Return to Sender - 15. Chapter 15 - Adam

CHAPTER 15 - Adam

I was so glad that he was here now! Gosh, so glad! And happy that my instinct had been right when I told him I was certain that it wouldn’t be weird, that that wouldn’t happen.

And we’d kissed - really kissed!

When we kissed first, out by the car, that had been nice and not a real kiss, more a brushing of lips as a hello! But the second time, when he went for his rest, and really kissed me - I wanted more because that hadn't been nearly enough.

I did an uncharacteristic thing for me then - I kissed him. I’ve never done that before, just pulling someone to me and kissing him. I always had waited because I thought that it’d be unwelcome. Interesting, that I didn’t feel that with Kai. And he seemed to like it too, considering his reaction.

“Oh, so it’s like that, is it?”

Yes Kai, it's like that. It felt so freeing, doing that.

Then, when he also did as I asked, to go to sleep…once he did and I was on my own, in the kitchen, I stood there for a long time, slightly shaking hand to mouth, and replaying in my head what I’d just done, and said - that I had dared it, passing the hurdle I subconsciously always carried with me.

I never instigate - I await. Though Nan had never questioned my sexuality - she’d been a progressive woman and guessed my preferences quite early on - she imparted sage advice that tended to skew towards women and, considering her age, from a different time. When she was young, women waited for the gentleman to make a move.

“Wait until you are asked.”

This was her advice to me also. But when young teens begin to experiment with their sexuality, the advice of a woman in her twilight years might not always be the best. I chafed at the constraint but I didn’t want to disappoint her. So I waited. And waited.

I received my first kiss from a fellow student in high school. I was 15, almost 16. Then, finally, Ezra Neumann was the first one to ask me. ‘Can I kiss you goodbye?’. We were walking home from attending one of the local festivals in the district that year. At first I thought I hadn’t heard him correctly because he never indicated liking me in that way. Nor had I indicated to him that I might want to. I was very careful because I knew it could create problems when you’re different from others. So I didn’t dare speak, but I nodded ever so slightly. And he saw.

We kissed in a side alley, close to my home. It was an amazing experience. He tasted sweet - of popcorn and soda. I never expected his tongue to enter my mouth and was glad for the support of the wall in my back: my knees gave out. We stayed in that alley long past curfew.

A warm summer followed, with many hushed whispers and stolen kisses in the dark. And as the budding romance progressed, touching intimately was added to a slow buildup that culminated in my first real sexual experience. My birthday present, turning 16, was Ezra becoming my lover (if a 16 year old can be termed as such), gentle and unhurried, as the clock struck midnight.

I think Nan knew. Probably not that we were sexually active, but she noticed my happiness and, of course, noticed an increased frequency of visits from the same friend. It changed me from a shy, quiet teen, mostly stuck in his own head, pining for the question to be asked, to a young man who had been asked. I didn’t tell her everything, but I nodded happily when she inquired, ‘Did he ask?’

Of course such things come to an end and I was heartbroken when Ezra moved away right before Christmas of that year, so perhaps my claim of never having told an ex that I loved him is a false one, because I had told him that. But I never viewed Ezra as an ex. I never saw him again.

As I grew older and attended college, not far from where we lived in Baltimore, more experiences were accumulated. I was asked more frequently, if you will - some two during my college years. The change for me was that those encounters all happened out in the open. Fellow students didn’t think it strange, two young men together: most were supportive, save a few, mostly inebriated and childlike individuals, who partied too much and studied too little, who somehow felt threatened by those faggots. I learned to ignore them. They were headed for mediocre - at the most - lives, in my opinion.

Those experiences prepared me for adult life. Others came and went. I still never asked, that was squarely planted in my brain, but I learned to read the signals from interested men in the more cultured circles I moved around in. Snobs really - the William IV’s and Ashton 2nd’s - men of some stature with busy lives of their own, that would make appointments well in advance. Safe men, who had no desire for public displays of affection (not that I’m closeted, but I preferred such things to remain private between them and me), who preferred romantic getaways, away from prying eyes, and stayed for the weekend at my old place, Nan’s house in Fells Point’s Historic District. I inherited it after her passing.

They suited my needs, and though not always sexually satisfying, they advanced the creation of more friendships and a nice social circle of agreeable friends. It allowed my comfort to proceed on my own terms.

Kai was not like any of my ex-boyfriends. He felt more raw, less refined. Real. Was that why I responded to him the way I was? Did he speak to my imagination? No secrets, no hiding. Not afraid to share his thoughts and feelings and act on them, like that kiss. I wondered what his frequency was, sexually.

Well, that thought didn’t help. On the contrary - I suddenly experienced excitement at the prospect. I would stake a hefty sum on rather often and quite frequently. And that thought didn’t help either.

I took Arya on a long walk to cool off.

**********

When we returned, Kai was still sleeping - I peeked around the door, or tried to: Miss Bulldozer nosed the door wide open and walked in there, her nails ticking on the floor.

“Arya!” I whispered, chiding her. “Come here! Arya!”

Kai lay on top of the covers. She reared up, resting her paws on the bed, tail swishing, then nosing all over him. I held my breath. She could wake him at any second.
“Arya!” I whispered again. “Here girl.”

She simply would not come. I threatened no waffles for a week - no reaction. She nosed his hand. And then it rose. Oh you…bad dog! But wonder above wonders, he remained asleep - it was just his hand sliding over her head, then between her ears, lightly scratching.

“Hmprf” she responded. “More.”

Kai mumbled something, then his hand withdrew and she finally got down and promptly sought a place next to his bed, on the floor.

I sighed. She would not be coming.

Bad dog!

**********

I retreated to the kitchen and began preparations for the tea and some preliminary work for dinner, occasionally peeking in, finding Kai still fast asleep and Arya not having moved from her position.

**********

It was around 3pm when the phone rang - it was Kai’s sister, Megan. I’d given her the landline number, at her request.

“Hi. It’s Megan. How’s he doing?”

“Hello, Megan. He’s sleeping. Arya is with him.”

“The kids were talking about her all the way back. They love her.”

“Thank you,” I smiled, “I’ll make her an extra waffle tonight.”

“Waffles? What'r you nuts?”

Haha! That response was wonderful! I immediately liked her.

“It’s doggy-friendly. They’re not exactly Belgian Waffles. Not for human consumption.”

“Oh good, I was about to sic animal welfare on you,” she chuckled. “‘That man is feeding his dog better than I do my kid!’” Ridiculous woman. I snickered. “Listen - I wanted to say this when we were there but I never got around to it. Thank you so much for taking him into your home. You didn’t have to do that.”

“It’s my pleasure,” I answered. “There’s plenty of room. Feel free to visit him at any time.”

“That’s very kind of you to say, but we don’t want to invade your privacy. You don’t want us wrecking the place.”

“Nonsense - you've not been able to visit him regularly when he was in San Antonio. I would imagine you want to check up on him, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Just call him so he knows you’re coming and feel free to walk around the back. The door is always open for you. Please. Any time.”

“You might regret saying that,” she chuckled. “Thank you. I might drop by later this evening, before I go to work. I live in….”

And before I knew it, I was chatting the hour away with his sister as if we’d been best friends for ages. A vibrant woman, she spoke animatedly and inclusively, and there I sat, nodding and grinning, chuckling and snickering. And apparently she lived very close, not even ten minutes from here!

“Once the beds arrive, he’ll move upstairs,” I said, “and when it’s all finished, you should all come for a weekend. And definitely bring that boyfriend-not-boyfriend of yours.”

In the little time that we spoke, she was very open and told me all sorts of things - including her quite recent acquaintance with Kai’s doctor. From the sound of it, they were in the midst of a whirlwind romance and he was sweeping her off her feet. She appeared to be trying to find her bearings in it all.

“He’s not! He’s just a…I dunno. A fun fling.”

Oh? But she was smitten with him? I could hear it in her voice as she spoke about this Callum, frequently also referred to as ‘Baldy’ and ‘Jackass’. Sounded like the lady doth protest a little too much. And from what I could surmise, he might take issue with being termed a fun fling. I’d have to ask Kai more about this man.

“Did you really put his glasses in the waste disposal?” I snickered. God, that was outrageous! I would never have dared such a thing.

“Ahuh! Trust me - he deserved it. He’s annoying.”

Meaning he evoked feelings in her? “Well, you’re both invited, whatever he is.”

“Hon, you’re sweet, thank you. But he’s not coming, nuh-uh. And speaking of ‘whatever he is’ - what is my brother to you?”

It was a fair question. “He’s become…important to me. We’ve gotten to know one another quite well over the course of writing to each other. I uhm…developed feelings for him - and he for me. I think he’s a wonderful man.”

“Yeah, the smooch kinda gave that away,” she chuckled.

I felt my cheeks warm up. They’d seen that?

“He is. He likes to take care of someone but he tends to forget that someone should take care of him too. He never had that because he was always abroad.”

“I’ll take care of him,” I answered softly.

“Ugh, I just wanna hug you to death. You’re disgustingly sweet. Couldn’t you have met him like, twenty years ago?”

“Thank you,” I smiled. That was nice to hear.

“I might bring Baldy along after all. Maybe you can teach him a thing or two about manners,” she chuckled.

The way she managed to constantly weave him back into the conversation told me that he occupied her mind far more than she let on. And, considering they only met a week ago, she might not realize it, but her response to Callum very much spoke of her developing feelings. She was falling hard for him.

He sounded intriguing: a salt of the earth type of man, and those were the best kind to meet. They were honest to a fault. I told her this.

“Yeah, he sure is that. Ugh, it doesn’t matter. You said it’s like weeks away before the furniture arrives. He'll be long gone by then.”

I sincerely doubted that. The way she’d described his antics, and some outrageous verbal shots thrown her way - she might see a lot more of him in the coming months, not less. He sounded like a man who knew what he wanted and went after it.

The romantic in me would be rooting for him.

**********

I woke Kai around 4pm as he’d requested, and led him into the yard where I’d set up a table and some chairs near the jetty.

Ahhh, now this was living! It was just as I’d imagined, but outside, not indoors on a cold winter evening, close to the fire. But when he lit a cigar, and we talked and talked, and the smoke occasionally wafted in my direction, I just inhaled deeply, sighed, and was content.

**********

After dinner, we explored the house as he’d requested earlier and I liked his reaction to the different rooms. He pointed out several things, like mentioning that the study had been the dining room before his parents had moved downstairs and turned it into a bedroom. And that the current dining room had previously been a play room when they’d been younger, then a craft room for his mother.

“She liked making and mending clothes for people. Half the neighborhood came to her for fixing ripped off buttons, tears in pants. When local girls got married, she would make the dresses for the bridesmaids. Kellan was glued to the house whenever that happened,” he chuckled, remembering, “and Megan was about as far away as she could get, because she knew what would come next - become a dress up doll.”

Haha, I could imagine! I’d told him we spoke on the phone earlier, and no, she had not appeared to me as the type that would twirl around in dresses. Though, having seen her, she probably would look stunning in one.

Next up were the rooms upstairs. He looked up the steps as we stood at the bottom and seemed to mentally prepare himself.

“Do you need me to help?” I offered.

He nodded. “Yes, please. I can do it, but it’ll be slow.”

“No problem.”

Slipping my arm around his back, we ascended step by step, pausing for a minute halfway up. He grinned at me.

“Y’know, I might have to stay upstairs, once we’re there. I don’t think I can get down again. Where will I sleep, I wonder?”

Oh-oh…I was not born yesterday, sir!

“No, I don’t think so,” I chuckled, “are you going to try that same line with the nurse, come Monday?”

“If he’s cute…”

I laughed out loud. “She. It’ll be a she.”

“Darn. Oh well, can’t blame a guy for trying?”

“Move along, Casanova.”

He snickered and we continued. It wasn’t too bad. He held onto the banister and whistled softly when we arrived on the landing.

“Wow, you redid the carpet too? I remember from the pictures you sent that it was a different color.”

I nodded. “Yes, I wanted it all to match.”

“Nice,” he commented, turning toward his own former room on the left. Following him, I held my breath. I’d been a little cheeky.

While on the phone with Megan, I’d gotten a sheet of paper and wrote, with my limited calligraphy skills, the name of the room. Though this was the name that Kellan had mentioned. I found it humorous. As an afterthought, I started doodling a shoddy shack, with screamed words coming out of it, ‘ooh!’ ‘aaah!’, ‘oooh!’ ‘aaaah!’
When it was done, it made me snicker and after the call, I took it upstairs with some adhesive tape, to put it on the door.

When he read it, he closed his eyes, then expelled a dejected breath as he hung his head. Glancing at me, humor shone in his eyes as he slipped an arm around and pulled me close.

“Nice. Nice touch. Having a funny moment, were you?”

“Sorry,” I snickered, “I couldn’t resist. Your brother mentioned it.”

“What am I going to do with you,” he growled softly before he quickly leaned in, catching me a little off guard.

Oof! A wildly inappropriate kiss. A bedroom kiss. If this was his reaction to my little joke, I might have to update my repertoire. Quickly. Think of more jokes. He sent shivers down my spine when, just as he retreated, he softly bit my upper lip, then soothed it with a light little lick with the tip of his tongue. Oh, this was downright thrilling! Withdrawing and letting me go, he opened the door.

All done in Forest Green, his old room looked rather big when empty. It smelled of fresh paint and new carpet. Sliding his hand over the door sill, he mumbled approvingly.

“Nice work. Very nice. Who’d you hire?”

“Harding,” I replied, naming the paint store in town.

“Yeah, they always deliver good work. And they did this fast.”

Walking in, he looked around and I waited a beat, to see if he’d notice it. Then a smile broke onto his face and he walked over to the middle of the room.
On the floor, I’d put my last letter to him. Slowly lowering himself to a squat, he picked it up.

“You remembered.”

“I promised. I always keep my promises,” I smiled in return.

Looking up from the letter, he rose and turned a full 360, checking the room.

“How strange - it never looked this big when I was younger. But I had a lot of junk as a kid.”

“Well, there’s no furniture yet - beds don’t arrive until the end of August. But that’s plenty of time to hunt for other items.”

He checked out the other rooms, telling me little stories from when they were younger as we visited them.

“Ah…the Rub Club,” he chuckled, when we arrived at Kellan’s former room.

“Oh good lord,” I guffawed, “I’m glad I never had any siblings. You were crass to each other.”

“Boys will be boys,” he winked, “wanna know what name we gave Megan’s room?”

I put my hands to my ears, covering them. “No!”

Snickering, Kai looked around and mumbled approvingly again.

“Very nice. It’s almost like a new house. I recognize it yet I don’t. I love it.”

Pleased that he approved of the work, I nodded to the last room. Mine.

“One more.”

He followed, leaving the door open (I kept all of them open to air the whole upstairs out for the paint smells) and, as I walked into my own room, remained at the door, looking in.

“This one looks unchanged from the pictures.”

“Yes, I didn’t change anything here after I moved in. But I ordered new tiles for both bathrooms, the one in the hall and this one. And this bed will be swapped for a new one, when the others come.”

“Why?”

“Well, this one is kinda small for two p…”

Oh gosh, I stumbled to a halt, hoping he didn’t catch that. No! That was not the reason I bought a new bed for this room too. It wasn’t! That thought had come later, much later, when I retired for the night. I’d been staring at this bed and then it occurred to me that, well…it wasn’t that big. And though I do enjoy sleeping together, and being close, the other might want some room to be comfortable. So I was glad for that decision in the store, made out of convenience, realizing later that it had an added benefit.

“I-I mean - when I bought the new ones, I figured having them all the same is easier when getting new sheets and blankets and such.”

My face burned when I met his eyes, which glittered with humor - he’d heard it. But when I averted my gaze, he came in as quick as he could and then hugged me.

“Hey, hey…,” he whispered close to my ear, “I love that you thought of everything. Including sleeping together.”

“Stop,” I answered, whispering as well, “I’m so embarrassed that I said that.”

Leaning back from the hug, he frowned.

“Why? You don’t need to be - it’s not like I haven’t thought about it.”

I still didn’t dare look at him though that made me feel better.

“Adam, c’mon, we’re both adults. I think we can be honest and admit that we thought about it. Sleeping together and more. Remember - don't avoid? You can tell me anything.”

He waited until I met his eyes. He tried an encouraging smile.

“Haven’t you? Because I have. And I’m not afraid to admit I did a bit more than that too, while fantasizing about you.”

I searched his face. Like what? Apparently he could see my brain working on that, and some humor appeared in his eyes again. He nodded towards the north of the house.

“A clue might be how that room got its name.”

Oh.

Oooooooh!

It was new for me, to speak of desire and be so forthright in admitting it. I never experienced that sort of openness before. It was rather thrilling.

“Perhaps it would be best to remove you from temptation then?” I tried to joke, nodding at my bed.
In answer, he laughed out loud.

“You’re sweet to think it’s the furniture that is tempting in here,” he winked, “but yes, that might be best. Though I can’t promise I can wait until the end of August to sleep in a normal bed. I might find myself sleepwalking.”

Oh! Thrilling indeed!