Black Sheep Part 1 - 2. Chapter 2

I bounce around the house and my little sister looks like she wants to kill me because of it. So I go up to my room and login to MSN. While my computer is starting up and MSN is loading I put away the doodles I made of Jack today. Hiding the evidence before anyone can find it is usually the safest way. I put on some super happy bubbling music and bounce onto my chair. As my eyes skip through my 'friends list' I see that Adam is online. His screen name and the fact that he didn't jump on me as soon as I logged on make me worried.

Vic, Why are school holidays so damn short? What's wrong babe?

Adam used to be my boyfriend, back when I was younger. He had been my older sister's best friend since they were kids, but at some point in pre-puberty I fell in love with him and he in love with me. We broke up when he went to college. We're almost as close as brothers now.

A couple of minutes pass before I get a message back:

Adam [ill] I just put him in bed

Adam [ill] He had an attack a few hours ago and didn't seem to really get over it

Tears form in my eyes. Adam has been ill for a couple of years now. At first it was just shortness of breath, but now his breathing actually slows down and stops. The only thing that has kept him here is his medication. It doesn't prevent the attacks from happening but it does keep them from getting so bad he chokes to death. The doctors don't know what is wrong with him and the attacks have become worse. Times like these I'm glad he lives with Tom. They met at college where they were both studying medicine and have been together for the past three years.

Vic, Why are school holidays so damn short? What did the doctors say?

Adam [ill] He has to rest a lot

Vic, Why are school holidays so damn short? Nothing else? Nothing in the new tests?

Adam [ill] Nothing, they did give him some new medication though, but he hasn't taken it yet

Adam [ill] He is gonna start on it tomorrow

Vic, Why are school holidays so damn short? No switching time? He just has to stop what he is taking and take the new ones?

Adam [ill] Yes...

Vic, Why are school holidays so damn short? Anything else?

Adam [ill] they ADVISED him to take it slow with school.

Adam [ill] they say he is improving bit by bit, but also that if he doesn't rest enough it could just turn around again.

Adam [ill] He looks so weak right now and I can't help him. I hate this.

Vic, Get well Adam, we need you! I know. I can't imagine Adam without him bouncing around the house. It's scary to think about it.

Vic, Get well Adam, we need you! How are you coping?

Adam [ill] I'm doing okay I guess. Just having trouble accepting that Adam can't go to school. He loves school and now I can't be at his side in a few seconds when he needs me.

Vic, Get well Adam, we need you! You could just call when you have a break.

Adam [ill] I know, but what if something goes wrong? What if he gets an attack and doesn't feel it coming? It's scary.

Vic, Get well Adam, we need you! I know...

I hear my little nephew storming up the stairs and crashing into the door. I turn around and see him sneaking into my room, red from running through the house. He climbs onto my lap and smiles, all excited. I ruffle his hair.

“How are you doing, little man?” I ask while I smile back.

“Today the teacher gave me a candy because I cleaned up my desk so well,” He excitedly jumps up and down on my lap, almost head butting me in the face in the process.

“Kevin, get down here right now,” I hear my older sister yell from downstairs.

“Coming Mum,” he slides off my lap and walks back to the door “Mum says Adam and Tom are coming over this weekend. So you need to sleep in Chris' room.” He goes down the stairs, leaving me behind with my thoughts. Adam and Tom coming over? I would love that. I can't get rid of a gnawing feeling in my gut that things are not going to turn out the way I would like it. As I turn back to my computer I see that Tom is waiting for me to answer.

Adam [ill] I just hope he will get better this time

Adam [ill] How was school today?

Vic, Get well Adam, we need you! Kev just told me you are coming over this weekend?

Adam [ill] We were planning to, but Adam needs to be at the hospital on Friday and Saturday

Adam [ill] He had a call this morning while we were on our way to the doctors appointment

Adam [ill] He was lost in thought on the way back so he hasn't called yet to cancel.

Adam [ill] I'm sorry hunn.

Adam [ill] I got to go, need to go to work.

Adam [ill] See you soon.

Vic, Get well Adam, we need you! Talk to you later. Give Adam my love.

Adam [ill] Will do.

'Adam [ill]' has logged off.

I sigh and lean back into my chair. The day began so well and now this again. Will Adam ever be okay? Fingers snake up into my hair and I feel myself relax into it. As I open my eyes I see my sister looking at me from above, worry written on her face.

“He's not coming. He has to be at the hospital this Friday and Saturday,” I sigh and put my hands on her arms, squeezing them comfortingly. “I don't feel well. I think I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me up before dinner, okay?” I stand up and my sister pulls me into a hug, “Thanks Anne.”

“He's gonna be okay,” Anne whispers in my ear and lets go of me. I flop down on my bed as she quietly leaves the room. I close my eyes and drift off into sleep, the gnawing in my gut increasing every second.

I wake up drowsily and I moan. Not again. I feel Anne holding me tightly. Holding my hand up to my face I see my fingers twitch. The gnawing feeling in my body is beginning to ease out of me, allowing my body to relax.

“You awake little bro?” She releases some of the pressure she was applying to my body to control the more problematic shaking.

“Yeah,” I choke out, trying to keep the trembling in my voice at bay. Tears form in my eyes, fear getting the best of me.

“This was unexpected,” Anne whispers “this new medication doesn't seem to be working yet. The doctor said three weeks and it's been a month now since you got it.”

“Leave me alone please,” I beg her, not wanting to be around her in this weak state. I look at my hands again, seeing that the trembling is almost over.

“One thing. Do you want to eat dinner downstairs or do you want to eat it in here?” She puts her hands over mine, deliberately pulling my sleeves over them, making me look up at her. I quickly look down again, not able to bear the pain her eyes.

“I'll be down in a few minutes. I'm sorry,” I let my tears flow freely over my face, hiding them behind my arm.

She puts her hand under my chin, “You should be.” With that she leaves the room again. I try to sit myself up against the head of the bed, testing the strength in my arms. Slowly gaining control over my whole body again, I can feel how exhausting these attacks are. The seizures leave me unconscious for a while and the longer they last the more dangerous they become. Medication is the only thing that keeps them under control. Taking daily doses of an anticonvulsant and a dose of it combined with a muscle relaxant when I have an attack, the intensity and occurrence had been reduced to a minimum. Until now, the new medication doesn't seem to be working and the attacks have been happening more often and are getting worse every time. Leaving me feeling drugged and exhausted. I hate it but I have to suck it up. It is my own fault after all.

I groan as I test the strength in my legs to go downstairs.