The Freshmen - 25. Chapter 25

September 12, 2004

Escorial

Palo Alto, CA

Jays

As soon as Will left the room, I started crying, not because I was sad that he was mad at me, but because I was furious that he’d assaulted me. Not only that, he’d hit me in the face, and while it hurt, I was more concerned about how I’d look. I’d probably have a black eye. I’d look ridiculous. My next engagement was on Tuesday: I’d show up and people would think I’d been mugged. I pretty much had been, I thought bitterly. I felt Kris’s strong arm around me, propping me up. “Thanks for sticking up for me,” I said to him.

“Got your back,” he said crisply. Just as I was starting to calm down a bit, Casey handed me a Kleenex, and that triggered me to go into full rage mode.

“Will attacked me in this house!” I shrieked at the rest of them. “I thought that wasn’t allowed!”

“It is not,” Grand said. He was extremely annoyed, but I was surprised that he seemed to be directing some of that at me. That pissed me off even more, because I wasn’t the one that broke his cardinal fucking rule about violence. But that didn’t matter; I’d still get blamed for fucking everything.

“It’s obviously not safe for me here,” I said. “I thought this was my home.” That was a blatant lie, because I’d never thought of Escorial in that way, but they didn’t know that.

“They warned you not to provoke Will,” Kris said to me flatly. “They told you that he was so pissed off at you he was likely to become violent. So you poked him and poked him until he punched you, and now you’re pissed off that he did.” I could not believe he had turned on me so quickly. “Passive-aggressive much?”

“I thought you had my back?” I demanded, directing my outrage at him. “Now you’re telling me this is all my fault? What the fuck?”

“I have your back,” Kris said. “Who the fuck stuck up for you? Who jumped in and saved your ass from getting totally kicked?” He’d gotten angrier as he said that, to the point that he seemed almost as mad as me. That didn’t derail me at all.

“Yeah, that was great, and then you tell me I’m to blame for everything!” I shouted.

“Because you are,” Kris said. He gave me a dirty look then stormed out of the room, but he did it in a much better way than I usually did, which made me even angrier.

“So what happens to Will? Is this alright? Does he get away with this?” I demanded of Stef and Grand.

“I fully agree with Kris,” Stef said to me. Grand had seemed irritated, but Stef was flat out mad at me.

“How nice for you,” I said in a snarky way, then made to walk out the door.

“Jays, I know you’re planning to leave, but there’s a lot here to unpack,” Casey said calmly, stopping me in my tracks. “Would it be alright with you if I briefed Lawanda on what happened?”

“So you can slaughter me before I have a chance to even talk to her?” I asked him acidly.

He gave me his trademark look that caused me to pause. “That is not what I am going to do.”

I sighed, because I was so sick of this situation and these people and I just didn’t care who they talked about and with whom. “That’s fine. Do whatever you want.” I stormed out of the room, probably looking a little ridiculous. I was surprised to see Kris standing in the foyer, supervising the staff as they wheeled our bags out to the limo.

“Let’s go,” he said. He didn’t wait for me to approve that course of action; he just got into the car and stared away from me, looking out the window. The car crawled down the drive until we got to Page Mill Road, then the driver finally found the accelerator. I stared out at the window as Palo Alto whizzed by, feeling completely detached from this place. I decided that by ignoring Kris, I would make him start to feel bad for not being in my corner, but even as I looked at the scenery, I was more focused on waiting for him to talk to me. It did not help my mood that he was completely silent and would not even make eye contact with me.

We got to the plane and our silence continued as we boarded. The pilots recognized how pissed off we were and merely told us we’d be taking off shortly then let us know our ETA into New York. I glared at Kris as the plane took off, but he was looking out the window, like the scenery was so fucking beautiful it had him transfixed. It probably was, since we’d taken off towards the City, and everything from the Transamerica building to the Golden Gate Bridge was visible. So those things, those vistas, were more important than me? I kept my eyes on him until we started heading east. Now the only sight to see was Martinez, and who gave a damn about that shithole of a city? “Are you going to pout for the rest of the flight?”

He did that thing where he swivels his head with such precision it was like he was a robot. Sometimes he was just so fucking German. “I am not pouting; I am mad at you. ‘Furious’ may be a better term.”

“You’re mad at me? You’re mad at me?” I asked, outraged.

“I am mad at you,” he said. “You completely fucked this weekend up. All of that drama, all of that fighting, even you getting your ass kicked: it was totally and completely your fault.”

I stared at him, absolutely stunned. It was like we'd had two entirely different weekends. “So it was alright for them to keep the identity of my biological father a secret?”

He shrugged. “Your father told you that he had a plan to tell you. He was waiting until you were mature enough to handle it. Unfortunately, you found out a little too early.”

“Yeah, well that was mostly your fault,” I said, tossing that back at him.

“I am so jealous of the relationship you had with your brothers,” he said, ignoring the major point I’d just made. It didn’t really register that he’d put that into the past tense. “I wish I had guys like that in my life who had my back. You are so fucking lucky, but instead of appreciating them and being nice to them, you treat them like shit.”

“Will fucking hit me!” I screamed.

“I don’t blame him,” Kris said. I got up and stormed back to the primary bedroom and laid down. I figured he’d feel bad about what he’d said and come to apologize, but he didn’t. I lay there, waiting for him until I finally realized he didn’t give a shit enough about me to come find me, so I went back to working on my revenge list. I was interrupted when the co-pilot called me to tell me we were landing soon. Kris couldn’t even come and tell me we were close to New York? He made the pilot do it instead? I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and paused to look at my face. Will had landed punches on the brow above my left eye and the sinus area below it. I could already see the redness forming. I was going to have a massive bruise.

I all but stormed out into the main cabin to find that Kris wasn’t there. He must have taken the other bedroom. He went in there by himself instead of coming to comfort me? I sat in my father’s chair, fuming, until he finally came out. “Did you have a nice nap?” I asked in full bitch mode.

“Not really,” he said, then ignored me.

“You’re not even going to talk to me?” I demanded, only as soon as I did we felt the plane touch down. We taxied to the FBO and he let me exit the plane first. I hurried down the steps and was surprised to find another limo behind my Maybach.

Kris pulled what looked like breath mints out of his messenger bag, then handed the bag to the co-pilot. “Can you please put this in the Maybach with the other bags?” he asked politely.

“Certainly,” the man responded.

“Thanks,” Kris said, then started walking toward the other limo.

“What are you doing?” I demanded.

“Taking a break from this situation, and taking a break from you,” he said. I just stood there, staring at him as he started to get into the limo.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I demanded, yelling so loudly my voice echoed over the taxiway despite the idling jet engines.

“Figure it out,” he said, then closed the door to the limo. I just stared at it as it drove away. What did that mean? Did he just break up with me?

“Mr. Schluter, are you ready to go?” Dave asked, pulling me out of my daze.

“Yes,” I said grumpily. I got into my Maybach, encased in luxury and sheltered from the outside world, and put up the privacy screen as the vehicle headed to Tribeca. I got back home, managed to politely blow Jacinta off, and escaped to my office with my art supplies and started drawing. I finished my project, then went back to my room to get ready for the next day.

“Did you want something to eat, Mr. Jeremy?” Jacinta asked pleasantly.

“That would be nice,” I said, smiling at her to hide the sadness inside me.

“Will Mr. Kris be coming home?” she asked.

“I don’t know where he is,” I said, then hastily wiped a tear away.

“I am sorry,” she said. “I will make you something good to eat.”

“Thank you,” I said. I called the FBO to line up a plane for tomorrow, got a car set up, and didn’t once whine to myself about how awful it was not to have a personal assistant. Jacinta made a nice dinner for me, so I made an effort to eat, even though I wasn’t really all that hungry. I just felt numb. I thanked her, then went to bed, only sleep didn’t save me from my torment. I felt my emotions flying from anger, to frustration, to sadness, then I repeated the process all over again.

September 12, 2004

Escorial

Palo Alto, CA

Will

The seating format for tonight’s dinner was a bit odd. Marie and I sat together at the middle of the table, with Travis to my right and Ryan to her left. Darius sat across from me, next to Dad, with John sitting across from Marie and Claire next to her. I had just sat down and put my napkin in my lap when Jack walked in. “Am I late?” he asked, smiling brightly.

“Not at all,” Grand said politely. Jack took his seat next to Claire, pausing to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“I’m glad you made it,” Claire said to him pleasantly. I thought it was interesting that Luke wasn’t here tonight. It was like they were sharing custody of Claire.

“It’s good to see you,” he said. As cheerful as he was trying to be, there was no denying how uptight he was beneath his façade.

“What’s with your father?” I whispered in Marie’s ear.

“No fucking idea,” she whispered back. My mind had just begun to wonder what kind of drama he’d drop on us when Travis distracted me.

“You’re doing better,” he said, grinning at me.

“I’m doing much better,” I agreed, expanding my smile. We’d manage to incorporate another round of sex into our getting ready process, and that one had gone much better than the earlier one.

“Is JJ not here?” Grandmaman asked innocently. I wondered if she truly did not know if he was here, or if he’d called to tattle to her and she was raising this issue to chastise me about it.

“He asked us to call him Jays, and not JJ,” Grand said officiously.

“Indeed?” Aunt Claire asked.

“He thinks that sounds more mature than JJ,” Stef replied.

Darius guffawed, which made the rest of us chuckle. “Yeah, that’ll work,” Darius said, shaking his head.

Grandmaman gave us a dirty look for joking about him, which I ignored, since she was bound to be pissed at me about this anyway. She inevitably took Jays’ side in any conflict we had. “Did you scare him away?” Marie asked me quietly.

“I kicked his ass,” I whispered back. She raised her eyebrow and made an ‘oooh’ shape with her mouth.

“That is all very interesting, but that does not answer my question,” Grandmaman said. It was like she sensed there was an issue there and was determined to probe until it was disclosed.

“There was an altercation and Jays opted to leave for New York,” Grand said fatalistically, knowing this would prompt the Jays defense team to spring into action.

“An altercation?” Claire asked.

“Yes,” Grand said, desperately trying to drop the subject.

“Christ,” Darius said with a sigh. “JJ…excuse me…Jays said some really hurtful things to Will. Will then asked that Jays leave him alone, but Jays couldn’t resist pushing his buttons. He finally pushed Will to the point that he punched Jays in the eye.”

“You hit him?” Grandmaman asked, outraged.

“I did,” I said, and felt the rage growing, because she had already condemned me before even hearing the whole story. “He found out that his biological father was Jim Crampton. He looked at me with total contempt, and told me that I wasn’t really his brother, and that we weren’t related at all.”

“Dude,” John said sadly, as he shook his head.

“Uncle Jim is JJ’s father?” Marie asked, stunned.

“He is,” Dad said.

“So you felt the need to resort to physical violence?” Claire asked me, horrified.

“Duh,” John said, looking at his mother like she was nuts. I smiled at him briefly to thank him for having my back.

“That must have been very hard on Jays, hearing that and realizing that his entire heritage was different from what he thought it was,” Grandmaman said. I sat there seething, hoping I could just keep my mouth shut, knowing that if I said anything, I’d just get into trouble.

“He was very angry that I hadn’t told him about it before,” Dad said. “I explained that I was waiting until he asked, because that would indicate to me that he was mature enough to deal with it.”

“That was a good strategy, but it failed miserably, because evidently merely knowing about it was not a maturing moment for Jays,” Stef said. I think that the people at the table were surprised by how angry he was.

“I still fail to see how that justifies any form of physical violence,” Grandmaman said, pronouncing judgment. “And quite frankly, I would have expected there to be consequences for something like that since it happened at Escorial.” It was like she thought somebody could ground me.

“I am not happy about it either,” Grand growled, and had the nerve to give me a dirty look. And his look, one of judgment laced with disapproval, finally caused all of my reserves to snap. Travis played with the ring on my finger, making me look down at it. The mood ring part had turned black, as if to emphasize how angry I was. He was hoping that would make me pause, but I was too far gone.

“I would like all of you to think back to the time you were in the most pain,” I said, my voice loud enough to be just barely within Grand’s volume level.

“I hardly think…” Grand began.

“Think back to the time when you were in the most pain,” I demanded of him loudly. “When was it?”

“There’s no question about that time in my life,” Darius said sadly. “It was 9-11.” That made us all somber.

“What about you?” I demanded of Grand.

“I have had many painful moments in my life,” he said uncomfortably.

“And what about you?” I asked Grandmaman. She didn’t deign to answer me. “And you?” I asked Claire.

“When my marriage fell apart,” she said, and wiped a tear away. Jack just stared at her in shock, while her children were just as stunned.

“So let me ask you this,” I said, focusing on Grand again. “Did any of those painful moments you remember involve physical pain? Did getting your ass kicked even rank in the top ten?”

“I never got my ass kicked,” he said, smiling slightly to try to calm me down. It was funny, but it didn’t work.

“No, there was no physical pain involved,” Dad said, answering my question. “And I have gotten my ass kicked.”

“So you people are sitting here, judging me like you love to do, damning me for finally losing it with that little bitch who used to be my brother, and deciding that my punching him a couple of times was way worse than what he said to me,” I spat.

“I did not mean to imply that one was worse than the other,” Grand said, now embattled. It was slightly calming to see Stef smirking at Grand. He loved it when Grand tried to pontificate then found himself on uncertain ground.

“No?” I challenged. “Shit, I was sexually assaulted in Paris and that isn’t even close to one of my most painful moments.”

“You were very upset when Zach hit you,” Frank chimed in, because that still bothered him.

“You’re right; I was,” I agreed. “That ended our relationship. Now we’re friends, and that’s it.”

“I suspect that Jays probably feels that way about you,” Grandmaman said loftily.

“I sure as fuck hope he does,” I snarled. “I have put up with him and his bullshit for years now. I have been his emotional punching bag, I have gone out of my way to help him out and support him, and all I ever got in return was a bunch of crap. So now he is basically dead to me, and do you know how I feel?”

“No,” Marie said, since no one else responded.

“Relieved and liberated. I no longer have to worry about his stupid ass, I no longer have to listen to his bullshit, and I no longer have to let him jump in and make me feel bad,” I said.

“I think you feel that way now, but you’ll probably reflect on this and realize that you don’t really want him out of your life,” Dad said.

“You are wrong,” I said to him. “Is that how you feel? He all but told you to fuck off too.”

“I will thank you to watch your language,” Grand said, and now even he was pissed off.

“Ah yes,” I said in a sarcastic way. “I sat at this very table a couple of years ago and accused you all of worrying about appearances and not substance, of making sure that on the outside, everything was perfectly groomed and choreographed. Do you remember that?”

“There is nothing wrong with my memory,” he said.

“I am so glad to hear that,” I said, my voice at maximum snark. “So maybe your memory is good, but your ability to change is seriously impaired? In your mind, it’s totally alright for Jays, or whatever the hell he’s calling himself this week, to come in here and tear at my psyche and at Dad’s, to cause us incredible pain, but when I punch him, it’s inexcusable.”

“What he did was not right either,” Grand insisted.

“You can spout that all you want, but I’m not buying into your warped moral code,” I said, and scanned the room, making eye contact with all of them. “I fly out to Boston tomorrow. Fortunately, you won’t have to worry about my wreaking havoc on this perfectly styled world of hypocrisy you’ve created.”

“I think that is completely unfair!” Grand said.

“I do not,” Stef said. “You have all sat here and judged Will and made excuses for Jays, when he is the one who is responsible for this.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Darius said, then looked at me. “To make sure you know that you are my brother, that I love you, and that the rest of this is just typical bullshit.”

“You do not know how much that means to me,” I said to him. “I went through one of the most wrenching days of my life, but it was all worth it to have you here, saying that.” I could not stop the tear that fell out of my eye.

“It’s true,” Darius said.

“And thank you,” I said to Stef and my father, “for sticking up for me when others had already condemned me.”

“You are welcome,” Stef said. Silence fell on the table, which was our cue to eat the food in front of us. After a few minutes, general conversation began again, mostly about how good the meal was.

“I am sorry your farewell dinner was ruined,” Grandmaman said to Marie. Sometimes she could be so petty.

Marie shrugged. “I’m used to it. Makes me feel at home.” That was funny enough to make us all laugh.

“I got some news today,” Jack said. He hadn’t spoken much at all, so we all turned our attention toward him.

“Is this good news or bad news?” Marie asked.

“I’m hoping that you all think it’s good news,” Jack said nervously. We all stared at him expectantly. “I’m going to be a father. Again.” I have never heard such complete silence at a dinner at Escorial. There wasn’t even the errant sound of a knife on a plate, or even breathing.

“Jessica is pregnant?” my father asked.

“She is,” Jack confirmed. He looked at Claire, and I could tell he felt like total shit for hurting her, but it was hard to feel any sympathy for him.

“I’m very happy for you, Jackson,” she said in a clipped faux-cheerful way, but using his full name so he’d know how incredibly mad she was.

“She’s going to keep the baby?” Marie asked. I could almost sense her mood and temper flaring as she went through the same thing I’d just gone through. “She trapped you.”

“That is unfair, and untrue,” Jack said, drilling his eyes into Marie. She couldn’t have given a shit less.

“Looks like that to me,” she snapped. “She finds a rich guy, taps into his mid-life crisis, ruins his marriage, and then manages to get pregnant because someone was too fucking stupid to wear fucking condoms, even though he drilled that into our heads over and over again.”

“No shit,” John agreed.

“Marie,” Claire said in a plaintive way. “It is not our place to tell Jessica what to do with her body.” That was the pro-choice plank that was a foundational part of our family, so we all jumped in line pretty quick and shut up about that.

“She is not trying to trap me,” Jack said. “She wants a baby, but she doesn’t want a husband.”

“So you’re basically a sperm donor?” John asked.

“There’s a little more to it than that,” Jack snapped. “I won’t be able to be directly involved in raising him or her, but I plan to be part of this child’s life. I am hoping that you will too.”

“How can you ask that of us?” Marie demanded.

“Because this kid is going to be your half brother or sister, and that is more important than whether or not your father is a dick,” I said to her. Jack glared at me, while Ryan, John and Darius chuckled. I didn’t really give a shit, since Jack didn’t like me all that much anyway.

“It seems that your life just gets more and more complicated,” Claire said to Jack calmly. “I find your drama exhausting.”

“Thanks, Claire,” he snapped. “Thanks a lot.”

“Based on the way things turned out, I think I’m being much nicer than you deserve,” she said coldly. “But like my nephew said, I will not take this out on your child, and I will watch out for him or her.”

He nodded slowly, then got up to leave. I leaned in so only Marie could hear. “We can leave on Tuesday instead.”

She smiled weakly at me. “Thanks.”

“Marie and I decided that we’re going to wait until Tuesday to go to Boston,” I announced.

“Can I talk to you?” Jack said to her. Marie stood up and the two of them got up and walked out to the gardens, with the rest of us staring at their backs.

“It seems, Bradley, that my decision has been made for me,” Claire said to my father. She must have been referring to her choice over whether she and Jack could reconcile.

“So it seems,” Dad agreed.