Black Sheep Part 1 - 13. Chapter 13

“Take your shirt off.” He whispered in my ear, putting his hands between the two shirts I was wearing and helped me taking the top one off.

I repositioned and slid lower onto the bed putting my head against his chest to hear his heavy heart beat. I felt him gently nudge against me and I laid back on my back while he positioned himself on my crotch. His hands slid over my chest up my arms while he kissed me again, making me whimper soundlessly. He held still at my elbows and took my lower lip in his mouth while grinding his crotch against mine. Making me moan in pleasure and bucking my hips up. He chuckled.

“You're pretty, I would ravish you if you weren't this cute. Make me moan, love.” I blushed, this was it, we were going to go further than some kissing for the first time. The first time I had taken off my shirt and I knew he would like to see even more of me. Not that I didn't want to, it was just...

I was a bit shy. I slowly started to roll my hips and kissed him from his lips along his jaw to his ear, I heard him breath harder and when I lightly sucked his earlobe he moaned. He lowered himself further over me so I had easier access to his ear and neck, he curled his legs around mine and slid his hands to my wrists, I moaned from the additional contact of our body's.

Suddenly he went rigid and hissed, holding my wrists like deathtraps.

“Ouch, please let go.” I pleaded, not getting what was wrong, and tried to make him let go of my wrists.

“Victor.” The tone of his voice startled me, cold, death cold. “What are these?” He pulled me up and tried to look at my wrists.

My eyes went wide when I realized what he was referring to.

“Please let go, you're hurting me.” My pleading became more agitated.

“What are these?” He hissed in my face. “How did they get here?” He was not letting go of my wrists and I kept quiet, making him even more angry. “Victor? What are these? You have more of these?” He pushed me away, back onto the bed, and pulled my shirt out of my pants. He almost ripped it off me, until he saw the scars om my stomach, unquestionably self inflicted too.

“Freak!” He hissed while he finally let go of me and I rolled into a ball on the bed quietly crying. He sat at the side of the bed, his head in his hands.

“Leave! Get dressed and get the hell out of here.” His voice was low and quiet, scary.

I let out a shaking breath I didn't even realize I was holding, as I feel the world around me spin. I swat above my head to find the tap and turn the boiling hot shower off.

Why am I remembering this now? This isn't the fist time, I have been remembering him often lately, more often every day it seems. When I'm close to Jack I can ignore the memories but when I'm on my own they keep rushing in. Bad memories, angry memories and sometimes, sometimes the memories are nice and sweet.

I slowly trace the marks on my wrists, angry red lines and small white ones, crisscrossing all over them. I know I should at least try to block everything out, at least try not to remember. It wasn't all bad, not all, and most of it was my fault anyway, I was always too stubborn, I was always hurting him.

The opening of the door wakes me from my thoughts, for a second I think it is Jack and I quickly hide my wrists from view, but it's just Tom so I calm down a little. Though still hiding my wrist as not to alarm him.

“Oh sorry, I thought you were in your room. You do realize it's only six in the morning right?” He sits next to me on the edge of the tub while handing me a towel.

“I could ask you the same, shouldn't you be in bed cuddling up with Adam?” I smile as I pull the towel around me.

“I was up early, I wanted to get a quick shower and then go to the farmers market. You wanna join?”

“If I'm dressed, sure. Could you just get out for a minute?” I make scooting motions at him as I see his eyes go wide. Fuck! I quickly hide my arms underneath the towel but the damage is already done.

“Vic?” his voice is unsure “When?”

“Which ones?” I snap not sure where the sudden anger comes from but unable to retain it. “Last week, last month, whatever.” I try to quickly get out of the bath but suddenly the world seems to be turning and I fall into Toms arms.

“Take it easy tiger, I don't bite and I don't push. I'm just worried.” His voice is soft and caring as he pulls me in a close hug.

“Fuck.” I quietly curse “Damn don't be like this. Don't be nice I don't deserve it.” Tears slowly drip onto his shirt.

“Ofcourse you deserve to be happy. You deserve every bit of it. And most of all you deserve a cute guy like Jack.” Tom slowly puts me back on my feet and hands me my shorts.

“Don't tell Jack, please don't. He doesn't need to know, not yet.” I quietly ask as I start putting on my clothes.

“But you will tell him soon. Right?” Tom asks as he undresses to get into the shower.

“I will. Just not now okay?” I say while putting on my sweatbands and walking out of the bathroom. I know I will avoid it as long as I can, just to be able to enjoy Jack as long as possible, because if he finds out about it he will abandon me too.