want to see me evenings and weekends.

“So, it wouldn’t hurt for you to pull your finger out. If we shared jobs, it’d feel better. And seeing you, Annalisa and the girls down here would be nice. And don’t give me all that hog-wash about being busy, I run a business, help Owain with fixing up his new house, and sing in a choir. So, I’m busy too.”

>Sing in a choir?

“Yeah.”

>You?

“There you go. You know, when I was a kid, it was great having a bully for a big brother to defend me. But now, we’re older, you know what, I’d like to be able to have some sensible discussion”.

>I don’t think there is any point in continuing this conversation.

“One last point, then. I don’t want you to suddenly start loving queers”, a snort from Miles, “but if you can manage to get through a visit to Mum’s whilst I’m there and not pontificate about it, then we’ve made progress.”

His response was a harrumphing noise.

---

“So, what are you going to do next?”

Colin and Owain were having that drink with Jase and Monique, amazingly. Inevitably, Jase wanted to find out how things were going for Colin and his family, and the rant from Miles was too recent for him not to share.

Colin pulled a face, “I should have done it years ago. But he never took anything I did seriously. And as for what next, nothing?”

“You surely can’t just leave it”, Jase was indignant.

“Now Jase”, Monique put a hand on his arm. “It’s not your fight, and besides, there’s only so far you can go with folk”. Monique looked at them, smiled and shook her head. “He’s a bit like a terrier, really, once he’s got his teeth into something he doesn’t want to let go.”

Jase’s response was to roll his eyes and go ‘Woof, woof’. They all laughed, and Monique told a story about her parents, who had difficulty not taking over when they visited. Jase had rolled his eyes, commenting that they thought she was still 15.

Colin had found the evening rather a surprise and Owain had too. It had been undertaken mainly as a nod to the past, to the history of Colin’s relationship with Jase. And it turned out that the four of them had got on. It was easy enough for Colin to reminisce with Jase about the past, talk about the jobs they were doing or rather the ups and downs of the clients they were doing them for, and the music they were listening to, along with the odd bit of sport. But Owain and Monique had seemed to click too, having a long conversation about local history.

Having known Jase for years, Colin was embarrassed to admit to himself that Monique came as something of a surprise, not quite what he’d expected. She taught and coached at the local college, basketball was her sport which meant she was tall and fit, striking-looking rather than conventionally attractive. She and Jase seemed spend most of their free time walking and visiting CAMRA pubs. She was envious of seeing all the work that Colin had done on Owain’s house, having heard stories about it. It felt natural enough to invite them over for a meal some time Owain had looked at Colin and it was clear the two agreed on the idea of Jase and Monique coming over.

“So, you two living together, then?”, Jase asked with a smile.”

“Jase”, Monique tapped Jase’s arm. “You can’t ask things like that”.

“Oh, it’s OK. Colin’s an old mate. We can ask each other anything.” Monique rolled her eyes again.

Owain answered, anyway, “Not quite, Colin comes for the weekend, and we usually have a night together during the week too.”

Colin nodded, “We wanted to take it gentle, like”.

“Sensible, it took some time before Jase and I moved in together”.

Jase smiled, “What she means is, it took her some time to convince me not to keep the bike in the kitchen.”

Colin remembered Jase’s obsession with his bike. One, it seemed, not shared by Monique, but they did go out together on bikes and had some custom bike storage at their new flat.

---

“A guy at work once said to me that the trick in keeping friends after you got married was, if your other half gets on with their other half”, Owain chuckled. “Well, Monique seems nice, and we certainly had enough to talk about.”

Colin was walking home with Owain, back to the house, after the evening in the wine bar. It was a long walk, but a nice night and they’d got to visit the good chippy on Park Street.

Colin laughed, “I hadn’t thought or intended, it was just Jase.”

“I know, but it’s nice when things happen.”

“He’s always been a good mate, the one I could tell things to. He knew about Miles and stuff, but I daren’t event tell him about being gay. When I did, he turns up at your house, supposedly by accident.”

“You can’t tell people about your being gay till you’re ready. And Jase is a nice straight bloke, he’d run a mile rather than talk about his feelings, but that doesn’t mean he won’t worry. It’s great that he came to see you rather than just pretending. He’s a nice bloke”, Owain grinned, “And, clearly, Monique has a way of managing him.”

“She was telling you about their wedding?”

“Yeah, but not in ‘my gay best friend’ kind of way, thank God. They’re doing it in the Caribbean, on the island where her Grandparents came from. Small, just a few folk, with a messy family party after,” Owain laughed.

“Half of Jase’s forbears were Irish, and half of Monique’s were the children of slaves in the Caribbean”, Colin rolled his eyes. “Sounds like the party will be a noisy, explosive affair.”

“Mmm. Remind me to be busy when we get the invitation.”

“You reckon?”

“Well, she could hardly tell us about it and not invite us. How are you dancing an Irish reel or the calypso?” Owain’s eyes sparkled, and Colin laughed at the idea.

---

Colin stared at the email and a wave of panic engulfed him. He ought to be happy, it was something they'd talked about. After a short exchange of messages between the two of them, fifteen minutes later, a bemused and anxious Owain opened the door to his house (it had been an evening that they'd planned to spend separate). He had clearly been in the bath; his hair was wet, and he only had a towelling robe on. This gaped, tempting Colin to kiss Owain and let his fingers play in the gaps.

"So, you're not that badly?", Owain stared at Colin quizzically after the two came up for air.

"I've got something to show you."

Colin produced his laptop and opened up the email from Annalisa. Owain read it slowly.

"As it's the twins' holidays, she thought it would be nice to come down to see you and bring your Mum, and perhaps she could see Owain's garden and give some advice. Blimey. My first thought is, what about Miles?"

"How do you mean?"

"Is she doing it behind his back, doing it on his sufferance or doing it with his blessing?"

"First'd be difficult. Those two girls chatter like mad, 'Guess where we were today, Daddy? We met Uncle Colin's boyfriend'", Colin rolled his eyes.

"But he can hardly…"

"Tell him after the fact. If Mum thaws, even a little bit, then Miles certainly won't be able to stop her."

"You reckon she'll thaw?"

"A bit. After all, she's had Auntie Anne on at her. And she'll be dead curious."

"About here?"

"About you. I've got a regular partner, the first one. And she's not met you, bet that's eating her. Curiosity. She might not approve, but I’d say she wants to meet you."

"What are you going to do?"

Colin wrinkled his nose, "Do it. Put up with whatever she dishes out and then say goodbye. If she's nice, then that's fine and we can take things from there. But if she's not, then it's on her."

"Fair enough, but it might be worth dropping a hint to Annalisa."

"You reckon?" Colin nodded, “Yeah, you’re right.”

"And don't worry about the timing, if you give me fair notice then I should be able to be here."

Colin's face lit up, "That'd be great." Then he went pink and seemed in confusion, "Fuck. Sorry. I didn't even ask."

Owain put his hand on Colin's arm, "Hey, that's OK. We'd have got there and there's never any question, OK?"

Next morning when he was quiet, Colin typed a careful reply to Annalisa. He'd love to see her and the girls, and his Mum was welcome too. He'd like to see his Mum more regularly, but that wouldn't happen if she was going to lecture him. Owain would be there, and she had to be friendly and civil to him, too. He got a one-word answer, 'Understood'.